Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[lawastooshort]

Roll to Priest

“RIGHT,” shouts Bishop Lennan, in his infamous ALL CAPS voice. “THESE HERE PRIESTS ARE THE BEST FECKING PRIESTS IN THE WHOLE OF ROLLY ISLAND.” He pauses to get his breath back, and you pause to wipe the spittle off your forehead.

“AND YOU, YOU FECKERS, YOU ARE THE BEST FECKING PRIESTS IN THE WHOLE OF THE REST OF IRELAND. IT'S SUNDAY, SO OF COURSE THEY'RE ALL OUT DELIVERING MASS. THEY'RE THE BEST AT WHAT THEY DO. CAN YOU FECKING STOP THEM? OR ARE YOU ALL JUST A BUNCH OF FECKING EEJITS?”

Spoiler: What’s The Feck’s Going On? (click to show/hide)

I will accept up to a dozen players to begin with, and, through the use of an Anonymous Priestmatch, these will be whittled down to six, who will then undergo a thorough selection process to produce four fully trained elite priests. Then the main game will commence.

The main game will involve a storyline based upon a priestly quest.

Spoiler: So How Do I Join? And What Do I Do? (click to show/hide)

Reserve a spot below, PM me a priest name and a priest class, and I’ll PM you back a colour. You can include a first choice colour if you want to.

Half the players will have to individually (i.e. one priest per Mass) perform a traditional Sunday Mass, and half will have to disrupt them. Whoever does best will proceed to the next Episode.

Don’t worry if you totally fecking fail though, because I intend for there to be a revolving cast and, where possible, audience participation.

Spoiler: But I’ve No Idea How to Perform Mass (click to show/hide)

Yeah, me neither. I’m pretty fecking sure it involves Latin. Someone clearly does know though. Anyway, it will be quite simple. The Disrupters will, basically, have the initiative, as the Massers will, for their first action, have to perform the introductory rites, and the Disrupters’ first action will be… to disrupt them. The Massers will then have to save their Mass as best as they can. If the Masser performs an acceptable Mass, they win. If the Mass is unacceptable, the Disrupter wins.

The Massers will not have to submit any Mass-related action more complicated than “Father Blue performs the Introductory Rites”. These are the five stages of Mass:

o   1.1 Introductory Rites
o   1.2 Liturgy of the Word
o   1.3 Liturgy of the Eucharist
o   1.4 Communion rite
o   1.5 Concluding rite

Each part takes one turn. There will be ten turns in which to finish mass.

Spoiler: Priestly Classes (click to show/hide)

A priest must be one of the following stereotypes:

Alcoholic, Ambitious, Bully, Dull, Eejit, Happy, Host, Idiot, Lecherer, Square, Unlucky, Violent.

These are directly inspired by the source material. They are just there to provide a pointer of how your priest should and perhaps will behave. They do not affect your character rulewise yet.

Spoiler: Mechanics (click to show/hide)

You don’t need to know any yet, so they will be revealed when relevant. They will, however, include Priest Operative Points, and a revolving cast. The game will be structured as a quest split into episodes.

For the meantime, the mechanics are just a d6, with opposing rolls where necessary.

Spoiler: GM’s Notes (click to show/hide)

1.   No disrespect at all is intended. Some of my best friends are not priests, but when I was younger Father Ted was one of my favourite tv shows ever. It still is. This is inspired by that.
2.   Knowledge of the source material is not necessary.
3.   This is kind of experimental, in that I don’t know if I can do an RTD without the main conflict revolving around fighting. If it doesn’t work out, sorry.
4.   This is a clean, fun and family game. There are of course certain Bay12 forum guidelines you should abide by, both form- and content-wise. I don’t want excessive swearing, and only genuine Irish swearing will be permitted. The swear words in the following spoiler will be considered acceptable, and use of others that are not on the list will result in Shame related, or even roll penalty, punishment. This ruling is directly related to the source material, which was originally shown at 10pm on British television.

Spoiler: Acceptable Swear Words (click to show/hide)

Arse, Arses, Arsebiscuit, Arsebiscuits, Arsewipe, Arsewipes, Bastard, Bastards, Bollock, Bollocks, Feck, Fecked, Feckin’, Fecking, Fecker, Feckers, Feck off, Gobshite, Gobshites, Shit, Shits, Shite, Shites, Shitebiscuit, Shitebiscuits, Shiting, Shitting, Wanker, Wankers.

Eejit is not considered a swear word.

Requests for new swear words may be submitted via private message.

