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Author Topic: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!  (Read 104939 times)

exolyx

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #150 on: April 01, 2012, 02:57:46 pm »

Oh, here's an early experience I had with vampires.

In the fortress of bitelantern, everything was going exceptionally well. With new migrants coming in large mounts every year, it was only a matter of time till a baron was needed. One was chosen, the previous mayor, he worked hard and gave simple mandates for useful things. At this time though, all was not well, for a body was found in their room, drained completely of blood. The dwarves were panicked, but became wary of each other. Soon, another body was found in the same condition. The baron knew what to do, he ordered that every dwarf with no present family be ordered to enter different rooms, to be sealed off. Knowing that the vampire would never get hungry or tired, he did not give them food and a bed was placed in there, to see if they would sleep in it. In total, five dwarves were locked away, and one by one they would fall asleep, being freed from the room afterwards, until only one remained. He waited and waited, but never escaped, so the baron knew what to do. He ordered the dwarf to be locked off in that room for all of eternity, never to leave again.
The fortress was then at peace for a very long time, but eventually a gremlin was found running through the fortress causing mischief. They quickly executed the gremlin, and shrugged it off as nothing. Time went on and eventually a dwarf child, unaware of what lied behind that door, came up to it, and to his surprise, it was unlocked. He ignored the "do not enter" sign and walked into the room, expecting to see some vast horde of treasure. Instead, he saw a body, lying down on a bed, drained completely of blood.
The commotion within the fortress was extreme, nobody expected this turn of events. Of course they came to the baron, wise and in power, wondering what to do. The baron contemplated, and ordered another purge. The dwarves with undying loyalty followed his orders and flushed out of the room. As they left, the baron smirked, a bit of blood dribbling down from the side of his mouth.
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Kogut

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #151 on: April 02, 2012, 06:16:16 am »

34.07

Siege, traders inside. I decided to wait but after liaison went insane (melancholy) I decided to open drawbridge and destroy invaders. All traders survived, including insane one. 2 years later to my fort immigrated insane dwarf, former liaison.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #152 on: April 02, 2012, 06:40:33 am »

LumberingOaf

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #153 on: April 03, 2012, 12:52:50 am »

I recently had a fledgling fort get attacked by a minotaur. My military were still quite fresh and poorly equipped, so I resolved to pull everyone inside and let my cage traps handle it. The first thing this minotaur does after arriving is charge at my livestock, specifically a lone yak that I'd pastured out on its own. After a ferocious volley of attacks, the minotaur knocks out all of the yak's teeth and covers it in bruises, including a gut injury. At this point, however, the yak decides it has had enough of this minotaur and begins to fight back. It charges the minotaur time and again puking madly after every action, missing each time but keeping the minotaur effectively stunlocked by repeatedly knocking it over. The minotaur, terrified by this puking bovine monstrosity, decides that maybe this wasn't such a great idea and begins to stumble madly towards the map edge, but suddenly, an attack lands, puncturing a lung. Seemingly spurred on by this victory, the yak proceeds to strike out a series of further attacks, culminating in a kick to the head, slaying the minotaur outright.

The moral of this story is: do not mess with yaks.
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Dunamisdeos

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #154 on: April 03, 2012, 06:54:51 am »

I've got a few, but it'll take me a while to compose them.

Cue Litast Murderplank, who once dual wielded two dead elves to slaughter an entire hamlet of humans who had possibly wronged him.
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Dariush

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #155 on: April 04, 2012, 10:42:44 am »

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
A nude dwarf with a pick in one hand and a barrel of booze in the other. Who's also covered in demon blood. Dorfiness incarnated.

FuzzyZergling

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #156 on: April 04, 2012, 03:09:27 pm »

My fort was just completely decimated by a zombie siege of dwarf corpses.
The only survivor was a vampire, who the undead didn't attack.
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Dunamisdeos

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #157 on: April 05, 2012, 06:38:44 am »

I'll try my hand at writing. Here is a story about Kikrost Brasspassionate and her friends, from the 21st of Moonstone, in the year 23. Kikrost was the mother of modern axedwarfship in Cadenethiara, The Destined Plane, and across her life slew goblins, trolls, minotaurs, and beasts that defied description. This is ---

~The Tale of Kikrost and the Colossus~

A long time ago, in the year 23, Kikrost, known now as The Siege of Meanness, was but a stripling. With only 19 kills of goblinoid origins to her name, she thirsted for greater glories. When the goblins attacked in force (as they did at every winter's onset to date), she sharpened her new battleaxe, donned her suit of armor, and went out to join her troops. Each and every one was like a child, reared in the ways of battle by her own hand, and taught to stand by her in defense of Ochreblazed, their home. As she went out, she met her friend "Jerohan" Oiledwaned, grandfather to all smithdwarves, who first among all living things shaped adamantite to his will.

"Oi, Kikrost!", said Jerohan, "Be sure ta' bring me details this time! I'll not be doin' with your spotty reportin'."

