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Author Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued  (Read 248675 times)

lawastooshort

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #810 on: May 20, 2013, 07:51:07 am »

((Damn. That would have been a good one.))
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Toaster

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #811 on: May 20, 2013, 08:27:33 am »

Davy looks out at the forces arrayed against them and thinks.  Surely, if he is now ENORMOCROCKETT, then his face should cause ENORMOVOMIT, correct?

Only one way to find out!


Remove the bandages!  Assail the enemies with my ENORMOTRIPLEARMLEGUPSIDEDOWNFACEFACE!  Attempt to catch a reflection of my face in a legionnaire shield, and sweep them away with a horrible tide of ENORMOVOMIT!
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #812 on: May 20, 2013, 08:52:54 am »

This is going to be a caustic situation.
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freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #813 on: May 20, 2013, 02:22:17 pm »

((Holy nuts, this is it. THE REAL FINAL BOSS, DINOHITLER.))

"What? Oh. Albatross, machine guns, right right." Paul McCartney puffs up his chest. "Let's gittem, Betsy!"

Paul McCartney rides the albatross toward Dinohitler, firing wildly. Amazing the things hallucinogens can do!
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #814 on: May 20, 2013, 04:10:58 pm »

((Holy nuts, this is it. THE REAL FINAL BOSS, DINOHITLER.))

((Yes I know, crikey. If I have gained one thing through running the same game till its end for over 15 months it's that I now say crikey a lot more than I did.

Anyone who submitted a sheet but never made it and wants to play as a talking part extra with extra violence (i.e. fight a bit but not in this thread) can very gladly go here to defend sequindom))
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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #815 on: May 20, 2013, 08:31:03 pm »

And apparently it makes my characters in other threads say Crikey too!


Though there does appear to have been a paucity of "Strewth" in this thread.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #816 on: May 21, 2013, 12:09:06 pm »

Hulkimedes: Smash Plotimportant enemies

Archimedes: Kindly request a miracle.

Archimedes, stricken by the view of all these deadly and destructive enemies, panics doesn't panic a bit more, and ask to the Gods for aid

Oh, Apollo, god of light, embodiment of the sun, Seer of past and future, Healer of Disease, Master of plagues, Divinity of Music and poetry, ecetera ecetera, Hear me.
The athmosphere in the room changes, some of the DinoHitlers evil minnions whimper feeling the presence of this majestic diety, and soft jazz music starts playing in the background.
Archimedes, knowing he has found a listening ear with his god, or at least with his voicemail, continues his prayer in the traditional Greek style. (ie, using overcomplicated rethorics while fighting of several mortal enemies.)
« Last Edit: May 21, 2013, 12:13:22 pm by 10ebbor10 »
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lawastooshort

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The Magnificent Timelord: Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #817 on: May 21, 2013, 04:16:21 pm »

THE ASSAULT ON THE DINONEST: TURN THIRTEEN!

WHAT'S THIS?

IS IT THE SOUND OF APPROACHING SOFT JAZZ?

...The forces confronting the brave bowienauts are vast.

A thousand Romans.

Untold flying emus.

A moat full of stingrays.

DinoHITLER.

Heinrich HAMSTER.

Joseph GERBILS even if he hates being called that now.

A TV CREW with an Australian CROCODILE.

Paul McCartney rides the albatross toward Dinohitler, firing wildly. Amazing the things hallucinogens can do!



"Let's gittem, Betsy!"

THE BOWIENAUTS HAVE PAUL MCCARTNEY, RIDING HIS WAR ALBATROSS.

But the albatross is totally out of control, mate! The sixteen machine guns in his wings blaze away like gods of albatross warfare, streaking down towards dinoHITLER in an alba-rage, hurtling towards the flock of flying emus and crashing to the ground in a storm of exploding albatross and emu feather!

Over half of the flying emus are destroyed in one giant mushroom ball of exploding albatross fuel: the rest angrily surround Paul McCartney as he floats gently to the ground under his Beatles-chute!

George and Ringo fight their way through the Roman legion using violent musical techniques until they stand by their friend’s side.

Back to back the threesome face the circle of everclosing flying emus.

Suddenly the shadow of ENORMOCROCKETT looms large over the cave.

Quote from: Steve Irwin
Bust the hell out of this cage and wrestle the nearest crocodile, mate, strewth!



Stevo doesn’t wanna drown! He don’t wanna die! He just wants to wrestle crocs and say crikey, mate!

He busts the crap out of that cage and leaps at his evil croco-captor –  he subdues the little blighter and rides him like a pony!

Stevo starts revving the engine! He can get that croc right up to fifty, mate! Strewth!

Quote from: My in depth knowledge of cats
Miaoul the Randomly Selected Enemy!



Schrödinger’s Cat suddenly turns into THREE Schrödinger’s Cats! Hissing and arching his or her back it leaps towards Ares the Roman Legionnaire, opens its fearsome jaws, and hacks up an enormous miniature black hole!

