USING THE LACK OF CONTROL OVER MY TEARS, I CRY A RIVER TO MAKE ANYONE ATTACKING THE FINAL BOSS FALL BACK DUE TO PITY!
(1) YOU GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR TEARS. WELL, AT LEAST YOU AREN'T CRYING ANYMORE.
Using beauracratic connections, get into the MPAA and wield the mighty twin swords of SOPA and PIPA to permacensor the lich and arrest minions for stealing .000000000000000001 cents from a torrent of Batman and Robin. Lich will be trapped forever in a Phantom Zone-like dimension of paperwork. If anyone interferes, peel my logo of a typewriter off my chest and throw it at them, entrapping them. If possible, use BILLY MAYS' voice to command everyone to KNEEL BEFORE ZOD XANTALOS!
(2) YOU WOULD HAVE THE TWIN BLADES, BUT PAPERWORK DELAYED YOU. (1) WHILE ATTEMPTING TO UTILIZE THE VOICE OF BILLY MAYS, IT OVERWHELMS YOU, AND YOU BECOME BANKRUPT FROM PURCHASING ALL OF HIS GOODS.
LOOK AT MCCLAY
DO SLOW BADASS NOD OF HERO-TO-HERO BADASSERY
THEN SPAZZ THE FUCK OUT WITH ALL "HAAI!", "KEEYAAH!", "KIYIYIYIYI!" AND OTHER WEIRD NOISES TO CONFUSE AND DISTRACT
LEAP FOWARD ALL MARTIAL-ARTIST LIKE, BEAT STUFFING OUT OF CAERWYN
(6) YOU LOOK AT MCCLAY OH GOD, YOU LOOK A MCCLAY. YOU GAZE INTO HIS EYES SLOWLY AND SENSUALLY, LICKING YOUR LIPS AS YOU DO IT, PROMISING UNMENTIONABLE THINGS ONCE THIS BATTLE ENDS. (6) YOU DO A SLOW BADASS NOD. AT LEAST IT COULD BE CALLED THAT. IN A WAY. WELL, YOU WERE LOOKING AT HIS FACE, THEN YOU LOOKED DOWN SOMEWHERE ELSE. (4) YOU SPAZZ OUT, SCREAMING LIKE A SCREAMER MONKEY ASYLUM. (4) YOU RUSH CAERWYN, THEN RIP HIS UNNECESSARY HEART OUT.
Attack the heros not in the bubble
woo forces of good fighting on evil side
(2) YOU TAKE A SWING AT XANTALOS, BUT ARE SLOWED BY THE PAPERWORK STORM. HE EASILY DODGES.
LEAP INTO BATTLE WITH GLORIOUS DISPLAY OF COLORFUL FLASHY FLASHY IN ATTEMPT TO BLIND EVERYONE ON BATTLEFIELD, MORALLY CONFUSED
(3) YOU LEAP INTO BATTLE WITH A DIM LIGHT BEHIND YOU. BETTER WATCH OUT, THIS GUYS A BADASS.
ACQUIRE SWORD
LEVEL 70 SWORDTECH: OBLIVION
(5) YOU DO INDEED ACQUIRE A SWORD. EXCALIBUR HO! (6) LEVEL 70 SWORD TECH! OBLIVION! OH WAIT. BOSSES ARE IMMUNE TO INSTANT DEATH.
CONVINCE KOBOLD-GRUES AND HEAVEN FORCES STOP XANTALOS' ABSURDLY EVIL PLAN.
(2) THE KOBOLDS ARE TOO IMPRESSED BY THE EVILNESS OF THAT PLAN. HEAVEN IS BUSY NOT DOING ANYTHING AT ALL, BECAUSE THIS RTD DOESN'T SIMULATE NPCS WELL.
PROVIDE SUITABLE SOUNDTRACK FOR EPIC FINAL SHOWDOWN.
(4)
SNAKE EATER BEGINS PLAYING.
BLARE MY GUITAR SKILLS AT THE LICH, SHOW HIM THE TRUE POWER OF MUSIC! ((WHILE AIDING ERROL AT THE SAME TIME))
(6) OH NO, THESE SONGS DON'T MIX! ONE OF YOU BETTER STOP IT!
take control of the astral plane I am in by fapping until everyone is in awe!
this is insane.
