TURN THIRTEEN
Using a HE round, gunturret jump directly toward ROBOSTALIN's face!
"Got it, Bowie!” responds
Davy Crockett, fending off yet another commie.
”Boone, watch out and ready your teeth!"Crockett turns round and points his backside directly at
ROBOSTALIN’S face and fires a high explosive round into the mass of unarmed communists approaching him from the east just as
David Bowie glides past for a strafing run.
...A deafening boom reverberates amongst the shattered building at the western bridge end, and bits of communist fly into the air, accompanying Davy Crockett as he blasts himself towards the giant Soviet dictator! As the bowierockets rain down on the position Crockett just left,
Boone the Crockofoot of Freedom readies himself in the air, backflipping Crockett 720 degrees in the sky before turning to face ROBOSTALIN head on! Arms stretched wide, Crockett aircharges the fiend whist yelling his ever-famous American warcry and slaps right into ROBOSTALIN’s face! Boone commences to munch on the armoured hideousness!
He chews away on the armoured nose whilst Crockett
...harmlessly punches Stalin’s ROBOEYE,
...but the armour plating is too thick! It’s all the pair can do to hold on, and hold on they do, dangling forty feet above the ground and grasping as hard as they can onto the dictatobot’s face features!
ROBOSTALIN’S face turns red with anger as these inconsequential anti-communists bother him. He vows to swat them away! Not even a full metre distant from his eye, Crockett is by far the largest anti-communist in view, and ROBOSTALIN thusly trains his STALIN EYE on him, hoping to STALINISE the brave folk hero!
Seeing the terrifying beam of redness shoot towards him, Crockett
...attempts to resist!
”Must… not… turn… Oh gosh, aren’t Marx’s ideas about the proletariat terribly convincing! I say! I hadn’t noticed before just how strongly I identify with the struggle of the workers. Hmm, I wonder where the headquarters of the Texan Communist Party is, I really must sign up!”STATUS ACQUIRED: Davy Crockett:
Temporarily Communist!Paul McCartney DRAMATICALLY WHIPS OUT HIS GUITAR and swings it in the air as he aims a GENTLE LOVING BEAM at Robot Stalin!
"Let's take down Joseph Robot Stalin, boys!" shouts
McCartney, valiantly. He whips out his guitar really quite dramatically, and blasts a beam of gentle loving at
ROBOSTALIN’S heart!
ROBOSTALIN looks a little confused, almost as if he’s beginning to wonder whether the revolution couldn’t perhaps be achieved via slightly less violent methods! He looks like he’s beginning to consider a sleep-in as his primary means of protest!
...He’s… oh wait, he’s a robot and he’s Stalin, he doesn’t look entirely convinced!
STATUS ACQUIRED: ROBOSTALIN:
Emotionally Unsure!Pick up my brain again and go to Archimedes for healing.
Meanwhile,
Steve Irwin has realised his brain is missing!
...He attempts to pick it up, but then remembers he left it back on the floor by the burning fountain of filth!
“Crikey mate! What a bleedin’ galah! I left me brain! Oh that’s just extra grouse, mate!”Totally heal Stevo and stuff! Oh crap, and self.
”Mr Irwin…” starts
Archimedes, as he dangles off
Bowie’s gliding spacetentacle.
”You appear to be bleeding quite severely… Let me patch you up.”Archimedes
...totally patches up
Stevo’s heavily bleeding brain wound, and then even remembers he’s bleeding himself! He whips out a plaster and sticks it over his broken and exposed liver.
...He feels much better!
Extinguish my feet.
Tesla and his electric polar bear are also still flying through the air, carried by
Bowie and his magical spacetentacles. As he looks down at the carnage beneath him, he suddenly works out the source of the pain in his feet.
They’re on fire!
Blast.
Rubbing them frantically against the inside of his lower leg
..., he not only avoids setting his thighs on fire, he even manages to put out his feet!
ROBOSTALIN: Dance to Mr. Roboto while singing it. Produce destruction accordingly.
Also, Beep Boop Bop
ROBOSTALIN is not quite as pleased with himself as Nikola Tesla, even if he has just converted a staunch American to his ROBOCOMMUNIST cause!
Oh wait! He’s just converted a staunch American folk hero to his ROBOCOMMUNIST cause! ROBOSTALIN is very pleased! There’s only one thing for it!
Strange noises start to pour forth from his ROBOMOUTH. He appears to be attempting to sing some kind of celebratory robotic music! He awkwardly lifts his right foot. He then realises he prefer the left! It would seem he is attempting to dance!
...But then he realises that music and dancing is for the decadent West, and he stops, ashamed of his foolish antics.
