This is a well-worn journal. It menaces with flaps of binding worn from the back cover by a chainsword blade. The writing is flowing and has its moments of dullness, and you find yourself skipping a number of pointless little stories before Vanya makes another actual journal entry, immediately following a number of crossed out attempts.Alone... Dwarves use that word often. "I'm forever alone," they say, referencing a dabbling engraver's art as a joke that has a tinge of sadness. But even as they make the joke to someone, they're not fully alone. They
have someone to talk to, who actually cares about how they're doing, or else the joke couldn't have been made. Jokes require at least two people, and neither one of them can be alone at the time. Of course, the person in question often means a relationship by "forever alone", but in the end, what are they
really wanting? They want a close friendship with someone; they want someone who cares about them and supports them during their times of tribulations with a helpful smile.
But that's exactly who they make the joke to, so can you really say they're alone? Dwarves may love their booze, but they also love companionship.
I've been completely alone for several months now. There's not a soul in my cell besides myself and a little spider whom, on occasion, I've caught myself talking to almost as if it was a puppy. In a way, even Mr Frog's unexpected visit was welcome to me. For a brief while, I had someone to talk to. He even provided me with a basin of water, an old rag, and a hairbrush afterwards, so I could finally clean myself up.
This journal has become almost my companion. I write in it to express my feelings now; to talk when something confuses me. Where I used to cry, I've begun to write instead. And as any good companion should, it listens, as best as it can. It doesn't tell my secrets or my dreams, and it doesn't ignore me and leave its pages blank and listless. It remembers everything I tell it... but can you really say that it cares? It's this lack of care about my feelings or my situation that keeps it from being a
true friend. And therefore, I am alone. In a fairy tale, it would be the perfect opportunity for me to be rescued... but real life is rarely ever like stories.
Recently, however, I found myself with a number of wholly unexpected companions. I've tried several times now to successfully explain what happened... but I've finally decided to write everything down exactly as I witnessed it, completely from my perspective at the time.
I'd laid down on my little bed-shelf one night, hearing the time bells chiming the hour as I drifted off to sleep. At some point, I seemed to awaken, and I thought I saw the familiar form of Joseph's spy, Carena, sitting before me with a knowing smile on her face. Slowly everything faded to black a second time, and I later awoke abruptly in a very unfamiliar place.
~~~
"Wake up, sleepyhead," a cheerful voice said almost mockingly, startling me from my dreamless slumber.
I jerked awake, trying to sit up and get away, but found my arms and legs firmly fastened down with straps of an unusual fabric. Looking about wildly, I took in my surroundings. I was lying on a hospital bed which had the upper half tilted upwards, and surrounded by strange machines and bright lights. There wasn't a torch or flame anywhere in sight, and I'd never seen artificial lights so bright before. The walls were colored white, except for one slanted wall to my left which had a large piece of metal across it like a mirror - so shiny that I could see my reflection.
It all reminded me of horror stories of mad doctors.
A dwarf was standing past my feet, and it was a few seconds before I recognized her: Wari, the lazy nurse from the Spearbreakers hospital. I struggled to get away, uselessly.
"Calm down, girl, there's no reason to fight the restraints," Wari said with a smile, working with various levers and buttons on the machinery nearest her. She seemed to be watching some sort of panel that glowed with light... it was magic. I couldn't recall ever having seen magic before.
"Don't worry. We already know you're an elf, and that's actually partially why you're here," she continued, almost absentmindedly.
I was terrified of what she was going to do, but I laid back against the bed. "Where am I?" I asked breathlessly in a panic. I couldn't recall ever having seen this room in Spearbreakers before.
"You're at Parasol, dear," she said as she worked, tapping the ever-changing screen on her machine.
A strange voice filled the room, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere. It was a man's voice, and louder than it should've been. "Agent, it's against protocol to tell that sort of thing to the prisoner."
Wari looked up at the mirror on the wall and spoke to it with a humorous chuckle. "Oh, calm down, Eric, it's not like she's going to remember any of it. Plus, if we can calm her down, the treatment will be more likely to take. And let's not call her a prisoner, hmm?" She turned to me, working with a strange handheld device, with a glass plate on it the same as the machinery. "You're at Parasol, dear," she said again, patting my leg. "I'm Wari, and what's your name?"
I could hear my voice quavering. "I'm V," I replied hesitantly.
She smiled. "V? That's no good, sweetheart, we need your full name. Can you give us your full name?"
I shook my head. I never gave
anyone my full name.
