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Author Topic: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared  (Read 6266 times)

DrPoo

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I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« on: June 26, 2012, 04:56:39 pm »

Hello guys, you have known me for a while. Let me start off, yeah im proably getting banned, locked out of certain parts of the forum, permamuted or just frozen out of the community, im 16, i know, im a dumb kid that should go away from the internets. Anyways. I feel like im a very strange person.

I speak very calm, but very verbose, mannered and i can sometimes get in on very strange, almost otherworldly topics. I can at times get very theatrical, mainly when trying to be funny, and almost go opera or something while waving my arms around in wild gestures, my friends tell me i should be an actor and that i am hillarious.
I listen to jazz fusion and acid rock. I play both too. I also really like black metal and dark ambient(Burzum, etc.) Technical Death metal, etc.
While assorted metal sub-genre wankery is very common for my age group, jazz fusion is definately not something i have heard another guy or girl ever say he liked. Unless your talking about my moms creepy awesome new-age used-to-be hippies. My mom outright called Electric Moon, a german acid rock band, for unlistenable amusical crap. According to my dad, jazz fusion is untalented and all about making the guitar say dElLLelLelELlELEeLeLElE Baoouu Do Dee Ouuee BeeeP! And my mom outright prohibiths me from listening to "satanic crap"
I play guitar, pretty normal too, but come on! I play 8 strings and mainly use exotic scales and butchered blues scales, what the hell is up with that? Also i am apparently the only one in my area, and surrounding areas, that use double handed tapping(look up Stupid Hat Matt on youtube, kinda that way)

The only girlfriend i have ever had lasted for about 3 days before her bipolar made her scary, she eventually  tried to murder an aide and was put on a secure institution.

I am proably the only one in my age group who has read Dante's Inferno, or any of Morrisons poetry compilation books, or the H. P. Lovecraft Omnibusses(A friend of mine asked me if it was some sort of erotica.. a what.)
Im apparently also the only virgin. That is most likely a lie, but it seems like sometimes, hell even the ones younger than me knows more about it.

Today a girl asked me if i wanted a condom, i said "Yeah, why not", she opened her pocket, the whole god damn colour spectrum was down there, the fucking hell? Anyways, she slipped one into my hand. I have wondered what the hell that was about.

Worst thing is that i have spent all my school years in special education, August i am finally back into the public education system. I just fear being frozen out of everything because of my awkward language, tastes and ambiverted-leaning-towards-introverted behavior. I dont want to change myself, i would feel like i was some sort of changeling. Also, i dont listen to Jazz Fusion because of Meshuggah, and no, i listen to more jazz fusion than shitty djent bands annoying out of place "jazz" inspired by ripped off from Meshuggah interludiums, Allan Holdsworth, Herbie Hancock and Kevin Keith are my heroes, and was  before Fredrik Thordendal came by and rocked my world. I dont do any of this to seem unique or to be egdy and cool, i just do it because it feels natural to me.

Yeah i am whiny and stupid and i am proably just an attention whore, i know, i just want to vent and have some brothers and sisters shoulders to cry on when half of my future school peers are outside my house wielding torches and forks.
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Lectorog

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2012, 05:10:42 pm »

You don't sound bad to me. From this, it sounds like anyone who knows you and doesn't like you is just being intolerant of differences.

Was there anything in particular you wanted from this, or did you just want to let it out and get comments?

Quote
yeah im proably getting banned, locked out of certain parts of the forum, permamuted or just frozen out of the community, im 16, i know, im a dumb kid that should go away from the internets.
The only things that cause this are outbursts and lack of self-control. You're an established member of the community; reading over what you type and thinking of reactions will generally avoid these problems. 16 is not too young of an age to act mature.

Sorry if any of this sounds rude. I don't mean it, but it kind of sounds like it to me. I'll try to rephrase anything if you ask.
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DrPoo

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2012, 05:13:37 pm »

You don't sound bad to me. From this, it sounds like anyone who knows you and doesn't like you is just being intolerant of differences.

Was there anything in particular you wanted from this, or did you just want to let it out and get comments?

Quote
yeah im proably getting banned, locked out of certain parts of the forum, permamuted or just frozen out of the community, im 16, i know, im a dumb kid that should go away from the internets.
The only things that cause this are outbursts and lack of self-control. You're an established member of the community; reading over what you type and thinking of reactions will generally avoid these problems. 16 is not too young of an age to act mature.

Sorry if any of this sounds rude. I don't mean it, but it kind of sounds like it to me. I'll try to rephrase anything if you ask.

