Okayyyyy, hello! surprised nobody mentioned my post.
reading now.
I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said, Talvi, but you know if you're ever over this way you've got a couch, assuming i have a house.
Also, I added you on skype.
Thanks, Reudh. I don't think it's likely I'll be heading over there anytime soon, but if I do, I'll remember to keep that in mind.
And I accepted. Didn't see you on, though. (I'm not on often, you may have to say "Hey Talv, get on Skype" to let my know you want to talk. (that goes for everybody, lol))
I forgot to link it yesterday, but this seemed appropriate. All her pictures moved me, but I think this one applies directly. http://destinyblue.deviantart.com/art/Friends-set-you-Free-359112677
And I meant what I said; your writing (and Spearbreakers) are what got me back into DF. I know things will go well for you.
And for grins, I should warn you that it is far easier to live outside a house than inside some houses. Chew on that for a little bit before you draw conclusions.
Mmm, it's a nice picture, but keep in mind that art has never "moved me". Music yes. Stories yes. Visual art not so much... it's still a good picture, though. I actually wound up looking at some of her other stuff while I was at it.
I'm... honestly kind of surprised that my writing got someone back into DF...
And I'm not so sure about things going well for me.
As to your last line of the three, I'm actually "comfortable" living here - as in, I have food, I have water, I have a bed and even a room of my own. (Granted, it's been years since I've had most foods (the menu for supper generally consists of either corn dogs, oven-cooked pizza, mac&cheese, or beef stroganoff (I don't cook well, and suffer from a severe lack of ingredients))... but, after a while the lack of variety doesn't bother you as much.) (ooh, while I'm talking about it, might ought to mention just for kicks that my mom and stepdad go out to eat every night.)
Huh, I was expecting southern Georgia. Either way if I had the time, space, and resources that's somewhere perfectly feasible to go.
((And all the other stuff Splint said))
It would be just me. 75% of my siblings are younger than 18, so it would be illegal to move them.
I should also clarify that I do not fancy myself a strategist in any way, shape or form. I'm good at giving the impression that I know what I'm talking about, but I'm really only marginally-less sheltered and naïve than Talvi himself is and am quite prone to making hasty decisions that I immediately regret. I just want to provide as much assistance as I can, however poorly-informed and incompetent as it turns out to be.
I appreciate it nonetheless.
I should call attention to what Talvi said about his mother revoking his Internet access both as punishment and to cut him off from outside influences. This is something she has done repeatedly and has frequently been the reason for him losing contact with us in the past. This is a critical point -- Talvi must avoid angering his mother at all costs or letting her think we're giving him ideas, else his one line to the outside world and by extension us is taken away.
This leads me to the second, and most important, factor, which is that TalviMom essentially has all the power right now. She may not be able to prevent Talvi from leaving outright, but she's the only one at the moment capable of facilitating his transition to the outside world in a stable, healthy manner. From what I understand, Talvi currently lives in a rural area and lacks a driver's license, so he literally cannot go anywhere meaningful without his mother voluntarily taking him there. As he's indicated that running away is not a practical option, Talvi will either have to circumvent this advantage by calling in someone from outside to 'rescue' him or convince his mother to willingly give him ground.
To the bolded part - she doesn't necessarily do it as a punishment. In fact, she doesn't even tell me it's intentional. She actually usually makes it out to be an accident - and for a while, I believed it. After it happened over and over again, though, and always directly following something that could've ticked her off, it seems far more likely that she's doing it because of my actions, and that it
is intentional. (As an example: I called a taxi place one time up in Chattanooga, and was disappointed to find it would be over $100 for a one-way trip - a round trip would be more than I could afford. When the bills came in, my connection disappeared. (Yes, she would've been able to tell I made a long-distance call to the taxi place.) She later blamed it on "ants", saying "they chewed through the cables".)
Talvi!Mom
does have all the power, and that's the main problem. She
knows she has all the power, too, and she makes sure she keeps it that way. I never have any kind of bargaining chips, or any way to turn anything in my favor. I suppose I could steal her computer and threaten to destroy it if she doesn't do exactly as I say, but realistically, I'm not that kind of person and wouldn't really be able to handle that effectively.