Again she smiled, condescendingly. "Oh, come on now. If you tell us, we'll let you go sooner. We're not going to hurt you, I promise. Can't you tell me?" She leaned forwards and put her hand on mine. I would've pulled it away, if it hadn't been restrained at the wrist.
"Vanya Carena," I said in a small voice. I'd just broken my rule of keeping my name a secret, but she'd said she knew I was an elf, so what did it matter anymore?
With a little laugh she turned from me and walked slowly back to her machines, tapping at the device she held in her hand before inserting it into a slot. "That's better, dear, much better." She looked at me with an almost friendly smile. "I'm glad you're cooperating, Vanya. We're on your side, you know. Just trying to help you out, and get your help in return."
I shook my head. I didn't want to help
anyone. I just wanted to get back home. Then it registered that she'd said she wanted to help me, and I was cautious as I asked, "Why do you want my help?"
She turned back to her work. "We'll get to that later, but first I need to ask you a couple questions."
I decided to stall for time. "What is that you're working with?"
"It's a computer, dear," she answered nonchalantly. I hadn't gained nearly as much time as I would've liked. "Now, you remember your childhood, yes? Who were your parental guardians?"
A crackling sound saved me from answering, along with sparks spraying out of one of the metal boxes on the wall across from my feet. Wari saw it and glanced up at the mirror. "Eric, get somebody down here, the Ionization Control has a bad board," she said unconcernedly, muttering something about "stupid electrical equipment". Looking back at me, she told me, "Hold that thought - this'll take just a minute."
A door opened behind my head, out of my field of vision. Someone in a white lab coat like Mr Frog sometimes wore walked over to the sparking equipment and opened it up. I stared in fascination at the many greenish boards it contained - it wasn't like anything I'd ever seen before. The boards had strange pieces of colored metal stuck to them, and were traced all over with tiny gold lines.
In a moment, the worker had removed one of the boards and replaced it with a new one, closed the machine up again and left.
"Now, parents, grandparents, relatives - who took care of you while you were young?" the question came again with a smile.
"Do I have to answer?" I asked in a whisper. I'd given up on escape, but I didn't go around telling everyone about my former life.
The smile vanished and was replaced with a tired, serious glare. "Honey, you ever seen lightning? The bed you're lying on can send a burst of it straight through your skin. Trust me, it isn't something you would enjoy. If you don't give us any trouble, we won't give any to you, deal?"
I bit my lip to keep from crying at the threat. "Mmm-hmm," I managed in affirmative. It was a few seconds before I could collect myself. "My grandparents took care of me."
She turned back to her computer and began tapping at it with her fingers. "All right, and which of them were nicest to you?"
"My grandmother," I said, gulping back tears, "but she's dead now."
"That's all right. What was her occupation? Her job?"
I understood the word "occupation", but at the moment, I was so scared I didn't even care to say so. "She was a cheesemaker," I answered, almost hyperventilating with fear.
As she continued tapping at her computer, I suddenly burst out, "Can you
please tell me
what's going on??"
She stopped and put everything away, giving me her full attention. "There's no reason for you to freak out, okay? Take deep breaths. Just relax. You're being mentally reconditioned in a few ways because of your unique position - an elf in a fortress of dwarves, who's actually capable of keeping your identity hidden. The mental reconditioning will help with a few different things - combat and stealth abilities, for example. It'll also provide us a mental link to you for when we require your assistance. You needn't worry about it getting out that you're an elf - no one will know."
I nodded slowly, taking it all in. "Have you done this before?" I asked quietly, feeling myself slowly calm down.
"Yes, but we've actually never done this successfully with your species," Wari admitted almost sheepishly. "Elves are particularly resistant to mind alteration technology as it is, so we're going to be trying a new approach to try to make the effect last longer than a few weeks. We'll be giving you a special bracelet to attempt to keep your implanted memories from fading."
I had no idea what she'd meant by that, but something else came to my attention, my mind finally processing it. I looked at her suspiciously. "What do you mean, 'assistance'?"
She gave a twisted little smile. "Spy work. You're going to become the perfect undercover agent - you won't even know you belong to us until we need you."
I tugged at my restraints. I couldn't believe what she was saying. "
Belong to you??" I said in disgust, hearing my voice increase in volume. "Spying on people? I'm
not going to spy on anyone!"
"Of course you're not, honey," Wari lied reassuringly, walking to my side and injecting something into my arm with a needle. "Just lay back and let the machine finish its magic, deal?"
I felt myself slipping from conscious thought as everything went black...
~~~
I awoke abruptly in a very unfamiliar place.
