**Remember that new rules will be found in the Pantheon spoiler**Welcome back. Do you remember our last game? Probably not,
because you DIED LIKE A SPINELESS MOLLUSK last time around.
If you are joining us for the first time, or have not already learned your lesson about
CRUEL, UNCARING FATE, allow me to explain: During each turn, you make ONE action. If you roll a 1, you
WILL DIE. If you roll a 2, you will be
HORRIBLY MAIMED OR DISFIGURED. If you roll a 3, 4 or 5, you will succeed your action to varying degrees. If you roll a 6, you will succeed but also
MAIM, KILL OR DISFIGURE YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE.Sometimes, succeeding will inadvertently
MAIM, KILL OR DISFIGURE YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE ANYWAY. This is in addition to any horrors you may commit deliberately.
Your goal is to survive to the end of THREE FULL TURNS. Upon doing so, you will
ASCEND TO GODHOOD and leave behind your futile attempts to have an impact on your pathetic mortal life. If you become a god, then you will join THE PANTHEON and you may make one change to the rules or the setting of the game. The only stipulation is that what you do may not be directly targeted at another specific character. If you do NOT become a god, it is because you have not completed three turns, and have instead found yourself in the
TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN LOSER.
To start, simply create a character.
You do not need to wait for my confirmation, all characters will be served. You will need:
-A NAME. Yes, only one.
-A GENDER. If applicable.
-ONE SKILL
-ONE ITEM. Other than clothes and things which will not greatly affect gameplay. You can have a necktie for free, but if you're trying to strangle someone with it, it's your one item.
-A BACKGROUND. To describe how you frittered away your brief time in this world before your sudden gruesome death.
-Your FIRST ACTION. You will do this immediately.
Each turn, INCLUDING WHEN YOU CREATE YOUR CHARACTER, you must select an action. If you have not chosen an action by the time I feel a turn should roll around, your character will pick their nose, regardless of how much peril they may be in.
Once several characters have been submitted, I will create a SETTING and enact your actions in it. YES, you choose your actions before you know what setting you're all in on the game's first term. Tough luck for pioneers. The same thing could happen if a god changes the setting later.
COMMENCE SLAUGHTER. Will you kill your friends deliberately, or only by accident? EITHER WAY YOUR MORTAL LIVES ARE MEANINGLESS.
Nathan, Titan of Triage (HmH): Limb-stealing magical healer. This god made a pond on the Savanna "fluoridated", it will sap and impurify your body fluids.
MC Fly Money, Swag Prince of Inferno (agentorangesoda): A disembodied Wraith of Swag, deafeated the prince of Hell in rap battle. This god requires that everybody rap out their actions, or at least make rap references.
Steve, Trickster God (Flintus10): Made things "disappear" with explosions. Much after his ascension and without warning, secretly reversed the dice for a turn.
Glorp, the All Consuming (EveryZig): Giant slime who digested a lot. This god descended from the heavens to kill, one last time (but the prey got away).
Pime Taradox, the Immutable (Spinal_Taper): Erected a time-sphere and used it to reverse all injuries inflicted upon him by Nathan. Made stuff happen in BULLET TIME.
Talwar, The Survivor (Tiruin): A city guard who managed to survive everything nature threw at him. Bonus points for wear exploded elephant skin. Made 1's give you a -1 on your next roll instead of instant kill.
Akar, King of the Jungle (IronyOwl): An excellent role model for lions: Namely, he ate things and made everything else bow to him. Formerly a player-killing NPC. This god has not acted yet.
BunnyBob, Maker of Truth from Lies (BunnyBob77): Made a cult, then ironically actually became a god. Introduced a non-native giant rabbit to the ecosystem.
Gimli, Son of Groin, Saint of Dwarven Heritage (Remalle): Chopped a tree, and a dude. Nearly discovered something. Set the game inside a vast underground cave system.
Hans Handerson, The Pantsless (Noodlerex): Won one fight and ran from a couple others. Lost pants. This god invoked a rule so that all who roll the same number twice in a row will die.
Johhny Momma, Existentialist Gangster (anailater): Shot a cop, but didn't kill kill him because divine retribution got him first. Came to some interesting conclusions about why it's acceptable to kill cops. This god has decreed that, unless you kill another player, it shall take 4 turns to ascend.
Greyblade, Inveigler of Warriors (EveryZig): A magical sword that acted through its wielders. Through shiny awesomeness, convinced a human meatbag to rescue it from a deep pool of water, even though he died in the process. This god made it so that characters on their final turn before ascension must make two actions.