Ares the Roman Legionnaire is sucked into the black hole and as everybody knows when you get sucked into a black hole you explode in a massive ball of antimatter!

Shards of extremely dense Roman Legionnaire fly through the ranks of Romans, showering everything around with blood and nudity!

About three hundred Romans collapse to the ground bleeding and groaning.

The nearest Sequinometer registers HIGH on the sequin scale!

Hulkimedes: Smash Plotimportant enemies

Archimedes: Kindly request a miracle.



Realising that the exploding antimatter Roman was about to stab him to death a bit, Archimedes decides not to explain about actual real physics and mathematics and overcomplicatedness!

Perhaps next turn!

Instead he beholdens yon HULKIMEDES to go forth and prosper, traveling onwards until he doth become a master in the art of smashing the crap out of plotimportant bad guys!

...This goes pretty well for him! Sneaking along as well as a HULKIMEDES might, he suddenly sneaks into the night time toilet of Paul McCartney – and finds a hideous pair of nazis who are hopefully dinosaurs but who knows!

...Otto the Nazi dodges HULKIMEDES' right hook!

But this just gets him ANGRIER!

HULKIMEDES headbutts Jochen the sidekick nazi's guts off!

Jochen the sidekick nazi instableeds to death!

Meanwhile, Archimedes looks on with quiet approval, secretly admiring the wanton bloodlust of his erstwhile other self, and formulates his cunning plan.

He prays for a miracle!

...It doesn't really wor- OH WAIT

SUDDENLY THERE IS THE ROAR OF ENGINES!


”Hey, ladies…”



”Cave, DinoHitler, Rex Dinosaurorum! Celeriter vincam te! Sed tincidunt quam flere Pimpmobile invidia. Præparamini!”


Two hundred and seventy two of the remaining Romans fall to the floor, overcome with lust and seduction!

IT'S THE HOLY ROMAN PIMPERATOR!

Remove the bandages!  Assail the enemies with my ENORMOTRIPLEARMLEGUPSIDEDOWNFACEFACE!  Attempt to catch a reflection of my face in a legionnaire shield, and sweep them away with a horrible tide of ENORMOVOMIT!



The sound of stomping echoes across the battlefield.

‘Tis ENORMOCROCKETT, MONSTROUS KING OF THE WILD FRONTIER!

Oh crap.

He strides over the Pimpmobile.

”Sup, Davy! Nice face, boet!”

”Yup. Even though it's changed a bit I think you're gonna recognise it,” warns Crockett. ”It's the face of Texan freedom.”

He’s unwrapping his face.

”I suggest you look away, oh pimperator.”

Four hundred and twenty eight Romans.

Half the untold flying emus.

A moat full of stingrays.

DinoHITLER himself.

Heinrich HAMSTER.

Joesph GERBILS.

A TV CREW.

ALL BEAR WITNESS TO:


The Four hundred and twenty eight Romans resist! Half of the untold flying emus all do little babysicks in their mouths! It's distracts them heavily next turn! The moat full of stingrays vomits! The stingrays leap out of the sick-filled moat onto dry land, and retch till their throats hurt! About half of them choke to death! DinoHITLER throws up his breakfast all over his shoes! His OCD gives him serious gyp! Heinrich Hamster is partially in another dimension. HE EVADES THE HORRIBLE VOMIT INDUCER! Unlike his colleague in HEINOUS NAZISAURDOM: JOSEPH GERBILS PUKES OUT HIS LEFT KIDNEY! HE STARTS TO BLEED!

Luckily the TV crew are mostly OK, and continue filming.

For ENORMOCROCKETT doth catch a glimpse of his own face in the shiny part of the nearest Roman’s shield!

Four hundred and twenty eight Romans.

Half the untold flying emus.

A moat full of stingrays.

DinoHITLER himself.

Heinrich HAMSTER.

Joesph GERBILS.

A TV CREW.

There's a tectonic vomit event! It's like 7.8 on the Rod Steiger scale!

A couple hundred of the Romans are washed away in a tsunami of sick!

The half of the flying emus ARE NEVER SEEN AGAIN! Their bodies are totally digested!

The stingray realise they have leapt out of the frying pan full of vomit into the fire of harder vomit!

They die of vomit!

DinoHITLER is swept backwards a hundred feet, smashing marble columns and expensive French furniture like so much easily breakable stuff. His 4 is 3 and his 1 is 5!

Wound Acquired: DinoHITLER: FRACTURED GUTS!

Wound Acquired: DinoHITLER: SEVERED FACE!

Heinrich HAMSTER uses his other dimension to totally avoid the tide of gutspume!

Joseph GERBILS... JOSEPH GERBILS HAD JUST OPENED HIS MOUTH TO SPEAK! HIS MOUTH IS FILLED WITH CROCKOVOM!

