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[Knight of Fools]

Reminds me of a conversation I had with my friend.

Friend: "Can you poop without peeing?"

Me: "Wha?"

[Lord Dullard]

...your friend has a cloaca?

[Knight of Fools]

 

I didn't ask.

[Draco18s]

cloaca

One of my favorite words.

Although I admit, it's partly because you can say it on day-time TV.

[Enzo]

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/303082050/62677132?token=80cb56b7

why wasn't this aproved? this project deserved a chance to properly fail. i've seen less interesting projects go live

Really, he needs $85k to write a book on how people react when you poop in their bed? They don't fucking like it.

Pretty sure it's a joke, though. His name's "Jasper S Preston Esq" and his picture is a kid with a paper bag over his head. Actually no, careful examination indicates it's definitely a joke. Read the rewards :/

[penguinofhonor]

The $100 level polaroid and hotel item, a signed first edition of the book, PLUS I will come to your home and make a personal deposit on your bed. This personal deposit will receive the full Defecation Vacation treatment (photo and short story) and be added to the official Defecation Vacation website, which will be set up upon funding. These entries may also appear in future printings of the book.

this is pretty fantastic though

on a side note, how does one go about getting esq appended to the end of their name? i might be interested if it doesn't require any real work

[Megaman]

Just start calling yourself that. Always works.

[Sensei]

Wiki gives a history of the word -it's gone through a lot of different meanings- but yeah it pretty much boils down to you can use it whenever you think you can get away with it.

Anyway, from the Your World comments:

I see you removed the option to buy stocks. Good on you. Believe it or not, I'd hate to see you get in trouble over this.

Actually I removed it because all the available stocks have been issued.

Facepalm? Head-desk? Those are getting old. I need something new to describe what has happened.

[Megaman]

And lo, Your World failed, suprising no one.

[NobodyPro]

As was foretold.

[PTTG??]

The "backstory" looks like someone took 70 different terrible fanfiction universe backstories and ran them through a markov generator.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Story:

A true utopia is not beyond your reach. It was once present, noble explorer, on the very ground you now stand on. It can be that way again, should you be brave enough.

It began in the Age of Ruin, when darkness overturned the light with but a whim and a gesture. Dark powers gathered quickly out of the void, enveloping this world in totality. The once great power that transcended such mundane names that the people would give it ruled with will alone. Its moniker, for it was neither male nor female, was only alluded to in whispers and fragments of a conversation. Our people, your people of ancestry, called it Thomen, which means the Death-Bringer in the ancient tongue.

This is how our world started, birthed in black fire and crimson rage. Our people were made for the slavery of Thomen, but it was not meant to last. A spark of hope was fanned by the people into a savior.

A young man who was called Karta the Unwillful, defied Thomen and its evil machinations and lead our people into an uprising. With the power of a thousand suns Karta succeeded when he should have failed. Luck had favored Karta, and a new age begun with our ancestors now in control of the world.

This is how Telgara came to be. Our long past was founded on the Age of Ruin, using the strength of darkness to ironically forge a place of beauty. The ground beneath your feet is a breath-taking blue and the smell in the air is beyond explanation.  Instead of constant midnight skies the day would be alive with a purple glow, enhanced by the triple suns.

Ah, and the suns! The magnificent suns which Karta himself hung for our people to admire and live by. When we asked him to watch over us to keep us safe, he instead made the triple suns to become the eternal watchers. Their strength would forever keep the shadows at bay, their awful burden divided up into thirds.

The first sun, Mo, is the pillar of the three. It is unfettering and the first line of defense against the always encroaching darkness. It is red, the color of purity.

The second sun, Hila, is the fulcrum of the three. It is versatile in its duties, always changing and moving around our world in order to safeguard the peripheral places where darkness tends to hide. It is orange, the color of faith.

And the third sun, Grunu, is the tether between the other two. It allows for our people to retain control over our own defenses and helps measure the needed force of protection. It is blue, the color of fellowship.

Karta placed these three suns into the sky of Telgara because he knew that he would not always be among us. Karta the Unwillful was also Karta the Wise, for he was fully aware that too much power placed in one entity would undoubtedly twist and reshape him. He was concerned that he would become more like the Death-Bringer, usurping ideology and becoming what he so hated.

So, Karta left us, vanishing into the void from whence all things come.

But the triple suns hung over us, always watching, always protecting. We knew that Karta would return should we need him. Content in our safety, we turned inward and developed our culture.

We Telgarians are an advanced race of people. We were a world of many races that all worked for the betterment of our society. From our own factions sprung the different societies, and while infighting was inevitable, as all great cultures would learn, we came to the realization that together nothing would ever be able to stop our growth.

