A young dwarf walks in with a silver battleaxe, waving as the audience cheers, a arrow strikes him in the knee, then in the head before he could scream or raise his shield, a kobold drops from the ceiling onto the corpse with a bow of copper, wearing the finest silk clothes, with one eye and a bleeding mark in his shirt in the right lung area.
"Why hello fair audience, another kill to my name." He said, pulling out a book. "I really shouldnt, but I shall." He said, waving his wrist, and the corpse shuddered and moved.
Two guards came in, but then stopped with two arrows in there heads.
"I shall now entertain you with stories of murder and the conquest of human empires!" He said, smiling and jumping up and down like a hyperactive child. "But first, my name is Kakis." he said, coldly.
"I was hatched in the kobold empire of Sabalaglukis, I cant recall my home, but I was indeed hatched in the world of Orid Rabin." he said, smiling. "We wiped out half the world, the other half were kobolds living in luxury."
"Before my time, we ravaged and murdered the countryside, elves are gone. We killed them all." He said, "Then we moved to the goblins, the cowards fled into dwarven lands, begging to be killed." "Then the humans, oh the humans. What fun they were! Even before me they were weak. We sacked them, we burned them. We wiped them out, I just mopped up survivors in the capital and counties."
"Oh, oh the dwarves were the MOST fun! We never got them, but they are SO fun to butcher! If only they lived in forests instead of mountains, then we could had reached them. But enough about history! Lets talk about me..."
"Well, as I said. I was born to Sabalaglukis, the kobold jewel of the world. I set out with nothing but a copper bow, 35 silver arrows, and my wits. I first visited the human capital of... cant recall the name, but when I went there, noone. No corpses either, I spent ages trying to find life. Noone, but one merchant trying to sell me whale meat." he said, "Tasted great." he added.
"Well, I got tired so I went off to the keep, there was three people, a Holyman, a legendary axeman, and a lawgiver. Well I asked the soldier for a mission, he looked at me with fear and told me there were dwarven bandits underground. So I went down, for three days I didnt come up. I slew dozens of bandits, humans, dwarves, a few goblins. Even a kobold turncoat." he said, smiling at the memory.
"When I came up, I reported succes, and the humans ran to a corner, accept for the axeman. He requested me to lead him to death and glory, so I brought him to a nearby necromancer tower that forever had plagued my people. Just me and my not-so-loyal companion, when we arrived, I saw what even I found horrid, three kobolds dead at the door, I remembered them from history, three great adventurers, accept for the one called Corai. He was a turncoat, I threw his corpse in a river." he said, a single gulp was heard.
"Well, me and my axeman friend charged the castle after giving the kobolds a proper burial, we fought off zombies like mad. There were so many, this guy could had made a entire castle with that many slaves! And so many children, or apprentices, whatever they were. I counted twelve."
"Well, I knew if I was going to wipe out the humans, I needed to ditch Urist mcaxelord." He said coldly. "So I went upstairs, slapped a zombie, after getting slightly mauled." He said, touching the empty eyesocket he had. "Anyway, I ran back down to him screaming for help, as he was on the ground, his leg getting ripped off by a zombie, who was biting it off." he said. "I ran outside, waited, and went back in sneakily. I watched him die slowly, ever so slowly as the zombies mauled him. After he was dead I snuck back up, killing necromancers with my bow as I went, unseen." he said.
"Then, I found it. The book of the necromancers, in the hand of one. I drew my arrow, trained it, and boom. It hit the fool in the stomach, he vomited and kneeled over, I peppered him with arrow after arrow as his zombies searched for the cause as he screamed. Eventully he died of suffocation, I ran and took the book." he said.
"But of course, the zombies saw me." He said. "But it didnt matter! I read it, and I took the corpse of the necromancer and used it as a mace until I realized how to reanimate." he said, smiling.
"And I did, he totaled his zombies, who I reanimated. Then his apprentices, all of them. The entire tower was mine in minutes."
"But of course, fate is cruel. I found a lair I just HAD to enter, a night troll was in there. I tried to run, but alas. Look at me, I died, but somehow I was reborn in here." he said sadly.
"Excuse me audience, I'll handle the vermin." The host said, getting up.
"WHAT? KOBOLDS NOT ALLOWED DWARF? I'LL EAT YOUR FACE." he said, raising his bow.
"OH, IM GONNA KILL YOU LIKE I KILL CATS." the dwarf responded.
-One of my older kobolds, I genned a great world, kobpocalypse. I just grabbed some kobold gibberish for the civ and stuff, I couldnt remember alot, so theres not alot of detail. I got pretty far only to die to a night troll.-
It looks long and epic, but its not. Its a kobold getting necro powers after killing bandits.