Week Three
… … … … … …
… may also harbour diseases (such as the respiratory infections Bordetella and Pasteurella), to which guinea pigs are susceptible. Even the dwarf rabbit is much stronger than the guinea pig and may cause intentional or inadvertent injury...… … … … … …
Scurryshy sometimes wondered where it had all gone wrong. He should be out on a grassy prairie, seeking out the lushest grass to bring home for the guinea piggess with the purplest thighs in the tribe, not this shit. Searching about ruins and rubble with a half-demented singing jester in the hope of finding a chewed carrot for that crazed Speedo-fiend to dribble over as he rubs his crotch up against a stained piece of filthy foreign fabric? Guinya damn it! It was all the fault of the bloody Speedo. One day, something would have to give.
… … … … … …
Behaviour
Whilst a fascination with Speedos and their terrifying power is observed in many small mammals the world over, the guinea pig seems to have taken this to a new level, one upon which the Speedo provides a totem for social cohesion. Migratory tribes have been recorded on more than one occasion heading for and colonising dangerous sites whose only apparent interest is the presence, in greater or smaller numbers, of Speedos; witness, for example, the travails of guinea pig communities on the ancient battle sites of Dunkirk and of Speedograd, or on the once deadly slopes of Mount Etna.… … … … … …
“My... name is Tiko and I like to go,
Gathering food with my homey, yo!
Nah, that's rubbish. I should stick to the tried and tested idioms beloved by guinea pigs since the dawn of time. There's a reason operatic lute-rock has always been - Ooh! A half brick! Hey, Scurryshy, check this out! Should we take it back to the burrow for food?”
… … … … … …
Guinea pig societies have been recorded organising their spare labour into special task forces, trained and indoctrinated to harvest Speedos safely. It is believed that a majority of guinea pigs rescued in the wild having been caught up in the leg holes of Speedos are merely guinea pigs that have travelled too far into the depths of their work…… … … … … …
“Speedos Schmpeedos, all he talks about nowadays is bleedin’ Speedos. He picks up one and wafts it at some bleedin’ dog and he thinks he knows all about the Speedo! It’ll come to no good, I tell you,” muttered Cutey to himself. He and Guineass the Record-keeper had just spent most of a morning sniffing out and dragging home the finest used Speedos the area to the north of the grain elevator had to offer, and he was nearing the point of Speedo-fatigue. He knew from experience that it could be dangerous. He decided to take a quick nap.
… … … … … …
…even going so far as to create vast and magnificent thrones, whose splendour demonstrates the moral superiority of the guinea pig who sits upon it, their glistening multi-colour stretch fabric glowing in the sunlight, their latent power seeping into the guinea pig above, slowly but surely turning…… … … … … …
“Aha!” shouted Guineass the Record-Keeper in triumph. His construction was complete. “Behold! The veritable and first Throne of Speedos! And yea, for I shall sit upon yon Throne of Speedos, and I shall cast my judgement upon you, and the warmth of the Speedo underneath shall seep up and warm my fur, and you shall look upon me and fear not my judging, but yon Throne of Speedos from which the Judgement is delivered!”
“And yea!” he continued, as he rubbed himself against the back of the Throne of Speedos, “Forever whilst yon Throne doth stand shall we, the Guinea Pigs of Speedograd, be protected against the wrath of our enemies!”
“Here,” interrupted Cutey. “I’ve brought you back one last Speedo for today. Who you talking to in there?”
Guineass looked around him in the empty grain elevator.
“Um… Just… you know… just practising.”
… … … … … …
…course, self-mutilation is as rare amongst non-afflicted guinea pigs as it is amongst other small mammals, which makes the observed cases of mutilation, self-harm and self-amputation all the more surprising. It is suggested that they are perhaps merely temporarily afflicted, having recently seen or even suffered the depredations of the untamed Speedo. Nevertheless, three-legged guinea pigs are not hard to come by, and some of them still have the alert and calm eyes of…… … … … … …
“Tastes…” Bohdan had to use all the mental imagery techniques he could muster. It was a hard job, and no one else was going to do it for him.
