TURN FOUR
Head to the Southwest, also avoid contact with any of my burning teammates. Use my solar laser to distract the tanks by blowing up one of the nearby walls/buildings. (Preferably not the ones my squadmates are hiding in/near/running towards...)
”Come with me my friends,” starts
Archimedes.
“So that we can see one of the few remaining wonders of the World: Diplomacy. I heard the Romans tell about it, but I never witnessed it myself. Luckly for us someone already did the dividing for us, so we should only wait from a distance to watch the magic unfold, and then conquer the ashes.””What are you nattering on about, Archimedes, mate?” asks
Paul, as he hobbles on one leg past the Greek.
”You and your dividing, eh, la, it’s like some kind of obsession or something! Arg, watch out! The dinoTANK is turning towards us!”Indeed! It is!
...And thusly Archimedes doth sprint at a comfortable and dignified strolling pace back towards the drop pod from whence he so recently sprung forth, there to set up his solar laser, to set in place for a solemn and precise blasting of some buildings next turn!
Alas!
...For as Archimedes places his Archimedes Heat Ray upon the uneven ground it sinks and sticks deep into the mud, and as it warms up it faces directly towards the dinoPANZER!
Jump down on top of the tank, rip the hatch open, and eat/stab everything inside. While on fire.
"Boone, sorry to interrupt your meal, but we need to execute a tactical withdrawal. While on fire."Unaware of the impending warming up of the turning dinoPANZER,
Crockett takes decisive action, as a man of his intense pedigree is wont to do!
...He sprints through the burning building towards the east, nimbly dodging the tumbling joists of falling flame as he hurries over, fearful that the turning monster of war is about to aim at his beloved companions! Ignoring the mild inconvenience of the scalding speedo fusing with his legflesh, Davy angles through the last room of the apartment block before leaping out of the blasted-out window, arms outstretched and crockofoot bent forwards to share the impending glory. At the last second the American frontiersman assumes the Diving Swallow Aflame position, and crashes headfirst through the face of the dinoPANZER’s dinoTURRET, eviscerating the skull, tearing the brain, and smashing through the armoured shell of the vehicle beneath! While on fire!
“Hello, Nazis!” he politely remarks, as he gets to his feet inside the cramped crew compartment.
”I’m Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier – and you’re… blast. I was so busy jumping I didn’t think this part through. You’re… You’re going to get stabbed and/or eaten! Yeah! Come on Boone, it’s important to get a healthy balanced diet you know! Can’t eat nothing but communists! I say, are you the gunner of this here contraption?”Before
the man addressed by Mr Crockett can reply, Mr Crockett
...stabs him through the face while on fire, bruising the fat and severing the brain!
“Terribly sorry!” he continues, turning to
a man carrying a heavy looking shell.
“And how about you? Do you like crocodiles? I've got part of one for you!”With a flash of teeth
Boone leaps up from Davy Crockett’s leg,
...and bites the Nazi in the eyes! With a look of horror, the Nazi jumps back, dropping the heavy looking shell on his foot! Davy Crockett knees him in the groin with his burning leg,
...tearing the skin and severing the groin! The Nazi is struck down! His groinless corpse bursts on fire!
Just then,
the radio operator turns round, raising his pistol to protect his driver. He lets off a shot inside the cramped metal crew compartment!
...He misses completely, sending the crazy Nazi bullet ricocheting off every metal surface in sight before it comes to rest!
Suddenly
the dinoPANZER driver slumps forward, jamming the accelerator under his lifeless body!
The dinoPANZER starts to lurch forward!
The radio operator flings his pistol at Crockett’s face,
...bruising the skin through the catmask, and crouches to pick up his nearby submachine gun!
“Now, Mr Crockett,” announces the Nazi fiend,
“Your time is up!”Paul McCartney stealthily hobbles outside the dinoPANZER's view range and attempts to board/ride it. After Davy, of course.
"I don't know about you chaps, but I don't think we're ready to face robo-stalin quite yet. We're gonna need some sort of... firepower... oh, Davy's got the right idea!"Spying the flying
Crockett burst into the dinoPANZER,
the burning Beatle abandons
Stevo to his grisly speedo-related fate and
...sprints one-legged past the mumbling
Archimedes and his ex-fountain of filth, stumbling vaguely behind fallen rubble and street furniture to get some kind of cover from the dinoPANZER turning menacingly towards him.
The dino-less dinoPANZER turret abruptly stops its turn as McCartney reaches it and straps his guitar firmly to his back. He nimbly hauls himself up the side of the tank, and comes face to face with the eviscerated dino-head! Noticing the large hole in the head, he climbs straight in, and tumbles into the tank!
“Hello chaps!” he announces fortuitously before politely addressing
the squashed Nazi beneath him.
“Oh, sorry mate – I think I’ve fallen on you, accidentally severing your liver with my guitar! Well, it kind of looks like a liver. Never can tell with Nazis. Blast! Rather warm in here, eh, Davy? Probably your burning leg! Bloody hell mate, we’re moving!”Stevo attempts to put out the fire on his arm, before jumping on the Communist in front of him, attempting to wrestle him into submission again.
Desperately on fire,
Stevo leaps at the
speedocommunist, determined to use him to put out his burning arm!
...He jumps on the hideous fiend’s head, dragging him down to the ground and
… The heat is transferred immediately, and as the flames dance over from Stevo’s burning arm, the speedos explode, severing the abdomen, tearing the heart, and bruising the guts! Molten speedocommunist remains are showered everywhere, and burning speedo flings itself directly at Stevo’s forehead! His trademark boyish floppy hair is lightly singed, and he jumps to his feet in a panic, running straight into
a nearby burning weasel! It bites him in the ear, ripping the flesh!
Wound Acquired: Steve Irwin:
Lightly Bleeding Ear!
Yeah I have an image hosting problem so no updated map until I get round to getting another image host. I just can’t seem to upload. So, imagine that A is in fact next to the drop pod, and DC and PM are by/in the tank, and SI is right next to a !!w!!. Thanks.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECTNone.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Three Crocodile Hunter
Status: Healthy.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate.
Wounds: [HP:48/75] |
Light Knee Bleeding |
Heavily Bleeding Guts! |
Lightly Bleeding Left Arm! |
Lightly Bleeding Ear!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Croc-rider,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Three Beatle
Status: -1 to athletic movement. Speedo-induced delirium. Severe bleeding. On fire. -1 to left leg use.
Two turns from death.
Inventory: Acoustic Guitar Wounds: [HP:25/75] |
Titanium Guts! |
Right Leg Pimp Limp! |
Severe Gut Bleeding! |
Burning Head! |
Severed Left Leg!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
Frog Chorus,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Three King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Cover from N. On fire.
Inventory: Bowie Knife, Flintlock Rifle,
Boone,
Facial Protection Catmask,
Miaowskin-facehat, severed left arm (in face),
Armface.
Wounds: [HP:45/75] |
Severed Left Arm! |
Heavy Left Leg Gash! |
Burning Leg!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
MIGHTY TEXAS BOOT,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Three Philosopher
Status: -1 to left arm. Retching. Cover from N.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit,
M60 Machine Gun.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Bent Left Arm!Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Archimedes Heat Ray,
Absent Minded! ((Oops. On the bright side, I'm still more or less healthy. And not on fire))
Yeah, it’s a bit like an arena deathmatch, where each bowienauts’ weapons are the incompetence and misfortune of the others. Or themselves, in Archimedes’ case.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 249634 times)