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[nenjin]

As long as you´re just making small talk, etc, I just pretend that I´m talking to a dude.  It makes it much easier.  Obviously most of us don´t have any problem shooting the breeze with other guys, so once you remove that mental red flag (attractive woman!) just carry on as normal.

On the other hand, if you choose to talk to them without trying to ignore their attractiveness...and you find yourself flummoxed or tongue-tied or nervous, and she says something about it.....respond with "Sorry, I just get a little shy/nervous around attractive women." And make eye contact when you do it.

Instant, honest, devastating pick-up line. (Not even really a pick up line, more like an invitation to flirting.) Might have the opposite effect on women who are seeking that super Type-A male. But for the women who find shyness kind of endearing, it's a winner. It's the kind of thing I wouldn't try in a group social setting.

[JoshuaFH]

Damn I'll have to keep that one in mind.

I was thinking of perusing a dating site, but my "Man you're a huge nerd, come on!" self-awareness alert went off. I hear that success stories happen, but who knows how trumped up those are.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I would say no to the dating site. The internet is growing in its potential to foster human relationships, and you very well could find someone over the internet, but sites specifically for that purpose are taking the natural development of attraction out of the equation.

[nenjin]

My dad met the woman he's been with for like 8 years now on Match.com, I think?

It's worth a try, if that's how you want to roll. Consider that a) it's easier than trying to meet random women you encounter in your daily life and b) if it goes TERRIBLY, hopefully your online date isn't someone that you'd ever been meeting again. And c) if you're better with words (which I imagine lot of people around here are), online can be a place where you can sort of put your best foot forward, first.

Personally I wouldn't do a dating site, I'd prefer to meet a woman organically. But that's just me.

[Leatra]

As long as you´re just making small talk, etc, I just pretend that I´m talking to a dude.  It makes it much easier.  Obviously most of us don´t have any problem shooting the breeze with other guys, so once you remove that mental red flag (attractive woman!) just carry on as normal.

I agree with this. Women aren't alien creatures after all. Just talk and be relaxed like you are talking to your best bro or something. Don't get carried away though.

As long as you´re just making small talk, etc, I just pretend that I´m talking to a dude.  It makes it much easier.  Obviously most of us don´t have any problem shooting the breeze with other guys, so once you remove that mental red flag (attractive woman!) just carry on as normal.

On the other hand, if you choose to talk to them without trying to ignore their attractiveness...and you find yourself flummoxed or tongue-tied or nervous, and she says something about it.....respond with "Sorry, I just get a little shy/nervous around attractive women." And make eye contact when you do it.

Instant, honest, devastating pick-up line. (Not even really a pick up line, more like an invitation to flirting.) Might have the opposite effect on women who are seeking that super Type-A male. But for the women who find shyness kind of endearing, it's a winner. It's the kind of thing I wouldn't try in a group social setting.

BTW, that's a brilliant move. Most women hate pick-up lines but you can't call this a pick-up line because it's a fact.

[isometrist]

OP: I'd bet you're not as creepy or disgusting as you say you are.

Some random thoughts from my own recent experience, in no particular order:

The people that are worth attracting, are attracted to well-rounded folks who are passionate about their interests, and who pursue them in a constructive manner. What are your interests? How can you meet other people who share them, either in person or online? What are some constructive things that you add to conversations with these people? How can you get them involved in something you're doing?

If your objective is to find a significant other, you'll miss out on a lot of great friendships. Dating someone requires a lot of compatibility that takes time to develop. Making friends does not. And people can tell the difference between "This is a person I'd like to know better," and "This is a person who's trying too hard to make me think I'd like to know them better."

I'm getting a very "self-aware meta-thinking" vibe from the OP, for lack of a better term. You're thinking about the best thing to do, instead of doing it. Thinking about the best way to be, instead of being it. Here's an analogy: When you're walking, you're not thinking about how to move your legs and where to each foot should land, right? You're barely even aware of it. You just kinda do it. Likewise, when socializing, try not to be so aware of your objective of making people like you. Just be yourself and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Good things come to those who don't obsess over shit.