“Just…” He could see McSheb staring at him out of the corner of his eye, clearly horrified, but just as clearly interested, as if he were trying to catch glimpses of a repugnant murder scene and emboss it upon his memory.
“Like…” Bohdan wanted to tell him he was a fool. His idea of defence was risible, and if nobody stopped him they’d all be gnawing their own damn legs off within a week and he wouldn’t have to try and steal these secret glances like some ridiculous guinea school-piglette. He’d be able to stare right down at the horror himself.
“Chicken!” As painful and disgusting a job as it had been, Bohdan Guintsky felt a slight flush of pride in having done it well; the stump on his thigh was clean, well cut, craftsmanlike. He wondered if he had it in him to become a surgeon. He looked around him to see if McSheb or any of the others were still there, and wondered if he had it in him to eat a little. You know, he reasoned, just to see.
… … … … … …
…been speculated that guinea pigs loathe the darkness, fear the inchoate nightmare of the closing womb- tunnel, secretly suppress the rudimentary navigations of the darkening soul. This is nonsense, of course; they are a semi-nocturnal folk, but we cannot deny that there are cases where guinea pig settlements have widened their principal entryways, thereby, one can imagine, proffering a welcome to the conjoined spirits of Sol and of Speedo, inviting them into one’s abode, for all eternity, or the guinea pig’s version of it.… … … … … …
Sheb McSheb was a devout Speedomancer. He knew the awesome power of the Speedo. He venerated the majestic power of the Speedo. He craved the terrifying power of the Speedo. But he also knew the importance of interior design. The current entryway was much too small; those observing from the outside wouldn't be able to properly see the fashionable arrangement of cushions, nor the imposing yet tasteful silhouette of the new Throne of Speedos. From a defensive point of view, too, it was a lamentable situation. How would the guinea pigs inside be able to see their attackers if the doorway was so tiny? And these stones. The considerable quantity of stones that happened to by lying about, near the doorway, next to the site of the Speedopult. They were totally ruining the energy of the room! McSheb ordered someone to have them cleared.
But that just made it worse. It just made it glaringly obvious what the problem was. There. Right there in the doorway. A great big bloody Speedopult, ruining the fine lines of his newly gnawed-out doorway.
He called for someone to knock it down.
I surrender my action to Freeform provided it is within reason. By this I mean do what he says
[4+1] Cutey has gathered Speedos!
Attempt to heal my broken leg.
[3-2] Bohdan has gnawed off his broken leg! It is no longer broken.
Guineass: Help Cutey attempt to gather and stockpile more spare speedos!
[6] Guineass has constructed a Throne of Speedos!
I'll try to establish permanent defenses of the home base. And by this I mean stockpiling rocks and bigger speedopults.
[1] Sheb McSheb has widened the doorway and destroyed the Speedopult!
Go gather for food.
[2+1] Scurryshy has found a chewed carrot!
Join Scurryshy in gathering Food.
[3] Tiko has found a half brick!
Breed: Teddy Guinea Pig
Skill: Speedomancy
Health Four HP.
Breed: Abyssinian
Skill:: Judge
Items: White Speedo of Purity; semi-tamed dog.
Breed: Short-haired
Skill: Speedo-gathering
Breed: Abyssinian
Skill: Gathering
Breed: Abyssinian
Skill: Hunting
Health: Four HP.
Status: Three legged. 1/10 XP in Medicine.
Breed: Himalayan
Skill: Song
Units of Food: 174
Speedos: 1
Location: Southermost Grain Elevators
Known Locations: Patch of Grass (1), Patch of Used Speedos (2)
Constructions: Extra wide door opening; Speedo Throne.
Time: Beginning of the third week.
Author
Topic: Big Trouble in Little Guinea Pig Village: Closed. (Read 16286 times)