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Author Topic: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru  (Read 1934 times)

Kamamura

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Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« on: March 08, 2012, 08:48:42 am »

Siru was happy. The latest raid on catacombs in the capital city was very profitable, but the loot was heavy. Siru headed to the first jewelery and traded all those only slightly bloodstained pikes, swords and armor parts for gems. Gems, Siru thought, has a great advantage over coins in the fact that they are universally accepted.

What Siru underestimated was that his zinc chest can store only five or so jewels before it fills - so before he knew it, he was standing there with about 50 precious stones in each hand. "Have a nice day - and no refunds!" shouted the jeweler, locking his shop - Siru's purchase was obviously large enough for him to retire in comfort.

"What am I gonna do, how will I fight?" shouted Siru in despair. "Stupid human, fight with what human have!" grunted a passing goblin clothier, one of the honorable inhabitants of the city, "If no legs, fight with a crutch. If no hands, bite. And if jewels instead of weapons - fight with the stinking jewels!" Siru calmed down - not a bad idea after all.

The next bandit leader laughed at Siru, slicing the air with his bronze scimitar. But his laugh did not last - the first thrown jade cabochon chipped his leg bone, the second cracked one of his teeth. And then Siru was upon him - bandit tried to parry, tried to feint, tried to counter, but it was all too quick for him. The stones were extremely small, extremely blunt, and hit extremely hard. The colors flashed before his eyes as jewels danced in Siru's hands, changing positions and striking from the most unexpected angles - a citrine smashed his head, an olivine broke his right hand, and finally a clear-cut, unblemished diamond smashed the brain out of his head. The bandit was first who misunderestimated the power of the harmless looking stones, but he was certainly not the last.

Siru's fame flew with all the four winds to distand lands, he slew many and many beasts with his stones and founded the fencing school called "The way of celestial jewels". He restored the prestige of miscellaneous item fighting styles and even won a title of mixed martial arts champion under the nickname "The Infernal Juggler", but that is yet another story.
« Last Edit: March 08, 2012, 08:51:00 am by Kamamura »
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The entire content consists of senseless murder, a pile of faceless naked women and zero regard for human life in general, all in the service of the protagonist's base impulses. It is clearly a cry for help from a neglected, self absorbed and disempowered juvenile badly in need of affectionate guidance. What a sad, sad display.

terkiey

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2012, 10:50:40 am »

I feel as if no-one will actually post, because it is hard to say anything about that awesome story.

So...

Cool story bro.
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BinaryBeast1010011010

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2012, 11:53:04 am »

Indeed. Bravo!
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #3 on: March 08, 2012, 03:24:22 pm »

I feel as if no-one will actually post, because it is hard to say anything about that awesome story.

So...

Cool story bro.

Or tldr. OP THROWING FTW

Kamamura

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2012, 05:49:08 pm »

Well, a good story or a bad story, it's difficult to tell for the person that writes the stuff. Whatever the case, I can't keep myself from writing them, because they amuse me greatly and I feel the need to share them, but all the people I know think Dwarf Fortress is crazy (even those playing regular computer games think so).

Anyway, it's not just overpowered throwing - those were actually melee attacks, and what was super-cool - each time with a different stone. Seems if you carry multiple items, the actual striking item is chosen randomly. Also, since they are small (small contact area) and blunt, they seem to be insanely efficient in chipping and breaking bones (and my character was not even especially skilled with misc weapons). I look forward to the day when the bug will be corrected.
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The entire content consists of senseless murder, a pile of faceless naked women and zero regard for human life in general, all in the service of the protagonist's base impulses. It is clearly a cry for help from a neglected, self absorbed and disempowered juvenile badly in need of affectionate guidance. What a sad, sad display.

UltraValican

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #5 on: March 08, 2012, 05:56:17 pm »

Well, a good story or a bad story, it's difficult to tell for the person that writes the stuff. Whatever the case, I can't keep myself from writing them, because they amuse me greatly and I feel the need to share them, but all the people I know think Dwarf Fortress is crazy (even those playing regular computer games think so).