I like this.
(4) YOU TAKE OVER ONE OF THE THREE HIGH TEMPLES. BY FAPPING. THIS GAME IS DISGUSTING.
FLICK YOINK BACK INTO HOSPITAL.
TAKE EYECHUCKS FIRST, THOUGH.
THEY HANDY.
(4) YOU TRY TO HURL YOINK INTO THE HOSPITAL, BUT THE
DOME OF ENERGY STOPS YOU. (3) IT'S TOO HARD TO REACH THROUGH THE DOME OF ENERGY TO GRAB THE EYECHUCKS, SO YOU GIVE UP AND START CRYING. YOUR WIFE COMFORTS YOU. AWW...
GET INFINTE ARMIES UNDER CONTROL, ATTACK THE FREAKING LICH. SUMMON OTHER ANCIENT STAR GODS TO HELP.
(4) HALF OF YOUR ARMIES GOES UNDER CONTROL TO TRY TO
BREAK THROUGH THE DOME. THEN, YOU RUSH THE LICH. (5) SPARKS FLYING FROM YOUR ARM, YOU BRING YOUR FIST INTO HIS STOMACH. HE CRINGES. (4) THE OTHER STAR GODS KIND OF THROW ENERGY AT THE DOME. NOPE, NOTHING.
Lend my aid to the Master! Create undead and demonic soldiers to help boost our lines, and RUSH INTO BATTLE!
(2) YOU TRY TO SUMMON UNDEAD AND DEMONIC MINIONS. SADLY, THEY ARE CREATED FROM ICE CREAM, AND MCCLAY MELTS THEM. (1) YOU RUSH THEM, BUT TRIP, LANDING ON YOUR FACE.
BE THE FLOOR, STOP BEING UNDER BAD PEOPLE.
(3) YOU ARE THE FLOOR UNDER TEAM ROCKET. (3) YOU STOP BEING UNDER THEM, AND THEY START STANDING ON THE DIRT.
DRAW SIGNS IN THE BLOOD AND GUTS AROUND THE BATTLEFIELD TO SUMMON THE DEVIL. CONVINCE HIM LICH IS MUSCLING IN ON HIS TURF AND MUST BE STOPPED.
(2) THE ICE CREAM DEVIL RAISES FROM THE EARTH, HIS DELICIOUS BUT SINFUL ICE CREAM LEAVING A RESIDUE ON THE GROUND. (6) YOU CONVINCE HIM A LICH IS MUSCLING IN ON HIS TURF, BUT WRONG LICH. HE RUSHES OFF THE BATTLEFIELD IN A HUFF.
Also use beauracratic connections to help Dirg by getting in touch with Hasbro and summoning Him from the Power Puff Girls.
(4) HIM SHOWS UP. WHY DID YOU SUMMON HIM? HE BEGINS...
become TRUE final boss because heroes played on the hardest difficulty with all the unlocks and secrets unlocked on this play!
then punt the lich and do true final bossey things.
(6) BEING THE SECRET FINAL BOSS, YOU DON'T SHOW UP UNTIL AFTER THE MAINS TORY IS COMPLETED. (4) YOU TRY TO BREAK THE RULES, AND BUST THROUGH THE DOME, BUT YOU DIDN'T GET A 6.
BOSS TURN:
"Damn you! Face the wrath of my foot!"
(4) He brings his leg down in arc onto mcclay, shattering his firey collar bone.
BOSS STATUS
ECTOPLASM REBIRTH
DEATH INCARNATE
MINIONS
WOLFCHILD DEMON OF WAR
CAERWYN HARBINGER OF PLAGUE
TIRUIN FAMINE BRNGER
RTD FAMINE BRINGER
GREENSTARFANATIC LIFE INCARNATE AND LOVING HUSBAND
NIRUR TORIR DARK CONVERSATIONALIST
EVIL CENTIPEDE, REAL INTIMIDATING
ARENA STATUS
VAGUELY GREY PLANE OF EXISTANCE