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Wait for the next release. I want usable mugs damn it!

55 (71.4%)

We can use the current one. I like the big trees and slightly smarter dorfs.

17 (22.1%)

I'll take .34.11 thanks. I want to know I'll get to kill things for sure.

5 (6.5%)

Total Members Voted: 77

[Talvieno]

Random: A collection of Colonel Fischer-related quotes, as a sort of homage.

Still, I lol'd inside upon seeing that Fischer has killed the same goblin so many times that s/he's probably gotten bored of it.

Patience, Splint. Patience. Soon the Necromancer will make a mistake, and when he does, its all over. One mistake is all it takes with Fischer roaming around.

Ok, so either there was some godmode speed glitch, or Fischer is the dwarven equivalent of the fucking flash. A snatcher got spotted, and in the time it took two civil defense guys to fire 4-5 shots at hime, basically corraling him towards the fortress, Fischer was on him.

She scares me.

Isn't it obvious? Fischer is from Dorf!Krypton, and she's realizing her potential. Hopefully, as Superdorf, she doesn't decide to enslave the planet. Otherwise we'll have to find glowing green rocks from her home planet.

Th spawn pretty much did get demoted to extras because they seem pitifully underpowered when facing Fischer and mnore often than not we use them to kill other ivaders before rewarding them with pikes to the chest.

Fischer wasn't [...] Dangerroom trained so that makes her more badass by default. Plus she faced off against a group of spawn alone and lived, along with nearly drowning in the same instance. She has since become this game's Superdorf.

Fischer: She knows the secrets of life and death... Biblically.

Fischer's only weakness is that she has no weakness. I'm... Not sure how that works, admittedly.

First thing, Fischer jokes. (Except they're not jokes.)

• Fischer does not "hunt" because the word "hunting" infers the probability of failure. Fischer goes killing.
• If you can see Fischer, she can see you. If you can't see Fischer, you may be only seconds away from death.
• When bogeymen children go to sleep in the morning, they check their closets for Fischer.

Superdorf, AKA Colonel Fischer Norris: Chuck Norris' illegitimate Kryptonian dorf baby.
I like it, it's got a ring to it.

Those three jokes/facts I posted were really just adapted Chuck Norris jokes... And they fit. Fischer is the dwarven Chuck Norris, and I'd bet she could easily spear his roundhouse-kicking hide.

I'm betting Fischer could actually kill a zombie.

He downloaded the spawn or ripped them from a Spearbreakers save and one of his soldiers decided sticking his head in its maw was a good idea. Evidently it was as he came out with the spawn's tongue and his head still attached.

I assume that dwarf was Fischer.

[...]if Fischer dies that probably means most of the fort is going to be close behind so....

4. because Fischer.
Fischer is such a terrifying engine of destruction that she has become our Chuck Norris, with her crowning moment of awesome being suriving alone against a group of spawn, getting knocked into a pond, and SURVIVING.

I thought her crowning moment of awesome was when the spawn turned tail and ran in fear from her dark and terrible majesty?

Dark and terrible majesty?
...
...
...
Give fischer a rat leather backpack.
WE HAVE FOUND THE ONE TO OPPOSE HOLISTIC DETECTIVE.

No, Fischer is a walking engine of pike-based doom. She fights like a true dorf, with a proper fucking weapon.

Actually, you know what, this has been bothering me. Why the assumption Fischer fits Badass is Dark/Crazy? Whenever i read about a champion, or an army, they are called insane, murderers, montrous beings. Our Fischer, our Champion Superdorf, shouldn't be seen as a monster, or dark, just because she kicks ass. She fights for Spearbreakers. I say, she's our brightest star, and who we should strive to emulate. She didn't get strong through fell rituals, or deals with the devil. She is Fischer Norris, last Dorf of Dorf!Krypton, the daughter of the living god, Chuck Norris. She is the Dorf of Tomorrow. She is Superdorf.

