Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Ross Vernal]

Irritating Nemesis looks at you from within his suit as you point your hand and utter the first Word.

"Deadpool."

[Roll(1d20)+5:
6,+5
Total:11]

The spell succeeds, and you find your awareness unfolding to see the lines of continuity before you. While there are snarls and tangles here and there, you can see the unfolding timelines and life-threads dancing across the tapestry of time. For a timeless moment, you are entranced by the wonder of the moment, feeling rather like a spider dancing across the webs.

A few ideas occur to you - plant some water at his feet, knock it over, then freeze him in place and beat him. Go back and fix things. Make his gear fall apart. After a few "moments" considering your options, you decide that it would be easiest to make his gear defective.

***

It is three nights ago, and you are just leaving dinner. On the way out, you grab a few large bottles of lager and cheerfully make your way towards the cleaning area of the Invisible Institution. It's a few hours before the Second Shift of apprentices gets in, and so the area is empty, aside from the protective gear, clothes, more clothes, and steam-powered washing machines.

You "carefully" plant the bottles in a location that is not completely obvious, but sure to be found, and wander away, a cheerful grin on your face as you do so.

***

"That's the best you can do, Rope?"

You don't bother replying - or listening, for that matter. While he was busy speaking, you were busy casting, and your hand flicks down as you exert your will over the flames.

[Roll(1d20)+5:
11,+5
Total:16]

Instead of dying down, the flames instead arc in the air and twist, forming the shape of a phoenix as it tears and strikes at Irritating Nemesis. It is, perhaps, a strange and unfortunate coincidence that his suit appears to have been taken care of improperly, and you can see parts of the suit starting to melt and tear under the force of the attack.

He attempts to seize control of the spell he originally cast...

[Roll(1d20)+5:
5,+5
Total:10]

[Roll(1d20)+1:
8,+1
Total:9]

...and fails miserably! You retain control over the flame spell.

[/Round 1]

Code: [Select]

You
HP: 15/15
Magic: 5+1 / day
Competent at Plot Magic/Retconjuration (3.1/13)
Dabbling at Nuke Magic  (-1.9/13)

Code: [Select]

Him
HP: ?/? (Lightly wounded?)
Magic: 8+3/day
Proficient at Nuke Magic (5/13)
Skilled at Energy Magic (4/13)
Competent at ? (1/?)
Competent at ? (1/?)
Competent at ? (1/?)
Round 2.

FIGHT!

[Dermonster]

Sock 'im one.

Wit da sock.

[Geen]

Do what Rincewind does on several occasions.
Beat the shit out of everyone with half a brick in a sock.

[Ross Vernal]

You let the spell fizzle, then swing your half-brick-in-a-sock at Irritating Nemesis's head.

[Roll(1d20)-1:
19,-1
Total:18]

WWWH-SMACK!

The Protagonist strikes the Antagonist in the head with his half-brick-in-a-sock, bruising the skin, fracturing the skull, and bruising the brain!
The Antagonist has lost consciousness!

You really put some swing into that one. He slumps over to the ground, knocked clean out and scorched. He's breathing, mostly. Sure doesn't look like he's going to go anywhere for a while, even with mediwizards. You note to yourself to put some hips into the next time you aim to smash someone.

Code: [Select]

Dabbling at Hitting People With A Brick In A Sock (-2/13)
As per standing duel protocol, you loot the shit out of him.

Code: [Select]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

1. x1 An Oaken Wand (+1, 20 charges)
2. x2 A Red Magic Potion [Restores 2 spells/day]
3. A Set Of Leather Boots In Your Size (feet)
4. x1 A Broken Thingamajigger
5. x1 A Damaged Whoozits
6. x3 A Whirring Round Thing
7. x2 A Vibrant Blue Healing Potion
8. x1 Ring of Silent Spell (accessory)
9. A Mechanic's Bag
a-d. A Set of Mechanic's Tools
e. A Live Mouse
10. An Alchemist's Bag
a. A Set Of Wizard Tools
b. x12 A Dose of Waking Powder
c. x20 A Packet of Good Herbs
d. x20 A Dose of Sleeping Powder
e. x13 A Silver Coin

As you straighten up and give him a parting kick in the ribs for good measure, the mediwizards hurry over and levitate Irritating Nemesis into the air, then hurry off towards the conveniently close medical facility. The students, after looking at you, shuffle off into the other classes, murmuring, gossiping, and describing the one-sided fight.

You can see Porkchop standing a bit away from the rest of the class. Poor kid.

You are pretty sure the ceremony is over. You are also pretty sure you can make breakfast if you hurry, and your stomach rumbles as if to reinforce it. A shiver runs through your spine, almost as though a spider had danced on your web, and suspect it to be the Archwizard working his own Plot Magic.

You sigh in mild irritation, and...

[Library? Food? Kid? Archwizard? Something else?]

[Dermonster]

Every wizard knows that meal time is all the time!

[Ross Vernal]

So... what items are you stealing?

