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[Dirg]

Dodge axe, like a boss. Convince girl scouts to stomp on cookies while I claw at the wood.

[Spinal_Taper]

Blame the drop in quality upon getting used to being a cyborg, more episodes.

[MrWillsauce]

Hit dirg with axe.

[2]

Dodge axe, like a boss.

[6] Dirg dodges the axe so amazingly, that Scelly9 accidentally whacks one of his own structural supports with it. -[4]HP.

Check yo PMs

[2] You have received no new PMs in 6 months. -[4]WtL.

Pull a Agent 47

[5] You summon a black suit and red tie out of nowhere and put them on. You go bald and have a tattoo on the back of your head.

reak a random guy's neck silently while he is on phone

[1] You realize that you are on the phone, and try to break your own neck silently while being shot at by the police. -[3]HP for the neck breaking. You then receive 10 bullet wounds dealing [2] damage each. You die horribly: your body is riddled with holes and torn apart and your head rolls about humorously on your head.

Convince girl scouts to stomp on cookies

[5] You convince the girls to stomp on the cookies, and they do. They crush all the cookies except for the evil one. The evil one seems tired of waiting on Scelly to kill the girls, so she takes matters into her own hands. She flings a chocolate chip with such velocity that when it hits one of the girls in the eye -[3]HP it lodges directly into her brain. The chocolate chip warps her mind until the once-innocent little girl is a vessel of the evil cookie. The cookie-zombie shambles over to the other girl with a dead look in her remaining eye.

Blame the drop in quality upon getting used to being a cyborg

[5] People cut Seth a break and buy MOAR DvDs. +[4]x2 million dollars.

more episodes.

[4] You adequately make more episodes. They sell reasonably well +[4]00,000 dollars.

I claw at the wood.

[5] Your sharpened talons are put to good use ripping up Scelly's beautiful hardwood floors -[1]HP.

Spinal_Taper: 6/6 HP 100/100 WtL, is cyborg Seth Green w/ $8,600,000
borno: 6/6 HP, Wannabe chicken dictator (lol puns)
IronyOwnl: 2/6 HP, weak chicken is in Hell being boiled in blood
Dirg: 6/6HP, one-eyed freak of nature inside of Scelly9
Scelly9: 1/8 HP -3/6 WtL, suicidal depressed sentient farmhouse w/ an axe, 2 girl scouts, 48 cookies, 2 shotguns (0 shells), a sentient Girl Scout Cookie, Dirg
Corai: -22/6 HP 3/6 WtL disfigured body in suave suit

[Scelly9]

Try and hit him again.

[Corai]

Is Agent 47, thus can survive MUCH worse.

[Spinal_Taper]

Reinvest 2 million into the show, make more episodes. Use the remaining six to become the six million dollar Seth

[Dirg]

Dodge axe again, tackle zombie girl and claw at her while other girl scout smashes the house.

[MrWillsauce]

Try and hit him again.

[6] You swing the axe beautifully (somehow) and it hits Dirg in the neck. -[1]x2 HP. The lack of damage inflicted pushes you over the edge. You want to end it all, so you turn all of your ovens on and stuff paper towels in there. You welcome death with open arms.

Reinvest 2 million into the show

[1] The show flops. You lose all of your investment money. The rest of the crew refuses to make more episodes with you. You are alone in the world with only yourself and your robotic enhancements -[2]WtL.

Dodge axe again

too late for that.

tackle zombie girl and claw at her

[3] The tackling goes okay, but the clawing doesn't seem to do any significant damage. She stares at you with her dead eyes, unaffected by the pain you inflict on her. She opens her mouth wide like a snake, and you can her saliva has been replaced with chocolatey syrup which must contain the virus. She brings her mouth down on your neck as you struggle to break free. [4] You are bitten -[1]HP. You feel your mind slipping away.

other girl scout smashes the house.

[5] Just before your decent into complete zombification, you yell at the girl to avenge you by destroying Scelly. She obliges and drop kicks one of his supports -[3]HP. Scelly falls into rubble, which soon catches on fire. He feels at peace as he slowly burns to death. Inside, the zombie plague is destroyed along with the girl -[1]x100HP, Dirg -[4]x100HP, and the zombie girl scout -[1]x100HP.