I kind of hoped to absorb some AVERAGEJOEness, like, uhm.. i dunno. I think you get me there.
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The Fool

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2012, 05:42:30 pm »

I've been there before. You'll find people like you. I was a strange person and I did anyways. I pretty much have the same issue with music though. I listen to anything from ambient to jazz to classical to classic rock to metal to most electronic genres. Not many people will share all your genres of music.

I don't think that being strange is really a bad thing. It'll isolate you from some and make you more easy to talk to to others. There are a lot of people who are intentionally strange, even many famous people. It just makes life interesting.

Oh, and if you're looking for opinions about things Toady probably won't ban you for it unless it's discussing something illegal in a less than hypothetical scenario.
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ChairmanPoo

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2012, 05:56:32 pm »

Slow down you crazy child, you're so ambitious for a juvenile...
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Lectorog

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2012, 06:22:02 pm »

Oh, and if you're looking for opinions about things Toady probably won't ban you for it unless it's discussing something illegal in a less than hypothetical scenario.
I think he's been muted once before, and is worrying in general, not about this topic.

Slow down you crazy child, you're so ambitious for a juvenile...
Having several interests is ambitious? And the best time for ambition is when you're young.

I kind of hoped to absorb some AVERAGEJOEness, like, uhm.. i dunno. I think you get me there.
You're looking to the Bay 12 Forums for normalcy? You're pretty normal for here. Most of the world is full of more boring people. Do you really want to just be another?
I was looking for a specific strip about an interesting life, but I found this instead. It works.
http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=721

EDIT: Completely unrelated; to help you: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=68850.msg3404437#msg3404437
« Last Edit: June 26, 2012, 06:40:51 pm by Lectorog »
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Funk

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #6 on: June 26, 2012, 07:42:40 pm »

here is  a big hint no one is "Normal" most  people just act like thay are.

and "Im apparently also the only virgin." no its just every one over 16 or some lies about it.
(pro tip for lieing claim it was some weird gross kinky thing.
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Agree, plus that's about the LAST thing *I* want to see from this kind of game - author spending valuable development time on useless graphics.

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UristMcWanderer

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #7 on: June 26, 2012, 11:44:47 pm »

Don't feel bad... I feel out-of-place a lot of the time, too.

I speak quickly, and I often repeat words or sentences I've already said like 4 times. I also tend to stutter a lot and speak faster than I think, which has led to my embarrassment in front of a crowd.

Most of the people at my school listen to heavy metal and "profane" music, and they think it's cool, whereas I listen to old country/classic rock music from the '60 and '70s, and people think I'm "behind the times" and "not cool enough".

And about the girlfriend issue, I (sort of) hear you. I myself have never been able to ask a girl out, and I've never gone out with a girl before.

And I'm probably the only person in MY age group to have seen the Man With No Name trilogy and the "Dirty Harry" movies; and me being only 13 1/2.

Oh, and I don't think a normal fork would be threatening... :P Just kidding
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DrPoo

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2012, 12:15:07 am »

This thread gave me a laugh, a smile.
I just fear being with "normal" people.
I mean, i freaked out over a girl sending me a vaguely sexual signal, i feel like a laughing stock.
I just imagine normal people being different from bipolars and aspergers.

And my brother in name, ChairmanPoo perfectly exemplified why i already regret telling my age. I liked, no, loved how equal with everyone else i would be treated, a sort of equality blind to age and mental health. You are suddenly too ambitious, too immature or just too young.
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DrPoo

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2012, 12:46:37 am »

Double-posting because of stupid assphone text editor.

I would wish i was Urist, his peers listens to heavy metal. My peers only listen to techno and other computer generated "music" with some randomly autotuned female singing badly thought out lyrics. My only friend that plays games beyond Call of Marketing:Modern Warefare 2 or Farming themed Facebook Click-a-thon 2009, started listening to dubstep all the time, MLP themed dubstep. Thats when i ask him if we cant just listen to something we both like, like Deep Purple or Mnemic, but he usually turns off the music mid-track to show me a "hillarious" MLP dub. :(

Note: I have no problem with musical tastes or strange affinity to little girls cartoons.
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The Fool

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2012, 10:13:45 am »

And my brother in name, ChairmanPoo perfectly exemplified why i already regret telling my age. I liked, no, loved how equal with everyone else i would be treated, a sort of equality blind to age and mental health. You are suddenly too ambitious, too immature or just too young.

Telling your age doesn't always mean you'll be treated differently, especially here. We're fairly tolerant.

Trust me when I say that you probably aren't the only virgin. A lot of people just say it because many people are insecure about their manhood. Trust me when I say that it isn't a usual conversation piece. If it comes up it's because they want someone to hear it. No one talks about their sex life without a reason. At 16 most people who say that they had sex are lying to reinforce their manhood around other people who have said the same thing.