"What's that? I always tell my stories in the hall, perhaps less soot in yer ears'd assist ye in hearing!", shouted Kikrost in return.

"Not th' fightin', girl, the ARMOR. I'll need to be refinin' me craft in this new metal the miners be findin', an' it needs as much testin' as ye can give it!"

"Ha! Yer new forgework be too light! It'll be lucky stop an armed elf, much less a goblin mace or spear!"


The crossbowdwarves took to their perches, while she and her troops rallied at the far end of the Great Bridgeway. The traps were readied, the Bridgeway narrowed in preparation, and the Pit Below yawned hungrily for goblin blood once more. Then came the cry "Contact to the southwest! It's Tura!". Now, a colossus was a beast of ancient legend, and we called them beasts, though they were not of nature. Made of solid bronze, and standing as high as a tower, these monstrosities of metal and magic were amongst the most feared monsters of all time. With no thought but destruction and no purpose other than rage, they were well and truly the perfect tool of chaos. Tura, now, that one was special. Many a brave adventuring soul had met his end at its powerful fists. It was famous from the Elf lands of Valeaxes to the Human cities of Glorypractices, and was given the name "Tura Smokeknighted, the Contest of Burning".

Kikrost heard the call and trembled. Here was a foe to match her mettle, that would make her remembered for all time. Only when a warrior faces death, she reasoned, could a conflict be deemed truly worthy. But she couldn't lead her troops against a creature like this, oh no. Her students were barely out of basic, with only two that she could even call adequate to weild an axe beside her. They would be massacred out of hand if she let them join her.

"Back!", she called, "I'll face it m'self. This monster is beyond any of you! I'll meet it here. The goblins hav'n seen it, let it do its work."

And it did. The goblins could never have been prepared to fight such a monster, not even the savage orcs of the day would have stood a chance. Its boots oozing blood from fresh kills, Tura came to the Great Bridgeway. They eyed each other, living dwarf and dead metal. The two could not have been more different, one with fire in its eyes and one with ice.

Cololobojleekus saw his chance! He would be famous! He would be rich, he would be fed! He-- OOF.

Time stopped. Kikrost couldn't believe her eyes. The marksdwarves held their fire, and even Tura halted. A kobold had tripped over the colossus' metal feet as he snuck by, apparantly too lost in some dream of ill-gotten-wealth to watch his step. "ROOOOOOOOOAAAAR!" came the primal bellow came from Tura. This soft, squeaking thing had come near it and now it dared to flee? Crush it's head, pull out its bones, make it cry for mercy! Kikrost watched, befuddled, as her worthy battle stampeded off into the hills, chasing Cololobojleekus the kobold, bellowing unto the clouds its hatred for life.

Later, in the dining hall, Kikrost reflected on the day's events. "Well, Kikrost!" chortled Jerohan, "Quite th' glorious match t'day! Ye must'v stared him down til' he ran from sheer fright! Tis' a great day for Ochreblazed!".

"It'll be back" said Kikrost calmly. "We be th' greatest city of our people. The noise of our hammers and picks can be heard through th' earth for miles fer those with ears ta' hear it. It'll be back. Th' beast will remember our halls an' people, and when it comes... I'll be waitin'."

Tura did meet it's end at the hands of Kikrost Brasspassionate. But that, my friends, is a another tale, for another time.
 
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TinyPirate

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #158 on: April 05, 2012, 07:18:54 am »

Two more selected. The story of the vampire accusing the goose is in, as is the story of the sword forged by one lover, given to the other, and used to kill a dragon. It's too late for me to link, off to bed :)
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Kogut

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #159 on: April 05, 2012, 07:24:53 am »

The story of the vampire accusing the goose is in
BTW, this was classified as a bug and fixed. I am not sure whatever it changes anything.
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Geb

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #160 on: April 05, 2012, 07:49:01 am »

I seem to be turning up late to this party, but I'll add my story anyway.

This all happened back in the days of version 40d. Things were very different then...

I was trying to penetrate an aquifer by the cave-in method. It was the first time I had tried it and so without experience to guide me, I collapsed a ring of soil down into a 3*3 hole in the aquifer, leaving one single safe tile through which I could get down. Note "ring" not "square". I had already mined out the central tile, so I couldn't carve a downwards staircase. I had one single tile of safe path down, without a staircase.

Back then, it wasn't possible to simply build a staircase from the top down.

I had picked the location to start digging very carefully so I didn't want to abandon the pit and try again, so I came up with a cunning plan. I had to get a dwarf down into the hole. I would set my starting seven training wrestling in the pit. Once the careless fighting on the lip of the pit had the inevitable result, I could then dump a log down the hole, have the fallen dwarf build stairs, and all would be well.

It didn't work out like that.

