THE ASSAULT ON THE DINONEST: TURN FIVE!
Archimedes 1: Make the pony charge at the evil linconians + mexicans, then blow it up. Remember to dismount first
Archimedes 2: Find a new horse.
”Forward! shouts the daring
Archimedes.
”Charge!Swerving first this way and then that, Archimedes upon his rigged pink pony charges at Evil Lincoln, on the left, and the horde of Mexicans, on the right.
He leaps off!
Archimedes detonates the pony!
…Every occupant of the room is showered in hideously pink bits of pony flesh! Blood and huge wet slatherings of pink drip from every head and hat for metres around!
One Mexican is pierced through the face by a fluorescent pink pony kidney!
Another is struck down by a flying and sickly sweet leg, but recovers and gets up again, bleeding heavily from the knee!
As a neon pink liver bounces to a halt at his feet, the other
Archimedes goes off in search of a new, unexploded mount.
…He soon ambles back with a shining white horse munching happily on the sugar that Archimedes just happened to find in one of his many pockets.
The lovely horsie gently nuzzles Archimedes’ neck, seeming to say something about the meaning of haste.
It’s quite difficult to tell what he’s actually saying though.
He’s a horse.
Fire smoke everywhere, so EL and the Mexican Army attack each other!
"Blast!" blasts
Davy Crockett.
"Blast! Your schemes won't work on me, Evil Lincoln!"”Hohohohoho!” replies the democratic fiend.
”Really? Hohoho! Do your worst, you southern-loving scoundrel!”Davy Crockett does his worst, firing a volley of smoke shells across the room.
…They fail to explode!
"Blast!" repeats Crockett.
"And bother. Evil Lincoln’s presumably Evil Schemes it is then. Oh well."Furball @ Evil Lincoln! Then strike at the face! Or if the black hole hit the face, strike at the legs!
”Hohohoho! Yes, Crockett, my-“Just as Evil Lincoln is about to enact his Evil Schemes,
a cat leaps off his head, and retches up a quantum furball, aimed directly at his Evil Elbow!
…Screaming, Evil Lincoln leaps aside, and the miniature black hole ricochets off a nearby pillar, bouncing back and consuming a nearby Mexican’s head!
Wondering if he should have instead just urinated on Evil Lincoln’s hat, Schrödinger’s Cat tries to leap up and scratch the Usurper President’s face off.
…But he totally mistimes his jump, and flies off into the distance over Evil Lincoln’s shoulder!
”Miaoooooooooww!””HOHOHOHOHO!” laughs Evil Lincoln.
"Blast!" repeats Crockett again.
”INDEED! AND NOW, TIME FOR MY EVIL SCHEME! MEXICANS! HOLD YOUR FIRE! IT IS TIME…”Evil Lincoln looks about the room in gloating triumph.
”FOR A VOTE!”
Meanwhile, outside…
Paul McCartney shrugs and agrees to ride on Steve's horrifying croc ball!
Back in the crocpit,
Paul McCartney is faced with a terrible choice.
Ride on
Steve’s horrifying croc ball?
OR NOT?!
…Shrugging, he holds out his guitar as Steve Irwin rolls round like some great big… super crocodile ball? Of destruction?
Pick McCartney up onto my Croc-o-ball mount, and start rollin' the ball of reptilian destruction ONWARDS!
…Stevo shoots out an arm, hauls
McCartney onto his Croc-o-ball, and suddenly bananas appear dotted about in front of him! He steers onwards, reptialianly destroying each banana he comes across, turning faster and faster around the crocpit until suddenly he blasts out and upwards, flying into the sky and trailing a reptilian rainbow above the entrance to the DinoNest.
Steve Irwin lands the Croc-o-ball at the doors to the DinoHitleryNestyDungeon!
Irwin and McCartney come face to face with a horrific scene of rubble and democracy!
Meanwhile, inside…
”HOHOHOHO!” continues
Evil Lincoln, for what seems to be the fifth or sixth minute.
”HOHOHOHO! Yes, so-called Davy Crockett! I know your weaknesses! I know your cryptofascistic tendencies! We are going to have a vote!””Si! Si!” shout the remaining ten Mexicans, subtly demonstrating the narrator’s pretty impressive trilingualism.
”Un voto! Un voto!” they continue, after a short pause vaguely similar in length to the amount of time it might take one to consult google translate.
"Pfah!" snorts
Crockett.
"I fear no vote! I am a Terror Knig-"”I MOTION-””Heehee, crikey!” interrupts the onwatching
Irwin, childishly.
”I MOTION THAT DAVY CROCKETT, TERROR KERNIGGIT OF LUMITHOS, GO TO HELL! ALL THOSE WHO SAY AYE, RAISE THEIR HANDS!”Evil Lincoln and the Ten Mexicans raise their hands.
”I make that twenty two hands,” calmly counts Evil Lincoln, before continuing.
”All those who say nay, raise YOUR hands!”Evil Lincoln surveys the electorate, waiting patiently and smirking.
”No bloody horses either,” he adds, spotting Archimedes’ horse trying to roll over onto the floor to raise its hooves.
”They’re bloody hooves anyway.”Er – I should probably do the map of the interior? You’re all mostly in this two-rooms-become-one-room room, kind of open to the outside on the south side and with a door either side of the dividing ex-wall on the north side.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECT:None.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Five Legendary Crocodile Hunter
Status: Covered in sick. -1 to arms.
Inventory: Khaki Coloured Sequinned Shorts, Mate!,
Bionic Right Ear.
Wounds: [HP: 100/100] |
Severed Arm!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Loads’a blood, mate! Acrocalypse Now,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Five Legendary Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. +1 to impressing the ladies. Facially covered in sick.
Inventory: 100% Sequin Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Clayboard,
KEYBOARD LEG.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
Reverse Polarisation,
It’s Getting Better All The Time,
Bring out the Band!,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Five Terror Knight of Lumithos
Status: Alternatively Armed. -2 to arms. Covered in sick.
Inventory: Bowie Knife,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed arm (in face), severed left arm (in face), severed right arm (in face), severed left (?) leg (in face), severed face (on face, but the wrong way round),
Triplearmlegupsidedownfaceface! Fully Automatic Shoulder Mounted Tank Turret,
The White Speedo of Lumithos,
Rocket Mono-Segway.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Severed Right Arm!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
Multikilll!,
Butter His Head,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Five Legendary Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Archimedes Squared! Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Five Legendary Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Archimedes Squared! Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Player: Tiruin
Name: Erwin Schrödinger’s Cat, Level Five Quantum Caticist
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: Quantum Mechanics, Vol. I, Spectacles.
Wounds: [HP:10/10]Skills: NineEight Lives,
Quantum Cat,
Master of Uncertainty,
Quantum Fur Balls,
Cat Reflexes,
Cat Sized,
Sickly 
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 247481 times)