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[RedKing]

Got a 12-hour shift to kill (I will be doing probably ten minutes of actual work today), so I decided to get back into DF a bit. And in the spirit of the holidays, I'm building Santa's Workshop at the North Pole: Dwarf Fortress style!

The idea? Embark on a glacier, steer any unused dwarfs into craftmaking, and craft nothing but toys, toys, toys. Granted, a few dwarves will be needed to handle the administrative duties and little things like food and security, but otherwise it's nothing but toymaker dwarves as far as the eye can see. Eventually we'll need a King Santa as well, complete with red-dyed wool suit and a pack of tamed reindeer.

First, the embark -- a 4x4 on a Joyous Wilds Glacier (The Sunny Blizzards) and an Untamed Wilds Tundra (The Tundra of Voicing). So, no Abominable Snowmen this year. Our parent civ shall be the nearby Artifact of Pine. The fortress shall be called Ushilnekik Ilir Tilat -- Icecold the Joys of Children, settled by Leganasmel (The Mirthful Merchants).

Starting party:
Urist "Santa I" Rodemolon, leader and all-around mirthmaker (the only "fat" dwarf in the group).
Competent Record Keeper (he has to keep that list, and check it twice)
Novice Intimidator, Organizer, Comedian, Consoler, Pacifier

Rimtar "Yukon" Likotthabum, Miner/Ranger
Skilled Miner, Mason
Adequate Animal Trainer, Animal Caretaker
Novice Fighter, Intimidator

Aban "Hermey" Bomrekatol, Dentist
Skilled Bone Doctor (Toady never made dentistry a seperate skill)
Competent Diagnostician
Novice Wound Dresser, Surgeon, Suturer

Zuglar "Cookie" Zaskikrost, Cook/Brewer
Competent Herbalist, Brewer, Cook
Novice Butcher

3 craftsdwarves:
Each with Proficient Stone Crafting, and one each with Proficient Bone, Wood and Metal Crafting.

Starting Gear:
Standard loadout, minus 1 pick and no axes, and adding 1 barrel.

Santa's Log, 1 Granite 251:
Santa Rodemolon reporting. After years of hearing about the fabled "North Pole" and the stories of this mysterious human, "Santa Claus" and his tribe of elves, Queen Zulban has decided that this human has held a cartel monopoly on toy distribution for too long. The North Pole is far too distant for our armies to reach (if it even exists...to the best of our knowledge, the world only grows hotter as one travels north), so we are creating our own operation in the southern glaciers, and attempting to model it on what we have learned from rumors and stories. Santa appears to be a title rather than a given name, so the title has been bestowed on me as administrator of the outpost. We understand that the northern Santa's elven spies give him a large amount of intelligence on the behavior of human children, and the chief role of the Santa appears to be in collating and verifying the data into a grand "Naughty List" that bars listed children from receiving toys. I graduated top of my class at the Merchant's Guild with a major in Accounting, so I was a natural choice to head up this operation.

As to the Santa's underlings, they are almost universally listed as elves, which is laughable. What elfin bauble can compete with a granite mini-forge or a microcline toy axe? We will take market share from the North Pole in no time. We have employed three fine journeydwarf crafters to start. From what we understand, the Santa has an impressive sweatshop operation and it will take some time to catch up with him in terms of production output. We can only hope that quality will trump quantity early on.

But for now, we must establish our base. Strike the ice!

[Hitty40]

Posting to watch.

[UltraValican]

I wish you luck. Santa's spies are EVERYWHERE, and their all trained assasins.

[RedKing]

The way I'm going to track progress is that when the dwarven caravan arrives each fall, I'll donate all toys manufactured to my parent civ and record the total value (I figure they'll work out the distribution channels). Let's see how high I can get my annual toy output!

[RedKing]

Santa's Log, 20 Hematite 251:

Almost mid-year and our operation is going well. We've carved out a workshop into the glacier to the north, with a row of workshops and a storage room for our toys. So far all the stone we're finding is andesite, with a bit of stibnite in places. Our three crafters have been hard at work all spring, cranking out sturdy favorites like toy hammers. What child doesn't love a good toy hammer? (other than that child's sibling, when they play "Hammerers and robbers").

We've sighted a herd of reindeer, which is good fortune. Our intelligence indicates that the Santa uses a reindeer-pulled wagon to distribute the toys, aided by some kind of rocket propulsion. Our engineers think we can duplicate the reindeer and wagon portion with no problem, but the rockets may be trickier. Especially since we're not sure if they attach to the wagon or the reindeer.

