This is an emu leather-bound journal. You're pretty sure there's nothing more to be said about it at this point, but the next entry menaces with the dried imprints of fallen tears.Jealousy forces disquieting images into our minds. In reality, what we imagine might not even be true, but people in love tend to think illogically. If it gets bad enough, you find yourself mistrusting even your best friends... I'd never had it happen to me before, and I was flailing about, trying to find solid ground to stand on. It was as if I'd been cast into deep water; as if thrown over the side of a dwarven cargo barge, only to realize I couldn't swim. I was drowning in my own mind, and there wasn't any air to be had. But I didn't want to see it as "jealousy" at all.
I tried to convince myself everything was all right, but my thoughts were flowing too swiftly through my mind.
Urist was only trying to get the key for me, I told myself. I wanted to believe it. With all I had, I really did. The idea lifted my spirits briefly, only to be crushed by recurring memories in my mind: Urist's seductive voice; how smooth he'd been; how much he'd seemed to enjoy it. It couldn't possibly have been the first time he'd picked someone up like that, I was sure of it. I hated the thought, and it made me feel wretched, but I didn't know what else to think.
I wanted to hit something, or kick something. I wanted to go back and yell at him for following his own desires instead of staying with me and completing the mission. At the same time, I was faintly aware that his abandoning me wasn't the real reason I was upset: I
liked him, as
more than a friend. I'd never really thought about it until then; I'd always brushed it out of my mind because of what it meant. Handsome or not, gentlemanly or not, he was a
dwarf. I was a horrible, no-good elf. If I was to be judged by the actions of my own kind - eating the dead, being religiously hypocritical - I almost
deserved to be killed. More importantly... how could an elf have children with a dwarf?
I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. It was only a flirt;
only a flirt. That was
all it had been, and now I was overthinking everything.
Up ahead of me the hallway opened into a large room: the entrances to the warehouse. I knew I needed to put all of it out of my mind for the moment and finish my job, or else someone would probably notice. I'd been lucky enough to avoid the guards so far... but what could I do against even one?
A guard was pacing back and forth, patrolling the wide row of double doors. After hiding for a moment, I calmed myself as best I could and walked towards the nearest door. In the keypad to the right of it, there was a little slot where you could fit a card. Not sure what else to do, I inserted Commander Acetalyta's into it, and to my immense relief I heard a little "ding", and the doors slid open.
I glanced back at the guard, who was walking forwards at a slow, steady pace, gun in hand. He didn't appear suspicious, and I felt glad of it: so far, everything was going smoothly. Taking the card back and slipping it into my sleeve, I entered the warehouse.
I froze just inside the entrance, gaping in fearful awe at the tall towers of metal shelving. They seemed to rise at least four stories from the floor, and went back deeper than the garage, or even the barracks. Between them, the occasional armed guard silently strolled, striding slowly through as if ghosts from another realm. I paid little notice to them, more occupied with the question of how I was going to find Mr Frog's PEA with row upon row of shelves to search.
The sound of a metal door sliding shut behind me snapped me out of my thoughts, and I began to walk forwards with a hesitant step into the massive chamber. To my right, there was a stack of backpacks, with a sign that read, "Return after use". I knew I wouldn't be able to return it, but I figured a backpack would probably come in handy, so I took one. Slinging it over my shoulder, I walked down an aisle between the two nearest shelves, looking in wonderment at all the different devices stacked upon them: things I knew I'd never be able to identify, much less comprehend.
Suddenly I jumped, looking upwards as I heard the loud noise of whirring electric motors. Thirty feet above me, some sort of massive mechanical machine was climbing between the shelves like a spider. Its eight legs were clinging to opposite sides of the aisle, and I instinctively ducked as it passed overhead. The rider in the pod looked down at me and nodded in acknowledgement as his vehicle turned the corner out of sight, maneuvering its legs in an otherworldly manner.
I felt overloaded by the new sounds and sights, and all I could think was that I wanted to go home. "Culture shock", Mr Frog would later call it. Honestly, even had I known the name, I wouldn't have cared. I felt a little dizzy and sick to my stomach, but I tried my best to ignore it.
"Are you all right?"