Spoiler: Episode Two Introduction and Mechanics (click to show/hide)

Episode Two

Spoiler: Episode Three Introduction and Mechanics (click to show/hide)

Episode Three

Spoiler: Episode Four Introduction and Mechanics (click to show/hide)

Episode Four

Spoiler: Episode Five Introduction and Mechanics (click to show/hide)

Episode Five

[lawastooshort]

Episode Five, Starring:

1. Toaster as Father Lars
2. Tiruin as Father Tiruin
3. Yoink as Father O'Feckerty
4. Errol as Father Errol

Waitlist:
5. Zomara as "Father Silver" Father Zomara
6. Geen as "Father Beige" Father McGeenyton
7. Firelordsky as "Father Teal" Father Priest
8. Father Cyan (Spaghetti7 as Father Boggar)
9. monk12 as Father Dick
10. Greenstarfanatic as Father Fusco
11. DigitalHellhound as Father Brown
12. micelus as Father John 'Don't'cha Know' Reilly
13. Flying Dice as Father Flying Dice
14. Xantalos as Father Macready

[zomara0292]

Resurve, i guess.

[Spaghetti7]

Reservay, this looks hilarious.

[Errol]

Father Errol reporting in.

[Digital Hellhound]

Oh, I didn't realize you were doing this right now. Reserved. PM coming.

[monk12]

OuO

[Greenstarfanatic]

Reserve. PM coming.

[Geen]

In!
Oh god, this is going to end badly. And by that I mean very well, if FUN is good.

[Scelly9]

PTW

[micelus]

PM sent.

[Flying Dice]

PTW/Waitlist if possible.

[lawastooshort]

In the village pub of Termonfeckin, in the centre of Rolly Island, somewhere in the far west of Ireland...

“RIGHT, YOU FECKIN' FECKERS,” Bishop Lennan shouts at the group of you. You try not to instinctively back off, wincing in pain at his massive voice.

“I NEED YOU TO RUIN THESE FECKERS' FECKIN' MASS. I'VE SEEN ALL OF YOU RUIN MASSES DOZENS OF TIMES BEFORE, BUT THIS TIME YOU HAVE TO FECKIN' WELL DO IT ON PURPOSE, YOU BLEEDIN' EEJITS.”

A priest to your right begins to sob into his cassock. You realise that he too has a coloured tab collar, just like Bishop Lennan instructed you to wear. Odd. Bishop Lennan's normally such an orthodox clergyman.

“YOU RUIN THE MASS, AND YOU'LL HAVE PROVEN YOU'RE NOT SUCH A FECKIN' EEJIT AFTER ALL, AND THEN PERHAPS I WON'T MAKE YOU STAY ON THIS WINDSWEPT HELLHOLE FOR TEN YEARS AFTER ALL. Because of course,” he says, almost reducing his voice to a sensual whisper that's even more terrifying than his normal voice and, for some reason, reminds you of the rumours about his love-child in America, “WE'RE ALL ABOUT FECKIN' FORGIVENESS IN THE CHURCH, AREN'T WE!”

A chorus of whimpered agreement breaks out.

“RIGHT! NOW, I'M TOURING THE ISLAND TODAY, AND IF I SEE A MASS GOING WELL, I'M GOING TO KICK YOU RIGHT UP THE FECKIN' BOLLOCKS. YOU HEAR? NOW GO! IF YOU LEAVE RIGHT AWAY YOU'LL GET THERE JUST IN TIME TO RUIN THE INTRODUCTORY RITES...”

He points to your tab collars.

“Father Green! You go to Cloonsherevagh.
Father Veridian! You're off to Ardglass.
Father Silver! Off to Creggenbaun with you.
Father Beige – get off to Knockcloghrim.
Father Orange – you're going to Mullaghbrack.
And Father Purple – you feckin' well stay here in Termonfeckin. Now feck off!”

It's time to make your way to the church...

And in a scene repeated half a dozen times across the island...

In the village rectory of Termonfeckin, on Rolly Island, somewhere in the far west of Ireland...

“RIGHT, YOU FECKIN' FECKER,” Bishop Lennan shouts down the phone. You hold it further away from your ear, wincing in pain at his massive voice.

“I'M TOURING ROLLY ISLAND TODAY, AND THAT MEANS I'M COMING TO WITNESS YOUR FECKIN' AWFUL SUNDAY FECKIN' MASS.”

You turn the phone down and place it on the table before walking to the other side of the room.

“I want that Mass to be the best Sunday feckin' Mass I've ever feckin' heard, Father Teal, or I'm gonna kick you right up the feckin' arse! Do you feckin' hear me?”

“Yes, yes Bishop Lennan, of course sir, very good sir, best Mass of my life sir...” you whimper, edging back towards the table.

“I FECKIN' HOPE SO! NOW, THERE'S A PAIR OF TROUBLE MAKING PRIESTS FECKIN' ABOUT ON THE ISLAND, AND I HEAR THEY'RE OUT TO MAKE SOME FECKIN' TROUBLE. IF THEY COME TO TERMONFECKIN, I WANT YOU TO ABSOLUTELY MASS THE FECKIN' BOLLOCKS OUT OF THEM. OK? OR I'M GONNA KICK YOU AND THEM RIGHT UP THE FECKIN' ARSE...”

The bishop hangs up. It's time to make your way to the church...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

PMs have been sent to players to provide location and further, personalised information.

PM YOUR ACTIONS!

[Toaster]

Gee, I wonder who Veridian is?

[Spinal_Taper]

Reserve:
Father Merack.