Bay 12 Games Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 ... 4 5 [6] 7

Author Topic: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo  (Read 17316 times)

Sheb

  • Bay Watcher
  • You Are An Avatar
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #75 on: June 06, 2012, 12:16:44 pm »
While Bobby Sous-Vêtement his readying himself, have Abe get his shotgun and pump Bobby full of FREEDOM©.*


FREEDOM: a President-approved range of shotgun rounds for all your pacification need. get your FREEDOMS today! Only 4.99$ a dozen!
Logged

Quote from: Paul-Henry Spaak
Europe consists only of small countries, some of which know it and some of which don’t yet.

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #76 on: June 06, 2012, 03:37:34 pm »
"Hey, Bobby Sous-Vêtement!” you shout. “I'm gonna recognise your classy Southern Aristocrat butt cheeks any time and any place!” you continue. "Because they gonna have Abe Lincoln's penetration marks all over 'em! Yeah! Go get him, Abe!"

Bobby S looks up from his self-absorbed oil frottage to see Abe Lincoln charging towards him, shotgun lowered. You look away.

Bam! Chk-chk!

Bam! Chk-chk!

Bam!

You jump off Abe's head, and walk away without looking back. The melancholy of losing a lifelong rival flits across the surface of your heart, briefly. You suddenly realise it's midday, and you haven't eaten since last night.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)
Logged

Sheb

  • Bay Watcher
  • You Are An Avatar
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #77 on: June 06, 2012, 03:40:58 pm »
Go fix those buttcheeks, then fill yourself with an unhealthy amount of bacon. Offer some to Abe.
Logged

Quote from: Paul-Henry Spaak
Europe consists only of small countries, some of which know it and some of which don’t yet.

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #78 on: June 07, 2012, 08:42:39 am »
You head off to the nearest Secret Service approved tailors to get your butt cheeks repaired. You tap your feet and wait for the lift in the lobby of the building, and when it arrives, you notice, from the corner of your eye, someone enter the building behind you.

You step into the lift and she follows you.

It’s a female Speedo. She brushes her hair back from her face, looks you in the eye, and speaks in an exotic Eastern European accent.

“You want gum?”

She holds a packet of gum out to you.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)
Logged

Chink

  • Bay Watcher
  • !
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #79 on: June 07, 2012, 12:12:54 pm »
Refuse the gum.
Logged

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #80 on: June 07, 2012, 02:06:54 pm »
"Ah!" says the blonde Russian Speedo. "You no fresh breath? We no kiss! It's shame when elevator does stopping!"

Suddenly the lift grinds to a halt.

"Gum?"

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)
Logged

Chink

  • Bay Watcher
  • !
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #81 on: June 07, 2012, 06:24:53 pm »
No gum!
Logged

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #82 on: June 08, 2012, 02:52:45 am »
"No gum!" you say, in your masculine and western accent.

Suddenly the Russian Speedo screams, and before you know what’s happening a sharp stake shoots through the floor of the lift, catching you right through the left leg hole! The stake carries on straight up, its tip piercing the roof of the lift and stopping, stuck fast. You’re trapped. One of the ceiling panels on the lift flips open, and you see a shadowy face peer through, behind an automatic weapon of some kind.

The gun opens up and a hail of bullets sprays all over the Russian Speedo. She crumples to the floor, multi-perforated! She looks over to you, a sad longing in her eyes.

”I… tried…”

She slumps over. A voice from above speaks.

”Now, Mr Speedo… we have you where we want you, eh? Now, tell us the code!”

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)
Logged

MonkeyHead

  • Bay Watcher
  • Yma o hyd...
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #83 on: June 08, 2012, 10:16:52 am »
"01101001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 01110100 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100011 01101111 01100100 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011"
Logged
This is a blank sig.

Spinal_Taper

  • Bay Watcher
  • The sparkles are because I'm fabulous, of course.
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #84 on: June 08, 2012, 10:17:23 am »
"The code is... The code is... The code is..."
Telepathy the Russian!
"The code is my ass!"
Logged

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #85 on: June 08, 2012, 10:29:13 am »
"The code is... The code is... The code..."

The Russian leans a little further forward into the lift.

”Yes?”

"The code is my ass!"

There’s a pause of several seconds. You hear laptop keys tapping away.

”Does not work! You try funny games! Ha! Well! Now, funny this, Mr Speedo! Arg, my head!”

Suddenly you see a laser shooting from the ceiling, burning its way across the floor to your trapped crotch. It's about three feet away and moving at about two inches a second.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)
Logged

Sheb

  • Bay Watcher
  • You Are An Avatar
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #86 on: June 08, 2012, 02:17:54 pm »
(Shouldn't our buttcheeks be fixed?)

Use your laser shooting skills to shoot a laser which is in destructive interference with the other laser.
Logged

Quote from: Paul-Henry Spaak
Europe consists only of small countries, some of which know it and some of which don’t yet.

Scelly9

  • Bay Watcher
  • That crazy long-haired queer liberal communist
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #87 on: June 08, 2012, 02:38:36 pm »
Only Bay12 would ever have Speedo chestbursters.
Logged
Quote from: blackmagechill on June 08, 2012, 05:08:32 pm
You taste the jug! It is ceramic.
Quote from: Loud Whispers
SUPPORT THE COMMUNIST GAY MOVEMENT!

lawastooshort

  • Bay Watcher
  • goodness what
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #88 on: June 08, 2012, 03:08:12 pm »
As the terrible Speedo-crotch-burning laser advances steadily towards you, you come up with the solution! Lasers! You aim your laser to destructively interfere with the Russian doomlaser, but suddenly realise you didn't bring your laser with you today! Bother.

But just when you thought you were doomed, you realise it's okay! You could just slither on down that damn Russian's throat and explode out of his windpipe like some kind of... exploding... bursting... gore-showering... crotch-sweat receptacle? You slide several notches towards Evil just for thinking of it, and then go ahead and leap towards the villain's mouth anyway.

But you've got a ceiling high pole poking through your left leg hole!

You get halfway there, and then your elastic kicks in, twanging you back the way you came with considerable force. You bash off the floor of the lift into a crumpled pile. Now the laser's about a foot away from you! And still advancing!

You need to think fast.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Note (click to show/hide)
Logged

Sheb

  • Bay Watcher
  • You Are An Avatar
    • View Profile
Re: You Are Abe Lincoln's Angry Speedo
« Reply #89 on: June 08, 2012, 04:10:16 pm »
Search the Russian Speedos body for a pocket mirror. She must have one, probably fluffy and pink. Use it to shoot the laser back at the vilain, and cut the pole in the process.
Logged

Quote from: Paul-Henry Spaak
Europe consists only of small countries, some of which know it and some of which don’t yet.
Pages: 1 ... 4 5 [6] 7
« previous next »