Also... about that mental health... If people knew exactly what ran through my mind they would toss me in a padded cell. I'm not entirely sane. I have a vicious personality if someone confronts me, which might just get me killed sooner or later. That and an unrelenting paranoia of things that don't exist. If you think you have mental problems I've got you beat there.
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ChairmanPoo

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #11 on: June 27, 2012, 01:50:22 pm »

Quote
And my brother in name, ChairmanPoo perfectly exemplified why i already regret telling my age. I liked, no, loved how equal with everyone else i would be treated, a sort of equality blind to age and mental health. You are suddenly too ambitious, too immature or just too young.
*facepalm*
Sweet jebus people. It's a quote from a song. I was basically telling you to chill and try to take it easy....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZdiXvDU4P0

By the way, I don't mean offense or anything, but you weren't exactly deceiving anyone about your age before... again, chill :p

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DrPoo

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #12 on: June 27, 2012, 01:58:51 pm »

Quote
And my brother in name, ChairmanPoo perfectly exemplified why i already regret telling my age. I liked, no, loved how equal with everyone else i would be treated, a sort of equality blind to age and mental health. You are suddenly too ambitious, too immature or just too young.
*facepalm*
Sweet jebus people. It's a quote from a song. I was basically telling you to chill and try to take it easy....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZdiXvDU4P0

By the way, I don't mean offense or anything, but you weren't exactly deceiving anyone about your age before... again, chill :p

Sorry, just having some hard days right now :/
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #13 on: June 28, 2012, 12:55:02 am »

Honestly? Ive been an awkward kid all of my life, people dont seem to understand that i really think they're fucktards (IRL & outside these forums) because they usually are, I really enjoy spending time alone, its much nicer. OFC I spend time with my friends, but im still pretty detached; when with alot of people I maintain an air of permanent boredom/uncaringness and my voice fades into monotomy. I am prone to occasional outbursts (which are random from another person's perspective) of rage and I spend alot of time thinking about who I will quietly make disappear when I take over the world. Point being, fuck other people and public opinion do what makes you feel good. As far as "Normal people" go alot of them turn out to be the real undesirables. Hanging out, I find, seems to be not something very fun anymore especially with "normal" people, listening to stories about one direction concerts and how they suck at latin is boring. Anyways (ranting a little here) normal people blow, strive to find extremely eccentric people with diverse tastes (who aren't serial killers)
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: I feel strange, out of place and unprepared
« Reply #14 on: June 28, 2012, 01:20:22 am »

Honestly? Ive been an awkward kid all of my life, people dont seem to understand that i really think they're fucktards (IRL & outside these forums) because they usually are, I really enjoy spending time alone, its much nicer. OFC I spend time with my friends, but im still pretty detached; when with alot of people I maintain an air of permanent boredom/uncaringness and my voice fades into monotomy. I am prone to occasional outbursts (which are random from another person's perspective) of rage and I spend alot of time thinking about who I will quietly make disappear when I take over the world. Point being, fuck other people and public opinion do what makes you feel good. As far as "Normal people" go alot of them turn out to be the real undesirables. Hanging out, I find, seems to be not something very fun anymore especially with "normal" people, listening to stories about one direction concerts and how they suck at latin is boring. Anyways (ranting a little here) normal people blow, strive to find extremely eccentric people with diverse tastes (who aren't serial killers)
I'm just going to say that a lot of this is bad advice. Really, really bad advice. There is no need to assume hostilities or disinterest towards other people. I am speaking from experience when I say that being unfriendly will not get you anywhere.

If you think that "most other people are horrible", then I'm sorry to be harsh about it, but you're being an unlikable jackass. As someone who spent several years being an unlikable jackass, you would do well to heed my experience. There is nothing to be gained in misanthropy. It does not make you cool, interesting, smart, attractive, or anything else that other people would see as good.

You will never meet the people who share your interests if you are constantly pushing everyone away from you. The only people you will end up seeing are those who are obnoxious enough to not take the hint or just don't care. This can turn into a feedback loop of negative reinforcement about others.

It is important to keep a handle on your emotional state, but that does not mean you should crush and deaden any and all emotional responses to the things going on around you. You will only succeed in making yourself depressed if you try that.

For the love of Robot God, do not make the same mistakes I did.


By the way, I don't mean offense or anything, but you weren't exactly deceiving anyone about your age before... again, chill :p

16 year olds don't usually type like that. There are plenty on the forum. I used to be one myself.
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