Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Scelly9]

Ask the UN to fire her.

[MrWillsauce]

BEGIN HOLY WAR

[6] You rush across the still-smoking wasteland in front of the fort. Outside are a few dwarf children playing in the ash. They are each stuck with ten arrows and fall dead. A warning trumpet is sounded from inside as the elf army charges toward the front gate, but only yourself, your unicorn, and 1/[4] of your army make it inside as the drawbridge is raise. When the gate is fully sealed, you are in the pitch black entrance tunnel of FEM BED and (being a nondwarf) can't see anything in front of you. Suddenly, there is the sound of gears and metal clanking and you hear the rest of your army running and screaming from outside as well as invisible dwarves laughing hysterically from deeper in the fortress.

Ask the UN to fire her.

[4]You try to convince the UN to fire her, but you are informed by them that they would if they could, but they have no authority over the mayors of fortresses built by mythical creatures in computer games.

hijack a radio station

[4] You use your athletic strength to kick in the door of a radio studio, interrupting the DJs' report on Scelly's most recent antics. You threaten to peck them to death if they don't let you on the air.

broadcast a message that will hypnotise all chickens across the world

[4] You record yourself making a series of clucks that was expertly crafted by you to hijack the subconsciousnesses of ever chicken on the planet. Soon, the police arrive to investigate the strange broadcast.

Command army of hell to destroy india tech support for me as revenge for my childrens death.

[4] You send a note to the Indian call center to send a note to the demons telling them to kill the call center workers. The Indians argue about whether to do it or not, but the manager tells them it's against regulations to forbid service due to personal issues, so the job is done in the end. The note is received by the demons. Half of them travel to India to wreak havoc, while the others babysit (torment) the souls. IronOwl is also asked to join, but he just stares at the wall, not moving or breathing. They completely destroy India, leaving behind steaming crater full of lava and death. It is decided to turn the ruins of India into a vacation resort for demons.

RTD: 3/3 HP, a chick
Spinal_Taper: 609/609 HP 98/100 WtL, school bus, CEO of Toasters Inc. and the Boyscouts of America w/ the Toastmobile, rope+bread body armor, sash flail (5 damage), a toaster, pile of twigs, rocket boots
borno: 6/6 HP, Professional Winner w/ 6 Olympic gold medals, 3 Nobel Prizes, 6 Medals of Honor
IronyOwl: -4/6 HP 5/6WtL, Master Craftsdorf & chicken made of chicken blood in Hell
Dirg: -93/10HP 19/6 WtL, a completely crushed and destroyed one-eyed freak trapped in heaven, yet the ruler of Hell. Proud former father of twenty.
Scelly9: 6/6 HP 6/6 WtL 12/6 H, a naked lady w/ infinite money machine, owner of Breast House, (ex?)girlfriend of the mayor, screwer of presidents, dirt, and pretty much EVERYTHING else
Corai: 7/7 HP 1/4 WtL An elf in command of an army w/ DwarfBane, unicorn, army of 1,000 elves and 25 humans

[Corai]

USE BACKUP PLAN! Begin breaking way out with pickaxes, swords, hammers, anything you can!

[Dirg]

Give all demons of hell employe discounts for use at vacation spot. Make more children.

[Scelly9]

Get the UN to give me a mind control ray

[borno]

Start step 3.5, a... Sort of improvised step, for we had not foreseen the police arriving.

Make all the chickens in the area attack the police, providing cover for our escape!

[Spinal_Taper]

Take money from the boyscouts this time. Invest in Stark Industries and Wayne corporation.

[MrWillsauce]

Begin breaking way out with pickaxes, swords, hammers, anything you can!

[6] You successfully break down the gate with raw Elven power, just as the opposite end of the entrance hall fills with dwarves clad in blue. The drawbridge is completely destroyed but, as it is, you see that the outside of the fort has been completely flooded with lava. The lava pours in through the whole left by the broken drawbridge and the elves run straight away from it straight into adamantine weapons. You have no idea what is going on as dwarves, elves, and humans all kill each other and are burnt by magma in extreme darkness. In the chaos you make out through the darkness an open stone door. You run into the room and seal the door behind you, just as the magma was catching up with you. You sit in the complete darkness for a while and slowly the screams and battle sounds end. Every single battle-able Elf in the world besides you died in that battle. All that remains are you and DwarfBane, hungry for vengeance, alone in a completely dark stone room.

Give all demons of hell employe discounts for use at vacation spot

[2] The demons are happy to pay the whole price if it benefits their beloved ruler.

Make more children

[5] Your melancholy wives mourn their lost children, but perk up when you give them this proposition. You quickly get to work and soon have [2] more kids with each wife.

Get the UN to give me a mind control ray

[4] You finally get the UN to buy you a mind control ray, but it takes more use of your seduction powers

Take money from the boyscouts this time

[5]The Boyscouts of America is a nonprofit organization, so in order to get their money you liquidize all Boyscout property. This process nets you [1] million dollars.

Invest in Stark Industries and Wayne corporation

[3]You split the million between the two companies. Stark industries is extremely successful, earning you $500,000 in profits. However, Wayne Corp. is unsuccessful and you lose $500,000.

Make all the chickens in the area attack the police, providing cover for our escape!