He pauses for a second, fondly remembering the nostalgic past, back before his father forbade him to dance.
”MOTHER!!” he shouts.
”It could have all been so DIFFERENT! We could have seen the ballet TOGETHER!”ROBOSTALIN rages forward towards
Rasputin the Black Monk!
Aha!
"Stay out of this, foreign imperialists!” yells
Rasputin the Black Monk.
”This ROBOSON of a bitch will die by my hand!"Keen to claim the scalp of the chief communist for himself and thereby avenge his fallen fellows, Rasputin is quite infuriated by the sudden appearance of these interfering westerners! Thrusting his hand inside his shirt, he appears to give himself a good rub!
...Suddenly the large chunks of rubble adorning the bridge over the Volga burst up into the sky, coalescing as one giant boulder a hundred feet in the air before falling back down upon
ROBOSTALIN’S face!
...ROBOSTALIN attempts to dodge the falling boulder, but he’s too slow! His forehead paintwork is scratched, damaging the internal circuitry, and then the boulder bounces off and crashes into
Davy Crockett!
Wound Acquired: ROBOSTALIN:
Damaged Internal Circuitry!Smashed off by the falling boulder, Crockett and
Boone tumble to the floor forty feet below,
...miraculously unharmed and landing next to the boulder as it smashes back into pieces of Soviet rubble. The rubble slithers towards Rasputin, climbing up around his body and transforming into some kind of stony armour!
Item Acquired! Rasputin:
Some Kind of Stony Armour!As Rasputin watches the rubble cover his body, making its way up his legs and down his arms towards his hand, he suddenly notices ROBOSTALIN aim a vicious kick at his chin!
...He blocks the ROBOKICK with the palm of his right hand before delivering a sharp upper cut to ROBOSTALIN’S knee.
...The glancing blow glances right off, not even leaving a scratch!
Just then the smoke clears at the western end of the bridge, revealing a mass of blood and livers where once stood nigh on fifty violent yet unarmed communists!”This is tango victor charlie one five, over. I need to head back to base to refuel and rearm. I’m going to put you folks down at the Nazi end of the bridge, is that ok?”David Bowie swoops down low over the site of the destroyed communist horde, gliding several feet above the bridge to enable the bowienauts to let go of his spacetentacles without suffering any harm.
Archimedes, Steve Irwin, McCartney and
Tesla with his electric polar bear group into an outwards facing circle and kneel as they take stock.
“Look!” shouts McCartney.
”There’s Crockett on the floor by ROBOSTALIN!”
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECTMaths Bonus! +1 to all attack rolls. One turn remaining.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Three Crocodile Hunter
Status: -1 to hearing. -1 to anything requiring a brain. Immunity to Bruising and Light Bleeding.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate.
Wounds: [HP:39/75] |
Right Ear Ripped Off! |
Severed Brain!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Three Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. -1 to left leg use. +1 to impressing the ladies.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar,
Speedoguts! Wounds: [HP:54/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp! |
Severed Left Leg!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Three King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Temporarily Communist!Inventory: Bowie Knife, Flintlock Rifle,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed left arm (in face),
Armface,
Nazi Gun Turret.
Wounds: [HP:53/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Severe Arm Bleeding!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Three Philosopher
Status: -1 to left arm. -1 to movement.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun.
Wounds: [HP:64/75] |
Bent Left Arm! |
Bruised LegSkills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Absent Minded! Player: FuzzyZergling
Name: Nikola Tesla, Visionary Scientist
Status:Inventory: Tesla Coil – currently polar bear-mounted,
Science WipesTM.
Wounds: [HP:50/75] |
Bleeding Chest!Skills: Strength of the Mad Scientist,
Master of Electricity,
The Electric Strangler,
Mysophobe Player: Empfan
Name: Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin, Mystic, Black Monk, and Beard Expert
Status:Inventory: Philosopher’s StoneWounds: [HP:90/100] |
Heavy Head Bleeding!Skills: Seductive Hypnotist,
Beard of Power,
Lots of Blood! Noble Haters Gonna Hate! Name: Joseph ROBOSTALIN Stalin
Status: Robotic
Inventory: Roboarmour and guns and stuff
Wounds: [HP:125/150] |
Severe Groin Bleeding!Skills: ROBOROCKETS,
ROBOARMOUR,
ROBOFISTS,
STALIN EYES,
SLOW! Totally had to get out a d100 for initiative.
Also: yeah, empfan. First I couldn’t find the picture again, and then when I did I didn’t have the time/opportunity to get rid of the non-Speedograd background, so I figured a massive red robot would have to accurately convey the horror of ROBOSTALIN’S magnificent strength. He has fists of STEEL.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 249396 times)