[Dermonster]

Oh I thought we had just taken all of it by default.

Uh, Equip the boots and ring and attempt to shove everything else inside the bags to save on space. Examine 4 5 and 6 more closely, but chuck em if they're useless.

(Note to self, gather several bags of holding or similar.Maybe a magical walking trunk.)

[Geen]

Take everything you can, starting with the most valuable.
Invest in magic walking extradimensional trunks.

[Ross Vernal]

Code: [Select]

Equipped:
Body: Magic Leather Armor: +1 Soak
Head: A Really Nice Hat: +1 CHA
Leg:
Arm:
Feet: A Set of Leather Boots: +1 Soak / Feet
Hand:
Accessory: A Ring of Silent Spell (cast without evidence)
Accessory: A Half-Functional Shield Belt (1 soak / 1 magic soak, will only work 50% of the time when turned on)
Accessory:

Inventory:
1. Half a Brick in a Sock
2. 3x A Blue Healing Potion [4 HP]
3. 3x A Mechanical Wasp
4. A Rope
5. x1 An Oaken Wand (+1, 20 charges)
6. x2 A Red Magic Potion [Restores 2 spells/day]
7. x2 A Vibrant Blue Healing Potion [8 HP]
8. 2x A Torch
9. A Sphere of Elemental Control (Water)
10. Your Grandfather's Rusty Old Broken Sword That Hints As To Your Mysterious Past And Is Probably Magic
11. An Alchemist's Bag
a- A Set of Wizarding Tools
b- 12x A Dose of Waking Powder
c- 20x A Packet of Good Herbs
d. 20x A Dose of Sleeping Powder
e- 5x A Meal
12. A Bag
a- Set Of Ceremonial Bull Testicles, Which Proves Your Manhood
b- A Compass
c- 40x A Gold Coin
d- 13x A Silver Coin
e- A Lockpick Set
(13.) A Plot Hook [undroppable]
A Broken Thingamajigger?

[Roll(1d20)-3:
14,-3
Total:11]

You huck it aside. Some random junk, as far as you can tell. Maybe a steam wizard could figure it out.

A Damaged Whoozits?

[Roll(1d20)-3:
16,-3
Total:13]

Eh, it's a broken, very, very rusty, and rather primitive shielding device. You shrug and tinker with it for a little.

[Roll(1d20)-4:
14,-4
Total:10]

It appears to spark and generates a slight purple sphere around you. The sphere wobbles and flickers, but it seems to be kind of functional. Mostly. You wrap it around your waist and turn it off, then try turning it back on. Nothing happens. Eh. You've had worse gear.

x3 A Whirring Round Thing?

You have a bad feeling about this, but examine them closely.

[Roll(1d20)-3:
17,-3
Total:14]

...why does he even HAVE these? They're big, nasty, combinations of a wasp, magic, and science. This sort of thing was supposed to be stamped out years ago, given their habit of somehow reproducing and conquering small cities. You're halfway tempted to just dump them outside the time-stream, but something makes you hesitate - the ones that worked were certainly useful enough for what they were. You pocket them and shake your head.

And then, of course, you go eat breakfast. What ELSE would you do? It's morning. You're hungry. There is food, it is free, and there are seconds. Without ado, you rush your way over and enter, then happily load up a giant tray full of one of everything on the buffet, and walk to your table without glancing at your usual companions.

After inhaling the first five courses, it occurs to you that the hall is rather... quiet. You look up in front of you to see the Archwizard, smiling cheerfully as he takes a hard-boiled egg from your plate and eats it.

"Good morning, young wizard."

"'oo' o-rin'!"

You swallow your food and repeat the greeting. The Archwizard gives you another cheerful smile, then moves his hand over the table, leaving five cards face-down and fanned out in front of you. It would be a cooler effect if you didn't see the machine hiding in his sleeve and knew that he cheated at poker.

"I believe that you and Destiny have an appointment, my boy. I've been looking forward to this for a long time. I am going to make you an offer you cannot refuse. Choose a card; any card, and follow the instructions upon it to the best of your abilities, or die trying. In exchange, we offer you a job here as the Assistant Librarian."

You look at him and blink. That... doesn't really sound like a good deal to you. He looks back and smiles, but his eyes are cold as ice.

"Do you remember Stubbyfingers?"

"...No, I can't say I do." you reply, noticing that everyone is totally staring at you guys and that the senior faculty had somehow taken up every single other seat without your noticing.

"Neither does anyone else, young wizard. Choose."

Well, you always did appreciate a good threat...

"Would it have been THAT hard to ask me politely?" you inquire, hand hovering over the cards. The cards are completely plain and unmarked, and you mentally label each one of them 1 through 5 starting at the left.

[Dermonster]

Four.

[Ross Vernal]

You grab the fourth card and read it.

"All cards are the same. Simply put, without you, the world is going to end."

Aw, crap. You keep reading.

