CHAPTER ONE: TURN FIFTEEN
Go stab/crocbite the commies, then throw their bodies into the generator. If that doesn't break it, start throwing in crates.
”Generator, eh? Not sure what that is, but it looks important. I think I'll break it. Damn commie deserves no less.”Whilst the two cattybara communist guardsmen lean over some kind of control panel, discussing something communist in hushed communist voices,
Davy Crockett sneaks in, gently opening the door and padding up behind them as stealthily as a wily woodsman can.
...Suddenly he leaps up in the air and
Boone bites one of their heads right off from behind! His comrade is so violently shocked he jumps vertically into the air several metres, and as he falls back down Davy stabs him so hard in the lung that he is flung bodily into the generator!
The generator breaks! Thick black smoke starts churning out of the largest piece of machinery as it grinds to a halt.
”Hmm… Interesting… Oh, blast. Who turned off the lights? Hmm. Hey, is that door smouldering, Boone? Damnations, I do believe it is!”Paul strummed a few gentle loving tabs on his guitar to daze the officer and attempted to run past him, through the double doors and into Miaow's lair.
"Go, go, go, lads! You fight the kitties and I'll take Miaow. We're running out of time!"Back in the monorail station leading to ChairMan Miaow’s Private Lair, the lads are surrounded! The situation is desperate!
Paul unholsters his acoustic, and aims it at the pernicious
Communist Officer, gently strumming a few minor chords.
...They’re particularly pleasant! The officer is dazed as he remembers his long lost lovers and times gone by. He feels terribly sad! His minions aren’t quite sure what to make of this, and stare questioningly at their teary eyed superior. A chance has presented itself to the daring Beatle!
Seizing his chance, Paul switches his guitar to a more mobile one handed grip, and dashes towards the moping catmunist, taking a long run-up and
...jumping straight over his head! He bursts through the double doors beyond.
”Ahahahaha, Miaow! No one can withstand the power of liberal loving protest songmastery! Time to meet your doo-oh crap! Oh man, heavy.”The final entrance to
Miaow’s Private Lair appears to be guarded by a deadly stingray moat!
And a
Bearded Land Octopus!Suddenly everything goes black!
Take care of that Commie Officer!
Taking advantage of the temporary bewilderment of the guardsmen,
Steve Irwin changes towards their weeping officer.
”I’m gonna take care of you mate! And when I say ‘take care’, I mean I’m gonna wallop you right in the face yer bleeding galah!”Stevo rushes up to the blasphemous fiend
...and wallops his face right off his bleeding shoulders! The commie corpse drops to the ground, totally dead, mate!
”Crikey fella! You know, I can be pretty dangerous when handled incorrectly, mate! Oh blimey, what the bloody hell?”Suddenly all the lights go out!
(Cattybaras- Water)/(Ground+Fire)+ 3Allies^2= Victory
The above calculations.
With communists to the right of him and communists to the left of him – with communists all around! –
Archimedes has to take some serious drastic action! He waits for his two comrades to charge forth, and watches with delight as first
Paul rushes forwards, reducing the cattybara officer to tears, and then
Stevo jumps out, walloping his bleeding head off, mate!
Archimedes looks quickly over his shoulder at the surrounding commiebaras, and looks in front at the approaching catfiends, and starts a rapid and deadly calculation! But suddenly everything goes black! The lights have gone out!
”Gosh. What’s going on, chaps? Oh bloody hell, I’ve lost concentration. Er. Chaps? You might want to er. Oh blast. I think I got my sum slightly wrong. Oh dear. Well, at least I’m wearing sandles.”...Even more suddenly than everything turned black, suddenly a huge wave of molten lava starts flooding down the subway tunnel into the station, illuminating everything before it in an eerie orange red glow. In front of him,
Archimedes can just about make out the figures of the six cattybaras as they seem to expand. They get bigger and bigger! They burst apart! The monorail station is covered in flying guts and water and catparts and gore! A liver hits Archimedes in the face! He begins to be sick over his feet, lifting his head up just in time to shout a strangled warning cry of terror.
”Stevo! Get through the bleeding doors and jam them shut mate! You haven’t got any sandals!””Oh crikey!” shouts
Irwin, seeing the river of magma burn towards him.
”Shit!” he swears for only about the second time this chapter! Shocked into action, he leaps through the double doors and turns quickly to jam them shut with a nearby length of wood.
”Stevo?” comes a distinctive voice in the darkness.
”Is that you?” ”Yeah mate, it is, Paul. I wouldn’t go out there just yet, there’s some kind of bleeding magma river burning right through the bloody subway station.”
“Bloody hell. Is Archimedes all right?”
“Oh yeah, he’ll be fine, he’s got a pair of sandals, mate. How about you, you ok?”
“Er yeah Steve, I was until the lights went out. You know mate, I think you just locked us in Miaow’s antechamber with a Bearded bloody Land Octopus. And there’s a bloody stingray infested moat halfway between us and it!”
“Oh crikey mate. Shit. Those things can be very dang-”
“-erous when handled incorrectly?”
“Er. Yeah Paul. Something like that. Crikey. Have you seen a film crew round here somewhere mate? Perhaps they’ll have some lights.”… … … … … …
Meanwhile, back in the monorail station again,
Archimedes floats along on a tide of burning magma which is destroying all before it!
”Thank the gods I brought my sandals!” he thinks aloud, barely able to see in the orange glow.
An awful explosion bursts next to his right ear!
The monorail has been struck down!
You are no longer “here” though.
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECTThe Power of Gentle Loving! The Communist Officer has been moved to tears!
The subway tunnel is filling with lava!
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Level Two Crocodile Hunter
Status: Broken eye. -1 to ranged attacks. Fractured nose. -1 to smelling. -1 blurred vision penalty.
Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Broken Left Eye! |
Fractured Nose! |
Heavy Head Bruising!Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Flying Emu Crocodile Takedown Move,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, Level Two Beatle
Status:Inventory: Acoustic Guitar Wounds: [HP:62/75] |
Heavy Neck Bleeding! |
Heavy Upper Body Bleeding!Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
That's a Catchy Tun-arrgh!,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, Level Two King of the Wild Frontier
Status: Fractured arm. -1 to two handed weaponry. -1 to defence rolls unless wearing Facial Protection Catmask.
Inventory: Bowie Knife, Flintlock Rifle,
Boone |
Facial Protection Catmask!Wounds: [HP:74/75] |
Fractured Left Arm! |
Broken Face!Skills: Crack Shot,
Ohio Leap,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse, Level Two Philosopher
Status: -1 blurred vision attack penalty.
Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips,
Chinese first aid kit.Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Heavy Head Bruising!Skills: Multiply This! Literal Mathemagics,
Absent Minded! Edit note: noticed a cooldown error.
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 248539 times)