As to the part of your quote in italics, I have a
learner's permit, but she and my stepdad have it. It's also never been used: I've never been allowed in the driver's seat of a moving car (except for when my dad was around - he tried to teach me when I was 16, but he only had a day or so to do it in when he came for a visit). Anyway, the rest of what you said is true. I live around 15 miles from the nearest city (pop. 30k), and that's a bit much.
That may be a sacrifice you'll have to end up making. In particular, if she's really as awful and controlling as I'm imagining right now then I really don't like the idea of your siblings having to grow up with her as well.
My sisters have special needs, and without going into details... neither will ever be capable of living on their own. My brothers... I don't know. They've had a similar education experience with the exception that they never went to public school at all - they only know what they've taught themselves, and they aren't as driven as I was. It's just a mess and I'm not sure what to do about any of it.
Keep in mind, though, that CPS doesn't
ever tell
anyone where they move the kids, in order to "keep them safe". After they split us up, my sisters would be functionally "dead" to me - I would never see them again, or even hear from them.
Oh, and, I would be out on the streets, or worse, still at home with a mom who was livid about losing three of her children. CPS doesn't care about people that are over 18. That means the older of my two brothers would face the same situation.
Try getting her to set her terms more precisely. When is "a good time", and what exactly do you have to do in order to prove to her that you're "responsible enough"? Additionally, I don't know her well enough to say, but she may have other priorities besides keeping you "safe" that you can try appealing to.
Try to avoid turning it into a fight if you have to. I'd hate for you to lose your Internet again.
I did that a while back. As an answer, I got both "It's totally fine with me if you live here until you're thirty or older" and "When I was in college I saw people there who were as old as 63, so you shouldn't have to worry about getting there too late."
...yeah, no. just no.
That's a problem... I'm pretty sure there'd be shelters where you could stay, and you might be able to ask where to get necessities, but I don't know if either of those are true. It might be possible to work around the lack of ID, but I'd rather avoid having to do that as it'd make a risky situation even more dicey.
I could live under a bridge, and if I had friends "IRL", I could lean on them for support - even if just enough that they'd point me in the right direction of food and water, maybe help me find jobs, etc... but, I don't have friends here. Some people consider "internet friends" to be of minimal importance, but not so with me, possibly because you guys are literally all I have.
it's just a mess.
As to the citizenship thing - that's nice to hear. I still doubt you're going to drive... what... 2,000 miles?
That's a 36 hour trip. Very noble of you to offer, by the way.
This is more-or-less exactly what I think about my own writing. When I read my own stories, they just seem like childish reams of simplified prose punctuated by loving descriptions of gore and horror. I think it's more of a perspective thing than anything else. Your own writing will always seem bland, because to you there really isn't anything special about it -- that's the way you look at and think about things anyways, so there are no moments of 'wow, I never would have thought of that' and such.
Seriously? :\ huh... that's a surprise... I note you didn't say what you personally thought of my writing in respect to this, though.
Ethical schmethical. As far as I can tell from my limited viewpoint, you can't get anywhere in life without using somebody as a stepping-stone. It sucks, but that's how it is. At least you'd be giving us something nice in the process.
:\ eh, meh. I'd still like to publish it, though.
Can we set up a fund? I don't have much... but I can square away some money for Talvi. A safety net for him to land on after his big leap, if you like. However, I quite agree with Talvien that there's no way you should abandon your siblings.
"Talvien" means "The alone" in Lithuanian - quite fitting, I suppose, at least in regards to my IRL situation. (I'm gonna pull a Mr Frog and point out that there's an "o", but offer to let you call me "Tal" or "Talv" if it's easier.)
Fund... mmmm. I don't like that idea so much. If anybody's gathering money, let's send it to Toady, not me.
I imagine it working like this: I move out, get on my feet, and then I "rescue" my brothers when they get old enough. Once I'm actually on my feet and can drive, my mom can't force us to stay at home, and I can visit my sisters whenever I like. Yeah, she'd have to pick up her share and take care of them like she's actually the parent, but I figure she could manage that.
I know you think that it'd be better to put them into Protection Services, but honestly there's a lot worse places they could end up and Talvi's psyche would never be able to handle not knowing.
YES. This. I'd never know what happened to them and it's... just not something I want to think about, even if it makes it harder. I've been a
parent to them for the past twelve years, how close do you think I've gotten to them?
I don't think I could just pull myself away.
Along with my scholarships I may well have an excess of money, and I'm quite willing to use said money to help Talvien. I'm sure all of us have some pennies we can use.