A blond-haired human guard, looking about my age, walked towards me with a concerned expression on his face. I hadn't even known he was there. "Yes... I'm all right, just -" I began, and paused: it shouldn't have been so obvious. I examined his face suspiciously. "Why?"
The man looked at me with a curious expression. "You just look... lost, somehow," he said, looking at me thoughtfully. "Plus, I'm pretty good at telling when somebody's off their game." There seemed to be a hint of loneliness about him.
"'Off their game?'" I wanted him to go away, but at the same time, there was something inviting about him... almost attractive.
He laughed. "Yeah, you look like you're hiding from a ghost."
I smiled and shook my head, glancing downwards. "No... not really a ghost... just problems." He seemed to see right through me.
"'Problems?' Wanna talk about it?" He was definitely the chattiest guard I'd ever heard of, but right then, I was thankful for it. It had taken my mind off my troubles.
I hesitated. "I can't..." I replied, trying to sound regretful. "I'm busy."
With a knowing nod, he smiled disarmingly. "No problem, just figured I'd offer. If you wanna discuss it over lunch, I get off in an hour..." he hinted, raising an eyebrow hopefully.
"No, I..." I frowned and stopped for a moment, looking at his deep blue eyes, his close-cropped hair. Without meaning to, I remembered Urist's betrayal - how he'd run off with the commander without so much as a goodbye. Now a guard was practically asking me out. In a sort of vengeful way, it felt good, and I felt myself open up to him a little. "You know what..." I said slowly, letting a smile creep across my features, "yes. Yes, why not?" Looking back now, I realize I'd completely forgotten where I was, though I hadn't forgotten what I was doing. "But could you help me with this first?"
He appeared happy that I'd agreed, and it made me feel guilty. "Sure! Whatcha need? And what's your name, by the way? Mine's Halion."
"I'm trying to find something, but I don't know where to look. And my name is... Vanya..." As my name formed on my lips, I remembered my accursed elven heritage. Then I realized something surprising. He wasn't an elf, he could see
I was an elf, and it mattered so little to him that he'd actually asked me to lunch. In my opinion, he'd one-upped Urist. I felt a tinge of anger as his name crossed my mind again, but soon it passed.
Halion had taken a little portable computer out of his pocket and was typing letters into the keypad. "What is it you're looking for?" he asked, glancing up from it at me.
I hesitated, worried that my quest would give away my identity. I glanced around nervously for an exit in case I needed it. "...I'm looking for a PEA that used to belong to someone named... Mr Frog. Would it list that anywhere in there?"
I tensed up, biting my lip anxiously, but to my relief he didn't seem suspicious. Instead, he nodded, tapping the keys as he spoke. "Yep, shouldn't be hard to come up with. ...Ah, here it is already! You're looking for section XFY, position 1393, level 3. That's..." He looked up from his computer for a moment, visually scanning through the shelves. Lifting a careful finger, he pointed towards my left. "That's that way. Just walk past the aisles until you see 'XFY', and then -" He stopped abruptly, putting a finger to his ear, a blank expression on his face.
After several seconds, I queried cautiously, "Is something wrong?"
"No, it's..." he stopped again, listening. "I just got a call on the comm channel - backup military units are wanted at a 'situation' down in D-sector - that's me. Looks like I won't be getting off in an hour," he frowned. "Sorry about this, guess we'll have to talk some other time."
Fortunately by this time I'd regained my wits enough to remember I wasn't even going to
be there in an hour. "It's all right, you just go do what you need to." Somehow, I still felt slightly disappointed.
He nodded dejectedly, shutting his computer off and putting it carefully in his pocket. Another two guards brushed past us, headed in the direction of the door. "You coming, Halion?" one called over his shoulder.
"Yeah," he replied, raising his voice over the distance. "I'm just helping someone out." His voice lowered again to a normal tone as he said, "I'm really sorry, Vanya. Nice meeting you, though." He turned, walking quickly towards the door.
I stood silently as he left, only remembering my manners as he walked through the doors. "Nice to meet you too!" I called after him, but my voice echoed eerily in the quiet, cavernous room.