You fear they haven't actually been vaporized, as you don't have a Colonel Fischer [...]

In retrospect, was Mr Frog's Combat And Training Simulator (CATS) necessary at all? Even without a couple squads of overpowered dwarves, we have Mr Frog himself, who's an interdimensional-time-traveler/neurobiologist/inventor. And if that fails, he can DJ them to death.  And not only that, we have FISCHER.

More fun with words:
I imagine Fischer's acronym would be something along the lines of "Fucking Incredible Superdwarven Culler of Horrors and Ender of Reigns".
Her name is an anagram of "Choleric Felons". I think this rather suits her...

Surprised I got so many kills, though - would've expected Fischer to have used that super speed thing and caused all of the goblins to implode or something before I did anything.

Well, compared to Fischer, Rose IS dainty.

Well I can find a peice of 40k fanart that can describe the results of Fischer being used as artillary ammo.

Fischer: Ambiguously gendered leader of the fortress military. Our Succession's memetic badass.

I'll do that. Oh and I decided to interpret fischer crushing a spawn's heart into oblivion with a punch as her tearing it out, and showing it to the spawn before crushing it in her cold, justifiably hate filled hand.

So long as we still have Fischer, the fortress cannot fall.

...So long as Fischer isn't berserk, anyway. If she is, the fortress falls regardless. (and at least we don't have husks or thralls. A Fischer Thrall would be literally unstoppable. Actually, that's a plausible apocalypse scenario, ranked up there with tidal waves and comet collisions.


Anyway, when Fischer finally dies... that will be when we know it's hopeless.

Heehee, I want this in the quotes section. Husk!Fischer could massacre entire countries.

Fischer: Only stops fighting demonic armies when she runs out hatefuel, then continues fighting by luring them to attack her while she slumbers, giving her comrades time to kill them.

Fischer must be immortalised in these forums. S/he's becoming as much a Memetic Badass as Cacame is, or even Morul.

Col. Fischer can never truly become exhausted. She merely lets the enemy hit her so they don't see her squad coming up behind them.

Fischer is so powerful a pissed off bear can't even move her when it rams into her.

Fischer is such a badass she bites the spawn in thier maw, and spits thier teeth in thier face.

Fischer is so badass, that when demons dig into the center of candy canes, they find Fischer.

When spawn want to scare each other, they tell Fischer stories.
A spawn went to a dentist to get some false teeth. When asked what happened, he said, "Some crazy dwarf bitch bit them out!"
Fischer is able to penetrate adamantium armor. With her teeth.

[Yes, a fucking bear SLAMMED INTO FISCHER and bounced off. BOUNCED OFF. She's is a living tank now. Because a bear is what, twice the size of a dwarf and twice as nasty on average?]

...

The fight continued, with the bear knocking over Fischer in her already stunned state, she quickly righted herself, and I saw her stick her head within the very maw of the hive king and came out with his teeth. HIS TEETH. AND SHE SPAT THEM IN ITS FACE.

Holy CMOA, Batman! Fischer has truly become an unstoppable killing machine. Too bad she didn't quite seal the deal on the hive king though, but at least she's still alive and un-spawnified... You had me worried for a while there. Thank the Gods for that candy helmet.

So, we got a second "This is Spearbreakers, bitch!" weather type: It is raining Spawn of Holistic teeth!
Oh, no, wait, that's just Fischer doing her thing.

I am WAITING for Fischer to get "lover" status on a dwarf'd dwarf.


"Dear diary, I have been officially made into a manbitch. Help me..."

Fischer is susceptible to disease.

Thats just to trick them into a false sense of security, lure the germs in: then kill them.

---

Hanslanda wanted me to post this in the thread. Here you go.

Splint, you know what she is made of: Chuck Norris and Superman's genetic material, and enough badassery to destroy hell by punching one block of slade. Now, stop doubting the epicness that is fischer, or be made her manbitch.

You are tempting fate just by talking about it! Go back to thumb twiddling.

