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Author Topic: My king in a female vampire skinhead  (Read 6718 times)

Iapetus

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My king in a female vampire skinhead
« on: April 13, 2012, 04:23:42 pm »
My king has just arrived to claim my fortress as our civilization's new capital.

However, it turns out that "he" is:
a) a woman
b) a vampire
c) a shaven-headed muscle-bound swordsdwarf
d) a novice fish catcher/cleaner/disector
e) (allegedly) in her early twenties
d) has killed almost a thousand elves (and about 500 dwarves)
e) married to a 70-year-old blacksmith/hammerdwarf.

So what do you think I should do with her?
Isolate her somewhere safe?
Arrange a tragic accident?
Leave her alone and watch the ensuing !!FUN!!?
Make her a soldier for some royal ass-kicking?  (I've managed to roll up an appropriately named squad for her called the "Swords of Reigning")
« Last Edit: April 14, 2012, 02:53:50 am by Iapetus »
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Engraved on the floor is a well-designed image of a kobold and a carp.  The kobold is making a plaintive gesture.  The carp is laughing.

King DZA

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2012, 04:25:30 pm »
Sounds like it would make a good reality TV show.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2012, 04:26:24 pm »
Screen shot mandatory.

Also secret option f, all of the above.
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Dish It Out!

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2012, 04:50:07 pm »
Quote from: Iapetus on April 13, 2012, 04:23:42 pm
My king has just arrived to claim my fortress as our civilization's new capital.

However, it turns out that "he" is:
a) a woman
b) a vampire
c) a shaven-headed muscle-bound swordsdwarf
d) a novice fish catcher/cleaner/disector
e) (allegedly) in her early twenties
d) has killed almost a thousand elves (and about 500 dwarves)
e) married to a 70-year-old blacksmith/hammerdwarf.

So what do you think I should do with her?
Isolate her somewhere safe?
Arrange a tragic accident?
Leave her alone and watch the ensuing !!FUN!!?
Make her a soldier for some royal ass-kicking?  (I've managed to roll up an appropriately named squad for her called the "Royal Sabres")

I don't know man, usually the vampires deserve to die, but she sounds pretty awesome.

I think more murder is in her future.
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Iapetus

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2012, 05:03:50 pm »
Screenshots:
My nobles:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Description:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Kills:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Skills:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)


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Engraved on the floor is a well-designed image of a kobold and a carp.  The kobold is making a plaintive gesture.  The carp is laughing.

JimDale

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2012, 05:07:09 pm »
She likes cows for their haunting moos?
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Monk321654

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2012, 05:13:32 pm »
Quote from: JimDale on April 13, 2012, 05:07:09 pm
She likes cows for their haunting moos?
Who wouldn't?
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Quote from: GoombaGeek on August 07, 2012, 11:46:09 pm
This is a side-effect of dwarven animal training (hit animal with hammer until it forgets that it hates you, then lovingly cuddle it).

I'm not your average Bay12er. I care about my drunken midgets.

AWdeV

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2012, 05:32:38 pm »
Awesome.
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Quote from: BornInATrailer on August 16, 2011, 12:15:42 pm
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arzzult

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2012, 06:08:51 pm »
Quote from: King DZA on April 13, 2012, 04:25:30 pm
Sounds like it would make a good reality TV show.

Wha-? There is no such thing as good reality TV... Hell there is no such thing as reality TV, just drama shows with bad actors.
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Quote from: EmeraldWind on December 19, 2010, 10:21:32 pm
I just realized two things. 1. For the Win and F___ the World have the same initials. 2. They have the same meaning in Dwarf Fortress.

King DZA

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2012, 06:25:26 pm »
True. Reality TV in general is a putrid, endless sea of complete and utter crap. However, some areas of that sea are just ever so slightly more bearable. Being ruled by a mass-murdering, vampiric, gender confused, skinhead matriarch who enjoys fishing from time to time is one of those areas.
« Last Edit: April 13, 2012, 06:29:59 pm by King DZA »
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Eric Blank

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2012, 06:33:40 pm »
That's one cool kingQueen!

Sorry M'lady, slip of the tongue. You definitely don't look and sound like a beardless man or anything. Nope. No need to have me hammered. :P
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I make Spellcrafts!
Quote from: Andreus on June 09, 2011, 02:07:07 pm
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Kel

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2012, 06:52:53 pm »
Try and find some jumping spiders, and leave her with them. Deprive her of everything she likes, make her as miserable as possible. Give her lots of pets and then dump them in the magma. Make her go insane. Then unleash her on your fortress, and watch as your ruler destroys her own civilisation.

...wait, what do you mean you'd like to keep playing this fort for a bit longer?
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Tribes: Ascend is pretty good. Check it out here:
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Mitchewawa

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2012, 07:12:57 pm »
Her husband is a hammerdwarf, turn him into the hammerer and watch the ratings soar!

Reality TV.
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Geen

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2012, 09:30:58 pm »
Yes. She needs to kill shit. Perhaps a form of noble disposal?
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Eric Blank

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Re: My king in a female vampire skinhead
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2012, 09:49:59 pm »
Quote from: Geen on April 13, 2012, 09:30:58 pm
Yes. She needs to kill shit. Perhaps a form of noble disposal?

Drive her berserk and stuff unwanted nobles/migrants in the room with her? :P
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I make Spellcrafts!
Quote from: Andreus on June 09, 2011, 02:07:07 pm
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.
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