SHORT INTERLUDE PART THREE
King Leonidas I of Sparta, King of the Spartans, son of Anaxandridas II, descendant of Heracles and Defender of the West adds David Bowie to his inventory for safekeeping, then attacks the zombie nurse holding the Emergency Timelord Drugs!
Unless the drugs are just lying on the ground, in which case, y'know, pick them up or something. What do I look like, a doctor?
"King,” shouts
Davy Crockett, preparing to attack just out of shot.
”Cover Bowie while we take this man out! Boone, let's go!"”Righty-ho!” bellows
King Leonidas.
”For Sparta!” he adds, a bit more in character, before dashing over to
Davie Bowie, slinging him over his back into his inventory, and
...completely missing his custom-made Timelord-quiver. Bowie slumps headfirst in a heap on the floor behind him, still clutching his temples as the Spartan hero charges into the melee.
Spotting the drugs under the foot of a passing undead nurse,
...Leonidas just manages to barge the evil minion out of the way before its foot comes down to stomp them. As the skeletal nurse gets back to his feet Leonidas smashes it right in the chest with his shield!
...A couple of ribs fly out, pinging hollowly off the floor of the antechamber. The skeleton looks slightly more vulnerable! And his arm seems to be on the floor!
Nurse Minion 2: Damaged Ribs! Slightly More Vulnerable!Nurse Minion 2: Severed Arm!Vaporate the nurse to the right. They're all skellies.
LET THERE BE FIRE!
First Skellie goes after Mc Cartmeys ugly head meats.
Second stomps on all drugs within reach, then challenges Leonidas to an extreme dinner in the other room.
Seeing his nurse minion get smashed with an ancient Greek shield puts
Theoderm Roosevelt in quite a bad mood.
...Vomiting as he does so, he turns to his right, deathrays shooting out of his eyes and retch-juice out of his mouth, vaporificating the flesh from the nearest nurse’s bones and dropping him to the floor, from whence it immediately rises as a despondent looking skeleton. But yea!
...For the President is not done with shooting fiery death from his orifices and, aiming his nose towards the clearly and treacherously not-American-enough
Davy Crockett, he unleashes an inferno of terrible blue white and red flame from his nostrils!
...But no! For Davy Crockett is too American not to dodge the wrath of the President, only thinking briefly of leaving for Texas before deciding instead to take his patriotic punishment like a man. An American man! The flames envelope him, setting his hair on fire and burning his leg off! He topples over to the left with a heavy clunk as his arm turret hits the floor, a smouldering barbecue stump the only proof that he, like all good Americans should (unless they lost it in the Nam), once had a left leg.
Wound Acquired: Davy Crockett:
Burning Hair!Wound Acquired: Davy Crockett:
Severed Left Leg!Next to Davy,
Steve Irwin ...leaps out of the way, spinning through the air as he escapes the Presidential Nostril Napalm Blast and landing deftly on his feet, poised and ready to seek vengeance for his comrade’s limb.
...The less nimble
Archimedes simply raises his right foot, deflecting the fiery blast with his ancient Greek sandal and sending a bouncing ball of flame shooting back across the room towards the skeletal nurse chasing down the broken-legged and crawling
McCartney. Nurse minion number 1 explodes in a ball of flame and bone!
Wound Acquired: Nurse Minion One:
Exploded into a Ball of Flame!A flaming shard of ex-skeleton flies towards
...Davy Crockett, hitting him in the right leg, lightly bruising it!
Wound Acquired: Davy Crockett:
Lightly Bruised Right Leg!As the dust settles,
Nurse Minion 2, locked in a battle to the death or second death with
King Leonidas, smacks the noble Greek in the face, causing blood to pour heavily out of his nose. He then opens his necromantically powered mouth to utter a few mumbled yet terrible words.
”You and me. Outside. I bet you can’t eat as much as me!”CHALLENGE ISSUED: UNDEAD NURSE MINION TWO CHALLENGES KING LEONIDAS TO AN EXTREME EAT-OFF. OUTSIDE.
Wound Acquired: King Leonidas:
Bleeding Nose!Fire the medical water arm at Nurse 2*, Set up the laser (again), and patch-up Mccartney's leg**.
*Healing kills the undead right
** With a +2 bonus, there's no way that can go wrong, right
Flushed with success at destroying one undead nurse with his fireball-reflecting sandal,
Archimedes decides to destroy another with the power of water-elemental-based bandage-projectile healing arms!
...But when he points and shoots, nothing comes out except a lonely click.
With a shrug, Archimedes looks down the barrel of his arm and decides instead to set up his moon laser.
...Carefully pulling it out of his pockets, he plants it on the floor, angled towards the nearest bright light to capture the soon-to-be deadly energy. This done, he ambles casually over to
Paul McCartney, still writhing on the blood- and vomit-smeared floor in naked pain.
“Now, what seems to be the problem here then?”“My leg, damn it Archimedes! You just bloody saw! A dead nurse just chewed right through my leg bone!”“Really, really. Very interesting. Nurse! Get me this patient’s charts, will you? They don’t seem to be here.”“Arrrg!"“Really. I see. Right. Yes. Very interesting. Right. Well, what we’re going to do, you see, is a rather complicated procedure. Don’t worry, you’re in very capable hands. Now, you might feel a little stinging, but I’m going to cover your leg in bandages and hope for the best and see you again in six weeks. Ha! No! Actually I’m not, but this might hurt. Brace yourself, old chap!”...Archimedes looks about in his doctor’s bag for a minute, raises a satisfied eyebrow as he nods to himself, pulls out a hammer, and smashes McCartney in the face. Then, whilst the Beatle is unconscious, he carefully cleans the gaping leg wound before straightening the bone, ramming it together as hard as he can, and then covering the entire leg in a quick setting plaster.
