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Author Topic: Disappointing Artifacts  (Read 10708 times)

DeKaFu

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Disappointing Artifacts
« on: May 18, 2012, 11:56:57 pm »
I got excited when my mason got a mood and started by grabbing some shale...
...and then he finished without grabbing anything else.



Sure, it's somewhat useful in game terms... But that doesn't change the fact that this "bed" is apparently an almost-featureless solid slab of rock with a spider monkey man leering at you from it. :/

Have you ever gotten excited over an artifact-in-progress only to have it be something terrible or disappointing?
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Corai

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2012, 12:01:07 am »
SPIDER MAN!
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Jacob/Lee: you have a heart made of fluffy
Jeykab/Bee: how the fuck do you live your daily life corai
Jeykab/Bee: you seem like the person who constantly has mini heart attacks because cuuuute

ComradeGafarov

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2012, 12:10:26 am »
Talc floodgate.
That's all I need to say.
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Uristocrat

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2012, 01:15:45 am »
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Quote from: forsaken1111 on January 09, 2011, 08:22:09 pm
Quote from: Uristocrat on January 09, 2011, 03:46:41 pm
You could have berries on the rocks and the dwarves would say it was "berry gneiss."
You should die horribly for this. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

ClkWrkJester

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2012, 01:32:38 am »
One of my dwarves just cheerfully made my fort a wooden earing with a wooden picture of his best friend on it.

Who later made an amulet. With the other dwarf's picture. I want to murder both of them.
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Quote from: jamesadelong on January 11, 2012, 07:48:26 am
Carve out a massive pit and construct a copper block tower! Challenge those goblin bastards with your phallus of justice!

King DZA

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2012, 01:51:44 am »
Quote from: ClkWrkJester on May 19, 2012, 01:32:38 am
One of my dwarves just cheerfully made my fort a wooden earing with a wooden picture of his best friend on it.

Who later made an amulet. With the other dwarf's picture. I want to murder both of them.

That. Is. Adorable.
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Dorfimedes

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2012, 02:01:04 am »
Quote from: ClkWrkJester on May 19, 2012, 01:32:38 am
One of my dwarves just cheerfully made my fort a wooden earing with a wooden picture of his best friend on it.

Who later made an amulet. With the other dwarf's picture. I want to murder both of them.
...And then every year after that for the entire length of your fort's lifespan you'll be cursed to have shitty artifacts with pictures of one of them dying horribly. Calling it.
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"It seems that perfection is reached not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." -Someone who has never played DF.

The Human Baby has died in the heat.

Corai

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2012, 02:03:44 am »
Quote from: Dorfimedes on May 19, 2012, 02:01:04 am
Quote from: ClkWrkJester on May 19, 2012, 01:32:38 am
One of my dwarves just cheerfully made my fort a wooden earing with a wooden picture of his best friend on it.

Who later made an amulet. With the other dwarf's picture. I want to murder both of them.
...And then every year after that for the entire length of your fort's lifespan you'll be cursed to have shitty artifacts with pictures of one of them dying horribly. Calling it.

I say you kill both of them by equipping two military dwarves, making them beserk, seperate the two friends, dump one soldier into each and have them beat the friends to death with there friend's artifact!
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Jacob/Lee: you have a heart made of fluffy
Jeykab/Bee: how the fuck do you live your daily life corai
Jeykab/Bee: you seem like the person who constantly has mini heart attacks because cuuuute

Count Dorku

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2012, 02:22:33 am »
I just had a guy grab a log and a rock crystal and make an amulet. Congratulations, dude. You've built something of NO ACTUAL USE.

On the other hand, my fort is not in a position where being mugged by large numbers of goblins would be a good thing, so I think I can live with low-quality artifacts until I actually have my defences up. (Note: this fort is very early in its life and has only seen one caravan so far. Obviously I'm going to be boosting my defences before everything goes to hell.)
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Quote from: Meanmelter on November 23, 2009, 11:39:42 pm
"when in doubt, Magma"

Quote from: miauw62 on March 29, 2012, 01:43:35 pm
Miners are diggin out nicely, everything will go right, i hope. hell, what am i even saying? this is dwarf fortress. it wont go right.

