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[saltmummy626]

yeah, definetly gonna need to put time limits on the turns. im gonna say... 7 days. one week from the first post. so caveogre has another 4 days to give an update, then we will have to skip. I can understand when things get in the way, but I would like to keep this moving.

[MiceMiceMice]

Sounds good to me. I wish you luck CaveOgre.
edit: Any progress? It's been a while

[saltmummy626]

one more day, ill PM frontestro to see if he will be available or if he is still busy.

[saltmummy626]

alright, thats 7 days. frontestro is up.

[MiceMiceMice]

Good luck Frontestro!

[Valrandir]

Good Luck 

Please if you are not able to complete your turn let us know asap so that we can keep this moving.

[saltmummy626]

okay, I got a message from frontestro. looks like he isnt going to be able to take his go. so Im shuffling his turn and misko27 is up next! ill shoot him a pm.

[misko27]

Wow thats alot of push backs. Well, I'm always here, so I'll start within a day or so. I'm not the fastest writer, so don't complain people. Quality over quantity.
EDIT:
Opal 9th: Ohh, yak shit. I did not do well on that test. I've been here for 3 years now, and I'm still incapable of getting the high-marks my parents say are "expected of my intelligence". Bullshit. I wanted to go to the Lensden Academy of Military Science, But noooooo. I have to go to Toady's academy of Overseeing. Well, I bombed the farming portion of the test, since I have no clue what the hell does what. What do glazers glaze with anyway? Fortunately, I did well enough on metalwork and defense design that I'm not repeating anything. I'm being put into the 3rd class list of new forts to supervise though. Well, If I get there early, I might not get one stuck in the middle of a bleeding desert. God news though, my cousin should be getting a number of foreign type drinks soon.

Opal 17th: Uuh... ow myhead. That was a nasty foe'ign drink there. Did NOT go dow' right. Uhh... My head. Was I supposed toi' do something today? I need to lie down. blasted ele's and there shit drinks. (Mispellings intentional)

Opal 19th: awwwww, SHIIIIIITTTT. I had the the fort sign up yesterday! Oh damn!!! I tried to go yesterday, but at that point, I was so slobbering drunk I couldn't buy brandy! I got stuck with a bleeding fort, with no ore. Ah hell. Now that haunted Desert doesn't seem so bad all of a sudden. Maybe I can trade?

Opal 23st: Damn everything. I was speaking with my friend Meng, the one who got the Haunted Desert, And I was doing so well, Until she figured out It had no ore. It would have been easier to sell purring maggots to her after she heard that (she Detests them). On the bright side, I managed to get a date with her. I think she pitied me.

Opal 29th: Sorry, I forgot about you diary. Things have been pretty busy. In a little while I'll be shoving off for GateIvory. Its about a month or so away. I'll write more then.

[saltmummy626]

very well exicuted info, I cant wait for more .

[MiceMiceMice]

Yay updates! Keep it up.

[misko27]

Will have a update in a hour or so. A ambush came, And the results were, interesting to say the least. The military here needs quite the overhaul, but I am up to the task.

[misko27]

1st Granite: Well I'm here. I'm just mind-blown a little here. First off, there are 80 dwarves, and thirty aren't doing anything. What, the, hell. 30!!!. In my practice forts, I didn't have a number that high till it got to 200 Dwarves!!!! Lots of work to do.  Heres a inventory presented to me by a random dwarf. I assume he's either the bookkeeper, or a dwarf with OCD. Not really much of a difference in the end anyway.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I've noticed by looking over our inventory that we havent made any weapons or clothes. That isn't surprising, considering the lack of metal, but it must be remedied.

Now, impressions. There is a amazing canyon here, I can seriously see some awesomeness going on.I have no clue what some of this stuff is. There are four massive rooms next to the masons workshop. I assume that its for stone. Not entirely sure. And more downstairs!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Huh. Who ever was in charge previously was good at fort asthetics, but incapable of setting up proper organization and industries. I have no clue where anything is. I assume that that is the great dining hall.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Why is everything in the middle? Are we Cave people? Uh, wait.

