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Irish (Wealthy and Warlike)

1 (7.1%)

Picts (Powerful and Poor)

0 (0%)

Saxons (Numerous and Next to us)

4 (28.6%)

Scotish (Rich and Raidable)

3 (21.4%)

Mercians (Tiny and Tenacious)

1 (7.1%)

Northumbrians (Big and Badass)

5 (35.7%)

Total Members Voted: 10

[USEC_OFFICER]

I'll see what I can do.

EDIT: The rest of the Pictish provinces are terribly exposed. I'll just need to shuffle a couple armies around, and then we can start invading.

[NRDL]

Bump. 

[USEC_OFFICER]

Well, I'm kinda at the stage were the initial enthusiasm has worn off. Plus it's Easter too, so... yeah. Don't worry, I should have the update ready by Monday/Tuesday.

[USEC_OFFICER]

Turn 5

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Xantos's army had been sitting in Suth Seaxe for the past few years, glowering across the border at the Saxons. With the chaos and defeats on the other fronts, the orders to advance had never come, and the men were constantly spending what little money they had in the taverns.

One blustery autumn day Delta Foxtrot Sveinsson, Jarod Cain Weather-Hat, and Ed-boy Yngvarsson were whiling away the time in one of these taverns. Barbarossa Eight-Fingers was with them too, for while he was a furious and bloodthirsty fighter on the battlefield, he was also a amiable companion, once he had calmed down of course. As the four companions passed the time in conversation, the door suddenly flew open, and NRDL the White stepped into the tavern.

NRDL was a young man, still green around the edges, but turning into a fine warrior none the less. For the past year he had been  running messages between the various armies of the Viking. While not necessarily the most pleasant man to be around, he was popular in Lord Xantos's camp, for he brought news of the battles that the men were desperately craving. Thus Delta signalled the bartender for another round of drinks, and pulled up a seat for NRDL.

"Aha my boy!" Delta yelled as he slapped NRDL on the back, much to his chagrin, "It seems like years since we've last seen you!"

"It's barely been a year," NRDL replied.

"I suppose you're right," Delta muttered, "Still, when you're as bored as we are every day seems like twenty."

"Aye," Jarod replied, "I remember telling Ed-boy that we should ride the horses to some village for some market they were holding
in three days time. Of course I happened to forget the date and showed up at his tent the next day!"

Ed-boy nodded. "And we still went to the village anyways!"

Barbarossa looked up from his drink and rolled his eyes, "Just shut up so that NRDL can tell us about the fighting already."

Everybody suddenly hushed up and looked expectantly at NRDL, who sighed and took a swing from his tankard.

"Did you hear the news about Mierce yet?"

"What news?" asked Delta, "Didn't we take the province already?"

"Aye, but the Saxons came back in force and King Sigurd was forced to leave the province without a fight. It happened not long after I last arrived in Suth Seaxe."

"I always took Sigurd to be a coward," muttered Ed-boy.


"The Saxons outnumbered him nearly three to one," rebuked NRDL, "and half of King Sigurd's force was peasants."

"So we lost Mierce," said Barbarossa, "What about Middle Engle?"


"The Saxons had managed to shuffle some reinforcements to help their strongholds. A fat load of good it did them too.



Lord Cnut just cut them down with arrows and catapult rocks before charging in to finish off the rest.


It was a horrible blood-bath. All of their fighting troops were killed by hails of arrows, so only the peasants and garrison troops were left to face our huscarls.


All told I think that we lost twenty-five of our soldiers to kill almost ten times that number of Saxons."

Delta smiled into his tankard as Jarod scowled. "Cut down by arrows?" Jarod muttered, "where in Hel is Cnut's honour?"

"What we need now is victories, not honour," replied Delta. "Honour won't bring the dead back to life."

"Aye, but maybe they'll die a little easier," retorted Jarod, "But enough of this. What else happened, NRDL? What were the king's
plans once the campaigning season came again?"


"Only a simultaneous attack on four Saxon provinces at once. Some said that the King was mad, but most of the targets were lightly  defended, and several were merely feigns to keep the Saxon army holed up in Mierce. Overall I'd say that the plan was far too ambitious, but not foolhardy."