HIS THROAT IS FILLED WITH AMERICAN DIGESTIONARY JUICE!

HIS GUTS ARE FILLED WITH THE CONTENTS OF DAVY CROCKETT'S GUTS!

BOOM!

The exploding Joseph GERBILS annihilates the film crew, destroying the moment for posterity!

Quote from:  Otto Skorzeny von Skorzeny & Jochen Peiper at the Gates of Dawn
Action: Sneak into McCartney's toilet at night and become a sign:

Avoiding the flood of vomit by being behind ENORMOCROCKETT, like the other people not mentioned above, apart from Paul McCartney, who we will get to shortly, and Otto van Dino, to whom we will also get shortly, the surviving nazi sneaky dino thing sneaks into McCartney's toilet and ...is so distracted by nearly falling in and down the toilet he forgets to transform into a sign!

Quote from: Otto van Dino
Action: Otto bites HORRIBLE FACE GUY! Also, if the Squad Leader ability is accepted, he summons his squad and orders them to attack.

...Just then Otto van Dino, to whom we have finally got, leaps out of his hiding place in ENORMOCROCKETT's ENORMOPOCKETS, and strikes Davy hard in the guts! They bleed severely!

Otto van Dino shouts some kind of dinonazi stuff and three of his dinohomies appear! Also in Crockett's pockets!

Wound Acquired: Davy ENORMOCROCKETT: Severely Bleeding Guts!

Quote from: Ares
Stab archimedes

Ares goes to stab Archimedes, but lost initiative and died about five pages back! Them's the breaks!

About a minute ago, Paul McCartney looked up to see ENORMOCROCKETT remove his bandages from his hideous face.

Oh dear.

...He retches all down his nice clothes! He tries to hold it in, but can't! His cheeks burst gutfroth all over his treasured guitar!

He looks up to the sky in despair!

He sees the approaching wave of vomit just in time!

...He whips out his speedoguts, and uses their amazing elasticity to capture all of the vomit headed his way and store it for later!

He smells pretty bad!

HAMSTER BALL OF DOOM GO

[color=a really nazi colour]"Mein dinoFUHRER!!”[/color] shouts a sudden voice.

"Beware! Assassins! I shall save you!”

It's HEINRICH HAMSTER, MOST VOMIT RESISTANT NAZI HENCHMAN OF HISTORY.

...He spits out a terrible ball of doom from his massive nazi hamster cheeks!

Schrödinger’s Cat is smashed to smithereens!

Wound Acquired: Schrödinger’s Cat: DEATH!

Three Roman Legionnaires are crushed to tiny pieces!

DinoHITLER himself is fractured in the leg!

The RIGHT leg!

Now he'll have to depend on his most communist leg!

Wound Acquired: DinoHITLER: FRACTURED RIGHT LEG!

And I think the final victim of Heinrich HAMSTER and this turn is Otto van Dino, both of whose legs are blasted off at the knee!

Wound Acquired: Otto van Dino: SEVERED LEGS!

Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT:
Paul: +2 Beatle Bonus
Davy: Giant Stature Bonus: +2 to being hit; +3 to strength rolls.
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
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monk12

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #818 on: May 21, 2013, 04:26:19 pm »

Hee hee, most amusing. I'm also distressed that the picture of a dude standing in his own stream of vomit is a thing that exists.

10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #819 on: May 21, 2013, 04:29:43 pm »

Realising that the exploding antimatter Roman was about to stab him to death a bit, Archimedes decides not to explain about actual real physics and mathematics and overcomplicatedness!
>:(

Hence why I'm also not going to point out that Roman legions contained around 6000 men.
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #820 on: May 21, 2013, 04:59:21 pm »

Not if they've been... seximated?
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monk12

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #821 on: May 21, 2013, 05:00:49 pm »

Not if they've been... seximated?

An apt term, considering the proximity of the Pimperator.

Tiruin

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #822 on: May 21, 2013, 07:32:57 pm »

Wasn't that Decimated?



Three. Three.

It's now three. Once was three; my lives are three.

All these statistics, as well as the lack of hope for anything else left a bad taste in the Cat's mouth.


And then there was the furball, hurled at the Roman Legion.
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Toaster

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #823 on: May 21, 2013, 08:50:00 pm »

Decimated- divided by ten.

Seximated- divided by six.

Etymology- cool!

Vomit- plentiful.



"TARNATION!" boomed ENORMOCROCKETT.  "THAT IS A MIGHTY FINE DISPLAY OF VOMITING, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF!"

He looked down.

"HEY!  THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE GUTS!"

MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT the annoying Otto Von Dino and his cronies all over DINOHitler!  Lament how neither of those have complete stat blocks!


I think that wins the award for most vomitous turn yet.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Turn Thirteen!
« Reply #824 on: May 22, 2013, 12:10:05 am »

Decimated is actually killing one person in 10. IE, 90% survives.
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