Weird, The Mausaleum and and beds are awfully well developed compared the rest o the fort. Firstly, there is a insufficient amount of engraving. I started off with a message to the Head engraver. It said, "Smooth, Everything".and on that thought, Wow, there is so little work for everyone. What the hell! I know what to do. Industy expansion. Despite my failure in my tests, I am still pretty good at certain niche industries. Or at least setting them up. Except bees, I hate beekeeping. I set dwarves to start doing things,and setting up workshops. oh, and I have decided to organize a plant gathering, because frankly, I don't know why we should be living near all these plants.

The Military is woefully insufficient, and the lack of metal means this problem may persist. Being brilliant, I decide to set up several crossbow squads. I will have to make more bolts and crossbows. If i could find the damn bowyers. I plan on mass conscription. And more war dogs. Lots more. The dwarfs don't like the sound of that, but who cares?

What is this? It appears to be a large tower with a exit for pouring water. Why? I would activate it, but I'm unsure whether that would cause everyone to die. Is THAT where the entrance is then? oh, Wait a minute, things are making sense all of a sudden. Thats where that stuff is. And this explains the weird tower.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

 I am so gonna unleash this on some gobbos.

I spoke with the mayor of the settlement, a Abel Morulcagith, about what is needed by the dwarves. She said they need spiked balls. I told her I am not into that sort of thing. She gave me a weird look, and said I must have misunderstood. I realised she was talking about traps. I agree, actually, but it doesn't seem like the primary fortress need.

On that thought, Why is a dwarf assigned to multiple nobility jobs when there are better dwarves for each job? Huh, work, work, work.


(I suppose If I'm hitting on random girls I should do some retcon and make me a young male. 56 is young in dwarven terms right? they live to 160-180, age wise. My new dwarf is fairly similar, bad creativity, awesome speaking skills. And my
name is "RythemSwords")
 

27th of Granite: The disorganization of this fort is only just hitting me. I'm trying to find where stuff is. Frankly, I'm just ordering things from my room, scared to go out for fear of getting lost. Yes, thats why I'm doing that. Not because I'm lazy, like that potter dwarves said, oh no.

A thief showed up, and was scared off by the dogs. Speaking of which, we now have a bunch of war dogs. Next time, there won't just be a scared thief.

The diplomat has been talking with the mayor, and she sent me a transcript, along with a demand for a silver statue. Note to the next unlucky fellow to come here, Heres a copy of the transcript.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

There appears to be a dead trader stuck on some underwater wood in the river. I don't know why he's there, and the dwarves don't want to tell me. I'm under the impression its the former overseer, but they seem all alive and accounted for.

Huh, There is a rapier of admantine deep underground. I can't figure that out. I also don't know why the bookkeeper knew this, But I knew better then to ask. I may decide to send a expedition to that spot later in the year, but The military needs improvement before then. For starters, We have no hospital. God, I can't figure out where to put it, So much clutter.

The miners are all busy with peon work, and the other dwarves have nothing to do. Solution: Draft peons into mining. In addition, I have created a militia of miners, since we have few metal weapons other then picks.

22th of Slate: So, I was flirting with a potter, being rebuffed at every possible turn, and all of a sudden, a peon starts shouting and demanding stuff. While I started asking dwarfs where the prison mental asylum was, he ran off and claimed a metalsmiths forge. Appearantly he is a armorsmith. Realising the possible problem that comes with not having ore, I was happy when his mood went through fine. Unfortunately, in the time I took to investigate, the potter disappeared.

Ha, in my month and a half here, the number of idlers has dropped in half! On a completely unrelated note, conscription is proceeding as planned.

A previous ruler is giving me trouble. Specifically, one nicknamed "gulf". He keeps coming to me and telling me about his latest engravings, or periodically shouts it out in the great hall. Hell, he has the audacity to put it in the important announcement list.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

And worse are his engravings:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

What a pompus asshole. Fortunately, I am not the only one who thinks so:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Bloody migrants. You would think that a poor fort with no metal wouldn't attract them, but nooooo, they still have to show up and muck up my idler-reducing program. One of them, a trader who once came here, is staring studiously at the wall. surely baffled into silence by my overseeing skills. I am unsure what to do, but I hope that she will serve as a early warning system for now.

More thiefs, this time discovered by a  individual named "frontestro". It ran off and life resumed its dull monotony.