Mr Frog had always said Ballpoint was pure evil. In his words,
"You mindless brutes of Ballpoint Tech - all you can accomplish is petty thievery and senseless destruction!" I'd only been here twice, and each time, I'd met someone friendly and helpful. I was beginning to realize that if Ballpoint
itself was "evil"... it didn't necessarily mean that
everyone here was evil. They were simply employees doing their job to earn a living. Bugi and Halion were friendly, and it seemed likely that many other people in Ballpoint were.
As I walked quietly down the aisles towards my destination, I began to wonder if maybe Eris, Joseph's company, wasn't all evil, either.
Before long, I stood at my destination: XFY, position 1393. The number was marked on the shelf, and the third shelf from the floor was marked 'level three'. Unfortunately... the spot was empty. Around it were arranged an odd assortment of other PEAs of various designs, but Mr Frog's was missing.
I stopped, frowning. Unless Halion had given me the wrong information, the PEA should've been
right there. I straightened, looking down the aisles for someone to ask, but the warehouse seemed strangely empty. I could hear footsteps in the distance, but for the most part, the guards seemed to have left.
Not knowing what else to do, I took the backpack off my shoulder and began scooping all the nearby PEAs into it. If Mr Frog's was simply misplaced, I wanted to be
sure I had it.
~~~
Several minutes later, I was walking down the bulb-lit hallways of Ballpoint's unending corridors with a full backpack slung over my shoulder. Leaving the storage area had been easy: nobody had bothered to check me or stop me, not even the guard outside. In a way, I'd expected it to be more difficult.
As I walked, my mind began to wander again...
Halion had wanted to get to know me. He'd shown interest and actually asked me to lunch. What had Urist done, the whole time I'd known him? It'd been months since we'd escaped, and not
once had he tried to visit Mr Frog's place. He'd never shown any interest in me at all, instead acting as unemotional as a rock. Was I really that unattractive to him? It wasn't his reaction to
everyone: as soon as he'd laid eyes on Acetalyta he'd tried to seduce her. Was that all he saw women as good for?
Had I completely misjudged him?
I remembered all our conversations, and how he'd acted so gentlemanly and sweet. I remembered his kindness; his understanding. I remembered how he'd almost sacrificed himself to save my life, and my stance towards him began to soften.
Maybe he really did care about me, I thought, but it wasn't long before I brushed it away with a startling realization. If he'd been trying to get me into bed...
he'd been going about it completely the right way.I turned another corner and crossed an intersection, briefly glancing at the floor map. I shook my head slowly, staring at the floor and trying to work it all out. Somehow, I'd had his entire personality all wrong, right from the beginning. He'd
used me; he didn't care about me at all. As soon as someone easier had come along, he'd forgotten little Vanya, not even caring enough to take my feelings into account as he seduced the commander
right in front of me. Was I really that worthless to him? There had been
months where he could've asked me out or made a move on me, but he'd never tried. Was it that he just didn't care? Did he actually find me unattractive?
It hurt. I couldn't sort everything out in my mind, no matter how I tried, but I knew one thing: I was never going to fall for Urist's lies ever again.
Hans had been there too, I remembered... but I didn't feel so hateful towards him. He'd never really done anything to indicate he might like me as anything other than a friend.
A guard rushed past me at a jog. She was aiming a weapon as she ran, as if she expected to encounter an enemy at any moment. But there
weren't any enemies in Ballpoint, I reasoned. Well, technically, no enemies except...
My eyes widened as I remembered:
I was an enemy. I didn't have to wonder. Hans and Urist were in trouble.
I rushed forwards, sprinting after her until I caught up. "What's going on?" I asked breathlessly, slowing my pace to match her steady one.
"Not sure. Breach in D-Sector," she replied, her voice shaking in time with her steps. "Sounds like there might be heavy casualties - think a bomb went off in there, or something, but can't tell much - channels are clogged."
My feet slowed for a moment and I fell behind, as she ran ahead around the curve in the corridor.
Heavy casualties?? What had they done?? I quickened my pace again, praying that everyone - my friends and Ballpoint's employees - were all right.