"And how did the King know that these targets were lightly defended?" asked Barbarossa.

"From his spies, I suppose.


A couple of them had apparently told him that the Saxons where gearing up for an offensive, so the King wanted to keep them on the wrong foot for as much as possible."

The men around the table nodded slightly. "And how did things go?" asked Ed-boy.

NRDL shook his head. "Not good. The New Welsh Army met the forces of Lord Ælfweard in Wrocen Saetan. Er... you know who Lord Ælfweard is, right?"

"No," said Delta, "Enlighten us."

"Well Lord Ælfweard is pretty much the best general the Saxons have period. He's probably even the best general in the whole of the
British Isles."

"What?" bellowed Barbarossa, "Surely you haven't forgotten about Lord Xantos?"

"I'll admit that Xantos is an able general, but Ælfweard is still better. Perhaps not by much, but by enough. Remember about the
defeat of the Old Army of Wales? Well, Lord Ælfweard was the general of the Saxon army at that battle. And let me tell you, the New Welsh Army didn't fare all that better.


Lord Ælfweard was outnumbered nearly two to one, but all of his men were veterans from earlier battles.






We managed to kill half of his force, but still, we were never in danger of winning.


The army attacking Hwiecce was mostly peasants, but against sixty or so archers would have been able to win easily.


However the Saxon King had managed to gather together a band of sixty horsemen before the battle.


The results were predictable.


The attack on Middel Seaxe didn't go anywhere.


The Saxons didn't want to advance into catapult range and we didn't have the troops to tackle them head-on.



Eventually a snow-storm just blew through and both sides returned to their camps."

Jarod frowned at NRDL. "A snowstorm? Were we really campaigning so late in winter?"

"Aye, we did," replied NRDL. "However we happened to lose a lot of supplies in Middel Engle."

"What?" asked Delta, "Lost how exactly?"


"The Saxons came in force to take the province back.


The last I heard the defenders had retreated to a couple strongholds and were waiting for reinforcements."

"That can't be all the news you have!" exclaimed Barbarossa. "Surely you have more."

"Aye, but I hardly want to keep Middle Engle waiting."

Everyone around the table frowned as they puzzled out NRDL's statement.

"So... you got that promotion your wanted?" asked Ed-boy.

"I suppose that you could say that."

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

NRDL the White quickly glanced at the reports his scouts had brought about the Saxon army.

The Saxon army occupying Middle Engle was mostly cavalry, with only four hundred or so heavy infantry, and far less than the heavy infantry he had at his disposal. Why then was the Saxon commander marching his troops through the woods?


It was completely and utterly baffling, but NRDL wasn't exactly going to correct him.


With his left flank protected by his catapults, NRDL ordered his army to advance to the edge of the woods. Ideally he would be able
to form a shield wall inside the woods, but by doing so his siege machines would be far too exposed.


The enemy Saxons charged the Viking line through the hail of arrows shot by the Prince of Defet and his Welshmen.


They took heavy casualties from the rain of arrows, yet still they advanced grimly on to meet the Viking axes.


With a crunch the two lines met, yet the Vikings did not give up an inch.


Soon the Saxon's limbs began to weary, and their vision clouded with the fog of fatigue.


Slowly the Vikings pushed the indomitable Saxons back, and into the forest.


Pushed back into the woods, and with their line hacked to bits by the Viking axes, the Saxons finally turned and ran.


Many Saxons were able to flee the field, since the Vikings were just as weary, and they lacked any horsemen to speak of.


Yet for Saxon that fled, almost two were lying on the field of battle. NRDL had earned a glorious victory indeed.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Sorry for taking so long with the update. Easter was busier than I expected.

Anyways I seem to keep on losing men in Wales, mostly due to the fact that Lord Ælfweard keeps on defending Wrocen Saetan. As a six star general, all of the men under his command get +3 valour, which is a significant amount. factor in all the valour his armies get from smashing us, and things don't look too good. However we happen to have a wonder general of our own, namely NRDL, who is currently commanding the relief forces in Middle Engle, which is basically the Old Royal Army and whatever grunts could reach the province in time. He's a (natural!) five star general, and the kingship of Strathclyde was open, so he gets +2 stars from his fancy new title. He also has high loyalty and dread, which is just icing on the cake at this point.