War was quickly abolished; hunger and famine that had resulted from the attacks on us were in the past. Illness was but a memory as our great technologies swept the lands, uniting us once more. We were a people of peace again, and focus was placed on learning and wisdom. Our technology, empowered by the same magic that Karta had developed for the triple suns, enhanced our lives in ways that seemed impossible.

And yet, we continued to thrive, perhaps too much.

One day all of that changed. Our world began to rumble and quake. Our lands began to open up and swallow anything and everything. Our most advanced scientist could not predict such a devastating geological event, as it came on so quick and without warning. Our technology and our magic were of no help to us.

The great watchers, Mo, Hila, and Grunu were powerless. They had been placed against a specific threat, that of the darkness in the sky. But this threat did not come from above. Karta preserve us, it came from below, and we were unable to stop it.

We couldn’t evacuate the planet. We tried everything. Our technology and magic was useless against such a specific problem, one we had never anticipated.

Most of our society and its people were lost.

In a last ditch effort to force the suns to save us, survivors took control of Grunu and tried to twist the intentions of the remaining two suns. The triple suns backlashed, refusing unrighteous control, and scorched the ground.

Centuries passed. The remnants of our people delved inward, seeking solace inside Telgara itself. We became nocturnal, avoiding the suns that we had angered. Through hard-fought adversity we had dwindled numbers, but we still survived.

The planet began to heal itself, as all things do. Life once again started to form. Plants began to grow and the world was made anew. Millions of years have passed and now new races of beings live on Telgara, unaware of the planet’s past. For this reason our survivors are called the Keepers, as they cherish the true history.

The fire from the triple suns that had scorched the face of Telgara has created a new gene pool for life to spring forth from. Telgarians are now a mix of all life forms that once roamed the planet, after having merged and adapted to survive. The nocturnal Keepers are the only link to how things were after the Age of Ruin, and the new populaces were now the new Telgarians.

These new Telgarians are only in the infancy of life when compared to their namesake, today living in small homes and towns instead of the sprawling advanced societies. They have only built one city for large trade and social gatherings. They are growing as they find and explore the technology that was once ours. They know not where it came from, but are learning from it nonetheless.

We Keepers have taken it upon ourselves to guard the land below just as the triple suns watch the skies. We are now the line of defense against the very cataclysm that destroyed us. It is the Keepers duty to stand guard and watch over these new Telgarians.

And guard we shall, for we have noticed the return of the ancient evil that once plagued Telgara.

The new Telgarians will soon face a threat that comes from the stars themselves. The exploration of our technology without the wisdom to wield it has brought upon the planet Vortexes that have opened up door ways to another planet, a planet where a forgotten foe had been hiding.

Thomen, the Death-Bringer, has found a way back to Telgara, and it will not be stopped.

Through these Vortexes an alien race has begun an invasion. Creatures, loyal to Thomen and unlike anything seen before, are ravishing their resources. Entire communities are rendered inert within a single hour. Killing anything that stands in their way and taking what they wish. They are destroying homes and towns as they wonder our world.

Telgarians try to fight this invading force, but they keep coming. Their only hope is to master the technology they find, close the Vortexes forever, and destroy the alien forces on the planet. The Keepers have been staving off what problems we can, however our efforts are not lasting. Soon, the Telgarians will be placed into a corner from which they might not emerge triumphant.

I have seen through one of the Vortexes and an armada from the alien world is on its way. Their only hope is to gain the ability to fly into space and meet them before they arrive. If they cannot then the Telgarians may once again be annihilated from the face of Telgara.

This cannot happen. Thomen cannot triumph and begin a new Age of Ruin. Karta has not returned as promised…unless perhaps he has chosen a new form. Perhaps the form of a brace explorer, willing to watch summon the power that is needed.

I believe that you are this warrior, explorer, and new savior. Telgara can be brought back to its glory and saved from the darkness, should you choose the right path. Take flight and embrace our destiny!

And just in case that's not bad enough:

oh and that is just the 1st draft to give you a taste of the story. The final is going to be about 4K words.

[Leafsnail]

on a side note, how does one go about getting esq appended to the end of their name? i might be interested if it doesn't require any real work

I occasionally get it on spam letters that are really trying too hard to act deferential.

[lordcooper]

Brainstab?

[penguinofhonor]

on a side note, how does one go about getting esq appended to the end of their name? i might be interested if it doesn't require any real work

I occasionally get it on spam letters that are really trying too hard to act deferential.

Hm, if I use spam letters as a precedent I might be able to get other people to start using it too.

[Tilla]

http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2012/05/01/kickstopped-the-strange-case-of-mythic-gods-men/ This one got caught before it took off - the first outright scam I've seen. Most of the art is stolen and slightly tweaked in photoshop from other sites, and none of their staff are actually who they claimed they were (Blizzard veterans etc). Good that Kickstarter managed to catch them in the act.