That's a pretty blunt way to say it, but there is truth in this. It helps to have a variety of healthy interests, not just one or two obsessions, especially if that obsession is to make people like you so you can date them.

Fake confidence begets real confidence. Try and imagine the person you'd like to grow to become. What is that person thinking? What are that person's mannerisms and habits? Now act like that person. Don't lie, exactly, and definitely don't pretend you're something you're not. Just put yourself in his shoes, and walk around in them for a little while. If that really is the kind of person you'd like to be, you'll get used to it and gain experience.

When talking with someone, ask them open-ended questions (i.e. ones that require more than just a simple "yes" or "no" answer) and listen to what they say. If there are any details they seem enthusiastic about, or any details that weren't part of your question but they added in anyway, that's something they're interested in. Ask more questions about that. Get them to talk about it.

Body language is super-important. Practice in a mirror.

If confidence is a problem, start talking with a somewhat less attractive girl or a girl that you wouldn't really mind giving up if she gets weirded out or repulsed.

This is a bad idea. It's manipulative, dishonest, and counter-productive, and you'd basically be treating people like scrap paper that you can throw out once you're done with them. Seek out people you're really interested in getting to know better, and become friends with them!

The most important thing to remember is not to feel like there's some objective standard of how you're supposed to feel or act. If you feel like you "have" to do or feel something, it might help to take a moment to consider why.

This is a good idea! Do this. In my case, for a long time, I was hung up on the idea that I had a deadline - like if I don't start dating by this age, people will just laugh at me instead of being interested; if I don't start having sex regularly by this age, I won't have the experience I'm expected to have and nobody will want me; and so on. I still haven't completely gotten over it, but once I realized how wrong it was, things picked up immediately.

I've come to the conclusion that LordBucket really is Princess Celestia, whose wisdom and sage advice should be heeded by all.

Goodness, this post has gotten long. OP, I wish you the best of luck.

[Leatra]

If you think you know your physical appearance, you are wrong. I always thought I was ugly until a girl said I was crazy for thinking myself as an ugly person.

You can never know if you are ugly or not since you only see yourself when looking at a mirror, while people around you see you all the time.

[bucket]

Don't be confident; be successful. Confidence gets them talking while success seals the deal.

Basically I'm saying you should focus on yourself, namely your direction in life. Your hygiene and appearance should be a given. Do things you enjoy. Think about how your interests and skillset are going to affect your future. You're more likely to find women who share your interests if you get out there and get involved in them.

[Leatra]

Don't be confident; be successful. Confidence gets them talking while success seals the deal.

Or, don't TRY to be confident. That usually fails miserably.

[JoshuaFH]

Wow, Isometrist is a black horse, out of left field good advice giver.

I've been working out sporadically, not running but doing pushups and I just started on crunches or situps or whatever they're called. I'm not chubby, but I could definitely improve in the physique category.

[nenjin]

If you're looking to burn some fat off (despite not being chubby), jog to get rid of it. Pushups and crunches don't really get rid of fat, you just tend to build up muscle underneath it.

[JoshuaFH]

Okay I'm being a little generous when I say I'm not chubby. It's hidden easily entire by my attire, but my fatty self is painfully apparently in any relaxed posture.

MSH recommended jogging as well, I believe.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Wow, Isometrist is a black horse, out of left field good advice giver.

Dark Horse. The term is Dark Horse.

[JoshuaFH]

Wow, Isometrist is a black horse, out of left field good advice giver.

Dark Horse. The terms is Dark Horse.

Trivia: I actually quick-edited out "Out of left park".

and I miss that.

[timotheus]

Damn I'll have to keep that one in mind.

I was thinking of perusing a dating site, but my "Man you're a huge nerd, come on!" self-awareness alert went off. I hear that success stories happen, but who knows how trumped up those are.

I met my wife on PlentyOfFish.com. Sites specifically for the purpose of dating have the advantage that everyone on there is looking for someone. Knowing all the people are looking too is helpful.