No. No, no, and no. No. Just no. That's
your money, McClellan, and I couldn't take it. While I admit moving into somebody's house is essentially the same thing, at least I'd be able to make up for it partially with housework, home maintenance or landscaping - whatever needed to be done.
This, obviously, won't be enough. Especially if, and we do want this even though we don't, we want Talvi to keep a relationship with his mother. ( 'Tis a necessary evil for the sake of the Sisters of Talvieno. )
Sadly, 'tis true.
However, if we could somehow get these funds to him in a way that seems legitimate... then perhaps we have a bargaining tool. "Look, I am capable of making enough to live on."
N
o. Funds. You'd have to raise a ridiculous amount ($500 at the least) if I'm even going to sustain myself for a month in the cheapest apartment I could find. I'm capable of living off sandwiches (I did for a while there), and that comes to just a few dollars a week (even with - that's easily made up, and I'd be able to do more than return that money in housework to begin with, and then, later on, I'd be able to pay you back after I got a job.
Problem is, TalviMom will likely ( read: almost certainly ) be super suspect of said money, attempt to take possession of it, and accuse him of being involved in illicit/immoral activity.
And Talvi, it's imperative that you don't just run away. As hard as it may be, you must persevere.
Yep, she would. And then it's "Goodbye, Internet."
As to the second bit I posted in your quote, yeah, no worries. I seem to be good at perseverance, if nothing else. I'm still at home and alive, aren't I?
Why not just invent a scholarship tailored to Talvi and post a web-page for such? Hhghgh. It's so crazy it might work, yes?
There's another point I should touch on. She's roughly as intelligent as I am, maybe very, very slightly less at best. She just has very skewed priorities and a high opinion of herself. If she saw this scholarship web page, she would definitely research it, soon find it didn't have anything to back it up, and denounce it as a scam. If the money arrived, she would confiscate it and demand to know what was really going on. (On that note - she doesn't normally confiscate mail, even if it comes from girls (she hates the thought of me finding someone). Or even packages - I got a book from someone once and she didn't bat an eye. If something that sounded illegal popped up, she would, though.)
It'll help them not to get stuck... assuming that your mother doesn't believe college is evil.
She might. I wouldn't put it past her. (actually, she doesn't, and has fond memories of her college days. she just doesn't seem to actually want me to go.)
This all sounds highly convoluted. Sad fact remains though that while we may be supportive unless one of us has space for I'm guessing... Three people, and means to keep them fed, nevermind transportation, we can't do much to help.
One person, not three. Keeping me fed is easy, I don't eat much, never have, and I'd be fine on PB&J sandwiches. As to transportation, I'd be fine on a bike, I'd just need a bike... and I could probably buy that myself. I do have $200 saved, after all. I'm a bit of a miser. I don't like spending unless I have to. Or unless I'm buying Christmas/birthday gifts. (the only day I'm guaranteed to get out of the house is a few days before Christmas for shopping at walmart.)
The issue is finding someone close by who could help... and I know you guys can't.
We should probably avoid discussing crazy schemes until it becomes clear that Talvi can't negotiate his way out of this.
Besides, (@McClellan) I don't think TalviMom's reasoning for not allowing Talvi to leave is so much that he can't make money as it is that he (supposedly) can't keep a schedule or generally perform basic tasks needed to maintain a home and feed himself and such.
If he came at her with money that he got from doing some nondescript job she wasn't aware he had taken and had no possible way of getting to without her noticing, it probably wouldn't change anything even if she somehow fell for it.
E:
So then... If we can convince TalviMom to allow him his college education, then that provides an nice little transition point and his freedom. At least, partially. Meanwhile, he can, if he's able, attempt to get an on-campus job. Said job can be put into private funds. These TalviMom can never find out about. This money can be used to further sustain Talvieno's independence. As per your younger siblings, encourage them to start early with pursuing college funding. It'll help them not to get stuck... assuming that your mother doesn't believe college is evil. Hmm. On what grounds Talvieno, are you being kept at home anyway? Is there any further reason she gives as to why you're not allowed to be independent?
This sounds valid enough, I guess, though my intuition is telling me there are holes in the plan somewhere.
Split this up into bits.
1. Talvi can't negotiate his way out of this. My mother is more stubborn than a mule. You can't reason with her, I've tried, she either ignores you, uses troll logic, or yells at you for interrupting.
