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Author Topic: That one guy  (Read 7031 times)

Torknick

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #45 on: May 12, 2012, 05:23:00 pm »

Give the pig basic English lessons.
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Scelly9

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #46 on: May 12, 2012, 10:15:37 pm »

Give the pig basic English Pig Latin lessons.
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Torknick

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #47 on: May 13, 2012, 08:04:42 pm »

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jimbobobby

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #48 on: May 14, 2012, 09:01:46 am »

You look at the butcher and decide its time to butcher him but you have no knife, you look around for a sharp object and spot a pig with a knife plunged inside its ass. The piggy is still alive but it appears to have been brutally violated by the menacing knife, It's time to put this soldier out of its suffering. You grab the handle of the knife and pull like a bull with thumbs, the knife becomes un-wedged from the pig as it lets out a deafening squeal. The knife is covered in blood and sewer chocolate, you casually walk back over to the butcher and start digging the knife into his skin. He's still alive but not awake, you stab him in his right side at the bottom of his body and drag the knife up his side leaving a gaping wound up the side of his body. You reach into the wound and open it up so you can see inside his body, at this point you're rather mad at him for slicing your companions and decide to make him suffer. You shake him for a while until he is awake and make him watch what you're doing to his fat, greasy body, you cut his hands off then remove the thumb of each hand. You pull his trousers to his ankles and shove his thumbs up his rectum, making him scream and leaving the tip of one of the thumbs out. You pull it out after 2 minutes and hold the knife to his throat, you say:
"Open wide fatty."
He hesitates and opens his mouth slightly, you rub the fecal matter covered thumb across his top lip so the smell will stay with him and place the thumb gently on his tongue. You tell him to eat it but he just swallows it, you decide its time to carry on. You stick the knife in his ass cheek this time and cut downwards making another wound down his ass, you carry on down to his ankle and onto his foot. You drag the knife through is fat foot and bring it to the front, you force the knife all the way up his leg until you can open the wound and reveal his leg muscle. You know you wont find the plane there but still, this guy killed your pigrades (pig comrades) and he didn't even apologize. You open the wound on his body even wider and stab him in the large intestine, about half a kilogram of feces is stored in here and it oozes out into his blood. You decide its time to finish him, you grab his heart and crush it slowly in your hands while cutting around his eyes. His eyes drop out their sockets and dangle down the side of his face, you pull the knife up and plunge it into his brain twice. You carry on with the butchering, cutting him up and you finally get to his pancreas. It's pulsing and glowing slightly, you cut it open and there it is. A plane of incarnation however this one is blank, there's nothing happening. Mr. Soul Demon interrupts your fine moment and mumbles a bunch of incomprehensible words:
"Ahh, this isn't a plane of incarnation. This is a gate to suffering, let me handle this one. Just tell me, what power do you want from this? It can be anything, I'll give you time to think about this as they are very rare."
During your thinking time you decide it's time to teach your piggy pig Latin, starting with the basics... Okay so people, it's your choice of what power you gain again, and I apologize for the longness of this post.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Equipment:
Google Nexus
Exoskeleton (worn)
Wallet
Knife
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When I was younger, I was a baby.
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bitesh

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #49 on: May 14, 2012, 09:09:52 am »

That was seriously fucking disturbing...
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It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them. The police call it "indecent exposure", but whatever.
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Torknick

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #50 on: May 14, 2012, 07:58:46 pm »

Golem-Making
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Xantalos

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #51 on: May 15, 2012, 12:01:05 am »

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jimbobobby

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #52 on: May 16, 2012, 06:41:03 pm »

You watch the gate as it starts to do all sorts of crazy stuff, unlike the planes this one stretches up to your size. Mr. Tom, the soul demon says:
"Go on! Walk inside!"
You do just that instantly, inside the gate is a room. On one of the walls words start to form in blood and semen, it says: "Welcome to suffering. Here you will be taught things that pathetic mortals can not answer. Lesson 1. Golem-Making - Say 'Pullum alas sunt miris' and the material you want.
You stare into nothing and say that alien stuff on the wall because you remember it so well and nothing happens, soul buddy says:
"Listen here dumb-ass, just say what kind of golem you want and I'll sort you out."
To which your rather unintelligent ass says:
"Chicken, boneless chicken golem."
Your soul makes a noise and before your eyes, a being made of chicken appears instantly. It must have been cooked before it was made because it's not raw and it smells amazing, you make your way over to your new buddy and at the very moment which you try to munch that bitch the world goes black and you are lost in pitch blackness. You wake up in the place which your friend, piggington is squealing noises which are almost understandable. What yer plan gon' be?
That was seriously fucking disturbing...
If this is disturbing to you then clearly you haven't played Dwarf Fortress for a while.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Equipment:
Google Nexus
Exoskeleton (worn)
Wallet
Knife
Logged
When I was younger, I was a baby.
The power of an Eskimo isn't really something you should just forget about, they can cut a hole in your ice and catch a fish in minutes.

Xantalos

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #53 on: May 16, 2012, 11:54:52 pm »

Go raid KFC for more fried chicken for golems. Not trying to be racist, just that's the only chicken restaurant I can think of.
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Sig! Onol
Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

Torknick

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #54 on: May 17, 2012, 12:56:37 am »

go to publix to buy their lemon-pepper chicken.
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jimbobobby

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #55 on: May 17, 2012, 09:00:47 am »

Guys it's not just chicken golems you can make, its anything. It can be dead people golems or even anthrax golems as long as you have it nearby and it's not alive.
You run around searching for chicken and finally you come across publix, there must be chicken in there. You run around crazily until you find lemon-pepper chicken, the sign says $34.99 for each leg. Chicken legs worth $34.99? Crazyness, anyways your soul buddy hisses something and all the chicken in here forms a human and starts moving around very clumsily. With your new companion you rush out in search for a KFC, you find one and order Mr. lemon-pepper chicken to smash into the kitchen area. He rams into the wall a few times and on the 9th try you decide to go in through the front and raid it from there, there's about 100lbs of chicken back here and a bunch of ugly, spotty and bearded teens. The boys do not have beards, your soul buddy once again knows what you want and all the chicken in the KFC which isn't already golemized forms a human, even the chicken inside of people. It starts to shudder and people start groaning and screaming as chicken is ripped from their throats leaving a huge hole and spurting out blood, soon after the golem champ is formed sirens are heard and police park their vehicles outside. One officer has a megaphone and starts shouting:
"You with the knife, come outside and put your hands up or else we will have to use lethal force."
 You can see an inexperienced officer trying to load a shotgun and dropping all the shells, there are 3 with assault rifles and 12 with riot shields. Yaw choice people.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Equipment:
Google Nexus
Exoskeleton (worn)
Wallet
Knife

Companions:
Lime-chicken golem
KFC golem
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When I was younger, I was a baby.
The power of an Eskimo isn't really something you should just forget about, they can cut a hole in your ice and catch a fish in minutes.

Xantalos

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #56 on: May 17, 2012, 10:10:59 am »

Make golems out of their guns.
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Sig! Onol
Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

bitesh

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #57 on: May 17, 2012, 11:22:06 am »

make a KFC golem out of the KFC building.
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It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them. The police call it "indecent exposure", but whatever.
Quote from: I-Ching
You lose your efficacious tortoise, and look at me till your jaw falls down.

MikaTheCrazy

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Re: That one guy
« Reply #58 on: May 17, 2012, 01:13:14 pm »

make a KFC golem out of the KFC building.
+1
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Okay fine, maybe I'm too lazy to find something to put here.
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