CHAPTER THREE: BOWIENAUTS AND DINOHITLER’S MUM. TURN ONE!
"Perhaps this isn't the time for violence?" reasons
Davy Crockett.
“Perhaps is the TIME TO DAMN WELL SORT OUT MY LEG, O TIMELORD! Beam me the hell up, Bowie!”“Whoa dude, relax!” replies the
Magnificent Timelord as Crockett suddenly materialises back upon the orbital space pod.
“Relax man, we’ll have this sorted out in a jiffy. So er… you want your burnt off leg fixed, eh? Without me taking off the other one too? I’ll see what I can do… We’ll er… we’ll have to put that piece of burnt off leg somewhere though…”DAVY CROCKETT: SEVERED LEFT LEG: ...REPLACED WITH LARGE SELF BALANCING WHEEL/TURBO ROCKET JET COMBINATION. REMAINS OF SEVERED/BURNT OFF LEFT LEG STORED IN LEFT CHEEK. KEEP REPLACEMENT Y/N? REJECT REPLACEMENT Y/N? CANNOT TRY AGAIN.Item Acquired: Davy Crockett:
Rocket Mono-SegwayItem Acquired: Davy Crockett:
Doublearmlegface!Attempt to calm down the DINOs with reason. If reason fails, attempt to calm them with HE rounds.
...Suddenly there’s a fizzing zap of a burst of noise and
Davy Crockett appears back in the small clearing.
"Perhaps this isn't the time for violence?” he asks of the towering dinosaur.
“Perhaps this is the time for reason?”“Hmm,” replies the dinosaur.
“Perhaps!”Crack knuckles slightly, and wonder in head if Dinosaurs are like Crocodiles... Get ready to rumble, in case they attack, but stand aside for now.
...Just then there’s a loud echoing cracking sound as
Stevo’s head whirs into action!
“I wonder if Dinosaurs are like Crocodiles? SHIT, THEY ARE! Dinosaurs are Crocodiles’ evil cousin!”Steve Irwin quickly cracks his knuckles to prepare for combat, cracking them so hard that one of his fingers flies off, directly towards the tyrannosaurus’ eyes!
“Rawrrrrrrrrrrr!” roars the dinosaur, blood pouring from his eye.
“My eye, you Aussie bastard!”Angry and unable to see properly, the tyrannosaurus rex charges towards
Davy Crockett, his ferocious jaws open and slavering with hunger.
“Ahhh ahahahah!” he cries.
“Barbequed human! My favourite!”In a flash of chomping dinotooth, the tyrannosaurus rex rips Crockett’s severed burnt leg out of his left cheek! He waves it briefly in the air with his tremendous jaws until they snap open and he swallows the leg whole!
Wound Acquired: Steve Irwin:
Severed Finger!Item Lost: Davy Crockett:
Doublearmlegface!Improvise a backup robe from whatever is nearby.
...Seeing his commander charge into battle sends the pterodactyl behind the group into a frenzied rage.
“Rawrrrrrrrrrrr!” he cries, leaping at
Archimedes like a demented flamingo and flapping his wings with a great fury.
“Rawrrrrrrrrrrr!” cries back Archimedes, spinning round on his heels, kicking the pterodactyl into the air and then catching it over his knee and snapping its spine. With a flash of teeth and jaw somehow more terrifying than that of the tyrannosaurus rex, Archimedes rips the wings off the dead pterodactyl before fashioning an ornate and creepy looking backup robe from them!
It’s hard to tell if the tyrannosaurus rex looks super-pissed or super-intimidated.
Mccarntney whips out his musical instrument of choice! After tuning it gently, he plays "We Can Work it Out" in an attempt to pacify the raging dino.
...At just about the same time that
Archimedes decides that the dinosaur totally
does look super-pissed at seeing his friend turned into a backup robe he hears the gentle strumming of
Paul McCartney’s faithful acoustic. The lovely soothing melody soon fills the entire small clearing and is shortly joined by the pacifying tones of the last Beatle.
“…We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there's no time,
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again…”“Whoa dude,” interrupts the tyrannosaurus rex.
“You’re totally right. There is no time for fussing and fighting! Hey, o crocfoot man! Your foot looks like my own son! Sorry about your leg! And you! Man who was once naked! I totally forgive you!”“Uh, that’s ok, Mr…”“Call me uh… Edward. Edward the Tyrannosaurus Rex.”“That’s ok Mr Rex. I guess I didn’t really need a leg in my face. Not with the two arms I’ve already got in it!”Edward briefly vomits down his chin before managing to tear his gaze away.
“And I er… I’m sorry about making your friend into a dress,” finishes Archimedes.
“That’s no problem,” says Edward, wiping himself clean.
“We’ve had worse… Hey, you know, you could totally come back to our village and… have a coffee?”No map yet. You are in a small clearing surrounded by jungle. DinoHITLER’S mum is suspected to be 2km to the north west.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECT:None.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Four Veteran Crocodile Hunter
Status: -1 to left arm.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate,
Bionic Right Ear.
Wounds: [HP: 99/100] |
Severed Left Arm |
Severed Finger!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Loads’a blood, mate! Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Four Veteran Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. +1 to impressing the ladies. Covered in blood and sick.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Clayboard,
KEYBOARD LEG.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
Reverse Polarisation,
It’s Getting Better All The Time,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Four Veteran King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Naked.
Inventory: Bowie Knife,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed left arm (in face),
Doublearmface! Fully Automatic Shoulder Mounted Tank Turret,
The White Speedo of Lumithos,
Rocket Mono-Segway.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Severed Left Arm!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
Multikilll! You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Four Veteran Philosopher
Status: Covered in sick.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! I have a feeling I missed something but I can't for the life of me think what.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 247385 times)