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[ExKirby]

President Torir decides that his first plan of action will be to hire a bodyguard. [6+3] He hires God. A pair of assasins decide to ambush the duo! [6*2, 1*2] [5-1, 5-1] Vs [1, 4] [5, 2] The second foe decides to attack God for three of his thousand health. God smites the second foe in angst, and President Torir delivers an impressive forearm to the foe! The two villians lay knocked out.

Raptor tries applying a sign to a barman's head. The barman is having none of it! [5+1] Vs [2] The barman takes a bottle shard to the face (Raptor lacks nails) and ends up at half health.

Sinpwn attempts to hijack bodies. This will never work [5] Oh hey it worked. You take the Policeman's body. It has 10Hp, some handcuffs and a baton. The policeman takes your body and attacks himself (?) with it. [4] Vs [1] Sinpwn bashes his own body for three damage.

Tiruin attempts to become more sane. [6-2] It's working... (Beserker becomes +1/-1)

Lawas goes to do sciency things! [1] Oh, FINGER REPAIR? We thought you said HEART REMOVAL! [6] Lawas' heart may ormay not have been replaced upside down. (-6Hp)

Cerapa batshit batshit batshit. [5] Batshit batshit batshit batshit! Batshit batshit! Batshit batshit batshit. (+1 Sword of Batshit)

Maxinum tries riddle war again. [6-1(You got your Hp wrong)] Tiruin accepts! [1-1] Vs [6-1] For a beserker, he sure can make hard riddles. You absolutely fail to get his! Your beer is now his. You're gonna need a new plan.

Yougied is going REALLY purple! [4-1] He's just about hanging on...

[Nirur Torir]

The laughter. It hurts. I don't think it's feasible for me to top this, as that would likely endanger the planet and/or the fabric of reality.

> Declare victory. Retire from adventuring to perform my presidential duties, where I may occasionally create inane laws to annoy, harass, help, or confuse the remaining players.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

20 HP

Skills:
Linguistic Charm: +1 to all rolls involving talking

Inventory:
Suit of Fancy: +2 persuasion, -1 attacking

Other:
President of the United Lands of Some Description
Bodyguard: God, [997/1000] HP

[raptorfangamer]

Yesssssss.

>I think the barman wants more broken beer, put the tape back on the broken bottle and get some beer from it.

Spoiler: stats (click to show/hide)

health: 19
skills: none as of now
inventory: broken bottle (+1 to attack)
status ailments: nothing

[lawastooshort]

>Go back to the experimental cybernetics facility and go to their customer service desk and complain.

"I wanna goddamn full body transplant as compensation, you goddamn morons! My MP is gonna hear of this you lousy... you lousy... you lousy cybernetic experimenters! AND I WANT A GODDAMN BUILT IN BANJOGUN."

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

HP: 8
Banjos: 0

[Tiruin]

((Luck push, for the win! When you mean can't see acronyms, that means the dotted line under the word for the caption right? I'll color them from now on.

But, +1/-1. Yes!))

Spoiler: Tiruin (click to show/hide)

Health: 20/20
Skills:
Celtic 'Berserker' - +1 to battle rolls ; -1 to non-battle rolls that include heavy use of neurons
Inventory:
The skin of my back and the grit of my beard.
Generic beer (1)
Status:
A tad bit angry - (?)

> Get out of that tavern. I have what I need! Probably, get a weapon on the way out.


((@Maxinum: Your Hp is at 14/20 And, yes. I'm planning to go along the lines of the Celtic Warriors.

I need a longsword...))

[Sinpwn]

Handcuff the policeman (The body I am currently using) and switch back.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

HP: 10
Skills: Body Swapping
Inventory: Handcuffs, Baton, Police Uniform.

[cerapa]

Attack a policeman, and then meditate on the topic of hitting people with batshit.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

20 HP

Skills:
thinks a bit clearer: +1 to all Logic based rolls

Inventory:
Sword of Batshit

[Roundabout Lout]

Eek! Poor time to ve busy and not look at this thread, consider me lucky! (knock on wood)

>Set the car down and pose heroically, hoping to impress pedestrians

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

Hp: 20
Skills: None
Inventory: Children's super hero costume (-1 to all rolls)

[Maxinum McDreich]

Thanks Tiriun

Well! That sucked!
Still, Will had an idea!

>Return back to the waitress and proclaim: ''I have done one better! I have thrown the naked disturbing person out of the bar!'' Hoping she didn't see how he actually did it. Maybe this will impress her enough to get that date regardless! (Dice, stop being mean to me! )

Name: Will The Fumbler (WTF)
Inventory: a waitresses phone number.
Health: 16hp

[Tiruin]

((At least I didn't...kill you or anything... ))

[ExKirby]

Nirur decides to retire to his presidentail duties. [1+3] He does so. In other news, we have room for a new player so I'm throwing this sideways and the first person to /in will get the place.

Raptor confuses ExKirby. ExKirby is assuming that Raptor meant attack. [4+1] Vs [2] The barman is now heavily wounded.

Lawas complains. [1] Oh, FULL BODY TRANSPLANT? We thought you said DEATH BY LASERS! [6] To add insult to injury, the laser markings on his back vaguely resemble human reproductive organs. (-6Hp) ((I didn't rig these dice, honest D=))

Tituin leaves. [5-1] He enters a shop. "Good day, sir, what can I do for you today?"

Sinpwn hancuffs the policeman's body and tries to backswap. [3-1(Gu>ss what?)] The policeman denies, and attacks! [5-3(W>ll it IS hard to fight cuff>d)] Vs [5] Cuffing the policeman was not a good idea. (Cuffed: -2 to attack)

Cerapa batshit batshit... Ok, I'll stop now. Anyway, Cerapa finds a policeman which just so happens to be Sinpwn. [1-1(Y>ah)] Vs [6-3] Wow, that policeman is skilled! But it doesn't help that Cerapa's sword is literal shit. (Cerapa: -3Hp)

Yougied drops the car! [1-1] On his head! [6] [2] There is no way that would not hurt. (-8Hp)

Maxinum tries to claim his date. [5-1(Hp wrong, try again)] He gets it. The GENERIC RESTERAUNT, 7:00PM. That's cool.

[raptorfangamer]

>check how much health the barman haves keep bashing it until it stops moving

Spoiler: stats (click to show/hide)

health: 19
skills: none as of now
inventory: broken bottle (+1 to attack)
status ailments: nothing

[Sinpwn]

> Switch back to my body.

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

HP: 10
Skills: Body Swapping
Inventory: Handcuffs, Baton, Police Uniform.

[Tiruin]

((Huge mistake there Kirby, I am not two people. The bottommost one is probably Maxinum. ))

Spoiler: Tiruin (click to show/hide)

Health: 20/20
Skills:
Celtic 'Berserker' - +1 to battle rolls ; -1 to non-battle rolls that include heavy use of neurons
Inventory:
The skin of my back and the grit of my beard.
Generic beer (1)
Status:
A tad bit angry - (?)

Diplomacy Intimidation! For the animal fur covering!

"You can start by showing my whatever I can wear, preferably one of animal origin - fur coats, that is. I wouldn't mind trading this generic beer here for non-generic animal skins, and a longsword.

Especially that longsword."

[Caellath]

/in
>Assess surroundings.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

HP:20(?)
Inventory: Nothing, I guess. I don't even know if I exist in this dimension.