Tempting fate? This is Spearbreakers. Monsters tempt fate when they speak of us. We fear nothing. Except for Fischer dying. We fear that.

Yeah, because if she dies that means the fort is on its last legs.

And those legs are probably trying to find a well hidden corner to cower in, as whatever hellish force that defeated the mighty Fischer obliterates the remaining dwarves.

When goblins wanted a new god, they invaded spearbreakers to declare fischer it.
Fischer can sell wood to elves.
The king of demons offered to make fischer his right hand dwarf. She was eating dinner out of his skull last night.
Fischer doesn't swim. The water is too scared to touch her.
When fischer walks, elephants run.
Fischer once punched a spawn so hard it changed back into a dwarf.
Fischer doesn't hunt. Animals just offer themselves to her pike.
Fischer doesn't need to drink. Her body produces booze naturally. She just likes the taste.
Only fischer exists. We just thinkwe're the real ones.
Fischer's tears cure tantrum spirals. Too bad she never cries.
Fischer can put out hell by blowing on it.
Magma turns to obsidian just so it can have the honor of being crossed by her.
Fischer will have four children, who will be the Four Horsemen.
Fischer owns a dragon with adamantium scales. She takes it cruisin' for manbitches.

Raven problem, eh? Shoot at it? That might work... Or just send Fischer after it. Given the choice between Fischer and the Grim Reaper, I think it'd choose the latter...

Fischer must've decided it was beneath her, because she ignored the call to arms and stayed snoring.

Or did she? Perhaps she was destroying them with her sleeping mind, and when the squad reaches the ravens, nothing will be left but feathers.

A good chunk of our population doesn't seem to worship a damn thing actually.

Spearbreakers: Because in this place, there are no gods. There is only Fischer.

I feel like for the sequel, I must rename "Champion" to "Disciple of Fischer" now.

Yes, and what's more interesting is that one of them, Deler Inkblushed the Union of Haunts, the most recent necromancer to die in 207 was the first king of our civ from 1- 72 iirc. Fischer's a KINGKILLER.

Holy balls, so..... We commited regicide without meaning to. AWESOME.

Fucking Incredible Superdwarven Culler of Horrors and Ender of Reigns

So... What would we be singing? I saw someone mention that... Would we be writing parodies of popular songs?

I started writing a sort of western/southern ballad thing, part spoken, part sung. Chorus would contain:

    "Colonel Fischer, that dwarf of olden lore
    "Ain't god or man can save you when she's knocking at your door"

I planned to add things like how she swims the magma sea to hell, melts her way through candy, and kills the Devil with a stare.

    "And says she to the Devil, 'Let me cut you down to size'
    "He's hardly started laughing when she's done it with her eyes"

And other timeless bits like,

    "And if you ever find you're on the wrong end of her pike
    "You'll be dead in point-two seconds and she'll never have to strike"

Also once we successfully take hell, if the enmy ever said "Go to hell dwarf!" Then that soldier could say "I will after I kill you. There's a party in the queen's dining hall down there."

"Used to be I could say, 'Go to Hell', but we've brightened the place up, and honestly, Hell's too nice for you. Instead of that... Go to Fischer."

I guess I do need to say it: Anyone else think it's awesome we pissed off a bunch of death machines this much?

I still think they just want Fischer's autograph. But they don't know that Fischer signs her name with her pike. And signs her name on their face.

Spearbreakers: Did it go right? Praise Fischer! Did it go wrong? Blame Reudh!

Is it just me or have we developed some kind of deranged meme of our very own all because I left a production order on repeat by mistake?

It wasn't a mistake. It was the will of Fischer.

That's two memes. And we'll have three if, "Holy shit, some migrants survived." ever catches on.

If TvTropes refers to the Spawn as the 'Bigger Fish', i guess that explains why Fischer is... the Fischer.