Now, you're probably wondering why I ended this turn so early (it's only been three turns in game so far). Well, look at this:


The Saxons are currently embroiled in a little-mini civil war. The rebels are pretty much Alfred Waldren and a couple random units, but still good for us. Also note that we have a spy next to Alfred, so obviously he has been earning his keep.

Another reason why I ended the turn here is that the invasion for Pictland is now ready. A back-up army is ready for Sheb, and hopefully I'll manage to scrape together another one for Sirus, so that he can join in the fun too. The Picts have quite honestly shifted all of their forces down south. Look at this:



(Almost) Empty provinces as far as the eye can see. Admittedly Domon is heavily armed, but they have no way to reach the mainland without boats, so we don't exactly care about them.

As for the Saxons, my plan is to basically give NRDL all the huscarls I can, and then wave him off. Huscarls with +3 valour should be able to tear through almost anything. Once the Saxons get bloodied enough, then maybe I'll finally decide to start moving Xantos's army around. At the very least he'll attack West Seaxe, whose forces is pretty much split evenly between Saxons and Rebels right now. If we're lucky the Rebels might even join our side in the battle. Since West Seaxe is the single most advanced province the Saxons have, giving it to the Rebels is infinitely more preferable than leaving it in their hands. Plus if it turns rebel, then Xantos can take the Southernmost Saxon provinces while they deflect Saxon armies for a couple turns. It'll be a win-win situation for everybody.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Norse word for moustache can be literally translated as 'Lip Beard'.

[NRDL]

...Thank you.  Just, just thank you.

My army is going to be the hammer that will bash the Saxons into submission?  YES!!!

I don't even care about a mercenary army anymore, I had no idea I would get somebody as good as this! 

[Sheb]

Nice. Are you going to attack the Picts straight on, or will you land troops in most of their defenceless provinces at once, to strike an heavy blow and deprive them of funding?

[MonkeyHead]

For what its worth, this LP made me dust down my copy of Shogun and give it a blast. After a week or so I found it strangly unrewarding, so obtained a copy of this, and have been having a great old time taking over the British Isles as the Welsh (Welsh Bandits are pretty damn good - top quality archers, fast, good melee and charge, and to top it all can stealth in open fields. Shame they are ridicously expensive), and Northern and Eastern Europe as the Danes (who are ridicoulosly OP in the Early period thanks to thier Viking units - granted, you cant train any more after about 1200 which makes any you still have kind of useless, but my trading network goes from the Baltic to the Nile coast, so I have more than enough cash to replace them with standard units). Waiting for the Golden Horde to arrive as the first people they will run into will be my eastern outposts around Muscovy, Smolensk and Lithuania. Should be entertaining.

[USEC_OFFICER]

I don't even care about a mercenary army anymore, I had no idea I would get somebody as good as this!

Neither did I.

Nice. Are you going to attack the Picts straight on, or will you land troops in most of their defenceless provinces at once, to strike an heavy blow and deprive them of funding?

I'll probably start in the Orcades and work my way down. Once a couple of the stacks in Fib move north (or kill themselves in Lothene) then our armies will start moving from the south. Ideally I would be able to attack Athfothla and Monoth at the same time, so that we can get some of those retreating shenanigans that happened with the Welsh. Of course if that happens then Domon will be swarming with Pictish troops, but we can never have too much money.

After we conquer Pictland and the Picts are safely contained in Domon then we can easily launch a simultaneous, three province attack on the Scottish, since we'll have three armies in the area (Sheb's, Sirus's and the third one that'll take over border duty from Sheb). After wiping out the Scots on the mainland Ulster will be a breeze. No fortresses or infrastructure besides mines/farms, and it's protected by the same two units since the start of the game (a unit of spearmen/archers). Actually, I would probably be able to find four units of landsmen from somewhere to take Ulster at the same time as the rest of Scotland, thus pretty much wiping them out in one turn (unless they manage to fight us off in Cyil).

Waiting for the Golden Horde to arrive as the first people they will run into will be my eastern outposts around Muscovy, Smolensk and Lithuania. Should be entertaining.

Best of luck to you.

