Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[slothen]

my elves stopped bringing wood after a few years.  My wroth shall be terrible.

[Corai]

my elves stopped bringing wood after a few years.  My wroth shall be terrible.

They chopped down a tree by accident.


They have forgone anything wooden forever.

[GavJ]

Elves are not useful.  Yes, they bring cheap logs, etc.  However, this is not beneficial overall, because whenever elves show up, I inevitably spend 10 minutes in the bathroom retching into the toilet in sheer disgust at their existence.

And in those 10 minutes I could always have chopped down more trees than they bring in a caravan.

[SRD]

Elves are useful, they bring nice exotics, wood, clothes, food, for FREE.
They also train up military and get them some kills.
And even IF you manage to start a war with them, they bring oversized toothpicks and cottonbuds to pamper you with.
And did I mention the trap testing?

Humans on the other hand bring guards and try to KILL you when they bring stuff, HUMANS bring OVERSIZED ARMOUR and useless big boots! IN A WAR WITH HUMANS, THEY BRING IRON SHARP STUFFSES TO CUT YOU TO PIECES.

I'd rather two civs of elves then a human civ.

[Talvieno]

As far as I know, Toady One is eventually going to fix elves - am I right? Therefore, diplomats will come again. We will have max treecounts. We will once more be insulted. But until then:

Spoiler: Pros of humans: (click to show/hide)

They bring wicked awesome weapons.
They bring booze!
They bring meat!
They bring shields!
They bring metals!
They bring stone!

Spoiler: Pros of goblins: (click to show/hide)

Goblinite! Free weapons!
Goblinite! Free armor!
Goblinite! Free socks!
Itching for a fight? Goblins!
They attack rather than sieging!
They send little ambushes for you to snag!
They're good for army training!
They make your soldiers feel good about themselves!
Who doesn't enjoy killing goblins?
Need an enemy? You've already got one!

Spoiler: Cons of elves: (click to show/hide)

They trick you into being undwarfy and bring you animals you don't have to train.
They don't bring any metal.
Their weapons are useless in battle.
Their armor is useless in battle.
They refuse to bring meat.
They're cowards and only fight at range.
They're weaklings and offer no good combat opportunities whatsoever.
They pincushion dwarves - not a fair fight.
They try to avoid conflict... but they don't mind yelling insults at your face when they think they're safe.
Nor do they mind kicking you while you're down.
Or eating you while you're down, for that matter.
No contact - at all - with elves can be considered dwarfy in any way whatsoever. Unless it involves something they hate.
They leave if you accidentally offer armor.
They leave if you accidentally offer weapons.
They leave if you accidentally offer picks.
They leave if you accidentally offer wood.
They leave if you accidentally offer BINS even.
They insult you.
They're cannibals.
They'd eat you if given the chance.
The males are all traps. Not even !!TRAPS!!. Just traps.
They see YOUR traps before you have a chance to make them enemies with you.
They refuse to bring metal of any sort.
Need a pick? You'll have to wait.
They love trees and don't give a **** about sentient life.
They're hypocritical - because they themselves are sentient.
...or are they?
They bring wood, yes... But they don't bring it forever.
They make you dependent on them.
Then they take it all away and laugh at your dependency.
They have made a fool of you when they succeed.
Did I mention they're laughing?
They're immortal.
And yes, I figure dwarves have every right to be jealous of that.
This is why some become necromancers.
And possibly vampires.
They're too perfect to dig in the ground.
They're hypocritical (reason #2) - they chop trees and yell at you if you do it.
They're trying to corner the wood market.
The whole thing is a sham.
They're not the protector of trees, they're the protector of profit.
(Their profit)
They hate dwarves.
Magma is brought about by picks, says the elf. Therefore, magma must be evil.
If you think like an elf, anyway.
Therefore, releasing HFS on them is the ultimate insult (and injury).
What's the point of magma anyway if you can't burn things?
Thus elves are against it.
If you are an elf, you hate magma.
You hate metal.
You hate digging.
You hate giant one-shot traps.
You hate anything dwarfy.
You hate dropping ceilings from the sky.
You hate mermaid farming.
You even hate adamantine, of all things.
In fact, you hate everything except eating people, animals, and trees.
But you like cats. Everywhere. Because it would be a crime to neuter or spay them.
(because they're not sentient)
Now what kind of a life is that?
How is that dwarfy?
How does that adhere to what Dwarf Fortress is all about in any way, shape or form?
This is why I hate elves.
This is why I kill them.

[Deathworks]

Hello!

Well, I have always preferred to play a peaceful fortress (INVADERS off most of the time), so trading with whomever I can was always a core thingie. Since my fortresses usually stayed small, I never encountered the wood quotas others have complained about. Instead, there had been cases where the elves actually sent someone to make trade treaties with me - allowing me to order wood deliberately from them. This was several versions back and seemed to be very rare then.

Anyhow, since I never really bothered with the military, having giant tigers and bears roaming around my fortress and my surface statue parks (built to prevent cave adaptation) helped quite a bit against annoying wild life, and I also found them useful against kobold thieves and baby snatchers and ambushers whenever I activated invaders.

So, I never had a problem with the elves.

Yours,
Deathworks

P.S.: And why do we need an insult?

[Garath]

elfs don't bring me wood. Elf doesn't bring giant beasties to me. Elf only brings clothing and booze.

How were elves useful again? I just sell them elf meat roasts

[Talvieno]

Hello, Deathworks!

It's just a bit of Dwarf Fortress culture, mainly. The need to build things, both pointless and extravagant; the need to kill things, both hostile and friendly; the need to destroy things, with giant one-shot traps; the need to do things that exploits the game in the most rube-goldbergishly possible ways.

Technically, it's not quite a real insult. Says Google:

in·sult/inˈsəlt/
Verb:   
Speak to or treat with disrespect or scornful abuse.
Noun:   
A disrespectful or scornfully abusive remark or action.


We don't use it to hurt others, however. It's more joking around than insulting someone. If we lose the ability to joke with someone and call them and elf for fun (and often they laugh too, as it gives them a chance to prove their dwarfiness), we lose... well, honestly, not much. But we lose that joke, and that's not fun.

[Saiko Kila]

All races are useful to me, because they kill some of the zombies outside. Heck, even goblins are good for that. But all races have they disadvantages. In fact dwarves are the most disappointing, because they (like any other race) refuse to trade when one of the merchant or horses gets killed by undead. If they were elves, or humans, I'd just have taken they stuff by force. But I won't attack my own tribe's merchants, it would be not honourable. Even if they bring 5 wagons of stuff. They should be more foolhardy and adventurous, not so touchy and frail. Elves on the other hand bring no wagons, and humans bring no useful armour and clothing.

[Dunamisdeos]

Guys guys, there was a topic all about making elves useful a little bit ago. It involved egg-laying. Here it is.

http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=106278.msg3152482#msg3152482

[jellsprout]

You shouldn't discriminate. A true dwarf slaughters all.

[caddybear]

I like elves. They're fluffy.

[Malorn]

^heretic

Elves are not our friends, they are lulling us with their trade goods while they plan ways to cook us.  I say let us burn them before they burn us!

[Blizzlord]

^heretic

Elves are not our friends, they are lulling us with their trade goods while they plan ways to cook us.  I say let us burn them before they burn us!

I assume he meant that the fluff is torn out innards which to stuff the bed with. =P

[davros]

I like the elves. They sell me giant war bears.
Kobolds are the most useless.