I started out atheist fundamentalist (faithful followers of the almighty lab-coat priesthood whose word is always truth, as long as it's peer reviewed by the established priesthood). I swung around to some kind of exploration of pagan stuff for a bit but it didn't sink in. (edit: typo)
I'm floating in the limbo of agnosticism, where everything is subject to change. It's not that I don't believe in anything or don't see any wonder or mystery in the world. Quite the contrary.
I see awe and wonder in the mysteries that cannot be explained, the histories that have been lost forever, and the unpredictability of the amazing things that happen as the future comes. I see something incredible, baffling, immense in its profundity, and completely indescribable by the power of written and spoken language in the wonders of the mind.
If anything is godlike to me, if anything is to be worshipped by this skeptic former atheist who prefers to see before believing, it's to be found in the exploration of the full strangeness of the mind. It's probably not surprising coming from me.
Dreaming is a beautiful example. It requires no drugs (except the ones produced in your brain), you can do it every single night/morning without losing your grip on reality, bad dreams are much less common than bad trips, with practice the depth and detail is extremely impressive (with 3 in-depth dreams clearly remembered in a night in my case), and the potential for and frequency of bizzare situations and experiences in my dreams was HIIIIIGH when I was really into it.
I had a dream where I was blasting extremely powerful magical blasts at some kind of diabolical dragon monster, and I almost accidentally obliterated all my allies with my excessive show of force... But some old wise white bearded gandalf-like figure popped in at the last second and shielded them with his own magic.
The intensity of that experience was like no videogame or real event in my life. The blast was enormous and devastating in its proportion, and was RIGHT THERE. I've seen other such things in dreams, where the world was blown to pieces by an overzealous "final fantasy character" in a world full of final fantasy parties of varying classicness. Some guy comes up and is like "bahahaha ultra mega super bolt spell" or something, I really don't know what but that's what it looked like when it hit... It was like... *JAW DROPS!....* Immense flashes of light!!! Incredible lightshow indeed... complete with the world blowing to pieces and being tracked down by some bad guy on a floating chunk of world as the dream continued.
Sorry to get so off topic...
I meant to say "I devote my spiritual exploration to the mind." In each one of our heads (if the idea that mind is physically stored and operated in the brain) there's something of godlike profundity and incomprehensible complexity. The sheer range of possible experiences and perceptions of our mind extends far beyond what's physically possible for our everyday bodies, and extends far beyond what one can even wrap one's mind around or explain in any language. It seems almost like a paradox that something believed to be inside our heads is incomprehensible by said head in its enormity. The mind cannot comprehend itself, it's so complex and strange.
I'm just not quite comfortable calling it a god in and of itself, nor do my beliefs in the area of mind mesh with established science, or even measurable science. Science doesn't like the idea that two people experiencing the exact same hallucination detail for detail may be either exchanging or picking up information from outside, SOMEHOW.
Too spooky for science to explore the idea that "spirit" may exist indeed, or that mind may not entirely be internal.
I'm not a very popular kind of agnostic, I think.
Random note, who here has ever heard of psychedelic Christianity? There are churches in this world that worship Jesus and take psychedelic drugs in a religious context. They consult the Lord in person.
I think that rocks.