King puTac of the West Side (TCM): Gangster from the west side. Did a lot of shooting, and killed a cop. Was nearly killed by his drunk driving homie Jose. This god changed the setting to the gangster-filled greater LA area in California.
Beatrix (lawastooshort): Survived 0 turns before being impaled by a mollusk, which he then pulverized.
Sirwir (IronyOwl): Survived 0 turns. Impaled a vile land dweller, but then got pulverized.
Meowface McKittensburg (DinosaurusRex_x): Survived 0 turns. Got trampled by an elephant, which is easy to do when you're a kitten.
Juan (Nirur Torir): Survived 1 turn. Caught on fire in an overclocking accident.
Fortuna (Tiruin): Survived 1 turn. Blessed weapon could not slay entire herd of stampeding elephants. Also tried self resurrection one turn later (nice try).
Salwir (IronyOwl): Survived 1 turn. Tamed a lion, but it turned on her because she smelled like yummy tuna.
Gertrude (lawastooshort): Survived 1 turn. Tried to eat a man eating slime faster than a man eating slime could eat her. Lost an opposed roll.
Robert (remalle): Survived 2 turns. Couldn't use his hands to fix his burned hands. Drowned in related underwater basket weaving attempt.
Mikael Philps (Imakuni): Survived 2 turns. Was a pretty good swimmer, but couldn't swim out of Glorp the giant slime.
Bobbly Dob (anailater): Survived 1 turn. Executed for turning to a life of crime after his fall from stardom in a horrible backflipping accident.
William Shakespeare (Spinal_Taper): Survived 0 turns. Was going to read a poem, but he choked to death on a fly. Just like the real Shakespeare!
BonnieClyde (Spinal_Taper): Survived 1 turn. Sorry Spinal_Taper. Was a government attempt to resurrect Bonnie and Clyde that became one person. Shot by a maniac cop for no reason in particular.
WarglGarbl (Scottsman): Survived 2 turns. A formless being of pure chaos. After having some mass melted and burned away, finally tried to fly and splattered itself across the cave floor when it couldn't concentrate.
Ted (Spectr): Survived 1 turn. A ragin' Neopets admin with a ban-hammer. Picked a fight with a dancing acrobat, then got ambushed by a homicidal gerbil when he was already on the ropes.
Mark (Scelly9): Survived 1 turn. Was shot and failed to properly bandage his wounds. THEN was obliterated by the rap gods.
Starfox (DinosaurusRex_x): Survived 2 turns. Attempted a kamikaze attack in his spacecraft, but a sudden engine explosion meant he didn't even get that far.
Joshua (Nicholas1024): Survived 2 turns. Lost his sword throwing it at a space ship, and was wounded by satanic animals. Ended up diving into HmH's poisonous water and dying while trying to retrieve Greyblade.
Ran (lawastooshort): Survived 2 turns. Sentient gerbil managed to kill one player and chase another down before errant from from westside gangsters brought his leg-gnawing spree to an end.
Mikey (lopocozo): Survived 3 turns. Action reporter got video footage of intelligent animals and, though wounded, nearly absconded with it. However, at the last moment, he forgot to pay his respects to the rap gods, who sealed his path to ascension from him. Thus he collapsed of his wounds.
Dr. Whom, Private Investigator (Windpoison): Survived 1 turn. In the midst of investigating a gerbil murder, killed by a rogue Myranosaurus. By the way, if you're wondering what a Myranosaurus is, there are only two results on Google: This thread, and a misspelled tweet from somebody who isn't speaking English.
Nikolai (Tsuchigumo550): Survived 0 turns. Failed to drink a keg of vodka, which would have given him super powers. Then, because of earthquakes from the destruction of Australia, got killed by a falling stalactite. First turn 0 kill in a while.
Myranosaurus Vex (Noodlerex): Survived 1 turn. A giant dinosaur, ultimately killed in an even more giant explosion when he stomped on the wrong house in compton- IE one that was a meth lab, a munitions dump, and full of stolen gasoline.
Tinkerbell the Magnificent (FingO): Survived 1 turn. A rogue militant tooth fairy, was impaled by a coincidental falling dinosaur tooth and failed to bandage the enormous wound. Oh, and got hit by parts of a dismembered gangster.
Copy (zomara0292): Survived 1 turn. Sought to weave the universe like a previous basket weaving character, but with crochet instead. Fought against the attacks of an adventurer, but was ultimately killed.
Dead People: Please wait a turn or two before joining in again, unless there's not that many players.