2. I'm fine with keeping a schedule and performing basic tasks. She knows it, too, or I wouldn't be taking care of my siblings more or less by myself. I get up at six, I go to bed at 9, I handle cooking and cleaning, arguments, entertainment, all of that mess. For several years I've been slowly starting to delegate stuff to my brothers to teach them to be responsible, too. The only things I don't do are shopping and paying bills. My experience in bill-paying is null.
3. Nothing will change anything, this is why I'm convinced reasoning with her isn't an option.
I've been trying to reason with her for the past six years - I even went as far as trying for both a guilt trip, and trying to appeal to her sense of humanity. It's not happening. She wants me to stay. That's why I'm convinced at this point that I'm not getting out without outside help.
4. Your intuition is correct.
Mr Frog, you're probably right. My intuition tells me that it has nothing to do with Talvien, but rather it's something in TalviMom's mind that is warped. The college should be an agreeable choice by any standard. It provides a supposedly safe, structured environment with a potential payout. Does Talvien have any sort of disability or condition that can be diagnosed? If so, he can be issued certain accomodations by the school and possibly draw SSI'
She's... well, she takes depression medication and she's prone to mood swings (sometimes violent, if she has a real reason to be legitimately angry (no worries, she just damages stuff, hasn't hit me in years (I'd be concerned about keeping my laptop safe, though))). She has a real problem with prioritizing, too.
I may have clinical depression, and I may be bi-polar. I very much don't want to take anything for it, though... but I'm not entirely sure why. I do take adderall daily, after all (ADHD). Other than that... I'm perfectly normal... besides being weird.
Parenthood does funny things to people.
I agree. Parenthood does some really, really weird stuff to folks, like making them write LOTR-length books so they can get their name posted in a "Hall of Fame" thread, while they fantasize about being discovered by a major publisher.
As far as the college situation goes, I don't think Talvi's mother trusts the US's educational system based on the fact that she pulled him out of public schooling (I think this was the hole in your plan my gut was telling me about). It'd probably take a lot of convincing on that front. It'd probably be better for him to prove his self-sufficiency through other means and then pursue higher education on his own power if he so chooses.
Your phenomenal, superhuman sense of intuition strikes again. No, I'm not being sarcastic.
I wasn't suggesting villainizing her! ( In fact, I think you're taking a harsher view/approach to TalviMom than me. ) Rather, I just suggest keeping a level view-point and admitting that there may be more going on here than just over-protective. She could have a co-dependent attachment to Talvi in that she needs him to need her, or some such. That's sympathizable. Still bad for Talvien though. Both are just guesses really, and how useful are guesses?
Fair enough. I've been in correspondence with Talvi for a very long time, so I guess I've been kind of ticked at her for a while. I'll try to be less gung-ho if possible.
It feels like we're talking too much about Talvi and his situation without letting him speak for himself, so I'll sign off on this issue until he can respond again.
You really have been.
You're actually my oldest correspondent on Bay12, besides Splint, and the oldest correspondent who still talks to me at all online (besides Splint). You have every right to be gung-ho, in my opinion. You've kind of earned it.
Anyway, all that said (wow, that took a LONG time to respond to), yeah. There's a reason I feel trapped - it's because I'm trapped. This isn't going to have a simple solution. If there was one, I would've found it already and taken it. I've been fighting staying at home pretty hard. I want out.
I'd be happy flipping hamburgers so long as I was able to live comfortably on my own.
so, as was mentioned earlier but not explained, the major depressants in my life as of late have been feeling trapped, not being able to distance myself emotionally from my ex (we've been apart for almost two months but it still hurts), worriment that I'll never find anybody (I'm a romantic at heart and miss feminine companionship/friendship), and people telling me that I'm good for nothing, my writing sucks, and that I'd be doing myself a favor if I jumped off a cliff. These actually aren't all that bad right now, though. I start feeling depressed when I actually think about the future, but so long as I don't... I'm okay. I used to think about the future all the time, and it was horrible for me, but I guess slowly, over time, I've been focusing more on the present.
Kind of disappointed that nobody mentioned the chapter, but, oh well.
And have an AI picture. (it's not really AI, it's just viewing the emotional construct I created for an AI with spring physics.) it's what I was working on... now I'm working on the story again.
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Topic: [34.11] Spearbreakers - It shudders and begins to move (Read 2273148 times)