For super-super-superperiods the P'ftangen Empire has been on the leading edge of carbon-based automatons, entertainment and military technologies. Our customers have grown to expect hardy workers, engaging shows and lightning raids. As part of our commitment to quality, we here in the P’ftangen Empire are pleased to announce, for the first time ever, the sale of our award winning Fighters and Fighter accessories!
Fighters are the pinnacle of carbon-based automatons. Their entire genome was hand-crafted by top P’ftangen scientists, ensuring that only the most desirable of traits were added.
Most carbon-based automatons have sections of their minds dedicated to useless thoughts like poetry and love. Not Fighters! Instead of music and compassion, Fighter’s minds are hardwired to industry and loyalty. How loyal? So loyal that they’ll police their own thoughts. Voluntarily! They won’t even think of freedom if you don’t tell them to!
“From Spawner to Battlefield” has long been our motto in the P’ftangen Empire, and no other carbon-based automaton embodies this motto like the Fighter! Most carbon-based automatons take several super-superperiods to develop. Fighters develop in only one superperiod! Just think of the savings! And that’s not all. A Fighter’s body is filled with tons of easily accessible nutrients. Even in death they still serve... lunch!
Don’t worry about expensive operating costs either! Fighters need NO wages, NO guards and NO addictive chemicals. Give a Fighter a breathable atmosphere and food, and he’ll be happier than a Gudmeraneian barnacle!
Fighters are the multipurpose carbon-based automaton. Fighters excel at a wide range of tasks, such as:
- Cleaning
- Cooking
- Filing Forms
- Memorizing
- Being-Computer Interfacing
- Dancing
- Playing Music
- Gladiatorial Combat
- Manufacturing
- Repair Work
- Hand-to-Hand Combat
- Packaging
- Customer Relations
- Cheap Ammo Disposal
- Being-Wave Tactics
Of course we’d be lying if we claimed that Fighters were good at everything. Fighter are terrible at:
- Writing
- Composing Music
- Tactics
- Strategy
- Poetry
- Staying Alive
- Critical Thinking
- Rebelling
- Fulfilling Base Pleasures (Trust us, we’ve checked)
If you need a carbon-based automaton to fill these roles, don’t worry. We’ve got plenty of other models that will be everything you want them to be, and more!
“Why are you being so generous?” is a question we hear a lot from our customers/prisoners. The answer if simple: Recent genetic testing in the Sector of the Moon Goddess has rendered our old Fighter genome obsolete! All of our old Fighters and Fighter accessories must go! From Fighter armour even down to the spawning pads! Even the genome itself is for sale! And as you enjoy your Fighters, remember that their spiritual brothers are up here with the P’ftangen Empire to ensure you the highest quality carbon-based automatons for super-superperiods to come.
“From Spawner to Battlefield”
You'd think that I would put the troll face in here, but no.
If you have any questions about the brochure, ask PF4-D529. He may be biased, but he's the only being you can communicate with.
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Topic: Bureaucracy: A Game of Packages (Read 65558 times)