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Author Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued  (Read 248630 times)

Toaster

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Giant Nazi Hamster Mecha Query
« Reply #795 on: April 17, 2013, 09:28:09 am »

Well, he's been showing as active, but he hasn't actually posted anything in two months.  I'd say start looking for an Option Two, maintaining Option One until suitable replacement is found.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Giant Nazi Hamster Mecha Query
« Reply #796 on: April 26, 2013, 12:38:35 pm »

Archimedes 1: !!Heinrich Hamster!! + Water = Rongeur au bain Marie
Archimedes 2: Ahum. 3
...
,1
...
4592...
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freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Giant Nazi Hamster Mecha Query
« Reply #797 on: April 26, 2013, 02:24:12 pm »

"No! Not a NAZI ROBOT HAMSTER TROOPER! Boys: our REAL problem here is Hamsters are far, far too adorable to defeat. Even nazi robot trooper hamsters." A brief light shines off Paul's sequined guitar and illuminates his face. "I know how to fix that."

Paul runs toward Heimrich Hamster, hops on his clayboard and aims for the hamster mecha's head!

"Oh, don't fail me now, hoverswor.!"

Paul prepares to jump off the clayboard at the last minute! Ideally disfiguring Heimrich horribly!
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lawastooshort

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The Magnificent Timelord: Heinrich Hamster Turn Eleven!
« Reply #798 on: May 03, 2013, 03:08:12 pm »

THE ASSAULT ON THE DINONEST: TURN ELEVEN!

I could've sworn I already sent a turn in!

And I could’ve sworn I knew what was going on! But no!

Quote from: Steve Irwin
Wrestle another goddamned crocodile



Steve Irwin has no leg and no face. Crikey!

Naturally he dives onto the nearest passing crocodile and starts wrestling it into submission, without a great deal of success, but crikey - it’s a flamin’ STEVO croc, mate, and it’s come fully equipped with its own film crew!

The crocodile starts commenting on Steve Irwin’s wrestling technique, calling him a feisty little critter, and directing his film crew to come and just pop the cheeky fella right there in that cage there so we can study him in safety and set him free later, mate!

At the last minute the crocodile throws Steve Irwin off its back, and suddenly the film crew leap on Stevo, and trap the little blighter in a small cage!

The crocodile turns to face the camera, almost as if explaining that-

”-one of yer fairly typical Steve Irwins, caught right in his natural habitat, gor, what a beaut, eh? Crikey. We’re just gonna keep him in this cage while he bleeds to death so he doesn’t bite any of our fingers off, yeah?”

The crocodile turns away slightly to the cameraman.

”Did you get that, yeah? How was that? Crikey, he was a feisty little bugger weren’t he? Eh? Eh? Crikey!”

GO GO HAMSTER BALL OF DOOM!

Heinrich Hamster cares NAUGHT about the capture of Steve Irwin for the advancement of crocodile botanyology.

With a grinding creak and crunch and whir he deploys a giant and obviously nazi hamster ball out the top of his head, and bounces it relentlessly about the cavern!

It bounces first towards Steve Irwin, severely bruising his cage!

It crashes across the ceiling and smashes into Archimedes Mark II, fracturing the ribs!

It whams off the wall and obliterates all trace of Schrödinger’s Cat, leaving nowt but a small red streak!

Schrödinger’s Cat reappears out of nowhere, only to be immediately broken in the legs!

As he leans back to laugh an evil laugh, suddenly Heinrich the MECHAHAMSTER realises he hasn’t gnawed anything this turn!

His laughter chokes and turns to tears of pain as he accidentally gnaws through his face!

It totally bleeds!

Wound Acquired: Archimedes Mark II: Fractured Ribs!

Wound Acquired: Schrödinger’s Cat: Death!

Wound Acquired: Schrödinger’s Cat: Broken Legs!

Wound Acquired: Heinrich Hamster: Gnawed Face!

