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[TinyPirate]

Hi all, I'm TinyPirate, you may remember me from some Dwarf Fortress tutorials.

Well, I'm currently working on a pretty awesome new project, which I can't speak to in detail just yet...

I'm writing a book on Dwarf Fortress!

...but which offers a pretty cool opportunity for Dwarf Fortress players: I'm looking to get a half-dozen, maybe more, cool DF anecdotes illustrated by Tim Denee, the guy behind the awesome Oilfurnace and Bronzemurder DF comics. Yes! Your name could end up attached to some story artifying by Tim!

If you'd like a shot at having a DF story of yours illustrated you need to:
- Write a reply here telling Tim and I your awesome, funny, sad or silly anecdote from DF. I'm talking things like your fortress being terrified of a giant who, it turns out, is armed with a sock, your fortress being destroyed by zombie mussels, that sort of stuff.

- Tim and I will be the final arbiters on 'cool stories'. Tim will turn the ones we chose into one-page panels of art and text.

- You can tell me about stories that aren't yours, but I can only use them if I can get hold of the owner of the anecdote.

- Be prepared to receive a PM from me if chosen so I can grab your real (or not real) name for an acknowledgement line.

- Get your anecdote here in the next 4 to 6 weeks.

I'm happy to answer any questions or provide any clarification and in a month or so I'll be able to announce the project the art is part of more fully. Until then, I hope to read some awesome contributions soon!

[Necromunger]

This is not really a story but, i store some of the blood of each of my victims in waterskins... and drink from a random one before sleeping.

I just had to get that out there.

Sorry.

[Glandouze]

Humm...my severed hand killed me when a mummy reanimated it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Urist McGyver]

Humm...my severed hand killed me when a mummy reanimated it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?

[Eoganachta]

A few from Deathgate. A story about the conquest of hell.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Link:http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=84451.0

[walkwithoutrhythm]

The story of my all time favorite fortress Riverwalled

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The fortress Riverwalled was founded by "The Boot of Finding" on the banks of the major river/canyon Decentdream. They started by constructing a narrow down the side of the massive waterfall. They cleared the forest and built a shanty town along the canyon walls using the wood. By farming the newly cleared land, the fortress became know as a prosperous land where no dwarf went hungry and all had their own room overlooking the mighty river. In the second year of the fort a dwarf by the name of Obok created the rock ring "Sharkgleam" and in doing so became a master of engraving stone. His legendary artifact was soon forgotten in light of his new project: engraving the walls of the canyon with the epic tale of how the mighty cyclops Akon bruised the left eyelid of the elf Deermated.

Unbeknownst to the dwarves of Riverwalled, the elves of "The Cheerful Dawn" where enraged that a dwarf would dare tell the tale of their race's  deepest shame. And so, the in the spring of the Riverwalled's third year, the elves attacked, mounted on bears, giant leopards and elephants. The militia of the fortress were well armed. Trade in food stuffs had made Riverwalled wealthy so they marched against the elves clad in the finest steel. The militia did not stand a chance.

The cowardly elves thought to bypass the fortress's second line of defense by taking the roundabout way: through the farms of the dwarves and down the narrow staircase to the meeting hall beneath the waterfall. Though the farmers and war dogs put up a great fight, they were slaughtered by the elves' great steed. it was not until they reached the stair that the elves met their match. It was the miner Rimtar, part of the original seven that stood his ground and held back the elvish forces. With each mighty blow of his copper pick, Rimtar drove a elf and its mount into the waterfall to be crushed at the bottom. By the end of the battle he had killed 14 elves, 5 bears, 3 giant leopards and 3 elephants. It was then that Rimtar slipped on the blood of his foes and fell into the river below.

To this day, Riverwalled stands as a center of trade for the dwarven kingdom. Each year dwarves and humans come to pedal their wares and perhaps live in this great fortress. But the first thing visitors see, before the river Decentdream and before the carvings of Obok: is the monument to Rimtar, hero of Riverwalled.

[Loud Whispers]

Humm...my severed hand killed me when a mummy reanimated it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?

Not quite the same

[Urist McGyver]

Humm...my severed hand killed me when a mummy reanimated it.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?

Not quite the same

Haha! Indeed

[Genoraven]

I unfortunately don't have any stories worth drawing. BUT i have to say thank you for your tutorials! They're the ones i learned to play dwarf fortress with!

[Mazonas]

Already mentioned it on another thread here, but this made me laugh.

My dwarfs are all hiding out in the food stockpile, safely burrowed from an invading forgotten beast, when a vampire, disguised as one of my immigrants, decides to take that exact moment to attack, kill and drain the blood of one of my dwarfs.  Due to the crowded location, there are plenty of witnesses.

I check the justice screen and see 10 witnesses.  9 of them accuse the same dwarf, we'll call him Urist McVampyfangs.  The 10th "witness" turns out to be Vampyfangs himself, who cunningly tries to lay the blame for the attack on someone else.  Less cunningly, he tried to blame a goose.