(I'm a reservoir of horrible jokes)

All I know Fischer bites the teeth out of Spawn and has survived having a dozen Spawn plus bear mounts clawing kicking and biting her in the head in-game.

Fischer's idea of mercy to her enemies is killing them in a half-second instead of ten seconds.

One of these days. I hope it survives at least ten more years. We haven't finished the canon yet.


I'll only deem Spearbreakers dead when Fischer dies.

You realize very few fortresses ever make it past 20 turns right? What makes you think Spearbreakers is any different?

We have Fischer.

I'm greatly looking forwards to seeing what The Master manages to do. (I doubt he can kill the fort, even if he tries. We have Fischer, after all.)

[Splint]

I am now reminded that Fischer is pretty much functionally dead. But it matters little.

When all of dwarfdom calls, she will rise from her resting place to defend it. Because fuck you death/sleeping sickness, stabbing shit is more fun than dreaming about shit that doesn't help me.

[soulslicerjames]

Given how big this sub-topic turned out to be, I feel the need to re-post this.

OK, sliiiiiight problem. FB had extract thing, Fischer is now Resting Injury-ing. If she dies, how fucked is the canon?

Nothing else has happened so far, except for the three migrants that came.

I'm keeping this on the record.  That way, when things go wrong in your next update, you can only blame yourself for provoking Murphy.

Called it!

[Aseaheru]

I wish we could import her into the next SpearBreakers...
perhaps as something for engravings?

[Splint]

Thili's did nothing except extended coma. I think combined Thili and Lomoth's syndromes are the problem. And I still think we can cannibalize a reaction and possibly an interaction to scrub hers and Draignean's systems.

And yes, engravings.

[Aseaheru]

i wonder how hard the cyro chambers in the fallout mod would be to get working in this...
i know they regrow limbs, im not positive about syndromes...

[Splint]

Cue the dwarves breaking the laws of physics and making theirs work with lots of ice blocks.

[Aseaheru]

what?

oh, right.

that may work... truly. you just have to be in Antarctica or something.

[Reudh]

Okay, so I messaged Putnam; apparently if a syndrome's permanent, it's permanent. And because it's drowsiness, it affects the whole body.

A syndrome with the same effect but different durations will not overwrite the previous effect.
Removing the syndrome from the beast will not affect already infected creatures.

Unless at some point in the future an update allows syndromes to remove other syndromes, Fischer is as good as dead.

In my opinion we should move her house topside. Remember how she was able to not die with however any Spawn beating on her head? My thought is, she lives in her above groundhouse, and whenever a siege begins we lower the walls/bridges of her room and she can (if asleep) draw away the enemy and (if awake) rip them to shreds.

[Lolfail0009]

...Huh.

[Splint]

Yup. Anticlimax. If she's functionally dead due to being permanently drowsy, then that means we've basically lost two soldiers out side of battle, as Draignean is infected as well.

Dauros is going to have to make sure he lives up to his title now, as he's now the most senior soldier in the fortress.

[Lolfail0009]

This could be worked into interesting canon...

If that...
Then that would...
But if she...
Then she is...
...
......
..............
Oh god, what have I done.

[Reudh]

Basically, the only way to get Fischer up and running again would be to revert to before Tomio's save...

[Splint]

She's handed off the responsibility of chapion to Dauros already, ad I can force her onto her feet to fight if I need to.

Makes me wish there was a script or something that would remove a syndrome from a specific creature.

But yeah, if anyone wants to write that disturbing revalation ina more... Significant fashion, then go ahead.

EDIT: She was already laid up when I started my turn. Lomoth had "deadly" gas and I think its that asshole's fault we've lost Fischer and Draignean.

[zacen299]

Right now is one of those times you wish there was a file somewhere that stored all the data for the dwarves in your fort and that it could be editied to remove shit like that. Because really that is the ultimate anti-climax. Still I say in Spearbreakers two unless Dauros does something absolutely amazing that new champions should still have the title of Fischer. Now I was going to say something else but I forgot.... dammit.