Up ahead, I heard yelling and the alien, unfamiliar sound of gunfire: sharp blurps and rat-a-tats echoing through the cold metal halls. As I turned another corner, heading towards where we'd arrived, I saw a sight that chilled me to the bone: fallen soldiers lying against the walls, coated in their own blood. The acrid smell of acid, smoke, and burning flesh filled the air. I tried my best to ignore it, walking carefully past the bodies to avoid stepping in anything.
As I turned another corner, I sighted a face I recognized: Halion, lying face up in a pool of blood, panting heavily, his eyes clenched tightly shut.
Crying out, I rushed forwards, falling to the floor by his side. I was dimly aware of the warm, sticky feel of blood soaking into the fabric of my suit, but I didn't care. Tears sprung to my eyes as I examined his wound - a deep gash carved across his torso. With every heartbeat, more blood gushed forth, and as my tears fell like trickling rain I pressed my hands against the cut, trying to close it to keep his life force from spilling to the ground.
He gasped with pain, opening his eyes and looking at me. "Va... V... Vanya... I..." he stuttered, stumbling painfully through the sounds.
I could feel his chest convulsing beneath my hands as he tried to speak, his warm blood flowing between my fingers, and I started sobbing. "Please, don't speak," I whispered through my tears. "You won't die. You
can't... Just stay calm;
stay with me."
"I... Va..." he tried to say, and then he stopped. I felt his chest go limp beneath my fingertips as he quieted, the sound of his last sigh gurgling with blood.
I didn't even have to wonder. He was dead. He'd shown me such kindness, and he was
dead, and it was
all my fault. If I'd never come to Ballpoint in the first place, he would still be alive, along with everyone else. I'd never seen someone die before, and to see someone die right in front of me as I'd tried to save him...
I staggered backwards, reeling, sick to my stomach. Death has a bitter flavor, a sick, feverish one, like a cold sweat and vomit. Right then I wanted to run somewhere far away and hide, and never have to look at anything or anyone again.
Gunfire echoed down the hallway, but it sounded like naught but a ghost's whispers, aged and distant. I stumbled and fell to my knees again by Halion's side, lowering my head to his and weeping openly. He'd been so kind to me, and now he was... gone.
Something exploded down the hallway, sending pieces of shrapnel clattering and ricocheting against the walls. A piece bounced to a stop beside me, and I raised my head, looking at it, my mind slowly pulling itself out of the gloom.
I had to go.
But now, I was angry.
Urist and Hans had killed him, not me. So many people were dead, and it wasn't my fault, but theirs. If they'd done what they were supposed to... if they'd stayed with me instead of running off with that
woman... none of this would've happened. I heard the sound of another explosion echoing from far away, amidst agonized screams of men and women.
This had to stop.
With a new rage filling my veins, I got up, feeling Halion's blood trickling down the legs of my suit. I heard the gunfire echoing around me, but I stepped forwards firmly, my pace steadily increasing as I passed the corner, running past the medics who were tending wounded; past the armed guards taking cover behind doorways.
The hallway intersected with a larger one, heavy metal doorframes interspersed at regular intervals all along it. Ballpoint soldiers were crouching behind the nearer ones, firing spurts of bullets down the hallway. At the far end, a few hundred feet away, I saw a gun emerge from behind a doorframe and fire several rounds before disappearing again - my friends were there.
In total disregard for what was going on, I sprinted forwards, passing the Ballpoint soldiers that were taking cover. "What are you doing?! You're going to get yourself killed!!" I heard one yell incredulously. "Hold your fire! Hold your fire!" another one shouted from behind me. For a moment, the gunfire stopped, and all was silent but for the pained moaning of the injured, and my light footsteps down the battle-scarred hallway.
"She's with them!" someone yelled, and gunfire erupted again as I ducked behind the doorframe, across the way from Urist and Hans.
"Where have you been?" Urist asked, spraying a few more shots blindly. "We weren't sure how to find you again."
I felt fury welling up in me again, just at the sound of his voice. "I knew how to find
you," I spat out hatefully. "Just follow the trail of the dead, and discarded women."
"What?" Hans looked at me curiously, seeming hurt.
I sighed, frustrated. "Not you, Hans. Though I'm sure you've done your share of killing."
"Vanya, take this." Urist called out to me over the din, tossing me something.
