My name is Milo Riperight. I was born in a small village in the Empire of Combinations. Nevermind who my parents were or what my childhood was like. All you need to know is that I was a fighter from the start. I seemed to have natural talent with whatever weapon I took up, and no one who stood against me could ever manage even the slightest scratch on my body. Naturally there came a day when I grew tired of sparring with the neighborhood simpletons and their pets, and set out to make a name for myself. I could protect the people with skills like mine. I could also get mighty rich and famous.
Fool that I was… I started taking on bandits, renegade kobolds and goblins. Then I moved up to fearsome “night creatures” and vampires. Before long there were no more threats. There was nothing left to defeat. There was no war, no bandits, no crime. Even the bogeymen couldn’t stand against me, and I spent several nights guarding the homes of frightened orphans before the wicked little critters learned never to come back.
I was considered a legendary hero by the locals. They even gave me the unique title “the Inconsiderate Clash of Ghosts.” But inside of me, nothing had changed. I was still restless, still bored. So I left.
I headed east to a neighboring kingdom, dropping into lairs I found along the way and relieving the beasts within of their skins. It became my only joy in life, collecting these hides and strapping them to my pack as a warning to any creature that might dare to attack me.
At last I grew close to the capital city of this unfamiliar realm. I chose to move in this direction because it was closer to the more savage eastern lands. Perhaps they could give me more interesting and challenging tasks to complete. Dragons, necromancers, fearsome creatures of the night which might actually prove worthy opponents.
I strode up to the keep and introduced myself to the ruler of the kingdom, then inquired as to what threats I might annihilate for them. The response was less than pleasant.
It seemed my reputation had not preceeded me, and the fool was unimpressed by the bloody skins of giant beasts strapped to my pack. I asked around and was disheartened by the needs of the locals. Bandits, bandits, and more bandits. I took only one of these quests, and headed to a bandit camp. The leader jumped out at me and I took its head off with one swift movement.
I felt my head spinning. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Without a proper challenge, I was doomed to a life of boredom – and boredom without even recognition from those around me!
I had had enough. I’d heard of a retirement center built by a collection of “legendary” dwarfs, located deep within the elven joyous wilds, just a few days from my current location. But to be permitted residence there, it would be necessary to bring with me a trophy worthy of their exhibition hall. I had plenty of skins and currency, piles of weapons and ammunition, lovely masterwork leather clothing, but no real trophies.
I set out somewhat aimlessly towards the east. That’s where the “savage” lands were, and maybe I could find something in a dark tower or lair out there. It seemed that whatever force had blessed me with this skill took pity on me, for in less than two days I happened upon a lair. Getting drowsy and pleased to find a place to sleep, I crept inside, expecting yet another tiger, but hoping desperately for something more. The smell of smoke pervaded the air.
Standing before me was a magnificent beast.
Surely I had found a worthy opponent at last. I strode up to the monster. It lowered its head in preparation to blow flames in my face, and I took a single swing.
But it couldn’t be. It couldn’t be so easy. This was a dragon! One of the most powerful beasts in the world!
I could see it now. Quite clearly. This “gift” of mine wasn’t a gift at all, but a curse. After all the combat I had seen, all the souls I had freed, I had never taken so much as a scratch. And I never would. It simply wasn’t possible. It was time to give up. If I was going to be bored, I might as well do it in comfort. A single dragon’s egg lay in the corner of the lair. I scooped it up and strode purposefully to the west, stopping only briefly here and there to ask directions to the retirement center.
Growing tired, at least I spied it in the distance. A beautiful collection of shining white buildings with its founding dwarfs strolling around on the roads.
I struck up a conversation with the first dwarf I noticed. I judged him to be a cook by his dress, which turned out to be correct. And he recognized me!
It seemed this new friend suffered from boredom just as I. He hinted at joining me in my adventures, but I quickly made it clear that my adventuring days were over.
We discussed the possibility of my joining the community, and he seemed open to the idea. My adventuring record was more than sufficient, he said, and my dragon egg would make a suitable contribution (the first, in fact) to the exhibition hall. I carefully laid it on the first table, ignoring the tiny voice in my head that suggested it might one day hatch.
I then explored the humans’ apartment complex. It was completely empty, as I was the first human to join. I grabbed the first room I found.
Heaving a great sigh of relief, I began to unload my possessions. I spread each of my great skins across the floor. I made a pile of weapons, another of coins, and laid across my bed.
Yes, I would be just as bored here as anywhere else. But at least I would be bored in comfort.
(And the lists both go on and on…)
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Topic: [Succession] Adventurer's Retirement Home (Read 22034 times)