“Good as new, eh!” he comments as McCartney groggily wakes up.
He strums a gentle chord!
Paul McCartney staggers to his feet on his newly repaired leg, naked and smeared in vomit but at least no longer broken and bleeding. He gathers up his guitar and speaks.
"Sure, Teddy, you can raise the dead. And unbridled hatred's fine and all. But can you withstand..."He dramatically pauses as he points his guitar at the
evil President. He readies his left hand and raises his right.
"...The power of love?"...As his right hand comes down, a blast of pure love streams out of his instrument towards Presiderm Roosevelt who
…tries to duck out the way but only manages to get struck full in the face!
"Here comes the sun, boys!"Suddenly the President of the Necromantic States of America feels full of gentle love!
Penalty Acquired: Theoderm Roosevelt:
Full of Gentle Love!Wrestle The President, Theoderm Rooselvelt into submission! VIA FLYING EMU TAKEDOWN TACKLE OF MANLINESS! And possibly attack him with my right ear while I do so.
Bouncing on his manly feet,
Steve Irwin is ready.
...He leaps elbows first through the air like a mildly demented flying emu, knocking
Roosevelt to the floor before twisting his head a little and
...smacking him repeatedly in the thigh with his bionic ear! Blood starting seeping through the Presidential trousers as Stevo keeps wrestling him into submission!
...A sharp knee to the groin seems to do the trick!
Wound Acquired: Theoderm Roosevelt:
Heavy Thigh Bleeding!Wound Acquired: Theoderm Roosevelt:
Severely Bruised Groin!Charge and stab/bite NecroTR!
Whilst
Roosevelt is on the floor, the burning
Davy Crockett decides to take advantage. He hops forward on his remaining leg, hoping that
Boone will open the attack with his monstrous jaws.
...But Boone is distracted by a nearby bone! He starts chewing and immediately stops hopping a yard in front of the President, causing Davy to fall forward, deadly Bowie knife outstretched in front of him.
...The blade plunges forward, totally severing Roosevelt’s guts! From the floor comes a gentle sound of smacking crocodile lips as Boone starts a third breakfast.
Wound Acquired: Theoderm Roosevelt:
Severed Guts!
You are on board the orbital space pod in the cryogenic antechamber. Nothing has really changed in the map except there is one nurse less, one King Leonidas and one nurse minion more, and the floor is all covered is retch-pit-juice.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECT:+1 Maths combat bonus for one turn.
-2 Gentle Love penalty to Roosevelt’s combat rolls for two turns.
Theoderm Roosevelt: Temporary Ability Acquired:
Flesh VaporiserPlayer: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Four Veteran Crocodile Hunter
Status: -1 to left arm.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate,
Bionic Right Ear.
Wounds: [HP:100/100] |
Severed Left ArmSkills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Loads’a blood, mate! Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Four Veteran Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. -1 to left leg use. +1 to impressing the ladies. -1 to right leg use.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Clayboard.
Wounds: [HP:74/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp! |
Severed Left Leg! |
Broken Right Leg!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
Reverse Polarisation,
It’s Getting Better All The Time,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Four Veteran King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Burning. -2 to athletic movement.
Inventory: Bowie Knife,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed left arm (in face),
Doublearmface! Fully Automatic Shoulder Mounted Tank Turret,
The White Speedo of Lumithos.
Wounds: [HP:70/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Burning Hair! |
Severed Left Leg! |
Lightly Bruised Right Leg!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
Multikilll! You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Four Veteran Philosopher
Status:Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun,
Medical Water Elemental Left Arm.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Hippocratic Oath,
Absent Minded! Player: dermonster
Name: Theoderm Roosevelt, President of the Necromantic States of America
Status: -1 to melee attacks. -2 to combat rolls for two turns. -1 to dodge.
Inventory: Fists,
Necromantic Starter KitWounds: [HP:85/100] |
Heavy Thigh Bleeding! |
Severely Bruised Groin! |
Severed Guts!Skills: Abominator,
Eye of the Necromancer,
Firestarter,
Lots of Blood! Servant of the Dark Gods Player: monk12
Name: King Leonidas, King of the Spartans and Personal Bodyguard to David Bowie
Status: Inventory: Bronze ShieldWounds: [HP:70/75] |
Bleeding Nose!Skills: Fearsome Leader,
Dieharder,
In the Face of Adversity,
King of the Spartans,
Extreme Diner Undead Nurse Minion One: Exploded into a Ball of Flame!Undead Nurse Minion Two: Damaged Ribs! Slightly More Vulnerable! |
Severed Arm! Challenging King Leonidas to an extreme eat-off.
Undead Nurse Minion Three: Healthy!
** With a +2 bonus
It’s a +1 bonus, as being a trained medical professional doesn’t mean you get a +1 but that you get no penalty. So yes, it shouldn’t go wrong. Unless it’s a 1, since 1+1=1. So I think you have the same chance of terrible failure, but better chance of success. Especially since 5+1=5.
Paul McCartney’s Gentle Love Note: I may reduce the penalty to -1 and increase the time to 3 turns. Seems more severe now that it’s going against a played character, -2 is quite a lot. Any thoughts?
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 248566 times)