It was unexpected, and I barely managed to catch what he threw. I paused, examining it in surprise. "It's a gun... I don't want a gun!"
He fired a few more shots down the hallway. "I must scout out the corridor behind us. When I go, fire that to suppress the enemy."
Putting it down, I shook my head negatively. "I'm not killing anyone! I
hate guns! And you've killed too many people already!"
Urist appeared to grow frustrated. "Vanya, I need you covering me, or I could die."
In the back of my mind, the thought occurred to me that if Urist died, it might almost be well-deserved. The fact that I could even think such a thing shocked me, and I pushed it away. "Unlike you, I care about the safety of other people. Even the 'enemy'!"
He hesitated, looked at me curiously for a moment. "Just fire it," he said finally, turning and sprinting down the hallway behind me.
Several Ballpoint soldiers appeared in front of us, taking aim. Not knowing what else to do, I snatched up the gun in my hands and pointed it down the hallway, pulling the trigger and praying that I wouldn't hit anybody. As I fired, my arms shook violently, and the gun's muzzle drifted rapidly towards the ceiling. I hadn't been expecting the recoil, but it did its job anyway: everyone ducked back behind the doorframes.
I put the weapon back down. If that was the last time I ever touched a gun, I'd be glad of it.
"You okay missus?" Hans asked concernedly from the other side.
"I'm
fine," I shot back. Suddenly I noticed he was tending a wound, wrapping a bandage around his arm with his teeth. I hadn't even realized he was wounded, and I felt awful for snapping at him. "It's just Urist," I explained. "And this isn't my blood," I added, making an offhand gesture at my dripping legs. It reminded me of Halion's death, and the thought cooled me a little. I knew that Hans, at least, wasn't faking his personality, and I didn't feel as hostile towards him. Actually, I felt bad that I'd snapped at him, and was on the verge of apologizing when I heard the piercing sound of someone firing a weapon close by. I looked back and saw Urist rushing forwards with his rifle, throwing himself up against his side of the doorframe as the enemy's bullets clacked against the walls.
"Was it any good?" Hans bellowed over the noise.
Urist nodded, wincing at the loud clangs the projectiles were making. "The hallways behind us appear to be clear, and there is an empty room nearby. We will need to exit through them to a safer location. Vanya, do you have the portal device?"
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, of course I do," I answered. "Can't you see it on my wrist?" I shook the bracelet meaningfully.
Urist didn't reply, firing another round of shots down the corridor instead. After a few moments, he peeked out and fired a second volley. He seemed calm, but I'd never been in combat before, and the battle raging around us was making me nervous. A million feelings were mixing in my mind; I was tired, I was panicked, I was hurt, and I was agitated and confused. All I was sure of was that I wanted to get away from it all.
"Aren't we going?" I asked impatiently. "If we wait, they'll just have time to bring more soldiers in..." Again, he didn't respond.
I decided to venture a peek myself, poking my head out from behind cover. Down the hallway, I could see a few soldiers crouched against the far side. One of them, a woman, jumped out when she noticed me and fired a few shots. I jerked my head back quickly. "Oh, look, Urist, another girl! Why don't you go flirt with her?"
That finally got a reaction out of him - an actual double take. He appeared hurt and confused, and though I partly felt bad about it, a darker part of me enjoyed his reaction.
My enjoyment was interrupted by someone - the woman - rushing in front of us. I heard a burst of gunshots and threw myself against the floor, terrified. When I felt brave enough to look up again, I saw her lying on the ground, blood coming from several wounds. "Oh..." I said, shocked. "Oh... You
SHOT her. Oh, well, lovely! Do you do that with
all women when you're done with them?"
Urist only glared at me angrily, something I'd never seen him do before. I shrank back a bit. "Vanya," he shouted, keeping his voice level, "on my signal, run for the corner behind us." Hans fired a few more shots down the corridor as he spoke.
Urist had almost gotten himself shot when he'd tried running for the corner, only a few minutes before. "What???" I asked incredulously, open-mouthed. "Are you trying to kill me?!"
"Just trust me!"
"Trust
you?? Are you serious?!"