The dwarves sparred, dodged, gained in skill, and fell down holes. Three of my starting seven got shoved down the wrong hole and drowned in my well. The rest all became champions, legendary in their wrestling skill. Nobody would work. The elite fighters all considered themselves too dedicated to their martial skill. Traders came, and none of the fighters would trade, nor would they sieze goods. Nobody would gather plants. Wrestling was their entire world now, and the labours of the common dwarfs seemed unimportant next to their training. I was hoping for migrants, but none came because the only wealth I had produced was a hole in the ground with rotting drowned corpses in it.

I kept the game going, waiting to see if the champions could survive on automaticaly hunting vermin for food, but they fought on, training themselves into starvation, and by then there was no food stockpile left to attract vermin.

The solitary achievement of the fort was the digging a hole in the soil layer.
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Talvieno

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #161 on: April 05, 2012, 12:16:46 pm »

Yep, the vampires don't accuse animals anymore. It was a bug. :(  A funny one, but still a bug.

Even so:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Awesome story, Geb. lol   Loved it.
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TinyPirate

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #162 on: April 06, 2012, 12:45:28 am »

The story of the vampire accusing the goose is in
BTW, this was classified as a bug and fixed. I am not sure whatever it changes anything.

Yeah, I do mention that in the book, the story is still funny tho :)
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CptFastbreak

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #163 on: April 06, 2012, 11:40:10 am »

Well written story! Thanks :)
I have to agree with that, this story completely sucked me in.

Thanks guys. This is the first story I wrote for the forums, really encouraging feed back. Also, a really great story thread. Seems like the prospect of being published as a comic really brings out the best in the community ;)
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Ross Vernal

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Re: Your Dwarf Fortress anecdote - Illustrated!
« Reply #164 on: April 06, 2012, 02:18:32 pm »

A tale in two languages!  I had to change the names just a little bit for the sake of literary-ness, but the wanton, reckless unstoppable elf-slaughter totally happened.

Dolores, Queen of the Humans



Once upon a time, elves and dwarves walked the earth with humans. It was an age of myth, of monsters, and of magic. The races lived together in peace for 22 years before a cold fall day, in a forest bigger than any you've ever seen. In the forest, there was a cruel kingdom of elves named "The Kingdom of of the Twinkling Eagles" because the crown of the kingdom looked like an eagle. The evil prince of the Elves, Alano of the Berries, was admiring his forest with his knights when they heard the sound of axes cutting his trees. In a fit of fury, Alano drew his sword and ran towards the sound. When the prince and his escort arrived where the sound was, he saw that the woodcutters were haggard humans. With a bloodthirsty shout, Alano killed the peasants, attacked the nearby town, and when he believed he had killed everyone, he burned the town.

There was a young survivor named Dolores. She was living in the ruins for two days until a caravan of dwarves, with large, well-groomed beards, arrived with strong beer and rock goods to sell. One dwarf, who was known as Shorty the Sober, adopted Dolores and raised her as though she were a young dwarf. Every day, Dolores worked in the forges with her father, carried ores from the mines, spoke the language of the dwarves, ate cave mushrooms and cave fish, carved rocks, and fenced with the dwarven warriors. For twenty years, she lived in the underground fortress of the dwarves before she asked Chico "Why am I taller than the other dwarves? And why don't I have a silky beard like the dwarf women?"



With a heavy heart and fear for the future, Shorty told her "Because, my daughter, you're a human. I rescued you from a town that was destroyed by the prince of the elves and his brutal knights. With a cold smile, she swore that she would take revenge for the tragedy that happened to her town. Her father and her friends tried to stop her, but every time, Dolores told them that it was a question of honor and that she could not ignore her duties. At last, Shorty abandoned his efforts, went to his forge, and made armor and a sword of the best dwarven steel for his daughter.



Armed and armored, Dolores left with the dwarf traders to the human kingdom. A month passed before they saw human peasants. When she arrived at the grand city of the humans, she went alone to the castle to raise an army. To her surprise, the castle was desolated, with a layer of dust, spiderwebs, bloodstains, and broken elf-arrows. Confused, she asked an elder who was walking by what happened, and he told her that the elves had attacked the kingdom every year for the past twenty years without stopping. When she heard this, she was filled with fury and vengeance, and ran to the forest to burn it down.

Alano of the Berries saw the smoke from his throne of bones, and he sent his knights to investigate.









 He waited for half a day, and when his knights didn't return with the head of the criminal, he went to see for himself.




Once again, he drew his sword in a fit of fury, ready to kill. Dolores was waiting for the prince to arrive, and when he arrived in a hurry, she split his head with a powerful blow with her sword.



With a shout of delight, Dolores reclaimed the Crown of Twinking Eagles. When she returned to the city, one of the inhabitants put the crown on her head while the others shouted "The elf king is dead! Long live the queen of the humans!" Free from the threat of the elves under the protection of Queen Dolores...





... the human empire prospered, and everyone lived happily ever after. The end!



Spanish:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: April 06, 2012, 02:26:15 pm by Ross Vernal »
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