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Author Topic: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream  (Read 2880 times)

Mullet Master

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You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« on: May 23, 2012, 07:57:08 pm »
And now for something different, another experiment...

It's Saturday, your favorite day of the week. You've slept in late, and now the sun is shining brightly through your bedroom windows. It looks like it's another beautiful fall day outside, with the sun reflecting off the orange leaves on the trees in your backyard. Today is going to be a great day!

You stand up , and realize you are only in your underwear. Perhaps it's time to visit the closet in your bedroom?

You hear a beeping downstairs.
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TCM

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2012, 07:59:45 pm »
You name is Tom Johnson, the brown haired middle-class suburbanite. You have a blonde wife and two beautiful children.

Putting on a robe, Tom strolls downstairs to check on the beeping. Is it the Microwave? The Fridge? The TV? Or any of your other middle-class assortment of electronic items?
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Quote from: Empiricist on March 28, 2016, 09:18:28 pm
Because trying to stuff Fate/Whatever's engrish and the title of a 17th century book on statecraft into Pokemon syntax tends to make the content incomprehensible.

Mullet Master

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2012, 08:02:15 pm »
As you stroll out of your bedroom, you look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, "Ah yes, Tom Johnson. You are looking fine today."  You head downstairs and are greeted by your cellphone attempting to ring and vibrate itself off your kitchen island. There is a tempting fruit bowl near it with fresh apples and oranges.

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OscarComrade

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2012, 08:20:01 pm »
Answer the phone while eating the delicious fruit.
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Mullet Master

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2012, 08:31:17 pm »
You stuff an apple into your mouth, crunching loudly into the phones speaker in the instant after you press the answer button. It's apparently your wife, and she doesn't seem to be happy with your eating. You hear a "me and the kids are out for the day" and "weekend to yourself" and "what are you eating?".

You respond with a muffled 'Uhmmokayhunbye" and hang up the phone as you start on the other side of the apple. Apparently there are some text messages on your phone.

4 Unread messages

Spoiler: Texts (click to show/hide)
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Doomblade187

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2012, 08:43:07 pm »
Clean up and get dressed for work after trying to remember who Julie is.
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Quote from: Hanslanda on October 27, 2018, 12:45:27 pm
In any case it would be a battle of critical thinking and I refuse to fight an unarmed individual.
Quote from: JoshuaFH on February 13, 2020, 07:38:07 am
One mustn't stare into the pathos, lest one become Pathos.

Mullet Master

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2012, 08:58:30 pm »
You go back upstairs, and open your closet to find the finest in business casual attire. You select an orange polo shirt with a conspicuous brand logo embroidered on the left chest, and a pair of extremely well pressed khaki pants. As you put them on, you consider the topic of Julie.

Julie is an ex-girlfriend who happens to live somewhat nearby. She occasionally sends snarky texts about the goings on between you and your family. They are typically pretty easy to ignore.

You put on some loafers and appraise yourself once more in the mirror. If anyone is in the office today, you will definitely meet dress code.
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Mr. Dwarfinton

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2012, 09:15:07 pm »
Go to work and tell everyone how nice they are.
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Doomblade187

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2012, 09:21:24 pm »
And reboot the server that's not working.
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Quote from: Hanslanda on October 27, 2018, 12:45:27 pm
In any case it would be a battle of critical thinking and I refuse to fight an unarmed individual.
Quote from: JoshuaFH on February 13, 2020, 07:38:07 am
One mustn't stare into the pathos, lest one become Pathos.

OscarComrade

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2012, 09:22:38 pm »
Go fix that server while your employers are CONVENIENTLY ABSENT.

Of course, by "fix", I mean STEAL ALL OF THE DELICIOUS DATA.

Failing that, go fix the lawnmower.

No, I do not actually mean steal data from the lawnmower. Though, if Joe has a computer, feel free to steal the data from it.
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Doomblade187

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #10 on: May 23, 2012, 09:25:40 pm »
If you do steal the data though, copy- don't delete it.
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Quote from: Hanslanda on October 27, 2018, 12:45:27 pm
In any case it would be a battle of critical thinking and I refuse to fight an unarmed individual.
Quote from: JoshuaFH on February 13, 2020, 07:38:07 am
One mustn't stare into the pathos, lest one become Pathos.

Svarte Troner

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2012, 09:36:26 pm »
Then, violently murder Joe. I say you find out more about this Julie person (if that is her real name) and get her off your back.... FOR GOOD!
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Quote from: Haspen on January 31, 2013, 06:59:37 pm
That metal guy that pops up sometimes in places
Quote from: DwarfMeister on May 15, 2012, 02:37:38 am
To put it simply, Dwarf Fortress is the Black Metal of video games.

OscarComrade

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #12 on: May 23, 2012, 09:48:55 pm »
What?
Do not murder Joe. He may be of use to us later.
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Mullet Master

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2012, 09:53:36 pm »
You walk to the front of your house and look outside... the wife left you the minivan. The four cylinder minivan. It is maroon in color, and very highly rated by Consumer Talk magazine. Apparently, your wife decided she would drive the German Sedan, which has a far superior six cylinder engine and "High Fidelity Concert" sound system. You pick up your set of keys from your bedroom dresser and walk outside, grumbling slightly to yourself.

You enter the minivan and start it up. The disappointing engine revs to life, making a sewing-machine type noise. The radio blares pop music. Your office is just a few miles down the road.

Spoiler: inventory (click to show/hide)

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piemantheman

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Re: You are a Suburbanite Living the American Dream
« Reply #14 on: May 23, 2012, 10:54:49 pm »
Go Buy a gun and a skimask.
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