Claw at the leg of the largest enemy.



Schrödinger’s Cat flinches at the horrible sound of evil laughter turning to evil tears, and advances stubbornly, despite his four broken legs, towards the rodent robot, propelling himself with violent pushes from his bushy whiskers.

He claws feebly at the solid titanium mecha legs!

He collapses from the pain!

Archimedes 1: !!Heinrich Hamster!! + Water = Rongeur au bain Marie
Archimedes 2: Ahum. 3
...
,1
...
4592...



10eb-waitArchimedes has never known a problem that could not be solved by a good smack over the head with some cold hard maths and overcomplication.

Nazi mecha rodents are no different.

Gently conjuring a great quantity of water directly above the head of Heinrich Hamster, Archimedes clicks his fingers and extinguishes the robot’s burning groin.

Awesome!

But wait! Things are soon looking up, as Archimedes Mark II whips out his scroll of Pi to three hundred decimal places.

He clears his throat.

He starts reading in a dull and onerous voice.

”Three

Point

One

Four

Five

Nine

Sev-OH MY GOD SOMEONE’S DEFACED THE SCROLL OF PI! I! YOU! THE! UGG! AHHGG! THE! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”


Archimedes Mark II begins to turn green!

He begins to double in size!

He…

OH CRAP!

It’s a terrible terrible case of nerdraehggggg!!!1

It’s…

IT’S THE INCREDIBLE HULCHIMEDES!

Hulchimedes flexes his oversized green biceps and rips the offending scroll to smithereens! He throws it to the floor! He jumps up and down until it is crushed into tiny bits of scroll dust and then runs at the nearest maths-hating philistine and smashes the poor little kitty into the dirt!

Wound Acquired: Schrödinger’s Cat: Death!

HE’S TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL!

Paul runs toward Heinrich Hamster, hops on his clayboard and aims for the hamster mecha's head!

Paul prepares to jump off the clayboard at the last minute! Ideally disfiguring Heinrich horribly!



Thanks to the vagaries of the initiative system, Paul McCartney TOTALLY IGNORES the Incredible Hulchimedes eying him up in a less than friendly manner to instead expound the TRUTH.

"No! Not a NAZI ROBOT HAMSTER TROOPER!" he finally realises, about a turn after everyone else and possibly for the second time but I haven’t checked.

"Boys: our REAL problem here is Hamsters are far, far too adorable to defeat. Even nazi robot trooper hamsters."

A brief light shines off Paul's sequinned guitar and illuminates his face.

"I know how to fix that." he says, menacingly. "Oh yeah. I know how to fix that RIGHT IN HIS FACE!"

McCartney draws his hoversword and clambers aboard, feeling the power of BEATLES bless his ascent.

"Oh, don't fail me now, hoversword!" he cries, aiming the swordy-board upwards with a nimble twitch of his feet.

He flies through the air!

He shoots through the skies!

He pierces Heinrich Hamster’s face, totally ruining his look!

He floats to the floor on a cloud of BEATLE, waving goodbye to the hovering greatsword he’s left sticking out of the mecharodent’s forehead.

Heinrich feels sad at his ruined handsomeness and has nostalgic regretful flashbacks of the last time an attractive young woman told him he was adorable.

It certainly won't happen again now, he realises.

You know how I feel about you...

Great giant hamster tears fall from his face.

Surely... between you and Hilda...

At least no more friendships will be ruined by inappropriate declarations at just the wrong time, he thinks!

I'm sorry... I'd... I'd had too much to drink...

Regretful nostalgia fills him deeply, and the tears continue to fall.

She could have been the One! he thinks to himself. We would have been together for ever!

But no.

She moved to London and Heinrich never saw her again.

Wrestle the Hamster down and pin his ears back!  If successful, OM NOM NOM



On the other side of the massive oversized abomi-beast powerscale balance, things are not nearly as sad. They are, in fact, positively joyful.