[TinyPirate]

Heh! Already some cool stories here! Thanks and I hope folks keep them coming

[Nyxalinth]

I have one.  My partner's fort (she was just learning to play, and had neglected food issues) had a starvation issue going on.  suddenly, the armorsmith gets a bright idea--a mood--and goes and creates a platinum boot.  I help her sort the food issue, but the best friend of Urist McMiserable dies of starvation.  All is well, but then suddenly, he goes berzerk!

He charges off after Urist McAwesomeArmorsmith...and beats him to death with the boot he just made.

[VerdantSF]

Oh wow!  This is an AWESOME idea!  Here's my mini-tale!

When I was still new to the game, a dragon appeared right after a goblin ambush.  I thought everyone was inside the gates, but nooooo, I had a straggler still out there.  He was a swordsman by the name of Adil Bootmirrors.  The dragon went after him immediately while I scrambled the military again.  Unlike the goblin ambush, which they set upon in a flash, they took AGES to get in gear!  Finally, they gathered their weapons and set out.  They soon surrounded the beast but refused to attack.  I couldn't find Adil anywhere and feared the worst.  I kept thinking, "no, not Adil Bootmirrors!"  He was one of the first non-original 7 dwarves I knew by name due to being a sword dwarf in a military dominated by axe and hammer wielders. 

Well... surprise, surprise, I located him alive and well in the "U" menu and zoomed in.  He was back at home!  While his lazy buddies were taking their sweet time he had already slain the dragon!  I checked the combat log to find that Adil had dodged the monster's opening charge, causing the dragon to fall.  He then got lucky and stabbed it in the head, killing it with a single strike!  Well done, Adil Bootmirrors of the Crazed Syrup, hero of the fortress Greatestbodice!

[Talvieno]

I have a few... They're not exactly "funny", but some of them would make for good pictures.

One is the story of the ill-fated fortress Incestchained, a cozy little hellhole beside a river.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The dwarves, being pacifists, refused to arm themselves or create traps of any sort, and instead rigged the river up to a mountain of machinery that allowed it to be drained or refilled at the mayor's whim. Of course, this being Dwarf Fortress, and the cozy little hellhole being a hellhole, one of the dwarves got mad about the horrible rations, the mud and the lack of beds or chairs, and threw a tantrum. (Also partially because a horde of invading goblins had just killed half of the fort's population, as they had no military or traps.) This tantruming dwarf ended up destroying a door which was keeping the fort dry. The waters of the river poured into the fortress through the gap, sweeping many of the surviving dwarves and their possessions down a long flight of stairs to a large, eerie cavern, and into a deep, dark pit, illuminated only by the magma pool at the bottom.

The other was the story of Felgoth the Dragon (wasn't actually his name, but I don't remember it).

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The fortress of Naugaridge (also not the original name) was built into the side of a mountain, and was built more specifically for design and beauty than anything else. Unfortunately, this attracted the attention of some elves, who vowed to claim the kingdom for their own (the civilizations were already at war). The elves soon laid siege to the fortress. Tholsak, the captain of the guard, led Naugaridge's army out against the invaders valiantly, and though many dwarves were slain, they broke full upon the ranks of the elves and slaughtered many in the defense of their home.
At the height of the battle, a dragon appeared on the opposite side of the fortress, and quickly flew to attack whomever it could find. It happened upon Thatthil, who was the fortress's weaponsmith and Tholsak's lover. It's unsure why she was outside the walls - possibly hoping to catch a glimpse of Tholsak - but she was quickly murdered by the dragon, Felgoth. The dragon then proceeded to dispatch the elves, setting their precious forests ablaze in the process, and then turned on the dwarves. It slaughtered many before finally being pierced by Tholsak's sword, though Tholsak himself was mortally wounded in the fight, and had lost one of his legs. Despite this, Tholsak dragged himself through the ranks of his dying comrades and stabbed the beast through the skull with the very sword that Thatthil had made for him, before dying there on the burning field.

The story of Lethiirecu.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Aditha was a forgotten beast that happened upon a band of reptile men. It quickly killed everyone except one - Lethiirecu - who got away with having her leg ripped off. With only one leg, the reptile spearwoman battled Aditha without rest for over a year and a half - underwater - and finally sent Aditha fleeing for its life. A second beast came, and Lethiirecu killed it. Finally Aditha came back with a pal - another forgotten beast - and together they ended Lethiirecu's life, but not before she took vengeance on Aditha and mortally wounded it. Lethiirecu was a ledgendary reptile spearwoman and had a title when she died.

[timdenee]

Hey thanks guys, this is awesome stuff. Without revealing any details, I can only assure you that is a legit project and a pretty cool opportunity...

I will be watching with interest.