"Of course I'm serious!" he yelled gruffly in frustration as he struck out with his sawpike, beyond my field of vision. I heard the scream of a spinning blade, and the yell of someone falling to the floor. My head was in a whirl - I didn't even know what to think about anymore. "Do you want us to die?" he asked heatedly.
"Why would I??"
"Now! Hans, Vanya - run!" Urist ordered, and I leapt to my feet. The three of us ran down the hallway as Hans and Urist fired a constant spray of shots backwards.
"No more ammo!" Hans suddenly yelled, and moments later, we turned the corner into a little room. I heard bullets pinging behind us against the floors and ceiling: it'd been a narrow escape.
The room was filled with crates of various sizes, and was as dim as the room we'd ported into when we'd arrived. I took off my bracelet and pushed the little button on it, watching expectantly as the air spiraled into a shimmering mirror. In just a few seconds, the portal would be ready.
The three of us started when an unfamiliar dwarf suddenly jumped out of the shadows, holding a submachine gun. Reflexively, I flicked my wrist out at him as Mr Frog had taught me, and I saw several thin, stretchy tubes fly in his direction.
"All of you, freeze!" the dwarf yelled in an authoritarian tone. "Drop your... wea..." His eyes slowly closed, and he fell to the floor, the elastic tubes from Mr Frog's weapon stretched to his chest, bouncing up and down slowly.
I held my breath for a moment, staring in shocked surprise as it struck me that I might've killed him. "Wait, is he dead??" I asked, panicked. "Mr Frog said it wouldn't kill anyone... He
can't be dead!"
Hans seemed on edge. "Guys, we need to go right now," he warned. At the time, no one seemed to hear.
"'Is he dead'..." Urist muttered. "Does it matter?" He walked over and picked up the dwarf's weapon. At the same time, the tubes detached themselves and snapped back into place under my arm, making it sting a bit.
Oblivious to everything, I stared at the body, and to my relief I could see the man's chest rise and fall with gentle breathing. "'Does it matter'..." I repeated quietly, absentmindedly: Urist didn't even care. The enemy was the enemy to him; he didn't care if they lived or died; he didn't care about casualties or the feelings of their families. Right then, I decided that it must be nothing to him but statistics. I figured that the pain he caused people must mean nothing to him, whether it be romance or war.
Urist interrupted my thoughts as he stormed back over, glowering at me. "Now would you mind explaining exactly what I'm doing that's pissing you off so much?"
I snapped my attention from the unconscious figure and glared at him flagrantly, narrowing my eyes. "What do you
think the problem is? Haven't I given you enough hints already? Or are you pretending to be dumb?"
That ticked him off. "What are you talking about?" He leveled a piercing gaze at me, but I stood my ground.
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about!"
"Guys, we gotta get out of here! Those soldiers will be here any second!" Hans interrupted loudly, but we were too involved in our argument to even notice.
"Would you kindly answer my question instead of avoiding it?" Urist said. It seemed almost sarcastic in my ears.
"'Would you kindly,'" I scoffed. "Oh, you act so mannerly and gentlemanly, but then you try to get into bed with the first woman you see!"
Both of us exploded at each other, arguing and spitting insults like a verbal catfight. I wasn't even listening to what he was saying, and I don't think he was listening to me, either. We were trying to outshout each other, pretty much, and I'll admit he was winning. I couldn't yell as loudly as he could.
"
SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Urist and I stopped midsentence, looking at Hans in surprise and confusion at his outburst. Hans didn't even bother to explain. Scooping us up in his huge arms, he plunged into the shimmering portal.
Everything twisted from reality to a dream as the world transformed from three dimensions to six, to two, to fifty...
We collapsed into Mr Frog's room in a heap, space feeling solid once again. And once again, I was underneath everybody. At least this time, I was facing downwards... but Hans was crushing my leg. Pulling it gingerly out from under him, I tilted my head up from the floor and saw a dark cloak a few feet in front of me. I followed it upwards with my eyes to the unamused, expressionless, critical stare of Mr Frog.
We all got to our feet, brushing ourselves off. Mr Frog shut off the portal, officially ending the mission. It was finally over, and I was very, very glad of it. Everything was quiet - peaceful.