Texas! realises ENORMOCROCKETT, so enormous that even his thoughts can be heard from dozens of feet away, My darling! With my new giant stature, I should be able to see you from here, when we get outside!

His heart fills with joy – TEXAS! His one true love! Well, TEXAS and FREEDOM, and shootin’ stuff, and swallowing roadki-

WAIT!

That giant... rat? Well, I did something similar on a dare in mah youth. This shouldn't be a problem, right? Just have to get the ears!

He booms a challenge to the nazi rodent.

"ROBOT RAT, YOU LOOK PRETTY TASTY!" he shouts, before turning deafeningly to his friends.

"IF ONE OF YOU COULD GET SOME BUTTER OR SOMETHING SLICK ON HIM, THAT WOULD HELP TOO! GRAVY? MUSTARD? WAIT! HE'S BLEEDING ALL OVER HIS FACE! PERFECT!"

Striding mercilessly over, ENORMOCROCKETT grapples in a suggestive manner with HEINRICH HAMSTER, NASTY NAZI MECHAHAMSTER! ...He totally pins back the hamster's ears!

...DAVY CROCKETT EATS HEINRICH HAMSTER!

Holy crap.
Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT:
Paul: +2 Beatle Bonus
Davy: Giant Stature Bonus: +2 to being hit; +3 to strength rolls.
Heinrich Hamster: -2 Sadness Penalty to combat rolls (one turn)
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
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Toaster

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Heinrich Hamster Turn Eleven!
« Reply #799 on: May 03, 2013, 03:59:14 pm »

Gyahaahahha.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

monk12

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Heinrich Hamster Turn Eleven!
« Reply #800 on: May 03, 2013, 07:09:32 pm »

Gyahaahahha.

Since when are you that fat Shinra guy from FFVII?

freeformschooler

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Heinrich Hamster Turn Eleven!
« Reply #801 on: May 03, 2013, 07:12:03 pm »

(Isn't this the final chapter though? Like, Chapter X? It's a tad late to be unwaitlisting people, but I do agree irwin's been idling too long.)
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Toaster

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Heinrich Hamster Turn Eleven!
« Reply #802 on: May 07, 2013, 08:31:38 am »

Perhaps I'm not the only one a bit unsure as to what we're doing next?


Progress down the dungeon toward our next objective.  Digest my tasty meal.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

lawastooshort

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Heinrich Hamster Turn Eleven!
« Reply #803 on: May 07, 2013, 08:52:17 am »

Perhaps I'm not the only one a bit unsure as to what we're doing next?

Yeah probably not, sorry - I was going to come back to this but was then unexpectedly busy, so it was either an update with no clear route of progression or none at all. I'll post a transitional turn as soon as I can (although I am a bit busy halfway through an update for a certain other rtd at the moment).
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10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Heinrich Hamster Turn Eleven!
« Reply #804 on: May 07, 2013, 12:38:24 pm »

Archimedes 1: Panic, no wait. Don't panic. Fire the medical Water arm at Hulkimedes, as riot control.

Archimedes 2: Smash non plot important people. Also, don't smash yourself. That'd create timetravel trouble.
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Tiruin

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Heinrich Hamster Turn Eleven!
« Reply #805 on: May 07, 2013, 08:49:13 pm »

((Sorry!!))

Two, four...root of five. What just happened?

Latch onto nearest mobile organism and/or follow the humans.
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lawastooshort

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The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #806 on: May 20, 2013, 06:24:06 am »

THE ASSAULT ON THE DINONEST: TURN TWELVE!

Quote from: Steve Irwin
Wrestle the croc-box! Get out of there! We are not a specimen!



”Arg! Crikey mates, lemme out! I’m an Australian, you can’t do this to me!”

Steve Irwin is displeased.

He tries to wrestle his way out of the crocodile’s specimen box.

It doesn’t work.

Quote from: Crocodile Irwin
Keep him in there guys! Crikey!

