Turn 11
So...me and every other player is X-Com?
Run for cover, try to find a weapon.
2+1=3: You run for cover.
Send more peace messages!
6+2=8: You send more peace messages. So many that the equipment fails, for good this time. Whoops!
Move to Switzerland and continue to profess my neutrality.
6+3=9: You move to Switzerland and profess your neutrality. Since you're in the military now (thanks to
X-COM), it goes about as well as expected. You do manage to wave some white briefs in the air while hiding in a bush, though.
Checks to see if the aliens have armor by shooting a rifle bullet at one of them.
5+1=6: You shoot a rifle bullet at an alien. It dies. So, you shoot another rifle bullet. Another one bites the dust. Man, this is fun! You keep shooting until you run out of bullets. On the positive side, there's a huge pile of dead alien corpses. On the negative side, there's an even huger swarm of not-dead alien not-corpses, and they're pissed now.
From the sky, you hear a strange voice.
KILLIONAIRE!
Weird.
Search for some scientists of any sort to study fallen remnants of the ship, for anything that would be beneficial to us.
3+2=5: You don't find any scientists, so you decide to become one yourself. You see some massive energy-based weapons on the remains of the ship. You think you understand how they work well enough to build a smaller version.
arm soldiers with armour piercing pea shooters, tell them to open fire on the aliens. also assume position of General.
2+2=4: PEW PEW PEW!
OVERKILL! Wait, are those literal pea shooters? HOW THE HELL ARE SMALL, ROUND VEGETABLES KILLING THINGS?
As the politicians-turned-soldiers attack the aliens, more aliens begin to appear. There is no way that the 6 will be able to defeat them all, even with the help of Samus and Ripley. Meanwhile, alarms go off in every government building. This can only mean one thing.
Fire all missiles at the comet!
5+1=6: You order all of the country's missiles to be fired at the comet. For whatever reason, you are able to make this order, insteading of the President. Wait, where is the President? Oh well. The missiles are fired, including those in Samus's tank. As they're firing, you remember back to college, when you saw a movie about America accidentally firing missiles into space, and Russia responding with massive retaliation.
...wait. Doesn't Russia claim to have a mutually-assured destruction system?
Well shit.
THE RUSSIANS ARE FIRING THEIR NUKES!
Samus, Ripley, the Doctor, and the weird astronomer guy run into a blue police box, which promptly disappears. Meanwhile, the 6 heroes run for the presidential bunker.
RUN LIKE HELL!(anything 3 or more is a success, no bonuses)
NRDL: 5
Scelly9: 5
MonkeyHead: 2
RTD: 6
Imakuni: 3
Noodlerex: 4
Everyone makes it safely into the bunker. Everyone but MonkeyHead, that is. He pounds on the doors of the bunker as nuclear missiles rain down behind him.
DAMAGE ROLL!(the higher the roll, the more damage the nukes deal - 1 is mild radiation, 6 is horrific dismemberment and instant death)
Nuke vs. MonkeyHead: 2
Nuke vs. Aliens: 6
MonkeyHead loses both of his arms due to the massive blasts, and his body is somewhat irradiated. Before any more damage can be done, however, he appears inside of a strange room, filled with alien technology.
Got you just in time! Err, almost.
The aliens, however, are not nearly as lucky. The entirety of their forces are obliterated. Humanity is saved!
The bunker opens, and the 5 inside climb out to a chilling scene. Boiling blue blood covers the landscape. Next to them, the Ood and the TARDIS reappear, with MonkeyHead walking out of the latter.
You have done us a great service. For this, you have our eternal gratitude. Allow us to remove this poison from the air, and the blood of our enemies from the ground.
With a wave of his hand, the blue blood disappears, and the air seems lighter.
Now, we would like to show our appreciation. We will give each of you one wish. Choose wisely.
Reward time, and the end of Part 1!
Author
Topic: Roll to Dodge: American Politics Edition (Read 34620 times)