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Author Topic: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss  (Read 8817 times)

Kagus

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Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« on: May 30, 2012, 03:31:30 pm »

I'm certain we used to have some threads or at least off-topic discussions of this type of thing, but I couldn't find anything recent enough to justify port-to-port resuscitation.

So, here it is!  The thread commemorated to the commemoration of literary feats with such lack of continuity, logic, linguistic ability, pacing or even damned common sense that they become cherished and time-honored works bringing joy and succor to many.

We've all been touched by one of these miracles at some point or another in our lives.  Whether you were shocked by the unexpected twist ending to "Doom: Repercussions of Evil", swept away by the vivid gothic atmosphere painted by Tara Gilesbie in her magnus opium "My Immortal", or felt that deep satisfaction only righteous revenge can bring in the thrilling "Full-Life Consequences" series; you have in some small way experienced the magic of Badfics.

While there are of course original works of writing that are truly, truly bad in the same way without having to rely on a pre-ordained world of characters, I don't know any particularly good examples to bring to the table at this point (please don't make the obvious joke here, we all see it).


And yes, many of this works of art were created through trickery and deceit, luring us into the false hope that they were written with earnest intent.  But there are still those among us, myself included, who will look past the evidence and logic pointing towards conspiracy and trollcraft, because we WANT to believe!

So join me, fellow connoisseurs of the terrible!  Share your favorites and your findings!  Let us gather together a collection of these heartwarming epics to make our days just a little brighter (or darker, if'n you're a dwarf, vampire, or vampire dwarf).


Yeah, basically, I wound up listening for the third time to these twits reading "My Immortal", which aroused my hunger.  Then I found a rather sonorous chap and his readings of "Legolas" and "forbiden fruit: the tempation of edward cullen" (note that this is rather X-rated and also includes some of the most amazing euphemisms and similes I have ever read).

I still can't really decide if I think "the tempation" is really just trolling or not...  I mean, on the one side you've got the automatic leaning towards it being fake due to common sense stating that no one would ever conceivably write something like this, not to mention a giant talking panda in Washington who's apparently gay.  But on the other side, there are so many peculiar little writing styles that make it seem like it's in earnest.  The story does look like it was written with some form of spellchecker on, instead of going all-out illegible for the sake of it.  I'm leaning towards fake, but as always, I want to believe!

RedKing

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2012, 03:36:48 pm »

In b4 Eye of Argon (the MST'ied version is the one you want, if you want to preserve your sanity).
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Moghjubar

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2012, 04:14:08 pm »

In before Dwarf Fortress forums, the meta badfic.

*Moghjubar rushed out of the room before the darkness fell upon the nearby forum posters and elves, dwarves, and other pop culture references nearby*
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Armok

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2012, 04:22:33 pm »

There's the Spiderse, written by one of our own bay12ers
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Cecilff2

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2012, 04:51:57 pm »

Metroid Conspiracy: Pasts of the Sin

which brought us such wonderful quotes as
Quote
The captain obeyed a disdirect order because he had to know the truth.

Quote
Samus did not know the distress bacon location

Quote
the blattle was a saurusious, buit in the end metorid blood was the one that stained the legal tender. But it wasnt legal enough. Ridley was decapited

Quote
"If i had known this ridley and the zebesians are innocent! ITS A SHADOW WAR! YOURE THE COMMUNISTS!" Samus vaporized a senator who was a republican
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Putnam

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2012, 05:48:19 pm »

Sonichu is pretty bad, but also NSFW as hell and has lots of baggage and background info that needs to be known to enjoy it at all

Knight of Fools

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2012, 06:03:55 pm »

Obligatory: DOOM: Repercussions of Evil.

And this is my favorite interpretation.

It was, of course, faked, but still one of the best badfics out there.
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kaijyuu

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2012, 06:05:30 pm »

Sonichu is pretty bad, but also NSFW as hell and has lots of baggage and background info that needs to be known to enjoy it at all
If by "enjoy" you mean "be tortured by in body and soul" then sure!


I wrote something terrible a few months back but it's bad bad, not good bad.
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Wayward Device

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2012, 07:36:35 pm »

Omfg, that "legolas by laura" reading is incredible. My favorite quote (warning, major plot spoilers!):


"Mean while Laura was sitting on the floor and then the door opened and it was some Orcs and the Orcs tied Laura with some chains and then one of the Orcs striped her and then he raped her and then Laura said"go away you bastard.Then another Orc came with a whip and whiped her hard and then the Orcs all togeter bet her almost to death and then the Dark Lord came in with a tube of Posion and then he injeted into Laura."

I know I shouldn't laugh but I just can't help myself. 
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or maybe Valve goes out of business because they invested too heavily in something which then fails - like, say, human civilization.
Alternatively, initiate strife to refuse additional baked goods, and then abscond.

Kagus

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2012, 03:15:40 am »

My favorite quote (warning, major plot spoilers!):

In my opinion, what really makes that scene is the way he says "Go away you bastard".  It's like she's just really rather peeved with the orc instead of having any actual feelings in the matter.  It's glorious.

It's hard for me to figure out what I find is my favorite part of that reading, even though I listened to it five times yesterday and just finished listening to it now before opening this thread, but I will say that one part which always gets me is: "Then Legolas said'Ok'".  Again, it's his way of saying it that really strikes a chord.  It's like how he reads "forbiden fruit", yelling "Watfe!" and "Betwuh!" whenever the dialogue includes "wtf" or "btw" (he's got a few other wonderful pronunciations in that one as well).  And the rapist character of Uncle Larry sounds like Barney the purple dinosaur for some reason.


Sonichu is pretty bad, but also NSFW as hell and has lots of baggage and background info that needs to be known to enjoy it at all
If by "enjoy" you mean "be tortured by in body and soul" then sure!

Sounds about right for something like this, really.

RedKing

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2012, 07:21:05 am »

Quote
Samus did not know the distress bacon location
Mmmm....distress bacon....
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DJ

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2012, 07:22:49 am »

It makes sense. Who wouldn't want some bacon in a crisis?
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Knight of Fools

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #12 on: May 31, 2012, 10:26:14 am »

"In case of Emergency..."
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RedKing

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #13 on: May 31, 2012, 10:52:31 am »

Mission Status: Critically Delicious
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Remember, knowledge is power. The power to make other people feel stupid.
Quote from: Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Science is like an inoculation against charlatans who would have you believe whatever it is they tell you.

Flying Dice

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Re: Badfics: Ineptitude is Bliss
« Reply #14 on: May 31, 2012, 11:28:47 am »

Quote
Legolas said"they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion"and then Laura said"how did you know that". Then Legolas said"when I was your age they did the samething to me".

Da fuq.
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