But then, Keas. A whole flock showed up parading around the map. I was going to ignore them, but then they started bothering cage-trap setters. Now, there is a little melee going on with keas on the one side, hunters and dogs on the other.

Results?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'd say my career with ASPCA is dead before it began.

In other news, I've been shot down by every single female migrant within the space of 45 seconds. And there were 10 total. My self esteem is taking a bruising, so to pump it up, a decide to test out the waterfall-defense device. It doesn't work.

Balls.

And that crazy dwarf has come up with a silver mail shirt. Well, don't mind if I do. Lots of bone and leather on it, makes me look mighty impressive. So not such a shitty day after all. I also chatted the artifacter up as well. She was a little woozy from not having food and booze for a while, so things went rather well.

Addenum: The final thief decided to show his face. He was smack dab in the middle of the dogs. Need I say more?

28th of Felsite: Only just started going over military scheduling. What a utter mess. I'm almost worried by the prospect of not finishing it all, and the next overseer failing without it. Almost.

While trying to fix the tower design, I screwed it up a little more, accidentally deconstructing all the windmills. However, I realized what I did and fixed it. It should be operational within a few days.

A elven caravan from pastafazollistan or something showed up, which heralds the end of spring. About freaking time. They immediately walk into a ambush for us. How kind of them. As I ready the military, a dwarf informs me a snatcher has been caught. A master theif in fact. How marvelous. I will enjoy, learning, from this goblin.

Did you know that elves run faster then goblins? I do now. It is hilarious watching them chasing the merchants all around the hill side. The Dwarves and I are buckled over with laughter. Mostly me, but still. Eventually, a few of them are caught and killed. I really do wish they'd get on with it though.

By the time that the goblins have disposed of the elves, I have massed the entire military into a welcoming party right nect to the front gate and dogs.

Unfortunatly, a stonecrafter is caught outside. I send the group of melee dwarves to help her out, but as it turns out, my concern was unwarranted. She, despite the immediate wound in her lower body, shot him in the leg, scaring him off. He passes
out from the pain a few feet a way, and she sits down, bleeding, lazily taking potshots at him.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The other goblins decide to flee, terrified by the thought of a injured stonecrafter with a crossbow, appearantly, which is right around the time I send the now sizeble military after them. Showing stupidity beyond the call of suty, a snatcher, appearantly a assistant to the master thief, is caught by the chasing military. The results are about as you would expect.

Mainly dwarves chasing after a thief.

Unexpectedly, the dwarves catch up with the fleeing goblins, and are slaugtered as they arrive. A few dwarves are killed before a less idiotic hammerdwarf appears, diluting the fleeing goblins resolve. It dissolves into multiple dwarves ganging up on goblins, getting fairly injured, then killing it when a well trained dwarf shows up X5. Finally, through the efforts of some of the more skilled dwarves, and some well applied tactical retreat, we win the battle.

Ow.

I attribute most of the failure to the lack of training. Specifically the fact that everyone who died was a unskilled migrant. Fortunately,  because of this I avoid a tantrum spiral, since they don't know anyone, and their deaths will not be mourned. Except by those they left behind at home, but who cares about those guys?

The warmth of summer comes, And with it, perhaps, wounds will heal. However, before then, we must learn from our mistakes, so that the next time they come, they will feel the full might of the dwarven military that have now torn asunder. We will bring the fruit of the earth to bear, forge from them the mightest weapons the world has seen, and then the children of the mountain will once again strike fear into the heart of our enemies. Soon, we will strike a blow for all that is good, all that is righteous, against the forces of darkness and wickedness, and banish the scum of the world back to the deepest depths of hell. We will rebuild, we will defeat them, WE, WILL, TRIUMPH!

Mental note, find out whether the new chief medical dwarf is single.

[saltmummy626]

great update, the part about gulf and my own engravings had me rolling. I look foreward to more.

[Valrandir]

Great update!
This first person storytelling method is quite entertaining to read.

I think that the problem with the waterfall defence tower was that the waterpumps were connected directly to axles. They need a gear assembly between the axle and the pump.

[MiceMiceMice]

I love it! This update was highly entertaining. Please find more funny stuff like the engravings to inspire laughter