TURN TWENTY TWO
Fire off smoke rounds to cover us from the pillbox and help Steve patch up.
"Boy, you're gonna have to quit that bleeding,” shouts
Davy Crockett, crawling under the heavy fire towards
the groinally bleeding Australian.
“Let's get some cover and get you patched up,” he adds,
...before aiming his shoulder-mounted Nazi turret towards his own groin and letting off
...half a dozen smoke rounds.
He writhes in pain on the ground, hands clasped firmly to his crotch as smoke billows forth.
”Crikey, Davy. Do you know yer groin’s on fire mate?”Wound Acquired: Davy Crockett:
Bruised Crotch!Wound Acquired: Davy Crockett:
Burning Groin!Yknow what? WRESTLE THAT WOUND INTO SUBMISSION! GET IT IN A CHOKE HOLD, AND TELL IT TO BUGGER OFF, MATE! CRIKEY!
...Seeing
Davy Crockett roll about on the floor holding his groin gives
Steve Irwin an idea, although not that one, mate.
”Yknow what, mate? You’ve totally inspired me, fella! Crikey! Right, groin-blood, you can bugger off! Crikey!”Standing up briefly before noticing the stream of machine gun fire passing overhead, Stevo leaps back to the floor, tackling his groin to the ground and getting it into a choke hold. Whilst Davy Crockett burns his groin on the ground nearby, Steve Irwin chokes his own crotch into submission. Suddenly he notices a damp and warm sensation running down his leg. He looks. It’s blood! He glowers at his thigh, and starts hammering the blood back into his groin with his fist!
Just then he notices a beam of gentle pleasantness streak across the sky. He feels quite relaxed. He decides he might maybe have a doze.
Paul McCartney points his guitar - which is now set to ALLY instead of ENEMY - and points it at Stevo from afar! He directs the Power of Gentle Loving at Steve Irwin!
...Paul McCartney, furtively glancing round to make sure no one is looking, fiddles with his guitar for something unseen behind the neck.
"A-ha!"He flicks a switch and strums a string. The sound is pleasing to his ears.
Archimedes turns to watch.
"Heh,” starts Paul.
“I knew the gentle-loving modifications I made back when I rode in the Peace and Love Bus would come in handy someday! Stevo, don't worry, I've got your back! Now I just hope the reversed polarisation isn't purely cosmetic..."McCartney strokes gently and a beam of gentle pleasantness starts shooting off into the sky. But just as he’s about to come to the end of his song he notices Archimedes! He –
”Oh, dude. Gosh.”Technology Discovered: Paul McCartney:
Reverse Polarisation!Set up the solar laser then break my left arm, then set it again, correctly this time. Not moving yet.
...As
McCartney’s musical improvisation reaches its climax,
Archimedes decides that the obvious thing to do would be to break his arm. He sets down his solar laser in a position where it can gather some of the piercing moonlight, finds a nice big rock, and sits down. He smacks the rock with his arm a few times.
Suddenly!
Snap!
Success!
A piece of bone pokes out!
Archimedes flounders about on the floor, far too contorted in pain to be able to see to his latest wound.
Wound Acquired! Archimedes of Syracuse:
Broken Left Arm!Hide from the patrol but watch them.
...As he hides in his bush,
Rasputin pokes his face through to watch the Germans. They turn to approach him! Just in time, he mind-controls his beard to all but cover his face, camouflaging him expertly and leaving tiny peeking holes for his eyes.
The German soldiers walk past, mistaking Rasputin’s tremendous beard for a Russian swallow’s mating display.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECTNone.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Three Crocodile Hunter
Status: -1 to hearing. -1 to left arm.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate.
Wounds: [HP:19/75] |
Right Ear Ripped Off! |
Severed Left ArmSkills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Three Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. -1 to left leg use. +1 to impressing the ladies.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Clayboard.
Wounds: [HP:54/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp! |
Severed Left Leg!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
Reverse Polarisation,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Three King of the Wild Frontier
Status: -1 to dodge. Burning.
Inventory: Bowie Knife,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed left arm (in face),
Doublearmface! Fully Automatic Shoulder Mounted Tank Turret,
The White Speedo of Lumithos.
Wounds: [HP:55/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Severed Right Arm |
Heavy Arm Bleeding |
Burning Groin! |
Bruised Crotch!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Three Philosopher
Status: -2 to left arm.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun.
Wounds: [HP:57/75] |
Bent Left Arm! Broken Left Arm!Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Absent Minded! Player: Empfan
Name: Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin, Mystic, Black Monk, and Beard Expert
Status: -1 to right arm. -1 to guts.
Inventory: Philosopher’s StoneWounds: [HP: 20/100] |
Severed Right Arm! |
Severed Guts!Skills: Seductive Hypnotist,
Beard of Power,
Lots of Blood! Noble Haters Gonna Hate! None! That I remembered, anyway.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 249486 times)