”Crikey mates, he’s an Australian, don’t let’im out of there! What else do Australians say? Crikey?”

The TV crew poke Steve Irwin with sticks.


Latch onto nearest mobile organism and/or follow the humans.



”Two, four...root of five. What just happened? Is this even my right colour?”

Schrödinger’s Cat is confused.

”MIAOW?”

The GM is unsure of what colour he normally uses for the cat.

The cat leaps up onto Paul McCartney and latches onto his luscious hair with his claws.

”Onwards!”

Archimedes 1: Panic, no wait. Don't panic. Fire the medical Water arm at Hulkimedes, as riot control.

Archimedes 2: Smash non plot important people. Also, don't smash yourself. That'd create timetravel trouble.



Archimedes is panicking. No! Wait! Not panicking! He shoots his medical water arm at the rampaging HULKIMEDES.

HULKIMEDES IS BLASTED THROUGH THE NEXT ROOM! THE ROOM OF ARCHIMEDES’ DOOM!

The way suddenly being clear, the surviving non-boxed bowienauts see before them a legion of roman soldiers, a great score torn through their midst by the medical water propelled rock wall debris.

Hundreds of them survive however, and they look pretty pissed at Archimedes.

HULKIMEDES is HULKIMEDES.

HULKIMEDES has vague memories of his future not-death in the past and is pretty pissed at the Romans for killing him! He wades into close combat with the Roman legion, picks up a Roman, and smashes some of the less important looking ones with his Roman-cudgel!

Quote from: Paul McCartney
Take no action this turn!



Paul McCartney is relaxing after a hard day’s night. He and George and Ringo wander off behind a nearby column of rock and share illegal substances in the back of a taxi.

Suddenly McCartney realises he is on the back of a giant albatross armed with machine guns!

He has a cat attached to his hair!

Progress down the dungeon toward our next objective.  Digest my tasty meal.



ENORMOCROCKETT is laughing.

”Gyahaahahha.”

He progresses down the dungeon towards his next objective!

He joins HULKIMEDES in wading through the Roman legion that was supposed to be Archimedes’ fateful challenge!

The far wall crumbles under his rumbling ground shaking step.

The bowienauts look ahead.

They see a moat.

Behind the moat they see a platoon of flying emus.

AND SUDDENLY.

Behind the flying emus!

DINOHITLER

ENORMOCROCKETT smashes a Roman legionnaire in the head.

Escape this digestive doom via my extradimensional Nazi Hamster Warren! Use the surprise maneuver to gnaw Archimedes II in the face!

Heinrich Hamster is being digested.

HE’S DISPLEASED.

He summons an extradimensional Nazi Hamster Warren and escapes, appearing from an unexpected angle and gnawing HULKIMEDES right in the face!

He misses.

He looks up.

”Oh, hello, mein dinoHITLER!”

Spoiler: Detailed Map (click to show/hide)

VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS

EFFECTS IN EFFECT:
Paul: +2 Beatle Bonus
Davy: Giant Stature Bonus: +2 to being hit; +3 to strength rolls.
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Archimedes of Syracuse (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Notes (click to show/hide)
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10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #807 on: May 20, 2013, 07:15:22 am »

((Actually, IIRC, the roman's orders where to capture Archimedes. Got kinda killed by an impatient soldier. Now, let's just hope they're not that unhappy at being smashed and such))
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #808 on: May 20, 2013, 07:22:06 am »

((Yes you do RC; there was going to be a dialogue line about his being a "scientific asset" as per wikipedia my entirely remembered education but HULKIMEDES ruined the moment. Unfortunately (because I think you would have liked it) I didn't find a great mathematical opponent that he historically argued with in my very brief research so you can't have a complicated twenty turn debate about maths or philosophy as your nemesis chamber encounter))
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10ebbor10

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Re: The Magnificent Timelord: Surprise! Turn Twelve
« Reply #809 on: May 20, 2013, 07:25:41 am »

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