"Wake up, sleepyhead," a cheerful voice said, startling me from my dreamless slumber.
I tried to sit up, but found my arms and legs firmly fastened down with straps of an unusual fabric. Looking about, I took in my surroundings, and found I was in a room that reminded me of horror stories of mad doctors. A dwarf was standing at my feet, and it was a few seconds before I recognized her: Wari, the lazy nurse from the Spearbreakers hospital. As she approached, I watched, abnormally calm.
"Where am I?" I asked quietly. "I want to go home."
"It's okay, dear," she said soothingly, avoiding my question. "I'm only here to help. What's your name?"
I felt so strangely relaxed. "Vanya."
Wari released my restraints and sat me up in bed, holding out a little golden object. "Do you know what this is?"
I looked at it. It was a bracelet, golden with roses twisting their way around it, and my initials clearly forged into side. "That's my bracelet," I answered in a daze, taking it from her gentle grasp and slipping it over my hand.
"That's right," she said patronizingly. "Good girl. Do you remember your grandmother?"
I looked at her in childlike admiration. "You know about my grandmother?"
She nodded in encouragement. "I know a bit about her, too. Do you remember her job?"
"Yes," I answered innocently. "She was a metalworker. She made this bracelet for me."
"She wasn't a cheesemaker, then?"
I laughed, smiling as I spoke. "Cheesemaker? No, of course not."
"Very good, Vanya!" she said with a nod and a smile. "Make sure you always keep your little bracelet safe." Then she turned to a strange mirror on the wall. "Eric, we're ready to put her back."
I felt myself slipping from conscious thought as everything went black...
~~~
I awoke abruptly in a familiar room I'd grown to despise, yet at the same time call a home. I was lying on the bed-shelf in my Spawn Research Center prison cell.
And I could remember everything I'd just dreamed.
But the dream felt so
real. Wari, and the computers, and the little device that she'd held that resembled Mr Frog's... Wari talking about my grandmother...
I stopped. My grandmother
hadn't been a cheesemaker. I could remember now... I could remember how she used to bring us some of her cheese home from work. I remembered how she used to take me to the market to show me which cheeses were the best, how we would gape over the ones she wished she was good enough to make. She had a little shop I would sometimes help out with on weekends, when I wasn't being tutored. I had been young at the time, hardly eight...
She hadn't been a metalworker at all, and the dream
wasn't a dream, but an old memory I'd somehow forgotten... perhaps caused by the stupid golden bracelet. The bracelet they'd lied about, making me think my grandmother had made it for me. Making me believe their lies as if they were my own memories.
Thinking about it all made me realize something else: the pull I'd always felt to get my bracelet back was weaker, now... Somehow I simply didn't care as much about it anymore, even
without knowing it was fake.
I puzzled on it over the course of the day, coming to the conclusion that maybe the bracelet had been designed to
make me want to keep it close.
"We'll be giving you a special bracelet to attempt to keep your implanted memories from fading," Wari had said. Maybe the longer the bracelet was away from me, the more my false memories faded. Maybe the longer it was away, the less pull it had on me, and the less it made me want to have it back.
I remembered the machine that had broken and thrown sparks while I was in the room, and the idea struck me - what if my bracelet was hollow, like those computers? What if it contained "electrical equipment" too?
I decided right then that I needed to destroy it. If it was keeping a hold on my mind, maybe it was keeping me from remembering my sister, too, and with time, that would fade. Maybe destroying it would prove once and for all to Mr Frog that I wasn't the real enemy, and that it was actually Joseph. Wari had to be working for Joseph, too, just like Carena, though they were apparently from different companies - Parasol and Ballpoint.
And at that, I stopped short in my thoughts.
My name had been Carena...
Vanya Carena.
I shared the name of the elven spy who worked for Joseph. There was no way it could be a coincidence, but what did it mean? And how had I forgotten my last name?? How do I even know what memories are mine anymore? If the ones they implanted are just beginning to fade, and the ones they erased are just beginning to resurface, how can I even trust who I am?
☆
addendum:
That night, as I lay curled on my bed, fast asleep, something hit me in the back. I sat up and looked around until I found the intruding object: a little rock. A glance at the hole in the ceiling revealed nothing, but a glance towards the doorway revealed something I never would've expected to see... not in real life, at least.
It was the face of Urist the Lantern-Jaw... My knight in shining armor had come.
It was just like a fairy tale.
☆
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Topic: [34.11] Spearbreakers - It shudders and begins to move (Read 2274183 times)