We've also sighted a yeti dangerously close to base. Although some stories indicate that the Santa's operation tamed a yeti for industrial purposes, we're not sure how. It apparently involved pulling its teeth. All recorded dwarven encounters with yetis usually involved the loss of dwarven teeth (along with other limbs and sometimes heads).

That reminds me, the royal sponsors saddled me with this useless sack of a dwarf named Hermey. He keeps claiming he's a misfit, and only cut out to be a dentist (whatever that is). Apparently some kind of specialized bone doctor. To silence his whining, I've ordered that a small medical clinic be constructed on the opposite side of the reception area from my office. I didn't think we'd need medical care, but with that Yeti lurking around I'm not so sure. Maybe he knows how to pull a yeti's teeth.

Also, our first batch of immigrants just arrived. A weaver, brewer/woodworker, farmer/gem cutter, hunter, two children, and...a cheesemaker. Why does there always have to be a cheesemaker? I know they're supposed to be blessed, but he better learn how to make toys quick, or he's going to be posted on yeti duty. Normally, I'd frown on sending children to a glacial outpost, but I think they'll be useful as playtesters, especially since its a pair of siblings. We need to make sure that those toy hammers and axes are solid enough to leave a bruise when they hit each other but not so solid that they begin breaking bones. Maybe that bone doctor will come in handy after all.

[RedKing]

Santa's Log, 6 Limestone 251:

Autumn has come, and the caravan from hom should arrive soon. We have nearly 300 toys ready to deliver to the Queen. I ordered some additional crafts to be made as a side activity so that we have at least some trade goods for the caravan. Our booze and food supplies run dangerously low, and with no real vegetation to speak of and no fishing, it will be some time before we are capable of self-sufficiency. Our cheese maker was such a terrible toy maker that I put him to work milking the mares that pulled our wagon and making cheese from it. This may be the first time in dwarven history that a Cheesemaker was actually worth something.

That damnable yeti grows ever bolder. Yesterday, she (yes, it's gotten close enough that we can tell) wandered over near the entrance and toppled over the makeshift carpenter's bench we had set up. This was no big loss, as we've already used the handful of wood from our wagon and will likely not see any more, but it bodes ill. I may need to see how good that hunter is. I wonder what yeti cordon bleu tastes like...

[Pokon]

You must tame that Yeti. She is obviusly a enemy of the elves and wishes to gain your attention. Capture her and "converse" with her, and you shall then have one of the greatest bastons of northern power at your side.

[RedKing]

Santa's Log, 26 Sandstone 251:

I awoke this morning and ran the numbers, and my blood ran cold. Last night, somebody drank our last drop of dwarven ale. This is one of those horrors I've only heard about. A dwarf can live without food for weeks. But without the water of life....I have not yet told the others, lest they erupt in open revolt. I wonder if that other Santa has to contend with a nightmare like this?

While digging ever deeper for stone, we hit an underground cavern. Armok be praised, this will give us a source of wood and a place to graze our herds. There is also fresh water deep in the caverns, though mere water is little comfort. It will nourish the body, but not the soul. A life with only water to drink is no better than death. The caravan from the Mountainhome cannot arrive soon enough.

[RedKing]

Well.....Operation Santa's Little Helpers didn't even last a full year. The caravan finally showed up on 14 Granite, and I cancelled all jobs and put everybody to work hauling crafts and toys to the depot. Unfortunately, I started losing people to dehydration. Three deaths, including my "dentist". Then, just as my expedition leader was about to make it to the depot to conduct trade.....a polar bear that the guards had been chasing in circles for a week finally charged the trade depot and down into the fort. In their booze-deprived and starving state, my dwarfs couldn't put up much of a fight. >_<


From the outpost liason:
"And I heard them exclaim, as I ran out of sight,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all OH GOD GET IT OFF MEEEEE AAAAUGH MY ARM!!!!"

[Hugo_The_Dwarf]

At least it ended tragically... Maybe thats what happened to Santa in RL... Damn Polar Bears

[Itnetlolor]

I bet the polar bears that finished your base off were guzzling down Coca-Cola as a celebratory drink.

Spoiler: Photos after the scene: (click to show/hide)

Urist McPhotographer was then suddenly no longer heard from ever again.

[Hugo_The_Dwarf]

WIN

I bet the polar bears that finished your base off were guzzling down Coca-Cola as a celebratory drink.

Spoiler: Photos after the scene: (click to show/hide)

Urist McPhotographer was then suddenly no longer heard from ever again.

[RabidAnubis]

Win man.

[freeformschooler]

That was a great read, actually. Props, Redking.