TURN TWO!
Paul McCartney clicks his guitar into reverse and strums a REVERSED chord of gentle loving for Davy Crockett!
"Oh, jolly!" says
Paul McCartney.
"More of these buggers! Right then, they look a spot hungry, don't think we'll persuade 'em this time."He thinks once! He considers his options twice! He decides against tactically showing his pimp leg thrice!
"Ah, I've got it. Wild, rowdy beasts, eh? Davy, I do believe this is your field of expertise!" he says, turning his guitar towards the head of the column,
...totally forgetting to flip the reversal switch, and strumming a burst of pure emo power-drain at
Davy Crockett!
The American almost immediately starts to wipe a few forlorn tears from the corners of his eyes.
"Oh, bugger!"Ah, the Prehistorics. The days before time. Some of the older philosophers thought that the balance of the elements was not consistent, and that the fire element was more plentifull in the past, which allowed these beast to become as large as they are. I suppose we should test that to further our knowledge.
Multiply this, set up Heat ray
Ducking under the beam of sorrowful rejection that suddenly shoots up from the back of the group,
Archimedes pauses his intellectual meanderings long enough to remember his comrades.
...He shouts out a bunch of mathematical formulae, totally explaining, afterwards, in Plain English, how and where to hit these bastard dinosaurs!
...That done, he rummages about in his new leather dress and pulls out his complex set of mirrors, aligning them neatly with the sun. They start to heat up!
”Grarrh rawwrrt!”
Eat Paul McCartney.
Just then there’s a horrible sound of grarrhing and rawwrring, and the two rearmost velociraptors leap quickly into the attack, their drooling mouths showing tooth after razor-sharp tooth.
...McCartney steps away from the first one as it aims a slash at his face and only manages to tear the skin on his chin, but he can do nothing against the vicious attack of the second who dashes in and clamps his jaws shut around the Beatle’s guts!
The teeth pierce right through the titanium reinforcement, fracturing McCartney’s lower intestine!
Wound Acquired: Paul McCartney:
Clawed Chin!Wound Acquired: Paul McCartney:
Fractured Lower Intestine!MULTIKILL fire HE shells at the two velociraptors in front of me!
At the other end of the column, the monstrously faced and quite terribly sad
Davy Crockett, feeling, nevertheless, rather pleased about being complete again, is rather itching for a fight! He manages to stop wiping the tears from his eyes long enough to challenge his foe!
"Let's go, you dino-bastards!" he starts shouting, his breaking voice almost immediately drowned out by the whirring death engine welded onto his shoulder-stump!
...Davy aims first at the left hand reptilian fiend, spraying a mass of explosive rounds into his ugly dino-face.
...His face breaks off! His guts are fractured! Most of his body vanishes in the smoke! And then reappears!
Wound Acquired: Velociraptor One:
Severed Face!Wound Acquired: Velociraptor One:
Fractured Lower Intestine!...Taking aim at the next enemy with a shorter burst, Crockett lets rip once more!
...When the smoke clears, Crockett views with pleasure as the second velociraptor stumbles to the ground, his legs fractured and his ribs burst apart!
Wound Acquired: Velociraptor Two:
Fractured Legs!Wound Acquired: Velociraptor Two:
Exploded Ribs!”Ouch.”
Eat Davy Crockett!
...Howling with pain, the faceless velociraptor charges at
Crockett, lunging to bite off his terrifying arm-addition. But he’s got no face! He totally can’t bite!
His colleague and, he’s happy to say, his lover, the second velociraptor, also charges towards Davy Crockett, but just then he realises his legs are fractured! He tumbles to the ground in front of the merciless American!
”You must die, Edward! You have resisted us for too long. And this! This is a step too far, Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex!”
Wrestle the T-Rex!
...It’s time for decisive action, realises the brontosaurus sergeant, bellowing a challenge and heading straight for Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex. He rears his ugly head and tries to chomp down on the T Rex’s ear. He breaks the skin and tears the flesh!
Wound Acquired: Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex:
Torn Ear!Bite the brontosaurus!
...
”Arhg! My ear, you fascist bastard!” yells Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
”I’ll have you, you damned herbivore!” he shouts, biting a chunk out of the brontosaurus’ guts.
Wound Acquired: John the Brontosaurus:
Torn Guts!Tackle/Wrestle the BRONTOSAURUS!
”Oh, crikey mates!” despairs Steve Irwin as he rushes to the fight.
”What the hell do you call that, are you a bunch of flamin’ pansies or what, fellas?” he continues as he strolls up to the evil brontosaurus.
”You bleedin’ well do it like this, mates!”...Reaching the brontosaurus, Steve Irwin, Professional Reptile Conqueror, backflips into the air, performs a double somersault twist whilst orbiting the bewildered brontosaurus’s head, and then comes in to land feet first, gliding between the legs of the massive beast and ripping each one off with one hand as he goes.
Wound Acquired: John the Brontosaurus:
Severed Legs!Wound Acquired: John the Brontosaurus:
Severed Legs!Wound Acquired: John the Brontosaurus:
Severed Legs!Wound Acquired: John the Brontosaurus:
Severed Legs!He lands at the rear of the dinosaur as it crashes to the ground, stumps flailing around madly as blood spurts out nearly sixty foot into the air.
With a flick of his foot Stevo bats the brontosaurus’s tail into the air, catches it with his remaining hand, and smacks the dinosaur in half with its own severed appendage.
Wound Acquired: John the Brontosaurus:
Severed Tail!Wound Acquired: John the Brontosaurus:
Severed Body!”He was a cheeky little critter, weren’t he! Crikey!”Just then a trio of feathered man-size dinosaurs break out of the cover to the north west, charging directly at the bowienauts!
DinoHITLER’S mum is suspected to be 2km to the north west.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECT:None.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Four Veteran Crocodile Hunter
Status: -1 to left arm.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate,
Bionic Right Ear.
Wounds: [HP: 97/100] |
Severed Left Arm |
Severed Finger!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Loads’a blood, mate! Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Four Veteran Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. +1 to impressing the ladies. Covered in blood and sick.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Clayboard,
KEYBOARD LEG.
Wounds: [HP:64/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp! |
Fractured Lower Intestine! |
Clawed Chin!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
Reverse Polarisation,
It’s Getting Better All The Time,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Four Veteran King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Naked.
Inventory: Bowie Knife,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed left arm (in face),
Doublearmlegface! Fully Automatic Shoulder Mounted Tank Turret,
The White Speedo of Lumithos,
Rocket Mono-Segway.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Severed Left Arm!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
Multikilll! You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Four Veteran Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Edward: 99/100
Torn Ear!Foes:Brontosaurus: 0/100
Severed Leg! |
Severed Leg! |
Severed Leg! |
Severed Leg! |
Severed Tail! |
Severed Body! |
Torn Guts!Velociraptor 1: 35/50
Fractured Lower Intestine! |
Severed Face!Velociraptor 2: 35/50
Fractured Legs! |
Exploded Ribs!Velociraptor 3: 50/50
Velociraptor 4: 50/50
Actions are in initiative order.
Edit: crap, missed a word.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 247378 times)