To our Great and Majestic Baron,
Your humble servant Urist Okablokum greets you from the border fortress of Spearbreakers. If you recall, I was sent here under your orders to
die a horrible death assess the strategic situation here. After
overcoming my horror arriving here, I realized that this task will take far more effort than I had realized. First of all, the defensive position of this fort changes nearly every other year. I've seen a new entrance put in and closed up, a perfectly good entryway ignored for no apparent reason, and the original entrance is apparently completely inoperable. That, sir, is
just the entryways.
Most recently, they have begun a full scale mobilization of their military. I've seen dozens of dwarves training in the most improbable of places. Old mineshafts, the forges, personal bedrooms, by the original entrance, I even once saw them performing some kind of hideous massed combat excercise in the barracks. Their smiths have begun working nonstop, since about a week ago, they've churned out enough armor for twice as many dwarves as they have, with orders for far more on the way.
I've found the dwarves that reside here to be the most
disturbing interesting part of my mission. It seems that almost all of them
are batshit insane have peculiar eccentricities that in no way interfere with their prowess at their jobs. In fact, these eccentricities often help them perform their obligations. Another odd thing I have noticed is the massive amount of mugs. They're everywhere. I don't mean there are a bunch in the dining room. I mean they are literally everywhere. I've found mugs in places no mug should ever go. If you send a return letter, I recommend you request they either start exporting the mugs faster or start making fewer of them.
In closing, I will require as little as two more months, and as much as a whole year to finish my mission here. It is my hopes that the caravan master reaches you safely to deliver this letter.
Sincerely,
Urist Okablokum