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[Detonate]

What the hell is thi-

Hard Time is an MDickie game-

In. I am so fucking in. There are not words that can describe how in I am.

MDickie. Oh man. It never stops being so hilariously bad.

It's... interesting to say the least. It's a really small area that seems big. There are 4 Blocks, arranged by crimes from most severe to least. East is the people who committed minor crimes ("You think you're a big man in here for drug dealing? I'm in here for assault!"), South is the terrorists/murderers/torturers. Then there's the Main Hall, the Exercise Hall, Study, Workshop, Infirmary, Shower Room, and Canteen. Wardens are allowed everywhere but the Shower Room. It's usually where most of the dead bodies are. There is literally no interaction that you can start yourself, it's all done by the AI. The only controls are the arrow keys to walk, x to pick up/drop stuff, and ASD for attacking, throwing, and blocking respectively. The only way you can learn about your fellow inmates and wardens is via computer, which requires 70 intelligence to use. Speaking of intelligence, in the meantime while we're waiting for responses, I'll study some to increase mine. If anything interesting happens I'll post it here.

Edit: if you kill someone and it's announced that they are dead and there are no witnesses, the friends of the deceased will still attack you on sight. This can end up in full-on gang war, as gangs don't like it when you kill or attack their members. They pretty much all go "SOOWOO" and attack you. I shouldn't even get started on all the fucking deadly weapons just laying around. You can kill a man with scissors in this game. And it works better than regular fists, even at high strength. And of course, if your stats are lower than some random dipshit, they'll insult you and maybe attack you. The game itself is a Frankenstein-esque abomination, made from pretty much pre-2007 MDickie game. The conversations are from his sports games, the courtroom jury sprites are from his wrestling game, and so is combat. You'll see inmates wrestling each other to death. But groin stomps are still the most effective attack. And for some goddamn reason, you'll slowly lose happiness until you go berserk and attack random people and then collapse onto the floor (usually damaging yourself) fully healed and completely happy. And of course, we have other lovely little details. If you kill all the wardens in a certain area, inmates will start to become unruly and will start fights. If you kill all of them in a cell block and don't leave, there'll be no lockdown. This means you can go around knifing every asleep inmate to death and noone will ever know a thing. In theory you can do this until there are no witnesses left. And let's not forget your aim is ABYSMAL. You'll usually shoot the ground in front of someone rather than them. The same goes for combat in tight spaces, or any combat at all. You can't choose who you attack. Attacks are general and damage anyone in your way. You'll usually do an about face to attack a random guy instead of the one beating you to death with a broom.

eČ: Due to popular demand, I'm shooting for the white supremacist gang member. We're already a terrorist. I have no idea if we can leave a gang though, so we might not be able to become "reformed". I do know that wardens can arrest you for gang membership though. Of course, I'm sure it has it's perks. I'm trying to limit extended time as much as possible, as this game is just hell. I'll download FRAPS tomorrow and see if that will work with the game.

[Detonate]

Once we're in the Workshop, we take a station and produce a... screwdriver. We're $25 richer but  with a really poor weapon. Just building items to work the debt off would take forever. Oh well. We steal the fingerless warden's gun and start shooting him. It's due justice after all. Some guy with cornrows comes up to us and tells us that the warden is his friend and starts attacking us too. Then the other officer on patrol joins in... on my side? He starts attacking the cornrows inmate, and his warden friend responds by attacking the other officer. We shoot all three of them but the MAGICAL HEADLOCK gets us arrested. Oh well.

Amazingly, the judge thinks we're innocent. Even though we just attempted murder on 3 people. We head up to the Infirmary to get patched up, which apparently is "sleep until your bullet wounds close up". The infirmary is guarded by a warden who tells us that it's closed after a few hours of sleep. So, what do we do?

We shoot him too, of course. After that's been taken care of, we head into the Shower Room. And start shooting those people too. They're all gang members though, so it's fine. One is a member of the black supremacy gang, and the other is in the Muslim extremist gang. It was not, however, Meta Muslim from our first day. We start shooting the Muslim extremist... until the other guy, who happens to be a friend (surprising right?) We do our duty and shoot them, and when we feel like it, smash their heads in with a hammer that is laying on the floor for god knows what reason. In the end, the two gangsters are dead on the floor. Or so we think. Apparently, only one died, and the other is still laying on the floor. Missing his leg and 3 fingers. Right. We finish the job in a tough fight in which I go insane once and almost died twice. We drop our weapon... into a wall. Fuck.

We head into the Infirmary again for some sleep. We also start a fight by punching and grabbing some people, and I lay back down. There's an announcement that I attempted the murder of Charles Taylor. Charles Taylor is the guy we hammered, but was still alive. Apparently, finishing the job did NOTHING. This man is invincible. We go back in for the 3rd time, ready to groinstomp him to oblivion.

Instead we find some guy with cor- it's the guy from the Workshop that we shot up. I just start flinging punches and kicks until he gives us $180. It's a start, I guess. Heading back into the Infirmary, we see...

Charles fucking Taylor. This time, I'm determined to kill him. I start shoving him to start a fight, and everyone joins in beating each other. Charles Taylor is finally dead. We proudly exit the Infirmary, full of joy because we finally killed That Guy.

We're still wanted for attempting murder on him, though. Even though he's dead. Three wardens start dogpiling and my cell mate helps me fight some off, but the MAGICAL HEADLOCK gets us arrested again. After long deliberation, the court has decided: Warden, you're a fucking pussy. The only thing that's taken a beating here is your ego. Bruised and battered, we return to our Block.

We're half dead and struggling to even walk. We pile into the first bed we can find and just go to sleep. For about 30 minutes, when a Gladiator tells us to get out. We walk out, but then he starts beating the shit out of us because we have a reputation from all those murders. After three punches, we're knocked out. Ulv Wittensbachenstein never regained concioussness.


What will our next character be?

[EuchreJack]

That whole thing is just hilarious.

[NRDL]

A criminal mastermind with high intelligence ( make the others a bit low ) named Ray Shefer.  Don't make him join a gang, he will rule or destroy the ENTIRE PRISON.

Also, if wardens wanna make prisoners scared and pliable, they should be allowed to play this game.  The prisoners will be crying in their sleep and start seeing the prison as a five-star hotel, compared to the game. 

[Nny]

If this is abandoned, I might try my own Hard Time LP.  This thread is funny enough so far that I doubt I'd live up to it, but we'll see.

[Zrk2]

This is hilariously bad. I love it.

[Freak]

If this is abandoned, I might try my own Hard Time LP.  This thread is funny enough so far that I doubt I'd live up to it, but we'll see.

Not if I beat you too it!

[Detonate]

If this is abandoned, I might try my own Hard Time LP.  This thread is funny enough so far that I doubt I'd live up to it, but we'll see.

Not if I beat you too it!

It's cool if you guys are going to make your own LP's of this. I was thinking about reviving this as I had completely forgotten about it.

[Nny]

Actually now that I'm back in school I don't know when I'll have the time, but looking forward to either of you continuing/making them.

[miauw62]

I lost it at the muslim race.