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Author Topic: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.  (Read 4426 times)

Bralbaard

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Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« on: April 28, 2012, 05:38:45 am »

The fortress of joyoushammer was in it's second summer when disaster struck. The forgotten beast Xan Buryraunches arrived! (a towering thornbill with forked antennae, green feathers, and a poisonous bite). The fortress was just over a year old, so this was not a good thing. I had an untrained military with no armor (I had only recently produced a few silver warhammers and bronze swords)

It effortlessly plowed through the undead draltha herds in the caverns, so I knew I was in trouble. My military confronted the creature at the entrance to my fortress. My dwarves fought bravely, but both my main squads were defeated and only some dabbling wrestlers from a third squad remained, half the population was already lost.  Xan buryraunches the abbyses of mold stormed up the stairs into the main fortress. I gave up all hope, but decided to at least check out that artifact throne I had just gotten a message about before ending the game. It was nothing special.

I went back to the forgotten beast and found out that it was....DEAD!! I checked the three surviving members of my military (two of them were badly wounded) to see who had saved my fortress, and found they had no kills. Since I felt the urge to reward the unknown hero with gifts and a legendary dining room, I looked at my other dwarves and found the hero was the most unlikely suspect. Onúl clapfountains, the legendary baby meatshield.
Her mother had given birth to her while in combat with Xan, the first thing poor Onúl saw in this world was Xan tearing apart and killing her father. Not much later Xan learned that you should never piss off a dwarven baby.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Here's the combat log for our young hero:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

« Last Edit: April 28, 2012, 06:50:50 am by Bralbaard »
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BinaryBeast1010011010

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2012, 05:43:24 am »

that's one badass baby...
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cant stop playing DF?
 : (){ :|:& };:

scriver

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2012, 05:48:50 am »

Flimsy and weak, you say? I most heartily disagree.
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Love, scriver~

Loud Whispers

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2012, 05:57:58 am »

Meatshield? Elite baby.

Corai

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2012, 05:59:02 am »

.........



.........



Kill it, it needs to get to Armok NAO.
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Jacob/Lee: you have a heart made of fluffy
Jeykab/Bee: how the fuck do you live your daily life corai
Jeykab/Bee: you seem like the person who constantly has mini heart attacks because cuuuute

Uronym

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2012, 06:11:43 am »

And thus a true warrior was born. Build your fortress around worshipping this living god of war!
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What I think we're saying is we need dwarves to riot and break things more often.

Bralbaard

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2012, 07:52:03 am »

I'm definitely going to try and raise her into adulthood, which might be a problem in this fortress. I'm waiting for the tantrum spiral to kick in after Xan's rampage. At least Onúl's Mother seems mentally stable. (ecstatic, likely because she just gave birth) We're in a terrifying 3x3 embark, the fortress occupies the only tile in this embark were it's relatively safe as it is in another non-evil biome. Luckily this is where the battle took place, otherwise I would be facing undead Xan right now.
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GoldenShadow

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2012, 11:14:00 am »

"The Troglodyte attacks The Dwarven Baby but He rolls away!"
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FalseDead

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2012, 01:42:13 pm »

Create a personal district for mother and child via a burrow that way if !FUN! starts they can seal themselves off and survive
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"Ah the Internet; where the men are men, the women are also men, and the little girls are the F.B.I."

FritzPL

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2012, 01:56:58 pm »

Poisonborn.

Sabreur

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2012, 11:06:57 pm »

Kill it, it needs to get to Armok NAO.

... I think the baby IS Armok, come to Earth in dwarven form.

Fen

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #11 on: April 29, 2012, 02:10:53 am »

Kill it, it needs to get to Armok NAO.

... I think the baby IS Armok, come to Earth in dwarven form.

Nay, that would make the skies rain blood constantly, and in one fell punch the FB would not only have died, but exploded and covered every single tile in a 29,000 Urist radius in its blood.
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Naryar

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2012, 02:22:05 am »

Clearly that baby needs not to die (listen not to the foul kobold), nor is Armok (else it would have clear physical traits, such as bleeding magma), but he is destined for greatness. And may or may not be watched by Armok.

Dwarven daycare, and the day it becomes an adult put it in the military for the rest of his life.

vicwarrior

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2012, 03:10:49 am »

A dwarven chuck norris has born.
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Mitchewawa

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Re: Onúl Clapfountains, legendary baby meatshield.
« Reply #14 on: April 29, 2012, 03:32:54 am »

I'm definitely going to try and raise her into adulthood, which might be a problem in this fortress. I'm waiting for the tantrum spiral to kick in after Xan's rampage. At least Onúl's Mother seems mentally stable. (ecstatic, likely because she just gave birth) We're in a terrifying 3x3 embark, the fortress occupies the only tile in this embark were it's relatively safe as it is in another non-evil biome. Luckily this is where the battle took place, otherwise I would be facing undead Xan right now.

IIRC, FBs cannot be necro'd.

OT: The baby got the last hit, but it died of bleed-out, *SPOIL-SPORT*.
This one time a kitten punched a FB down a flight of stairs and it exploded.
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Mitch cancels sleep: Interrupted by Clowns
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