[4] You turn off the hypnotic clucking and tell the local chickens that they will be rewarded with millions of sacks of chicken feed if they assist you at the radio station. Just as you finish the broadcast the police barge in and have you at gunpoint. They cuff you and take you to the car. As you are driving to the police station, the police car is rammed by [5] trucks driven by chickens. The crash kills the officers and you take [2] damage. The chickens break into the car and rescue you, and after the excitement is over they ask you for their reward.

RTD: 3/3 HP, a chick
Spinal_Taper: 609/609 HP 98/100 WtL, school bus, CEO of Toasters Inc. and the Boyscouts of America w/ the Toastmobile, rope+bread body armor, sash flail (5 damage), a toaster, pile of twigs, rocket boots
borno: 4/6 HP, Professional Winner w/ 6 Olympic gold medals, 3 Nobel Prizes, 6 Medals of Honor
IronyOwl: -4/6 HP 5/6WtL, Master Craftsdorf & chicken made of chicken blood in Hell
Dirg: -93/10HP 19/6 WtL, a completely crushed and destroyed one-eyed freak trapped in heaven, yet the ruler of Hell. Married to an angel and secretary, proud former father of four
Scelly9: 6/6 HP 6/6 WtL 12/6 H, a naked lady, (ex?)girlfriend of the mayor, screwer of presidents, dirt, and pretty much EVERYTHING else w/ infinite money machine, Breast House, mind control ray
Corai: 7/7 HP 1/4 WtL The last elf soldier w/ DwarfBane

[Corai]

Pray to forest spirits to give me the gift of elven sneakiness!

[Scelly9]

Use mind control ray to have tons of workers turn Africa into the new Breast House.

[MrWillsauce]

Pray to forest spirits to give me the gift of elven sneakiness!

[1] You pray, but the Indian-accented forest spirit who usually answers your prayers doesn't respond. As you pray in vain you barely notice something move in the darkness. You concentrate on it and you can hear it whimpering silently.

Use mind control ray to have tons of workers turn Africa into the new Breast House.

[5] All of Africa unifies for the glory of Breast House. It is beautiful. The civil wars, hunger, violence, and poverty all end due to the combined effort on "Project Big Boobs". Finally it is finished; there are stripper poles on every street corner, streetlights are replaced with blacklights and disco balls, and shirts and bras of any kind are strictly banned in all of Africa.

RTD: 3/3 HP, a chick
Spinal_Taper: 609/609 HP 98/100 WtL, school bus, CEO of Toasters Inc. and the Boyscouts of America w/ the Toastmobile, rope+bread body armor, sash flail (5 damage), a toaster, pile of twigs, rocket boots
borno: 4/6 HP, Professional Winner w/ 6 Olympic gold medals, 3 Nobel Prizes, 6 Medals of Honor
IronyOwl: -4/6 HP 5/6WtL, Master Craftsdorf & chicken made of chicken blood in Hell
Dirg: -93/10HP 19/6 WtL, a completely crushed and destroyed one-eyed freak trapped in heaven, yet the ruler of Hell. Married to an angel and secretary, proud former father of four
Scelly9: 6/6 HP 6/6 WtL 12/6 H, a naked lady, (ex?)girlfriend of the mayor, screwer of presidents, dirt, and pretty much EVERYTHING else w/ infinite money machine, Breast House (AKA Africa), mind control ray
Corai: 7/7 HP 1/4 WtL The last elf soldier w/ DwarfBane

[Dirg]

Retire to simple life with wife and children as I over look hell and my minions. Win game.

[Corai]

Shout "Halt! I am Corai! Creator of Dwarfbane and trained killer! State your name or I will spill your blood where you stand!" while wielding Dwarfbane, readying shield.

[Scelly9]

Mind control everyone to go to the new Breast House. Take over world while they are away.

[MrWillsauce]

Retire to simple life with wife and children as I over look hell and my minions

[5] You do, and it is great +900[2] WtL

Win game.

[2] Not so fast. Just as you are about to kick back and enjoy eternity with your family, Morgan Freeman approaches you. "Howdy" He says.

Mind control everyone to go to the new Breast House

[2] You set the device to mind control everybody to visit Breast House, but it only works on teenage males.

Shout "Halt! I am Corai! Creator of Dwarfbane and trained killer! State your name or I will spill your blood where you stand!" while wielding Dwarfbane

[1] You shout this into the darkness, but there is no response other than the same whimpering sound, although it sounds more nervous than before.

readying shield.

[1] Who said you had a shield  ? You have no shield .

RTD: 3/3 HP, a chick
Spinal_Taper: 609/609 HP 98/100 WtL, school bus, CEO of Toasters Inc. and the Boyscouts of America w/ the Toastmobile, rope+bread body armor, sash flail (5 damage), a toaster, pile of twigs, rocket boots
borno: 4/6 HP, Professional Winner w/ 6 Olympic gold medals, 3 Nobel Prizes, 6 Medals of Honor
IronyOwl: -4/6 HP 5/6WtL, Master Craftsdorf & chicken made of chicken blood in Hell
Dirg: -93/10HP 19/6 WtL, a completely crushed and destroyed one-eyed freak trapped in heaven, yet the ruler of Hell. Married to an angel and secretary, proud former father of four
Scelly9: 6/6 HP 6/6 WtL 12/6 H, a naked lady, (ex?)girlfriend of the mayor, screwer of presidents, dirt, and pretty much EVERYTHING else w/ infinite money machine, Breast House (AKA Africa), mind control ray
Corai: 7/7 HP 1/4 WtL The last elf soldier w/ DwarfBane