Anyway, it's not just overpowered throwing - those were actually melee attacks, and what was super-cool - each time with a different stone. Seems if you carry multiple items, the actual striking item is chosen randomly. Also, since they are small (small contact area) and blunt, they seem to be insanely efficient in chipping and breaking bones (and my character was not even especially skilled with misc weapons). I look forward to the day when the bug will be corrected.
It's not a bug. If your stong enough you can jam a sock in someones skull.
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Kamamura

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #6 on: March 08, 2012, 06:11:41 pm »

But being able to hold 50 different items in one hand and alternate them when attacking surely is, isn't it?
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The entire content consists of senseless murder, a pile of faceless naked women and zero regard for human life in general, all in the service of the protagonist's base impulses. It is clearly a cry for help from a neglected, self absorbed and disempowered juvenile badly in need of affectionate guidance. What a sad, sad display.

NonconsensualSurgery

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2012, 12:50:26 am »


It's not a bug. If your stong enough you can jam a sock in someones skull.

Ever actually TRY to jam a sock through someone's skull?

Maybe kill them by throwing a thong at them?

DF physics has... outstanding, yet hilarious, issues. I like it the way it is; killing the world with your pants should be an option.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #8 on: March 09, 2012, 03:38:26 pm »


It's not a bug. If your stong enough you can jam a sock in someones skull.

Ever actually TRY to jam a sock through someone's skull?

Maybe kill them by throwing a thong at them?

DF physics has... outstanding, yet hilarious, issues. I like it the way it is; killing the world with your pants should be an option.

1. Obviously the Dwarfs are using socks as clothy-gauntlets of doom!
2. Thongs become that more dangerous when they have menacing spikes on them. Even worse if a Dwarf wore them.

UltraValican

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #9 on: March 09, 2012, 03:55:40 pm »


It's not a bug. If your stong enough you can jam a sock in someones skull.

Ever actually TRY to jam a sock through someone's skull?

Maybe kill them by throwing a thong at them?

DF physics has... outstanding, yet hilarious, issues. I like it the way it is; killing the world with your pants should be an option.
I have. In past versions(last one) to be exact.
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Flying Dice

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #10 on: March 09, 2012, 04:05:11 pm »


It's not a bug. If your stong enough you can jam a sock in someones skull.

Ever actually TRY to jam a sock through someone's skull?

Maybe kill them by throwing a thong at them?

DF physics has... outstanding, yet hilarious, issues. I like it the way it is; killing the world with your pants should be an option.
I have. In past versions(last one) to be exact.

To be fair, you should probably imagine a legendary sock-striker as a world class boxer who wears socks on his hands.
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UltraValican

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #11 on: March 10, 2012, 08:56:26 am »


It's not a bug. If your stong enough you can jam a sock in someones skull.

Ever actually TRY to jam a sock through someone's skull?

Maybe kill them by throwing a thong at them?

DF physics has... outstanding, yet hilarious, issues. I like it the way it is; killing the world with your pants should be an option.
I have. In past versions(last one) to be exact.

To be fair, you should probably imagine a legendary sock-striker as a world class boxer who wears socks on his hands.
Details,Details. A sock through the the brain is a sock through the brain. :P
Edit-Forum trouble.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2012, 08:59:21 am by UltraValican »
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agentorangesoda

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #12 on: March 10, 2012, 10:56:00 pm »

You can actually pierce the brain by throwing liquids if you are lucky...
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Fen

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #13 on: March 11, 2012, 04:46:12 am »

Need we be reminded of the Fluffy Warbler/Bronze Colossus incident?
DF physics is beyond strange. But it's awesome that way.
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miauw62

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Re: Mad jeweller Siru Thorasiru
« Reply #14 on: March 11, 2012, 04:55:21 am »

I feel as if no-one will actually post, because it is hard to say anything about that awesome story.

So...

Cool story bro.

You must mean ashtonishing theory !!professor!! !
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