Is Agent 47, thus can survive MUCH worse.

[6] You take some painkillers. You are now invulnerable to bullets. All of the bullet holes and disfiguring injuries you have suffered repair themselves. +[2]x20 HP.

Spinal_Taper: 6/6 HP 98/100 WtL, is cyborg Seth Green w/ $6,600,000
borno: 6/6 HP, Wannabe chicken dictator (lol puns)
IronyOwnl: 2/6 HP, weak chicken is in Hell being boiled in blood
Dirg: -97/6HP, completely crushed and destroyed one-eyed freak of nature inside of Scelly9
Scelly9: -2/8 HP -3/6 WtL, Ruined farmhouse
Corai: 18/6 HP 3/6 WtL Overpowered assassin clone immune to bullets

[IronyOwl]

D:

D:

D:

Point out that the meek shall inherit the earth, so I should totally be put back on earth.

[Corai]

PULL OUT SILVERBALLER AND KILL POLICE OFFICERS WITH EASE. PULL OUT LAPTOP AND ASK DIANA WHO HAS TO DIE NEXT.

[Spinal_Taper]

Use the remaining six to become the six million dollar Seth

[Scelly9]

Burn very hot, kill dirg.

[Dirg]

Ascend to heaven, have a cheerful reunion. After reunion talk god into sending me back to earth, still work to do.

[MrWillsauce]

D:D:D:

[6] You make this face at Satan. It tugs on his blackened evil heartstrings and a single bloody tear comes to his eye. He lets you go. As you thank him and crawl out of the pot of boiling blood, your look down to see that everything below your waste has been completely melted off.

Point out that the meek shall inherit the earth, so I should totally be put back on earth.

[1] You make this argument to Satan for some reason, even though he's let you go. Satan seems confused. He yells "get out of here you weirdo, before I change my mind!" and explains that if he ever sees you in Hell again, he's going to send you somewhere much worse than Hell: he's going to sell your soul to China. As you crawl out of Hell slowly with your wings, you arrive on a lawn in front of Scelly's burning carcass. The whole place smells of death -[4] WtL.

PULL OUT SILVERBALLER

[2] You accidentally swapped it for a meat hook.

KILL POLICE OFFICERS WITH EASE.

[3] Your lack of a firearm only slightly impairs your ability to perform mindless slaughter. You rush at a squad of 6 officers and kill half of them. The cops fire a barrage of pistol rounds at you. After discovering you are immune to bullets, they pull out their nightsticks.You receive 6 nightstick wounds, each dealing [5] damage. You are dying. Time slows down and your vision turns red.

PULL OUT LAPTOP AND ASK DIANA WHO HAS TO DIE NEXT.

[6] Diana doesn't answer, but you get a pop-up informing you that you've won a free iPod nanopad! Congratulations!

Burn very hot

Yes we've already established this

kill dirg

[2] You try, but you realize that both of you are dead. The effort is futile.

Ascend to heaven

[5] Lucky you! You picked the right religion to follow while you were alive! You ascend into paradise +[2] WtL.

have a cheerful reunion

[3] It turns out most of your family and friends ended up in Hell. The only person you know up here is your grandma, and she's pretty boring.

talk god into sending me back to earth, still work to do

[4] You go to see God, but instead meet his secretary. She informs you that you need an appointment  to go talk to him. You point out that load of people talk to him all the time through prayer. She tells you that prayers are actually outsourced to India to save God's precious time.

Spinal_Taper: 6/6 HP 98/100 WtL, is cyborg Seth Green w/ $6,600,000
borno: 6/6 HP, Wannabe chicken dictator (lol puns)
IronyOwnl: 2/6 HP 2/6WtL, weak chicken with no legs.
Dirg: -97/6HP 8/6 WtL, completely crushed and destroyed one-eyed freak of nature inside of Scelly9
Scelly9: -2/8 HP -3/6 WtL, Ruined farmhouse
Corai: -12/6 HP 3/6 WtL Dying overpowered assassin clone immune to bullets, proud winner of an iPod nanopad!

[Corai]

DIE ANTICLIMACTICALLY, TRY AGAIN WITH LOWER DIFFICULTY