Not a patch on others' stories, but here are a couple from my current fort, "Nilmat/HammerBent" (named after a hammer I have, which is, er, bent. It was randomly generated, but it resonated, so I kept it).
I was getting a surprisingly high number of deaths so I did a vampire sweep and found I had three on site. Splendid. Well, I only need one, so here are the last thoughts of one of the other two.
"Mmm, trading, I've always wanted to give that a go. Might get to m-eat some interesting(ly flavoured) people. Let's have a look at the depot (I wonder what that bridge is for). Ooh, the depot's made of silver. Nice, shiny. And I've got a room here, too, right next to the depot. What's that...oh, the bridge is raising. Never mind, nobody knows my, er, secret yet, so I'll just see what's in this room. Hey, a caged minotaur! Nice."
*clunk*
"Er, nice minotaur. Niiiice minotaur. Niiiiice mi--"
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I tried to dispatch the second surplus vampire in the same way, but he won the scrap. Took two minotaurs to dispatch him and he still took one of them out. The third is now happily trading.
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Some snapshots of the conversation with my baron:
"Make me some toy boats!"
"Make me some war hammers!"
"Make me some toy boats!" Er, you know I can only request crafts in general don't you? And boats only come out occasionally? And I've already got enough to satisfy the elves for the next 200 years? (Yes, I know, but they bring me Valley Herbs, so it's either Golden Salve or we have to import a mountain of meat for Prepared Meals.)
"Make me some war hammers!" Well, OK, these will be helpful.
"Make me some toy boats!" More? Look, you've got several to play with, and I know your bath isn't *that* big cos I built it myself.
"Make me some war hammers!" Still helpful.
"Make me some toy boats!" What's with this? And you won't let me export them so it's not as if I can swap them for the cheese you crave.
"Make me some war hammers!" OK, I've got my full quota of masterwork war hammers now, thanks.
"Make me some toy boats!" Sigh...
"Make me some war hammers!" You know I'm only going to assign this job to the PFY and immediately melt them, don't you? Oh, you do. And you're not unhappy about it either. So why do you get in such a strop if I don't make them in the first place?
"Make me some toy boats!"
"Make me some war hammers!"
Look, I tell you what. Why not go and discuss all these toy boats with the trader? I'm sure he'll work out a good deal with you, then we can at least swap them for cheese.
"I'm not tired!"
Damn. OK, I'll unforbid that door, very briefly, just long enough for you to move a bit.
Baron: "Hey, nice bridge!"
Me: "No, Urist McRandomPassingDwarf (even though you can't exactly be randomly passing a lever in a cul-de-sac), don't brush past that lever! No! I said DON'T....oh..."
*splat*
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I'm thinking of erecting Baron McToyBoatFetish's memorial stone in the new mayor's bedroom. "Crushed by a drawbridge" surrounded by several forbidden toy boats might just give him a hint. However I did assign someone from Dwarf TheRapist's 150-159 section, so perhaps he'll drop dead before I get bored with his requests.