[MonkeyHead]

Bah, that was an anticlimax. Turns out the Great Khan shows up as a lowly 3 star general with no heirs. A zero valour assasin took him out and reduced the horde to a minor nuisance ready to be mopped up.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Soon the mighty Viking emire will stretch all the way to the Eastern Steppe...

[USEC_OFFICER]

Crap. Medieval Total War has suddenly stopped working on me for some reason. Whenever I try to run the game, a message about ~f39a36.tmp crashing pops up and then the game stops.^1. Uninstalling/reinstalling has gotten me nowhere, and according to the internet ~f39a36.tmp is just a random temp file that some programs use. I'll try running some scans on the off-chance that something I've recently installed^2. has messed with some random files that Medieval Total War (and only Medieval Total War) uses, but I doubt that it'll work.

Anyways just letting you guys know that this LP is on hold until further notice, perhaps indefinitely. Any suggestions would be helpful, even if I don't exactly expect them to work.
<sup>1. Well, M_TW.exe (or whatever) keeps on running, but it doesn't actually do anything besides take up a chunk of memory.
2. If you're wondering, it's the old Discworld video-game3., from 1996 or something like that. Ironically enough it was completely unplayable, since it would crash when you tried to enter certain rooms.
3. I'm going on a Discworld binge, if you're wondering. To heap on the irony, I quite literally thought "This can't possibly go wrong" as I was installing the game.</sup>

[MonkeyHead]

I have had multiple issues with it recently too - basically, clicking on Sweeden would CTD. Turns out that the game simply cant cope with newer grapical settings/cards. There are huge numbers of threads on the Total War forums about it, and it boils down to a few issues...

• If you are playing on a laptop with integrated graphics chip, there isnt a whole lot you can do. The game cant cope with being forced to display a square resolution on a widescreen laptop - changing your lappys resolution to a square one might help, but didnt for me and didnt for others too.
• Turning off AGP filtering in dxdiag might help. Didnt for me.
• Antialiasing of x2 or x4 might work, if you have a GPU with such settings enabled
• nVIdia cards with newer drivers CTD the game a lot. Peiple had success with rolling drivers back to ones from around 2002/2003
• Some DVD players interact in an odd way with Medieval.exe - use task manager to close them if they run in the background

Nothing worked for me and I had to play without interacting with Sweeden at all - this was a game killer as Sweeden was one of my core provinces geared up to prodce ranged units with multiple morale, weapon and armour upgrades. As a result I have uninstalled the game in a fit of WTF like angers.

[USEC_OFFICER]

I have had multiple issues with it recently too - basically, clicking on Sweeden would CTD. Turns out that the game simply cant cope with newer grapical settings/cards. There are huge numbers of threads on the Total War forums about it, and it boils down to a few issues...

• If you are playing on a laptop with integrated graphics chip, there isnt a whole lot you can do. The game cant cope with being forced to display a square resolution on a widescreen laptop - changing your lappys resolution to a square one might help, but didnt for me and didnt for others too.
• Turning off AGP filtering in dxdiag might help. Didnt for me.
• Antialiasing of x2 or x4 might work, if you have a GPU with such settings enabled
• nVIdia cards with newer drivers CTD the game a lot. Peiple had success with rolling drivers back to ones from around 2002/2003
• Some DVD players interact in an odd way with Medieval.exe - use task manager to close them if they run in the background

Nothing worked for me and I had to play without interacting with Sweeden at all - this was a game killer as Sweeden was one of my core provinces geared up to prodce ranged units with multiple morale, weapon and armour upgrades. As a result I have uninstalled the game in a fit of WTF like angers.

Since it has worked perfectly fine before, I'm assuming that it's not suddenly freaking out over my video card. The only connection that I could find between ~f39a36.tmp crashing and Medieval Total War was due to incorrectly modding the game. Needless to say I haven't been modding the game. Bah.

Since Medieval Total War still isn't working properly, this LP is now officially dead baring any acts of God. Sorry about that folks.

[Sheb]

Damn. It's a shame: the LP was brilliant.

[Jarod Cain]

Agreed, it was fun while it lasted though. Thanks for the game USEC.
-J-

[Sirus]

Was fun whilst it lasted. Shame about the technical difficulties, but they're a part of life. I'm looking forward to your next LP!