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[SixOfSpades]

Avuz Bembulurdim, Dwaven Child: "Hey, Mom, we're out of dog food!"

Fath Zonetes, Leatherworker: "Litast! Why, you are drowning in the well! Let me lower the bucket to you and help pull you out! Or here, grab hold of this wooden log, or this empty barrel, for these objects float in water and will save your life!"

Vucar Ezumlikot, Metalcrafter cancels Gather Socks During a Siege: Too sane.

Ingish Nishvush, Jeweler: "I've decided it was stupid to pray to the god of trees, muck, and suicide, and have switched to worshipping the goddess of jewels and wealth instead."

Sibrek Semorcog, Wrestler: " . . . and then I grabbed hold of his upper left back tooth with my left upper arm!"
Urvad Nobdomas, Mason: "Ha! That must have been . . . wait, what?"

Zuglar Idenduthal, Wood Burner: "Nether-cap wood holds a natural temperature well below freezing. It does not burn when in direct contact with liquid magma, or even dragonfire. And you want me to . . . just stick it in my little wood-stove and make charcoal out of it. Riiiiiiiight."

Bomrek Erithbekar, Brewer has drunk himself to death.

She is rather upset about having been unable to gather the proper materials to construct an artifact lately.

Asen Rimtarmistem, Blacksmith: "Hm? Make a bed-frame out of cast iron? Yeah, I can do that."

Kol Ekastmelbil, Fishery Worker: "Well, overseer, it's been a year since I migrated here to your outpost in the desert, and as we still haven't located any water, I think it's time I moved on to some place where my skills will be more useful."

Tekkud Dodokirid, Woodcutter (upon recieving a wooden training axe): " . . . Aaaand what precisely were you expecting me to do with this?"

Kivish Fathumar, Thresher: "Eeeeeyyuuuuck! I can't eat THAT! It's made entirely out of tallow!"

Lokum Stibmerrith, chief medical dwarf cancels On Break: Interrupted by medical emergency.

Oddom Rovodrobek, Axedwarf: "Well, that's another giant monster slain . . . the butchers are gonna have a field day with all this meat."
Thikut Lolorstesok, Speardwarf: "Yeah. . . . hey, can you imagine what it would be like if, instead of flesh & blood, the monsters were made of things like, i dunno, bronze? Or salt?"
Oddom Rovodrobek: "HA! What a crazy idea!"
Thikut Lolstesok: "I know, right?"

Nguslu Baxkunga, Goblin Hammerman: "WHOA! A cage trap just sprang up and grabbed my pal Xuspgas right in front of me! This entrance hallway is probably very heavily trapped. HEY GUYS, WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO SEND ABOUT A HUNDRED WAR RABBITS THROUGH HERE!"

[Edit] Now with 50% more botanical accuracy. [/Edit]

[ObeseHelmet]

This is seriously the funniest thing I've read on the internet for like a month. Props to you. Hell yes.

[Loud Whispers]

The Dwarves have suspended construction of a wall-oh wait, nevermind it was just a dead butterfly in the way, the Dwarves have resumed construction.

[acetech09]

The Dwarves have suspended construction of a wall-oh wait, nevermind it was just a dead butterfly in the way, the Dwarves have resumed construction. OH MY GOD STOP THE CONSTRUCTION WHAT THE F**K WHY IS THERE AN OBJECT IN THE WAY WE HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE OVERSEER HAS TO BOTHER HIMSELF TO MAKE US MOVE IT ONE TILE RATHER THAN DOING IT OURSELVES!

ftfy.

[Monk321654]

Zuglar Idenduthal, Wood Burner: "Tower-cap wood holds a natural temperature well below freezing. It does not burn when in direct contact with liquid magma, or even dragonfire. And you want me to . . . just stick it in my little wood-stove and make charcoal out of it. Riiiiiiiight."

Bomrek Erithbekar, Brewer has drunk himself to death.

I hate to complain, but these two are technically inaccurate.
It's Nether-cap that has natural temperatures below freezing.
And dwarves are biologically dependent on Alcohol. They can't suffer from Alcohol Poisoning.

But the others are all a blast.
Pretty funny!

[reality.auditor]

The Dwarves have suspended construction of a wall-oh wait, nevermind it was just a dead butterfly in the way, the Dwarves have resumed construction. OH MY GOD STOP THE CONSTRUCTION WHAT THE F**K WHY IS THERE AN OBJECT IN THE WAY WE HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE OVERSEER HAS TO BOTHER HIMSELF TO MAKE US MOVE IT ONE TILE RATHER THAN DOING IT OURSELVES!

ftfy.

Whooosh. Point of this thread just passed by you.

To stay on topic, my contributions:
Vampire suspect was executed.

"...move this wagon fast and DO NOT stop in middle of this frozen river!"

[Monk321654]

Bomrek Akast, Hammerdwarf: "Hitting this weird ball of flesh with a hammer isn't doing much good... I think I'll call the Swords Dwarf troop."

[guitarxe]

Urist Dodokirid, Ranger, cancels walk across the waterfall: not drunk enough to really believe he's a flying pixie.

The goblins are bringing ladders!

Oddom Nishvush, Trader, cancels season-long vacation: work to do.

[werty892]

Urist McMetalworker:So you want me to make these metal bars into crossbow bolts, right? And then you want me to split them up in to a couple of piles, right? And then make more metal bars out of less bolts? Sorry buddy, physics dont work that way.

[Yoink]

Urist McPumpOperator: "Alright, the resorvoir's full. Guess I can stop pumping now."

[Facekillz058]

UristMcWoodburner: "Oh, this is the log that those guys were gonna use to make that floor, guess I won't charcoalize this.

[Ghundio]

Urist McNoble: "Why would I pull the lever connected to the magma supply above my room?"

[Frontestro]

Urist McFailedMood cancels insanity: Taken by mood due to wanted items now being in stockpiles.

Bronze Colossus cancels enter fortress: Too Tall to enter Fort

[Monk321654]

Dragon Cancels Siege: Square Cube Law.

[King DZA]

Avuz Astelthob, mason: "Considering that we live in a harsh and unforgiving world filled with savage wars and unspeakable horrors, wouldn't it be wiser to use our precious resources and dwarfpower on things that will ensure that our fortress and civilization continue to survive and thrive for as long as possible, instead of on building a giant, magma-spewing phallus next to our trade depot?"

Rovod Noramineth, trader: "You know, those elves aren't too bad. They have such a unique culture, and I really respect what they're trying to do for the environment. We could learn a few things from people like them."

Mestthos Amostarzes, stonecrafter: "Wow, I've been carving out stone instruments for months now. Maybe it's time I learned to actually play one of these things!"