Having played DF for several months now, I've come to the conclusion that dorfs really aren't stupid. They're just very very good at playing stupid, and are actually some of the laziest sacks of booze Armok has seen fit to inflict on every last world we gen with our computers. They seem stupid, but that's because they use their wiles to make it look like they're working while doing as little as dwarvenly possible. They're a bunch of passive-aggressive maliciously compliant little bastards who get what they deserve when the goblins, clowns, or themselves finally do the fort in.
Examples:
- Told to encrust gems onto objects, Urist McJeweler grabs the large flawless diamond he just cut and spends the next month sticking fragments of prase and rock crystal onto it. Nobody specified which gems to encrust on which items, after all.
- Urist McRockcutter has been told to start carving up rocks into furniture or even blocks because Urist McKlutz keeps tripping over them. He doesn't really want to do it, so instead of carving up the several dozen piles of rock outside his shop and in his bedroom, he goes all the way down to the level above the magma sea, looks for the biggest, densest, heaviest boulder he can find, and starts rolling it to his shop on the surface 100 levels above like some tiny bearded Sisyphus.
- Urist McHaggler has been ordered to the trading post, but it's spring outside and that means he's being asked to trade with those pointy-eared tree shaggers again. He can't stand their constant snide comments about his excessive body hair or the constant odor of stale beer that follows him around everywhere, so he makes himself scarce. He needs a fucking drink anyway. Dammit, he's hungry, he needs to eat or he'll faint. He's so tired he's about to collapse so he's got to take a nap. If he keeps this up, maybe the elves will go away.
- Why does Urist McPeon have to clean up after Urist McSlob's personal messes? What is he, the maid? Look at all the shit everyone leaves around all the time! They want him to clean, fine, there's a sock he'll pick that up! Is everyone happy now? Well, that goblin war party that just arrived is, because they have an opportunity for some cruelty.
- Urist McAmazon charges into battle, eager to prove herself against the human horde that has arrived to sack the fort. She takes her newborn daughter with her, none of those lazy boozing males can be trusted to watch a cat, let alone an infant. Besides, what better opportunity to teach the girl how to be strong and independant than a fierce and raging battle?
- Urist McBricklayer has been told to seal off a hole that's been dug into the baron's personal chambers to extract the valuable gems that were discovered in the wall. He has a grudge against the baron, the fat bastard, so he desides to put the wall in place so that the properly grouted mortar is on the far side of the wall. When he finally finishes, he looks around and realizes to his horror that there's no way out, and the wall is to thick for anyone to hear his screams....
I could go on, but I think we get the picture. These dorfs can't be that stupid, no they're doing this stuff on purpose. Why else would a dorf carry a wheelbarrow except to waste time looking busy?
(Ok, so Toady has been fixing some of this stuff, but the old jokes are still pretty fun).
Author
Topic: How dumb are dwarves, you ask? (Read 7449 times)