Urist's deep voice interrupted the serenity as he addressed me angrily, continuing our previous conversation. "Trying to 'get into bed' with her? How could you possibly think
that?" Somehow, I took it as him insulting my intellegince.
I spun and glared at him, my hair whipping about my face. I brushed it out of the way. "Your secret's out, Urist," I said. "You can quit playing charades now and come clean." Beside us, Hans turned away and shook his head resignedly, while Mr Frog stared at us in blank confusion, looking back and forth at us as we argued.
"I have no secrets," Urist shot back.
"It's all been an act! You've been faking your personality, acting like you actually cared about people; acting like a gentleman when in reality you're nothing but a player!"
"...What," Mr Frog said flatly. I hardly heard him.
Urist didn't hear him at all. "A player?? I've told you before, I'm
married. Are you thick-headed?" I'd forgotten, honestly... but it gave me something else to lash out at him for.
"So you were cheating on your wife when you tried to seduce Commander Acetalyta?" I hated the name.
"Is that what you're upset about? I wasn't seducing her! I was distracting her so I could steal the key."
"Yes, 'distracting her' with your deep voice and muscled arms."
Urist stared at me in disbelief. "Obviously there is no way you will believe me. Why is this bothering you so much??"
"You
abandoned me!" I said accusingly. "You
lied, you -"
"
Silence!!!" Mr Frog roared threateningly. It shocked me back to the present, and I looked at him in surprise. "Did you complete the assignment or not?" he queried.
I pursed my lips, slinging the bag off my shoulder and thrusting it at him roughly. "Here." Then I turned back to Urist, still fuming. "I thought I knew who you were. I
trusted you."
He paused for a moment, looking at me strangely, as if an idea had just come to him. "You
do know who I am."
"You ran off with the commander!! It was right in the middle of a mission, too!"
"I had no choice. But Vanya..."
"And what got the army after you? Did she figure it out as I did? Did you
shoot her??" I was fuming, dizzy, and almost in tears. My lower lip was trembling; I didn't want him to see me cry.
"Vanya, stop this." he said, stepping forwards and grabbing my hands. He was trying to calm me down, but it only made me more upset. "Just listen. You're overreacting."
My mind was in a fog. "No I'm
not!" I cried out in protest as I pulled away, rushing towards my room. "I can't believe I fell in love with you!!"
I closed the door behind me as tears streaked my cheeks, and I looked down at my bloody clothing. I'd gotten up that morning thinking it would be the best day of my life, but now... it was the very worst I could remember. Even worse than when Mr Frog had employed me, even worse than the prison cell near the Spawn. It felt as though nothing in the world could ever be beautiful again.
I peeled off my Ballpoint suit and dropped it into the sink. Turning on the shower, I sat beneath the spray of water as it washed over me like rain, holding my legs closely to me as I wept. The bloodstains on my skin reminded me of Halion's death, and I rubbed at them, but they seemed to refuse to go away. I gave up, lowering my head onto my knees, the warm water trickling down my back.
I cried.
~~~
Later, I sat on the edge of the bed. My eyes were stinging from recent tears, my wet hair draped over the shoulders of my regular clothes. I felt clean, though I'd been unable to scrub the feel of Halion's death from my hands. I also felt quieter, and regretful of how I'd been upset at Urist. I'd gotten angry with him for something that wasn't really his fault: we'd only been friends, and nothing more. I'd never had the occasion to feel jealous before, and I hadn't been expecting it. Halion's death had only compounded with the problem, and had gotten me upset at him, when in reality, it wasn't really his fault at all. I realized Urist had been telling the truth: he'd only been trying to get the key. Now, instead of seeing the image of Urist's 'flirting' in my mind, I could see his wink as he tossed me the key; how he'd said
"Convenient" when we'd met the commander.
I felt awful. I knew I needed to apologize for so many things that I'd said, but I also knew that Urist had probably left. Even so, the more I thought about it, the more I knew: if I wanted to keep our friendship, I was going to have to hunt him down and apologize.
Getting to my feet, I started towards the door, determined to find him, no matter where he was.
It wasn't until later that I realized: I'd told Urist I loved him.
☆
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Topic: [34.11] Spearbreakers - It shudders and begins to move (Read 2279614 times)