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[kaijyuu]

You're conflating both hypothetical scenarios; I wouldn't be likely to hit on someone in the middle of a night on a dark street. A public gathering of some sort though? It's possible.

[XXSockXX]

Of course, but that's something different altogether. Sheb particularly asked for thougths on the lonely-street-at-night scenario.

[kaijyuu]

He did. I answered that one and I posed another one

[Loud Whispers]

Heh, why would you make yourself look non-threatening? Just asking to get mugged.

[Max White]

There's something I wanted to talk about. Recently we had a mini-controversy around here after a feminists posted a list of advice to men to make women feel safer. Now, amongst them was "When I'm walking behind a woman at night, I cross the street to give her a wide berth." Now, my first reaction was "Fuck that, I'm already doing my part by not raping anyone, thank you very much". But she was raising some interesting point about the fact that women are brought up in the fear of being raped by strangers (never mind that rapist are more often than not people you know).

So yeah, I'd like the forum's opinion on this.

You know I go to the gym regularly, and while there I'm in a place with other guys, many of whom are significantly bigger and stronger than I, and while I may not know their political views I'm sure considering the number of other people it is statistically likely a few, maybe one or two of them are homophobic, and strong enough to beat the living shit out of me if they chose.
Would it be reasonable for me to want other men there to actively avoid me just to make me feel more secure? No, that would be total bullshit, most of them are really nice people. I'm not going to make such silly demands on people who have done nothing wrong just because there are a few bad apples in the world.
If a woman feels uncomfortable walking near me at night, she can cross the damn road. I refuse to get to the back of the bus.


Anyway, the fact of the matter is that while the vast majority of people aren't going to want to beat me up, some will. I haven't been bought up in fear, it is just a rational concern. In the same way any women that is slightly worried when a guy walks behind her at night has rational reason to do so as sexual assault is a real thing that actually happens. Once you demand that all guys cross the road just for her sense of safety, not actual safety as the vast majority of these guys are fine, but just the feeling of being safe, you are getting unreasonable.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Well, if we're talking about rational fears, then women should be more wary of their friends and family than random people on the street, as it is the former that makes up the majority of sexual assaults.

[Loud Whispers]

Well, if we're talking about rational fears, then women should be more wary of their friends and family than random people on the street, as it is the former that makes up the majority of sexual assaults.

And it is the latter that will mug them.

[XXSockXX]

Heh, why would you make yourself look non-threatening? Just asking to get mugged.

I usually try to appear somewhat threatening and it seems to work, as I never got mugged. Maybe I was just lucky.

I did notice however that women tend to call someone to tell them they're at the train station or something like that when they encounter me alone at night, which - combined with what female friends tell me - has made me a bit more aware in that regard. I'm paranoid in reverse too, I always offer to accompany female friends to their cars and have my girlfriend call or text me when she's out alone.

[Bauglir]

Eh. Are you obligated to cross to the other side of the street? No, probably not. Can it be a nice thing you do to make somebody else's day better? I don't really think this is a case where we ought to be codifying principles of behavior to be enforced, but it does seem like a perspective worth being aware of so you can properly demonstrate courtesy to people who might hold it (which seems like a reasonably large number of people).

[Graknorke]

But if you go out of your way to appear less threatening it just makes you more sinister.

[penguinofhonor]

If you go out of your way to cross the street, it just makes it look like you need to be on that side of the street.

[XXSockXX]

But if you go out of your way to appear less threatening it just makes you more sinister.

Oh, come on. How is a guy with a wide grin cradling a cute invisible teddy bear sinister? 

If you go out of your way to cross the street, it just makes it look like you need to be on that side of the street.

Which is indeed a problem if you'd have to cross back later. In that case I'd just walk faster.

[smirk]

In that case I'd just walk faster.

Not such a good idea. If the woman ahead of you is already freaked by your presence, what's she gonna think when she hears your footsteps speed up? Recipe for a macing, is that.

[Sheb]

Good mace is illegal here then. :p

[XXSockXX]

In that case I'd just walk faster.

Not such a good idea. If the woman ahead of you is already freaked by your presence, what's she gonna think when she hears your footsteps speed up? Recipe for a macing, is that.

Right, but that means just one awkward moment till you passed by. Better than an entire walk with someone walking behind you I think. But yeah, essentially you're bound to freak people out in some way.