"In five days, we will be attacked. Most of us will die, myself included, and the rest will go in hiding. Most of the facilities will remain intact. I have tried to circumvent the plot, but the future refuses to change. Except, of course, you. Yours is the only thread that does not fit the pattern. I cannot tell you why, or how, but simply put, you must leave at once. There will be more attempts on your life, and I have seen your death in hundreds of manners, most painful.

There are two, three, or four Plot Wizards at any given time. The others never came into existence. The Master and the Apprentice. The Good, and the Evil. My time has come - I cannot stop the other Master. It is now your job to preserve the fabric of the world.

Read the following part out loud..."

Uh, that wasn't mentioned in the training manual...

"I'm being sent to slay a dragon on ANOTHER CONTINENT!?"

You set the card down, staring right at him. Great. Great. Just go KILL A DRAGON. Because that totally happened all the time. Just simply wander into a dragon cave, avoid being melted, stab the dragon, and then achieve legend and fame and treasure and women. Yeah, that's exactly how it works. Just go forth, and kill a dragon. Easy, right?

Sigh.

"...But I don't even speak Meeryn!"

You have a feeling that it's not gonna matter.

***

You're on a boat, six days later.

[(1d20)+1:
1,+1
Total:2]

As per the rules of Standard Plot Cliches, you survived the storm, although you're rather green about the gills. Unfortunately for you, you're probably not going to enjoy freedom on the deck anytime soon - you can see a slaver's ship heading RIGHT TOWARDS YOUR BOAT. It'll catch up soon. It's bigger, more well-armed, and has a lot more people aboard than you do, not counting the slaves chained in place to man the oars.

...yeah.

Kill a dragon, they said. It'll be easy, they said. Just a simple boat ride, with almost no risk of drowning or pirates.

Great. Just... great. Now what?

[Dermonster]

Retcon it so that the slavers take absolutely terrible care of their ship.

Then retcon it so that the slaves themselves have started a small but well organized internal jailbreak hinging on the failure of the next raid.

[10ebbor10]

Cosmic retcon: Kill the blasted butterfly responsible for the storm, thereby allowing your ship a chance to escape.

[Ross Vernal]

You set forth upon the time-stream.

Roll(1d20)+5:
6,+5
Total:11

You're still kind of woozy and sick, so you're not exactly in the best state. This affects your casting, so while you would certainly love to make a few dozen visits to gradually support and form a revolution, you really only have the power to interfere in a few things.

***

It's late at night, and the first mate is drunkenly peeing off the side of the ship. It's kind of foggy, too - the ship is sailing the edge of the storm and waiting for victims.

You sneak up behind him and try to hit him in the head with your half-brick in a sock.

[Roll(1d20)-0:
14,-0
Total:14]

WHUNK!

You push him overboard. Over the groaning and bucking of the ship, nobody hears the splash.

Code: [Select]

Things You've Killed:
1. A Badly Aimed Fireball
2. Pirate First Mate (Brick 'n' Drown)
***

You're in the kitchen. It appears the cook has boiled some potatoes. Not paying attention, he yells at you to mash the potatoes.

You shrug and get to it, and attempt to spike the food with 5 Doses of Sleeping Powder.

Code: [Select]

Roll(1d20)+0:
2,+0
Total:2
The cook spots you and shouts something about salt, shakes A Dose of Sleeping Powder out, and then licks it. He looks confused, then upset, then really tired, then swings his cleaver at you.

[Roll(1d20)+1:
16,+1
Total:17]

You dodge out of the way, and vanish. That wasn't good at all.

Code: [Select]

10d. 16x A Dose of Sleeping Powder
***

You're belowdecks. You look for something to set on fire.

[Roll(1d20)+1:
12,+1
Total:13]

It looks like there is a bunch of fabric in here. Yeah, that'll burn.

[Roll(1d20)+1:
10,+1
Total:11]

FWOOSH! And you are OUT OF THERE!

***

Last but not least, you arrive aboard the ship as it is loading. Nobody minds you, and you pick up a box and bring it aboard.

[Roll(1d20)+1:
18,+1
Total:19]

It's full of ropes and tools. You "accidentally" drop it overboard, then hide A Meal inside the captain's bedroom on your next load. Rats for a rat.

***
[Magic: 7+1 /day]


You snap back to your current post in reality. The ship suddenly looks a lot dirtier and poorly ran, and it's not gaining on you as fast. Heck, there's even fewer people on there than before!

...Boy, they sure look awful hungry from a distance. Weren't they a bit.... thicker? And didn't it smell a lot less like death?

They'll be on you soon. You try to formulate a plan, and come up with a few ideas on your own before turning to the voices in your head.

You think of either running away really fast and hiding somewhere, of trying to make something go BOOM, getting high up and raining magical death all over them, or just hiding behind the desperate, poorly-armed crew and using them as meat shields. ...Or, you could totally jump on the other ship and defeat them all singlehandedly. Surely the slaves will revolt and stop rowing when they hear fighting, right?

Whatever. Voices in the head need their say, too. You watch them draw ever closer as you wait.

[Dermonster]

What does our water elemental orb do again?