Uristocrat

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #9 on: May 19, 2012, 02:24:29 am »
Quote from: Corai on May 19, 2012, 02:03:44 am
Quote from: Dorfimedes on May 19, 2012, 02:01:04 am
Quote from: ClkWrkJester on May 19, 2012, 01:32:38 am
One of my dwarves just cheerfully made my fort a wooden earing with a wooden picture of his best friend on it.

Who later made an amulet. With the other dwarf's picture. I want to murder both of them.
...And then every year after that for the entire length of your fort's lifespan you'll be cursed to have shitty artifacts with pictures of one of them dying horribly. Calling it.

I say you kill both of them by equipping two military dwarves, making them beserk, seperate the two friends, dump one soldier into each and have them beat the friends to death with there friend's artifact!

Maybe someone who has a grudge will end up with a fell mood and kill one of the two to make an artifact?
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Quote from: forsaken1111 on January 09, 2011, 08:22:09 pm
Quote from: Uristocrat on January 09, 2011, 03:46:41 pm
You could have berries on the rocks and the dwarves would say it was "berry gneiss."
You should die horribly for this. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

TheCoolSideofthePIllow

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2012, 03:08:41 am »
So far my current fort's artifacts are nothing but doors and flood gates.

All the important [NEED] room/office dwarves have unique artifact doors in their rooms. A couple of the doors are worth over a million dorf bucks.
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nopil3os

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2012, 04:29:26 am »
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Quote from: Splint on June 09, 2012, 05:51:39 am
I'd be shocked if dwarves didn't eat the demons they killed. After all, if they're willing to eat a poison spewing monstrosity, why not a flying dinosaur thing that hates all life?

Oliolli

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2012, 04:31:23 am »
Quote from: ClkWrkJester on May 19, 2012, 01:32:38 am
One of my dwarves just cheerfully made my fort a wooden earing with a wooden picture of his best friend on it.

Who later made an amulet. With the other dwarf's picture. I want to murder both of them.

Seal them off into a small room, order them to kill each other.

Quote from: Uristocrat on May 19, 2012, 02:24:29 am
Quote from: Corai on May 19, 2012, 02:03:44 am
Quote from: Dorfimedes on May 19, 2012, 02:01:04 am
Quote from: ClkWrkJester on May 19, 2012, 01:32:38 am
One of my dwarves just cheerfully made my fort a wooden earing with a wooden picture of his best friend on it.

Who later made an amulet. With the other dwarf's picture. I want to murder both of them.
...And then every year after that for the entire length of your fort's lifespan you'll be cursed to have shitty artifacts with pictures of one of them dying horribly. Calling it.

I say you kill both of them by equipping two military dwarves, making them beserk, seperate the two friends, dump one soldier into each and have them beat the friends to death with there friend's artifact!

Maybe someone who has a grudge will end up with a fell mood and kill one of the two to make an artifact?

With a picture of the other one on it :D
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Ieb

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2012, 04:46:17 am »
After starting a decent fort on .09 to test out the new hauling and minecart system, one of my weaponsmiths was possessed. Eh, they were Great already and I had a crapload of masterwork weapons for every soldier, no harm done.

They made a god damn lead axe.
I gave it to my guard Captain, because god damn that is one useless axe. Maybe it'll be worth something if they end up bashing with it more than slashing.
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nopil3os

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Re: Disappointing Artifacts
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2012, 04:57:21 am »
i have two adamantine maces. with the second one having a picture of the first one on it
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Quote from: Splint on June 09, 2012, 05:51:39 am
I'd be shocked if dwarves didn't eat the demons they killed. After all, if they're willing to eat a poison spewing monstrosity, why not a flying dinosaur thing that hates all life?
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